1. I’m not sure if this is a healthy answer lol, but I want to give a child an amazing childhood and start to life. I had a shit childhood and had to fight so hard to end up where I am with lots of trauma. I have no doubt that I’ll make a billion mistakes, but I’ll do everything in my power to give my kids the best life and the most love I can.

  2. the same. difficult childhood. I already knew then that I wanted to have children. I wanted a healthy family, with discussions and normal problems that were solved with love, compassion and understanding. I want to see how he grows, how he learns every day and take him by the hand on that trip when he needs me. I want to hear him laugh and cry. I even want to hear him complain about me as a teenager. I have so much to tell you! I just want it to be happy and it doesn't even exist yet.

  3. As a Hispanic, many many MANY of my cousins have kids early and get married at 19-25. Back in the day, like my aunts and mom, they were all expected to have kids by 18. One of my aunts had 3 by 18. She started having kids at 15. One after another. 4 of my aunts did practically the same. My mom however, she decided to get married at 21. And by then she was being shamed for not being married and with a child. Well she did get married but her and my dad decided to simply not have kids yet. At age 23 they started trying but no luck. My dads mom would shame and back comments about how my mom wasn’t a good wife or woman as she couldn’t produce kids and even offered to take her to a “witch” or whatever to see if anything was wrong with her. After 4 years of trying she finally got pregnant with me. But she was shamed and talked about for not having kids immediately after marriage. Infertility or having trouble conceiving is just something not talked about much where I’m from and my mom felt that. Later on she found out she actually had PCOS and thyroid problem which had gone undiagnosed

  4. Latin culture too. here between 24-30 years is considered normal. I just turned 30 years old. I have been without birth control for over a year and am actively trying to have children for about 6 months. People are no longer subtle. Even when we explain that we may not want or be able to have children. My partner's family above all. Some comments have been very bad, both with me and with my partner. my in-laws hint that they have no grandchildren, my father-in-law has put a candle in the church to have grandchildren last year. Everything is very difficult, so I did not say anything about the diagnosis of Pcos, or about trying to have children. It's a lonely road

  5. someone else started with brown spotting, then menstruation and then 6 days mild brown spotting? It will never happen to me before.

  6. I'm a little confused by your question, but I assume you're asking if anyone else has brown spotting before and after their period. My answer is yes I do, and it's annoying.

  7. Sorry, my English is not very good. yes, it was about that. I had brown spots before my period. then my menstruation more painful than normal with nausea and vomiting. and one day after the end of my period (no blood) I started to have brown spots for 4-5 days. I don't know if it is better understood now. 😅

  8. No. As soon as we found out the gender, we started collecting. Loss the baby, and SO wouldn’t let me put anything away for almost a year because he was so heartbroken over the loss. I had to make a deal with him that he could keep the ultrasound pics out if I can put everything else away.

  9. Yep, I was pregnant in Jan and am so glad I didn’t buy anything because I miscarried on week 10 and that was devastating enough without baby items to constantly remind me.

  10. In October of last year I went to the gynecologist (not the usual one due to the covid) and they diagnosed me with Pcos. He wasn't overweight, he had acne, but nothing else. ovaries with an exaggerated number of cysts. he wanted her to go back to the contraceptive method or "learn to live with it." I did my research, I take a low dose of inositol, exercise and no sweets or fat. just nuts. They let me out and I was able to go to my regular gynecologist. He said he didn't have a single cyst! I had a hard time ovulating (cycle of more than 50 days) gave me a supplement with inositol and folic acid. He suggested switching to one with vitamin D later. I improve a lot. I think the cysts disappeared from my diet and exercise.By the way, congratulations! I'm glad for you!.

  11. exactly. I stopped accepting his consolation when I was 12 years old. Even today she is angry because I do not let her hug and comfort me. says it hurts as a mother.🙄

  12. I get this a lot from my mother. My mother never hugged me for me, it was always to make her feel better, but she’ll never see it that way.

