1. I mean you tell a straight woman that you feel powerful at the thought of a man liking you (which is something that should actually make you feel disgusted and want to stop seeing that person and you really have to unpack this with a better therapist) of course she is going to latch on to it and make you question your sexuality and try to make you reconsider , she would have to be exceptionally empathetic not to

  2. I hate it too. Part of why I just want to give up on dating apps... they feel so useless

  3. Yeah the algorithm is clearly stacked against us but tbh that’s to be expected when developers are most likely men with fucked up ideologies

  4. i literally dont get it. like what kind of ego and absolute disconnect from reality do you need to not understand that lesbians don't. want. men.

  5. And the kicker is hinge blatantly saying that my optimal match is a man luckily I didn’t pay a dime for that fuckery and we can’t even trust “Her” which is a dumpster fire tragic

  6. Being 14 years sober doesn’t preclude someone from being an asshole and while you’re allowed to acknowledge how much he helped you is it worth you having to wince each time he opens his mouth because you don’t know what he’ll say ? Don’t let your cognitive dissonance is excuse his problematic behaviour and really question of how much value he is bringing to your life and how much you’re willing to tolerate while compromising on your values (my advice would be to drop him and look for better mentors but you do you)

  7. Because you use to be like them and the reason you got sober isn’t to be the stereotypical pompous sober person but to better yourself mentally and physically. But yeah there is some sort of jealousy on your part in my opinion when thinking you can’t get loose like them but that’s the brainwashing talking because if you’re sober chances are the downsides greatly outweigh the upsides

  8. She couldn’t left you after you signed an appartement lease to live together, Could’ve left you at the altar (if marriage is your thing),… my point is that while I get how much it sucks you dodged a bullet because someone who wouldn’t have the decency to break up with you in person using gaz as an excuse isn’t worth you wanting to go out of your way to see them, the way I see it she did you a favour

  9. Depending where you are there’s a sobriety movement that is really gaining in strength because people are really waking up to how damaging alcohol is, so would say that’s an opportunity to go to sober events and meet more people or even be that beacon of sobriety for your current (or new friends) who are not sober but want to have an occasion to rest their liver, also when in active addiction we tend to surround ourselves with people who will let us indulge in our vices so it may be a case of just you having to rethink your whole friend group but yeah it sucks really feel you

  10. The kicker is that in a lot of cases the lack of LGBTQ acceptance originated from those same people’s colonisation, so I know it’s easier said than done but save your blood pressure and focus on how you can find like minded queer people where you are and build a community so next generations are not in the same predicament as you

  11. The issue with questions like that is that it doesn’t take into account context and key factors such as the earners socio economic situation or even the amount of taxes one has to pay the higher they earn if they play by the rules 👀. Someone who earns 80 K leaving on their own in Birmingham will have more buying power than someone earning 150K but lives in London and has 2+ people to take care of, so when some people say 150 is not a lot and complaining about the tax cut it’s not that they’re detached from reality or trying to be assholes and/or dismissive they just know that bigger doesn’t mean better. The ones you should be shouting about are the millionaires/billionaires 👀

  12. Some sober folks do have that “born again” judgmental attitude but don’t right off everyone because a few assholes think sobriety is a character trait

  13. Ol’ girl was just enjoying her snack in peace now dailymail bout to knock on her door cause her boyfriend couldn’t mind his business

  14. I had plural….😂😂😂😂 some turned out to be queer so at least I had some level of gaydar but yeah fucked me up

  15. You do what you need to do (with consent) but you let anyone that you want to engage with what time it is

  16. You’ve recognised and accepted the fact that you have a problem and you need to make a change so you’re already ahead and should really pat yourself on the back.If you’re anxious about AA maybe start with councillors and therapy and after you feel more comfortable join AA and NA (you’ll be amongst likeminded people and have no reason to feel anxious or scared). I relate on the letting your use interfere with your work and can honestly say that if you don’t seek help for it it’ll get worst and less contained….

