They do say comparison is the thief of joy. Many women on social media and irl who have experiences, gifts, luxury, etc etc is through a man’s money. There’s no way I can compare myself to them because everything I have I work hard for and continue to work hard for. It’s better to focus on yourself and what you can do to the best of your ability. However, I do agree that you always need to consider the source when you hear advice or see an image online.
I get it. When I was picking my career, I thought it's about technical skills and knowledge etc. Turns out, my success depends 10% on skills and 90% on being liked by the right people, talking about your skills and work, and being generally sociable and someone others want to collaborate with. And when most highly ranked positions are occupied by men, you can imagine I'm not having much luck with making a good impression. In the past I've been denied jobs I was perfectly qualified for (and might have been one of very few qualified person in a 100 mile radius) because a hiring guy could not look me in the eye.
I thought this entire sub was for people who have given up. Is anybody here still looking? I don’t mean to be impolite, but isn’t that the point of being here?
Some people here still have hope. Some also make it out. There have been a post or two of a FA user making it out and this community generally congratulates them and wishes them well.
You're so young that I don't want to discourage you, but I'm closer to your co-worker's age than yours, and I used to believe all that too. None of it worked for me. At 34, I'm alone, working for less than my degrees are worth in a job that I hate, and I live at home with my mom.
You know he wasn’t stable when he met his wife. That’s what gets me. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do for a career. They’re stable now but when they started they had to work hard.
Don’t be too hard on yourself OP. For women like us, it’s much harder to follow the advice we’d give to others due to our lack of options and loneliness. It’s the same for me as well. But please don’t beat yourself up. You know the right thing to do, it will just be harder/take more time for you to do it and that’s okay. If we were swimming in options and could easily get a relationship, we wouldn’t behave like this. So it’s normal. Just slowly undo any attached emotions you have to this guy and block him when you’re ready.
Sorry about your situation. The only thing I’d recommend is meeting more people. More people you can make friends with and possibly build a romantic relationship with. Expand your circle. I’m sure your friends are good people but they’re weighing you down emotionally. A change in scenery can help.
She wants to use you as a rebound/backup plan when her feelings are hurt from her current love interest screwing up. I will say that it’s a good thing she said it because now you’re aware. She sounds like a shitty person.
I'm sorry to say, but this is actually normal and quite natural for people to grow apart and lose touch with friendships they may have relied on in school. As you start working in your career, you'll build friendships with your colleagues. Your family may also start to become a source of companionship. My sister and I became closer in our late 20s. Ideally, you'll also find meaningful companionship with your partner.
Just to make it clear, it is possible to prioritize and maintain friendships from school if it matters to you and they are people that you want in your life. There are people who do do this. It’s just that as we get older, many people would rather prioritize and make connections with their spouse and their family. Just as you mentioned you would not want to hang out with your friends anymore. Your spouse and family has replaced those friendships. But that doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t see the value in having good friendships as they get older. It’s a matter of mindset and priorities.
Agreed. English the way it’s taught in universities needs a complete overhaul. I chose English because my talents lie here, not in STEM. However, everyday I’m worried about the job prospects. The department doesn’t hold any career sessions to show how does English translate into a career at my college. Every research and inquiry you have to do yourself. When I wanted to learn more about technical writing, I had to ask the Computer Science department. All an English advisor told me was that they don’t offer any courses in technical writing. Other departments provide more opportunities to help their students get a career but the humanities just leave their students floundering.
Former English major/current tech writer here. I actively pursued tech writing in undergrad. When I shared my goals and plan to take STEM electives with my advisor (a Rhetoric professor, so this surprised me), he discouraged me from taking CS and math classes “because sometimes it’s better for tech writers to be so technical.” I ignored his advice, and am so glad I did— my GPA took a hit, but I have a job at a good company who liked that I took CS classes and never asked about my GPA 😂
U/howyouspeak is very fast in delivering a reading! She takes a picture of the cards so you can see for yourself what she pulled for you. In addition to leaving a vocal explanation of her interpretation of the cards. I would definitely recommend
Tell him don't worry bro I'd never want to date you anyway. Hate when people act like they're the prize and you should be honored they let you spend time in their presence. He should realize that if he wants your friendship he should show you some respect, and not act like you disgust him. Stick up for yourself op 💪
The reality is that these evals do nothing most of the time. Administrators need them because they need for quality accreditations. In some cases, adjunct or temporary positions need to keep a certain level is needed to maintain their teaching gigs.
Not true. I was happy with two particular professors during my last semester and made sure to give them a glowing evaluation, as did other students from those classes who were happy with them.
Yes I think people had the right idea when they looked at the family living together forever as the way it should be. I guess consumerism convinced us all we should all be living alone in our own 800 square foot space. Thought that is not best for us. Even now consumerism discourages people who are't related living together suggesting or implying a sexual reason for doing so.
Agreed. There are other beneficial reasons to stay with family aside from loneliness. Such as saving money. Consumerism actively discourages people from saving money by successfully convincing everyone that living alone and struggling proves that you’re a better adult than someone who stays at home and saves.
They do say comparison is the thief of joy. Many women on social media and irl who have experiences, gifts, luxury, etc etc is through a man’s money. There’s no way I can compare myself to them because everything I have I work hard for and continue to work hard for. It’s better to focus on yourself and what you can do to the best of your ability. However, I do agree that you always need to consider the source when you hear advice or see an image online.