  13. mine was three days ago. I took it easy. I don't like my birthdays, it's not a good day. family congratulations just feel fake and "forced". almost an obligation.this year I was going to stay with my partner eating popcorn and pizza and watching Harry Potter. just try to do something that makes you happy.

  14. My mum use to tell me off all the time for "putting words in her mouth" it was insane!

  15. exactly. "put words in your mouth" and screams. The last time he hinted that he wanted me to leave because someone else refused to come back until I left and had yelled at me or insulted me. I asked him if he was asking me to leave .... and yelled saying he "put words in his mouth "that made her look bad. 10 minutes later he asked me to leave. totally ridiculous.

  16. I also held on to those feelings to continue and get up every morning. then I learned to use every part of me as motivation to hold onto the edge and get up. the little moments of joy, the good and bad qualities of mine, my dreams and my desires, my writing, my terrible sense of direction, my love for my brothers and the faith that one day I would have a peaceful home ... everything good and bad like a cable that held me to the ground. going to therapy helps but places like this submarine where everyone understands you too. If you can, try yoga, meditation and relaxation. It helped me a lot to manage my anger. and contact sports also help. nothing how to know that you can defend yourself to leave those feelings behind.

  17. I was 23 when my boyfriend asked me to live with him. I had a hard time making the decision. I am 9 years older than my younger brother. I made my brothers sit down and explained that I could go but that I would stay if they needed me. It was difficult not to feel bad but I know that I will be away if they need me and that I will have the possibility to help them and put another perspective that you do not have living there.

  18. It's a matter of privilege - they were born into loving and supportive families.

  19. It was hard for my partner to understand. even after seeing some things first hand. He had a kind of "blindness" that made him not connect things. He grew up in a close-knit family with cousins ​​and uncles. It is difficult for him to think that parents hurt or manipulate. One day something happened and he had to come to look for me at a friend's house and pick up my bag from my mother's house. They told him a story that everything that happened was my fault, even justifying themselves and blaming me for an attempt by my mother to hit me. He came out of there fatal, gave me a hug, apologized and never doubted again. He says it must be horrible to be raised with people like that. Sometimes I regret that I took that innocence away from you.

  20. I understand it, everytime i said something about the stuff I've been thru in my family with people who came from functional families i just became frustrated. I don't think they could understand it even if they tried (and good for them). I have no problem being friends with them or whatever, but i never mention my family. Been told stuff like "but they are your parents anyway" "you have to forgive them" and stuff like that. I mean it's easy to say hating someone is wrong when you never had motives to hate someone. (the worst is that it kinda of worked so now i have trouble cutting roots with my narc and abusive family lol)

  21. You are glad that their experience is different but at the same time it frustrates telling something and that they understand. especially that they see that it is not something "punctual" of that day. very difficult.

  22. My mom used to tell me that if I got pregnant, she’d kick me out of the house. I couldnt so much as have a bf. I can’t even get into the Story of what she did when she thought I could be pregnant. Mind you, I didn’t even know what sex was at that point.

  23. yes, normally it's "you're useless" or "you're worthless, I'm going to give up on you" when I'm sad or having a bad day. Less and less has happened for years. I usually try to "slap" the thought and push it away. get to do something else, exercise, read, gardening, ... I have discovered that for me taking a bath works very well and drives away those bad thoughts. Try to remember that they are not your beliefs but that someone put them there for years. I am sure that many people love you.

  24. Same. I’m 17 and I can tell who’s walking down the hallway based on the sound of their walk.

  25. absolutely! I also do that and I don't live at home. I always know who is entering the house by the sound of their footsteps and how they move. it's so hard to explain to other people

  26. I relate to this too. I still get anxiety just thinking about my mother’s footsteps up the stairs as i was always afraid she was coming to hit me or scream at me. I have this alert that goes off in my brain that this sound signals danger. But to protect myself I used to basically play dead until the hitting or the screaming was finished. If I ran she’d chase, and fighting back would make it worse. Now that live with my husband I am still very jumpy. When he comes to talk to me and I’m not expecting him, like I haven’t heard his approach, because his footsteps are gentle, (not like my mother the elephant) I jump out of my skin when appears next to me or I unexpectedly hear his voice. I am not afraid of him at all it’s just that i have this reflex to always protect myself. It’s exhausting really when you’re always jumping and your heart starts racing.

