1. The Black Sun, The Alchemy and Art of Darkness by Stanton Marian (free pdf online btw)

  2. Yep, I've found this too. It's making me wonder if the rumination was actually a source of stimulation itself. Like, it's pretty absorbing to dwell on your mistakes, isn't it? You feel awful but you also don't feel bored. Maybe as the need for stimulation has gone down, we just don't need to fall into these pits as much.

  3. No really, I’ve thought at about that too. It’s like if there’s nothing to dissect in front of me, I turn inward. It’s reassuring to know you’ve had the same thought.

  4. Exactly, the "entertainment" had to come from somewhere, even if it's our own suffering. Kind of messed up, but more proof that this isn't just laziness. So many things seem easier to handle now without that automatic critique.

  5. It can be debilitating fr. I know I’ve definitely spent days at home ruminating when I could’ve been making friends. I wish people understood the ways that adhd can be paralyzing.

  6. There's a longitudinal study from the Nordic countries that showed adults that treated their ADHD (ie taking meds as prescribed) lived longer on average than their peers who chose not to use medication, for a multitude of reasons.

  7. Welp, I was told i couldn’t consult with babalawos unless I’d been initiated to some degree. Maybe that was wrong. Thank you!

  8. A Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, jew, satanist, atheist (etc)...can and do consult Ifa." Btw...please dont take this the wrong way": you said you come from a family with many "initiated " Orisha priests " santeros". But that you dont want to talk to anyone you know about you come on reddit to get advice. Do you really have a family of fully initiated Orisha priests??first of all if thats the truth you are very lucky. Why wouldn't you want to discuss troubling dreams with at least an extended family member (Especially if it concerns your father)? You see i sometimes lurk around this sub... and I see multiple posts begin something like: "I come from a family full of Babalawos and santeros....BUT I'm going to come on reddit to ask a question about santeria ". So if that is really true seems strange to me least. Unless posters are equating parents who go to readings or misas as actual initiated priests

  9. I prefaced my post with the insight about my family because it was leading to a point that my family and I have a close connection to spirituality. I had written this post like 7 different ways before it was posted because I didn’t want to flood it with too many unnecessary details.

  10. I don’t follow how it attracts avoidant personality. BPD fear abandonment so avoidant personality will trigger this fear

  11. I’m not a doctor but I have an idea lol - The way I understood my own relationship to that kind of person was like, subconsciously, i thought it’d be some sort of proof of my value to have an unavailable person become available to me. But , you can’t win love, so I was playing to lose. Along the way I was reminded again and again that I wasn’t “lovable” because those unavailable people just aren’t open to love. It was torture, but it validated what I already believed about myself.

  12. You are feeling like you were disrespected because you were disrespected, and lied to. I think therapy will help here, not just for the trauma caused to you but your therapist can help you process the thoughts and feelings brought up by their treatment of you.

  13. Thank you for validating that. I try to be fair to others but sometimes forget to be fair to myself. I plan to see my therapist soon and I’ve been avoiding this conversation because I didn’t know how to approach it. Thanks again!

  14. I’ve heard from multiple prophets and people that have had dreams of angels in the past couple of years that said war was coming. And as usual when a Great War comes a great move of god comes as well. The evil must be balanced by the goodness of god. I have had no such dreams only heard stories and have put the pieces together.

  15. That’s interesting because like two weeks ago I had a dream I was in a hot air balloon with other people. One of the other passengers started screaming about a wild fire up ahead and before I knew I was choking to death from smog. It was terrifying and did feel like a bad omen of sorts. Idk I generally have weird ass dreams but like when I think of them as a whole narrative it does sound like a big shift. Idk if my subconscious could relate to the world like that tho. Usually if I do have some sort of premonition it’s involving my own family and friends.

  16. Can you describe the angels? Are they human like- dressed in white with wings? Because those aren't "biblically accurate" angels. I'd say those are more like a pop-cultural artifact, or even a sort of archetype thats been lodged in our subconscious.

  17. Word they have a bunch of feathers in my dreams and stars or eyes. It’s really odd and they’re huge. This one from last night felt like a cave drawing. I was drawing one with charcoal onto a wall and it also had a bunch of feathers and lines that felt like movement. Just super circular and bizarre lol. I googled them once I think a year ago because I started have dreams of them at that time and they don’t look exactly like that in my dreams but pretty similar. Kinda just like really quickly moving lights and feathers lol

  18. I'm sorry that happened. You know, there isn't anything wrong with you. I think your FP may have just been immature and needs time to grow. I know optimism at a time like this can feel annoying, but time away from this person may help you see why you deserve someone better.

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