Irene
I get it. When I was picking my career, I thought it's about technical skills and knowledge etc. Turns out, my success depends 10% on skills and 90% on being liked by the right people, talking about your skills and work, and being generally sociable and someone others want to collaborate with. And when most highly ranked positions are occupied by men, you can imagine I'm not having much luck with making a good impression. In the past I've been denied jobs I was perfectly qualified for (and might have been one of very few qualified person in a 100 mile radius) because a hiring guy could not look me in the eye.
Sorry you’re going through this.
I thought this entire sub was for people who have given up. Is anybody here still looking? I don’t mean to be impolite, but isn’t that the point of being here?
Some people here still have hope. Some also make it out. There have been a post or two of a FA user making it out and this community generally congratulates them and wishes them well.
Vanessa Ives - Penny Dreadful
Non-FA people will never understand.
Congratulations on finishing up your masters!
You're so young that I don't want to discourage you, but I'm closer to your co-worker's age than yours, and I used to believe all that too. None of it worked for me. At 34, I'm alone, working for less than my degrees are worth in a job that I hate, and I live at home with my mom.
You know he wasn’t stable when he met his wife. That’s what gets me. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do for a career. They’re stable now but when they started they had to work hard.
6
Interested!
Don’t be too hard on yourself OP. For women like us, it’s much harder to follow the advice we’d give to others due to our lack of options and loneliness. It’s the same for me as well. But please don’t beat yourself up. You know the right thing to do, it will just be harder/take more time for you to do it and that’s okay. If we were swimming in options and could easily get a relationship, we wouldn’t behave like this. So it’s normal. Just slowly undo any attached emotions you have to this guy and block him when you’re ready.
Interested!
I’m in my first year of college
Sorry about your situation. The only thing I’d recommend is meeting more people. More people you can make friends with and possibly build a romantic relationship with. Expand your circle. I’m sure your friends are good people but they’re weighing you down emotionally. A change in scenery can help.
Thank you so much for your answer and advice!
It sounds to me like your mind is made up. Good luck.
She wants to use you as a rebound/backup plan when her feelings are hurt from her current love interest screwing up. I will say that it’s a good thing she said it because now you’re aware. She sounds like a shitty person.
I'm sorry to say, but this is actually normal and quite natural for people to grow apart and lose touch with friendships they may have relied on in school. As you start working in your career, you'll build friendships with your colleagues. Your family may also start to become a source of companionship. My sister and I became closer in our late 20s. Ideally, you'll also find meaningful companionship with your partner.
Just to make it clear, it is possible to prioritize and maintain friendships from school if it matters to you and they are people that you want in your life. There are people who do do this. It’s just that as we get older, many people would rather prioritize and make connections with their spouse and their family. Just as you mentioned you would not want to hang out with your friends anymore. Your spouse and family has replaced those friendships. But that doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t see the value in having good friendships as they get older. It’s a matter of mindset and priorities.
Feel the same as you.
That was a long one. But, I'll bite.
Agreed. English the way it’s taught in universities needs a complete overhaul. I chose English because my talents lie here, not in STEM. However, everyday I’m worried about the job prospects. The department doesn’t hold any career sessions to show how does English translate into a career at my college. Every research and inquiry you have to do yourself. When I wanted to learn more about technical writing, I had to ask the Computer Science department. All an English advisor told me was that they don’t offer any courses in technical writing. Other departments provide more opportunities to help their students get a career but the humanities just leave their students floundering.
Former English major/current tech writer here. I actively pursued tech writing in undergrad. When I shared my goals and plan to take STEM electives with my advisor (a Rhetoric professor, so this surprised me), he discouraged me from taking CS and math classes “because sometimes it’s better for tech writers to be so technical.” I ignored his advice, and am so glad I did— my GPA took a hit, but I have a job at a good company who liked that I took CS classes and never asked about my GPA 😂
Lol I’m taking CS classes too. I declared a CS minor. I’m hoping it works out for me like it did for you.
I received a blind reading + advice from
U/howyouspeak is very fast in delivering a reading! She takes a picture of the cards so you can see for yourself what she pulled for you. In addition to leaving a vocal explanation of her interpretation of the cards. I would definitely recommend
Good for you! Happy to see this wonderful change in your mental health. I hope you get what your heart desires!
I enjoyed the reading and felt it was accurate to me! I definitely recommend a reading from
Tell him don't worry bro I'd never want to date you anyway. Hate when people act like they're the prize and you should be honored they let you spend time in their presence. He should realize that if he wants your friendship he should show you some respect, and not act like you disgust him. Stick up for yourself op 💪
Agreed. OP this is not a friend.
Healthcare involves science more than math. Math would only be a small portion. Is science something you think you’d fare better with?
I 100% relate and understand. You’re not alone in your feelings and situation right now.
What I will say is, try to be social in college only for the sole purpose of networking and taking advantage of opportunities.
The reality is that these evals do nothing most of the time. Administrators need them because they need for quality accreditations. In some cases, adjunct or temporary positions need to keep a certain level is needed to maintain their teaching gigs.
Not true. I was happy with two particular professors during my last semester and made sure to give them a glowing evaluation, as did other students from those classes who were happy with them.
Yes I think people had the right idea when they looked at the family living together forever as the way it should be. I guess consumerism convinced us all we should all be living alone in our own 800 square foot space. Thought that is not best for us. Even now consumerism discourages people who are't related living together suggesting or implying a sexual reason for doing so.
Agreed. There are other beneficial reasons to stay with family aside from loneliness. Such as saving money. Consumerism actively discourages people from saving money by successfully convincing everyone that living alone and struggling proves that you’re a better adult than someone who stays at home and saves.