GraceIsGone

Your first changed your whole world. You went from being just a person to being a parent and all of the good and bad that comes with that. The second is an additional child but isn’t as world rocking. There’s also the guilt of what you feel your taking away from your first child who at this point is your whole world.

Keeping up appearances is a shitty game you hear about executives playing a lot. It's like virtue and class signaling to the other rich people that you are also rich and worthy of their attention. Particularly because the wife is new to wealth, she probably had a lot more to prove in her and her new friends' minds.

My husband became an executive about 6 months ago and people immediately started the comments about his car. He drives a 2014 Mazda 3 manual hatchback and he loves it. I have a 6 year old minivan and we live in our first house that we’ve ever owned with a small mortgage payment. We might get new cars and move to a bigger house but we’ll do it on our time and for our reasons not because of the pressure from other people, but that pressure is very real.

This is not my favorite place. I wasn’t happy to move here but we came for my husband’s job. Unfortunately and fortunately he’s done incredibly well in his career and wants to stay through to retirement. Then if it’s up to me we’re out of here. The only problem I see with my plan is that because this is where we’ve lived most of their lives, my kids will feel like this is their home and not want to leave. In that case we’ll become snowbirds, just the other way around, buying a house up north.

You have described me.

I’ll be another comment in solidarity. I’ll also add, there is no “or else.” I have 3 boys 12, 7, and about to turn 3. My 3 year old still wakes up sometimes but I’m not worried because I know it won’t be forever. I have never sleep trained any of my kids and the two big ones sleep wonderfully. No one needs to be trained to sleep. Let the comments roll off your back. If what you’re doing is working for you and your babe then you’re doing the right thing.

I made a giant spreadsheet to compare "sell it here, buy new there" VS "ship it across the ocean" and my move came down in favor of shipping my existing stuff (minus crappy older furniture, crappy old mattress, etc) across the ocean. The moving process was a bit stressful because of poor communication from the moving company, but in the end our stuff made it and nothing went missing or fell into the ocean or got smashed so I'm happy with the result. I moved from USA to France so your calculation will probably be a bit different than mine, but with inflation/suck-flation/greed-flation/whatever, it made more sense to take my higher quality stuff with me than sell it for cheap (and deal with the hassle of selling it) and buy new stuff on the other end. The few things I did sell were such a pain to get ads on craigslist or FB marketplace and deal with offers, people not showing up to pick up items, etc., and I got so little money for them it wasn't worth my time. I ended up donating all that stuff in the end.

We accidentally shipped a bag of garbage. The movers had a really heavy southern accent (in the US) and I felt like I could only say, “Excuse me?” “Huh” Sorry I didn’t understand” so many times without being rude. So a lot of times I’d just nod and say “uh huh” when they were asking if something was meant to be packed. I must have green lighted a bag of trash that was ripe when it finally arrived to our apartment in Germany. Haha

😂 oh nooo! We had several mix-ups like that too, despite separating what was coming with what wasn't, and going around with the guy putting inventory stickers on stuff.... plus when they came to load, it went so fast I couldn't supervise everything so some things got packed that weren't supposed to. Oh well. Some of my garage junk is going to retire in France.

Yes! They are so fast! It’s scary and impressive at the same time. 😆

I’m kind of surprised about Gilbert having a lot! I’ve lived in desert areas since 2016 and have only found 1 on my back porch.

I’ve been here since 2014 and have never found one. Maybe I’m just bad at looking. 😆

The original

And people seem to get banned from AITA pretty easily, not me but I see it brought up in comments in other subreddits often.

She’s been my “best friend” since we were teenagers and we talk every day. The conversations are just mostly centered around her.

She sounds like my sister but my sister has kids. It’s just all about her all of the time. It’s not about being childless, it’s about being self absorbed.

[удалено]

I think it’s an east coast thing. I’m from Michigan and I’ve lived there, Atlanta, Miami, Germany, and now in Phoenix. I feel like Phoenix is the one I’ve struggled the most with because I don’t understand the people here and maybe they don’t understand me. I was used to being someone who made friends easily and I really struggle here.

What human rights exactly?

And women could obtain safe and legal abortions until recently in all 50 states. Republican policies are rolling back our civil rights. You’re being naive if you don’t think they’re just biding their time to make same sex marriage next.

Bone cracking is nothing his life depends on or a relogious thing he needs to do.

When you’re bones crack it’s not like you’re doing it for fun. It’s because there’s pressure that builds up in the joints and cracking it relieves pain. My neck cracks and if I were to just not do it for my working hours I’d end up with numb hands and a headache.

You know this is a Bauernweisheit and no Science proves this? It can even be Dangerous to crack it yourself.

I’m glad you know my lived experience more than me. I’m under the advice of my doctor so I’ll listen to them.

American here. Where do people say "it's giving"?

Everywhere in the U.S. It’s a pretty new slang but it’s ubiquitous among the youths. Very common in media currently.

Jesus. I'm so old my kids are old.

Nothing makes you feel more out of touch than having a teenager. 😆 That’s how I learned all of the new slang but now she’s out of the house I’m falling behind again.

It’s a lot of things to order but it’s very doable on your own. Join the Facebook group “dual Italian citizenship”, read their guides, and search in the past posts for information before asking a question.

As someone moving from Canada to the US in 9 days, thank you for saying this! I've been having huge anxiety worried that life won't be any better there (moving from Ontario to PNW). You've restored my hope a bit 🤣

If you don’t find it different enough in the PNW, because COL can be high there too try somewhere like Michigan. Detroit has really nice suburbs and Michigan is beautiful. Grand Rapids, on the other side of the state is a great place to live too. Both have a much lower cost of living and the climate and culture is similar to parts of Canada.