  27. you're going to think I'm exaggerating, but I promise you I heard my father's footsteps and the noise of him playing with his key ring as soon as he entered the building. even though we lived on the third floor of a 4-story building. I remember suddenly getting up and cleaning or putting things away just before he arrived. and the chill feeling on the back of your neck when you know he's looking at you. It has been years since I have been out of that house, the only thing I still have is that I wake up with a start if someone approaches me if I am asleep (like sleeping on the sofa when watching a movie or similar situation). thanks to dad who woke us up at night screaming to get us out of bed. little by little it improves.It's been a long road.

  28. I got the "Happy One Year!" Notification from reddit the other day for this account, which is my alt account for fertility stuff that I made when we decided to TTC. I was so sure I'd be pregnant by now. And here I am, an entire year later, my cycles not regulated, not ovulating, and just told by my OB that there is "very little chance of conceiving naturally". How does everyone not have resentment towards their bodies?

  29. I understand you. two different doctors, one diagnosed with PCOS and the other with ovulatory difficulties. 6 months and only 3 cycles (the medication is finally working). my partner believed it would be something simple. I couldn't stop crying when I left the doctor. sometimes I feel like my body has betrayed me. maybe I don't have a baby because I don't deserve it? it's hard when months go by not to get angry with yourself.

  30. Ugh I'm sorry you're going through that. I have two OB/Gyns, a rheum, a derm, a pain management doctor, etc, etc. I had hoped that this would be the one thing my body did right, but clearly not. I'm getting metformin today but most of my markers for PCOS came back normal, so there's no obvious reason that I'm not ovulating. I'm on my third cycle as well (CD66) since taking my BC out in December 2020.

  31. Ask to have your blood tested for vitamin D level at your next test. my levels were low. he was taking inositol and folic acid. when adding vitamin d in the last cycle (medical indications) curiously I noticed that I ovulated earlier and my cycle shortened from 56 days to 38. All cases are different but you can ask.at the moment I am happy with the improvement. I did not expect to have to take anything or have difficulties. but I'm glad to see the improvement. it's a start. My best wishes for you.

  32. The truth is, no. I didn't know until I had a partner that people really want to go back to their parents' house. for me it was more of a duty than anything else

  33. I have a hard time on my birthdays. I have 2 days until my 30th birthday. My mother used to make me celebrate. she made a cake, made me blow out the candles and said that we celebrated that she gave birth to me. This year she says that if I want to do something that tells her that otherwise she will not do anything. I really do not understand anything.

  34. I'm glad that you were able to get away from her destructive behavior, and I don't think that makes you a coward. It means you value your life, and you see the value in yourself. I think that's brave.

  35. you were not a coward. I understand the feeling of not wanting to see someone sink. it is a terrible thing to see. you didn't have to see it. Your actions led to that end, you are not responsible for anything. you did not have to see do something with which you do not feel comfortable.

  36. Yes, I can relate. If you don't mind me asking, why can't you go NC? I'm trying to decide whether I should/"can" and it's such a hard choice. I have before for periods of time depending on their behavior but I sometimes think I should cut them off altogether and that's the part I'm not sure I can do, just for emotional reasons.