  17. I mean you have masc lesbians who wear makeup and have long hair, you also have fems who have short hair and never wear makeup, feels like it’s better to engage with someone and ask them what they identify as (or better yet not put them in a box ;) ) people who see me would label me as fem or stem but I feel masc more than anything. Feels like fem for a lot of people these days might be someone who is comfortable in saying they’re a woman

  18. Sexuality is fluid. But not fluid in what sex you are attracted it.

  19. Hmm okay I think we got lost in translation a little. Or maybe not, defeatist lesbian is kind of what I’m coming off as. But I’m not trying to be! I’ve just been getting a lot of conflicting messages over the years and I wanted to check in and see if anyone had some guidance.

  20. As lesbians we are no use to patriarchy…so the mainstream is not going to put out reports or content to say “it’s ok to not prioritise men you’re allowed to be free to really be with the women you desire without facing consequences” , even the gay acceptance movement heavily prioritise accepting gay men, don’t be an accomplice to the propaganda running around like a headless chicken because you fail to see the bigger picture. And for any young lesbian on this sub seeing this crap or their “lesbian” friends going with guys, step away from the doom and gloom narrative to see what straight men are trying to do which is erase us to further their agenda and live your best life.

  21. I would she is sure that she’s into women (and has done at least some things…) wouldn’t do that with a women unsure and completely fresh or even bi curious woman

  22. This!! I do not date bi curious women. Absolutely nothing wrong with being curious and figuring out your sexuality but i’m not gonna date nor be involved with someone that doesn’t know if they’re queer or not.

  23. There’s nothing more soul crushing than someone doing a back and forth on whether they’re interested in you and you have no idea if it’s because they’re fighting their homophobic inner demons or are figuring out that it was indeed a phase hard pass

  24. You’re not describing things that are fun…😂😂😂 drinking by yourself and having to be fucked to enjoy your own company (and endure Netflix’s current show quality) or drinking to the point of your body shutting down and no memories gets produced and basically giving control of your body to fate and the kindness of however is in close proximity is a nightmare, and the reason you’re 6 months sober is that those behaviours were going to destroy your life, missing it is a testament to just how much we’re brainwashed by society to believe that not drinking alcohol is abnormal and we should want to drink no matter how much it fucks us up. Not gonna lie yes I miss the insane confidence and euphoria I got from alcohol but I sure as hell don’t miss it leading to the blackouts,hurting myself and not knowing how,the shame of not remembering what I did and not trusting myself enough to make plans for the future because I feel like a liability.

  25. We have no blueprint to flirting with other women, we can pick up on cues but we’re conditioned by society to see those cues as just being out of friendship and politeness, so wouldn’t say it’s the fault of baby lesbians (or lesbians in general) for being fearful of being rejected or mocked even when flirting with other queer women (cause that’s the actual fear not the actual flirting) cause being a lesbian is something that used to (and I say used to very loosely because even right now it’s not ideal) be so bad that it was an insult to say that someone was ugly and undeserving of romantic attention, it’s just another consequence of comp het and living in a patriarchal society where straight men do everything they can to not allow us to live and find each other in peace. Your opinion, while very valid because we need to be aware and go past it, is very simplistic in the sense that it points the finger at the consequences while completely ignoring the structural root causes. Dating as a bi or queer women is one thing, dating as a lesbian it’s another

  26. PSA before I say this anyone can dress the way they see fit this is in no way said to be critical of masc lesbians, that being said I think like for gay men it depends how masc you are (the reverse being fem for them) if you are masc in a way that you look exactly like a man (not that it’s a bad thing) you’re going to have a tougher time finding other masc lesbians to date or fem lesbians that like fems and/or stems

  27. thats fair. i mean, for me i definitely still look like a woman, i just have very short hair and wear mens clothes

  28. I definitely see (especially in the younger generation) couples where both women look like you, I also have the experience of it being easier for masc women to date then it is for fems 4 fems might just be your immediate circle

  29. There’s is a movement right now (that is silently growing stronger) of people realising that alcohol’s harm potential has not been fully revealed, just like with cigarettes at the time and similarly all the supposed studies saying it can be beneficial in low doses are funded by alcohol lobbies and biaised, and are looking for alternatives (ie weed,psychedelics,…).It will be a shame if after being sober for 7 years you get on the drinking wagon now that it’s out of control and people are starting to want to get off from it and become addicted to it

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