This is where I’m coming from. I thought our values were aligned because he’s flexible on other things where societal norms or liberal-minded ethics contradict religion- premarital sex, LGBTQ+ identity, abortion rights, and more. The fact that this is where he draws the line— and what you said about focusing on the woman’s behavior being wrong— that confuses me. That he finds it so egregious that he couldn’t be friends with her.

He can’t put himself in the woman’s shoes because he’s a man. The whole argument shows that he lacks empathy, in my opinion. It seems like he can relate to the abuser more than the victim just because of their gender.

My oldest crawled at 5 months, pulled to standing at 5.5 months, was cruising furniture at 6 months and walked at 7.5 months. He was speaking English and German as a baby. I don’t think he was early with his first word but he was early to speak in full sentences.

Oh honey, hang in there! It gets better! My youngest is about to turn 3 and I’m feeling like I can breath again all of the sudden. We’re potty training, he’s starting to be more independent, he’s leaving the room I’m in to play with his brothers, and we’re about to move him to his own room (I know we’re late on this but he hadn’t been sleeping through the night until recently and his bedroom is far from mine). It’s so much easier already. You’ll get there and it’s not that far off. It just feels like it is while you’re in the thick of it.

My son was born in Germany but we weren’t there with the military so it might be different but I can tell you how it worked for me. I needed his birth certificate for Italian citizenship and all I had was the Consular Report of Birth Abroad. When he was born we had to fill out paperwork that was registered with the city where he was born. I was able to order a copy of his German birth certificate online from the cities website. I would imagine when a military birth would have to register locally but I could be wrong.

Thanks for replying. Yeah, since I was born on a base, my parents weren’t required to register the birth locally. It’s just a pain because my path the German citizenship is pretty straightforward since my mom is German.

So, I went to my Italian dual citizenship Facebook group which has so much information. It sounds like, if I’m understanding correctly, you can order a birth record from the U.S. State Department for a birth on a military base outside of the U.S.

Interesting. There must be a real birth certificate registered somewhere though right? Maybe with the military?

So I speak 3 languages to varying degrees. I learned German by living in Germany and so I made friends at many different levels of my language learning. For most of it I didn’t feel comfortable having friendships in German. Don’t get me wrong, I could go to a party and have great conversations in German. I could speak German in everyday life, grocery store, doctors’ office, at the kindergarten or park, etc. But one on one most of my friendships especially with those closest to me were conducted in English.

My last baby was born in Phoenix in June 2020. We didn’t leave the house until the fall, except to go in the pool I guess. 115 is way too hot to be spending time outside. I don’t know where you live or what the weather is like in the mornings and evening but on very hot days here even the low temperature is too hot for me to want to go outside.

Most Americans who idolize Europe think the "class struggle" in the USA is terrible, and will refuse to acknowledge that it is even worse in many parts of Europe.

Well, and the Europeans can sometimes refuse to believe it exists as well. My husband went from basically being told he’d never rise above a shift lead because he’s not German in Germany to 10 years later being promoted to a Vice President in the United States. The youngest VP in the company possibly ever. He’s an exceptional person, I know I’m biased, but while his German company liked him they told him things like his accent and not having a German degree would hinder his career. He’s Hispanic and in Germany was always assumed to be Turkish. In the U.S. being Hispanic isn’t a problem. It’s not quite the privilege of a white man but it hasn’t hurt his career or education. When I have told people this in the German subreddit many refuse to believe it.

Most people will deny it. I look Hispanic and I am in Switzerland. I can see I have no chances to move up here and I dont fit in. In the US, especially in diverse places like NYC or NJ, no one gives a shit. Moving there end of year for better career prospects.

The dressing up is the same in Germany but I did notice last summer when I was there that it had changed slightly. Athleisure wear was more acceptable in casual situations like grocery shopping than it was before the pandemic.

Is it more of an AZ thing, or a USA kind of thing?

Well I should preface this by saying I live in the West Valley because I have to and I might feel differently if I could live in a different part of the valley…. I’ve lived in Phoenix, Miami, Detroit, Atlanta, and Nürnberg Germany and the only place I liked less than Phoenix is Miami.

Solidarity ✊ haha

I have a 12, a 7, and a 2 year old (will be 3 in 2 weeks). My oldest is one of those unicorn kids who has always been easy and tricks you into having not one but two more. With my middle it was definitely around 5. He stopped being so destructive and chilled out a little bit but he’s my absolute hardest kid. He’s the sweetest one too but that kid is a tornado. As my youngest rounds 3 I feel like I can breathe a little again. He’s my last and I’m seeing a light at the end of the tunnel with diapers (no diaper changes for the last 2 days), sleeping fully through the night, and he’s stopped tantruming pretty much. I’m sure the real answer will probably be 5 but right now I’m feeling so good about 3 it’s crazy.

Hugs

Thank you!

You guys must be talking about a different kind of mom group than mine was. There were like 15 of us who picked our kids up from daycare at the same time, and sometimes we'd get food and go to the park together. How would you even meet 300 moms?

Mine was a real life play group. It started as a smaller group but grew to be pretty big. I live in a large “master planned community” with about 10,000 homes and the group was all from this community. In our Facebook group there are currently 2000 people but when I was actively going to play groups it was probably a couple hundred with about 10-20 people at each event. Some probably had more. After the falling out of the group I stopped going to playgroups and instead just got together with a core group of friends. Unfortunately all of my friends’ kids are getting older and I still have a toddler so I’ve thought about going again to find friends who have kids the age of my youngest…. But I don’t want to.

Thank you for posting this. Unfortunately cutting them off leaves them alone in this little fantasy land theyve created. Im a bit older than you so i can tell you how it turns out for them:

The only thing you forgot to add was the siblings of the remaining parent calling and guilt tripping the adult children into helping more when it’s the father who is too stubborn to admit that he needs help.