  37. I can't go to NC because I have two little brothers at home, one with mental problems (he's not on good terms with me but I try to check how he is doing anyway) and the other young. we also have a common property and other legal matters. if you can go to Nc do it but Lc is also fine. it helped me a lot. and forgive my english I know it's terrible

  38. I understand; I have younger siblings too. My youngest brother has just graduated high school but still lives with my parents. The one right above that in age is married with a kid already and has had her own issues with our parents (as have all of us in our own ways but hers have been the most like mine at that age- she was the new scapegoat once I left and she got old enough) but is still very enmeshed with them. Then I have two who are closer in age to me (I'm 40) but they live close to my parents and although they express the same frustrations and issues with my parents as I do, their ways of handling it are different. My golden child sister tries to make us all get along and plays their flying monkey. My brother has a big "freeze" response and just goes along to get along and buries his true feelings in the moment, and it really only seems to cause issues with him when it affects his wife, whom they don't treat very well (but neither do they treat any of us very well- she and I are just the only ones who really vocalize the concerns, and sometimes my youngest sister as well).

  39. my case is different. my sister is a little younger than me (I turn 30 in a few days) and she started having mental problems after Ndad died. I tried to help her but she decided to choose me as a scapegoat for her problems. I know it's silly but I don't want to get away from my sister in case she needs me. although I know that eventually I will not bear his insults anymore and I will have to go to Nc. Mom is bad in another way, dependent but self-interested. my little brother loves our mother even though he knows she's not okay. None of my siblings want to admit to Mom's problems, but my little brother is fine with what I decide.

  40. When I was very little I did not confront him I thought that if I was perfect nothing would happen so it was all my fault. Then my brothers were born, they were good children but he also insulted them and screamed until they could not breathe from how much they cried. there I began to stand up. If they were good children and it hurt them equally, was I a good girl too? It was a tough road but it helped me not feel so helpless over Dad.

  41. Is it possible to collect evidence on video or audio? record phone conversations? so maybe you can do something. What you say about your family sounds very difficult and I am very sorry for the situation. Wish I could find a solution for you. Sorry for the mistakes, English is not my native language.

  42. I would have to contact them to gather evidence, but recording phone calls is only legal if they live in my state. I would have to break NC to call my mom. She wants me to contact my lawyer uncle overseas. Should I contact him and record him? I think she knows that he’s behind whatever is going on. He was also an attorney when his father, my grandfather who committed suicide, was caught up in the financial political scandal years ago.

  43. I don't know the whole situation. I don't think you should break NC if the situation is that bad. maybe just gather evidence of what they do when they try to contact you?

  44. I understand what happens to you. That kind of intimacy involves a lot of trust and opening up both physically and emotionally to someone. being that vulnerable in front of someone. and we are used to not completely trusting anyone so as not to get hurt. tell you that that kind of intimacy with my partner also cost me a lot of time and trust. It helped me to go little by little, seeing how far I was comfortable going with him at the time. try to do things at your own pace and time without forcing the situation at all. he will wait. just listen to yourself.I hope this helps

  45. First of all, forgive my English. My father also died. It was strange and I also felt guilty. the feeling is strange, not exactly one of loss for the person but for what it might have been. for the loving father that you wanted and that even a small part of you hoped to have. my advice is that you accept what you feel whatever it is. And finding a way to say goodbye to him works well too. I used to bake for him on Father's Day even though we didn't get along. that year I also made the cake and took it to him. It's silly but that's how I said goodbye to him and everything that could have been. take a little time for yourself too. that helps.

  46. Thank you very much, this helps. 'What it might have been' is kind of how I feel, a strange feeling of grief for something that didn't exist I guess.

  47. If you want to talk you can write to me, I will understand what you are going through

  48. surely those things that you remember if they are bad is just that the duel is complicated. it changes the importance we place on the actions of our parents. it is a different kind of pain, a kind of emptiness. I at the funeral was strangely mad at him, for leaving without apologizing for his actions. I don't know if that makes sense to you too. be good to yourself these days and patient. and I am very sorry for your loss and what you are going through. It is difficult but it is more complicated with parents like ours.

  49. I am almost done with my 2nd month of Myo-inositol and still nothing! How long did it take your cycles to come down?

  50. the first about 74 days, then fewer days each cycle. it takes months to be completely normal. they told me about 6 months to be totally regular

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