Polyamamomma



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When you follow your heart, love is the answer

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Dear Monogamous people, you Do Not have to give Polyamory a try

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  1. This kind of thread is becoming just as common, and yet mods are silent.

  2. What is it you are looking for from mods? Because as a mod it's not like I got a handbook or any kind of discussion on what the group wanted. I delete probably thirty comments on an average day and spend a lot of time reading the whole freaking thread for every reported comment which is probably close to a hundred most days.

  3. There have been numerous threads every week about suggestions for improvement that I've seen at a casual scroll.

  4. The existing rules are enforced, none of us have any kind of power to update rules. Nobody told us anything, we were just suddenly mods. We enforce them though, note the mention of deleting and banning.

  5. This is a lot to process. I feel like the last 3ish years have been filled with cognitive dissonance. I love Kelly. So much honestly. There's a lot of things that I didn't cover here, like someone suggested I kick them out the room and keep the bed with Lizzy. Kelly bought the bed. Sure, in large part with my money, but they handle the finances. They're more comfortable handling the money and so that's how they contribute and before you suggest they're manipulating the money situation, I know exactly how much we have at any point and time and where it goes because we talk about that. I do think the way they hold things over my head is bullshit. I know they'd hold the bed thing over my head. They do that all the time with things.

  6. The only person who thinks you're wrong is the person who is abusing you.

  7. Kelly is manipulative and abusive. They should be forced to leave. They can get a cheap little apartment with Demi and you and lizzy and your cats can start to feel safe in the home you pay for.

  8. It depends. Are your nurses doing total patient care and you're just assisting? Or do you have an assignment of 16-20 patients? How many nurses for 20 patients?

  9. Nobody cares if you're eligible for rehire anymore and that's all they can tell them. Hell in a year expect a call from the original place begging you to come back.

  10. "Please stop dude, you need that to breathe, either you're going to die or you're going back in restraints. Just stop."

  11. My therapist has started to scare me saying that it could cause my son to be bullied or not accepted socially 😩. Do other kids/parents care? It sounds like your NPs child grew up just fine and did not have issues?

  12. Kids can be assholes and bully others just for having hummus for lunch. I can't say anything that makes that not true.

  13. Oooh that last paragraph is so true. I think it also helps that our kids have seen us go through breakups, they've seen us hold strong boundaries, and they know we value their autonomy as much as we value our own. My kid isn't bully proof by any means, but he knows how to stand up for himself and he won't make himself smaller or quieter for anyone. He got that from the community he is surrounded by.

  14. I know lots of kids of poly parents, I don't know any who have been bullied for that, I don't even know any who have been bullied because their parents are queer. I don't think kids care about these things as much anymore. My child chooses who he tells and who he doesn't tell. We don't hide in public or in our homes but I am more discreet when I'm in his world- scouts, school, whatever.

  15. The US and UK have roughly a 2% rape conviction rate when you average it out over reported, proceed to charge and tried cases including those in the US that don’t get a full rape kit done due to budget.

  16. Thank you for the emotional labor it took to write this.

  17. There are a shocking number of rape apologists in this thread, which has me a little worried about my own poly community. Fuck all of this.

  18. I can't do that kind of long distance. I can do the comet thing where they kind of drop off the earth until they're local and we can magically be together, but I can't do the constantly connected thing. It's way too painful for me.

  19. Do you want to live together with her and her partner? How much thought have you given that?

  20. This relationship isn’t working. It isn’t going to work. I see you’ve deleted your other posts, but that doesn’t change the situation. You don’t want poly, we can’t make you want poly or her want monogamy. Please move on for everyone’s sake.

  21. Why do I always have to see for myself?? Absolute nightmare fodder.

  22. I'm sort of sensing the same vibe (mono vs. poly). I know for me my dating style hasn't changed and I'm still attracted to the same kind of ladies after dating in poly world. But I know other poly sorts who specifically date atypical to their mono dating tendencies exploring kinks, fetishes or personality archetypes they haven't dated before for novelty.

  23. Where I see that is in people who felt oppressed in long term marriages, either overly controlled by a partner or by societal expectations. They break out and want to explore everything. It’s like first year of college where you want to change your major life 17 times. The only difference between mono and poly dating for me is that I need to make sure their poly aligns with mine. Otherwise all the other stuff holds fairly true. Politics, kink, hobbies, basic outlook on life, stability.

  24. It wasn’t great but not relationship ending. I think your depression is still lying to you.

  25. He’s gross, move on before he strings you along for years. That said, I do not share my STI results with metas. I get tested every six months and share the results (not screen shots) with current and recent past partners). I have been negative for everything but if I wasn’t, I would expect my partner to maintain my privacy. He could tell his other partners that there’s been a change in his risk profile and they should do blank. If he put my name or results out there I would dump him in a second. I wouldn’t be embarrassed but it’s personal information- given to him to protect himself, not to be gossip for the community.

  26. You’re a v not a triangle and I think that might be important for your boyfriend to recognize. I’m not sure how he can be apart of it other than texting him afterwards, did he have any suggestions because it seems like a really overbearing request. You already told him in advance, you will talk to him afterwards, what else is there?

  27. Even if he makes significantly more money than me? We’ll kinda. You could say that. I mean, in my mind, since he brings in about 6 million/yr and I’m only about 200K/yr. He is better established than me. He’s also married and owns his home? Wouldn’t the courts somehow deem his household a better fit for children than mine?

  28. You make 200 thousand a year and you’re worried the courts will say you can’t support them? That’s utterly ridiculous. Use google. Find an attorney. Fight for your babies. Get rid of the dude.

  29. Alone, as I have every year since I started practicing poly. It’s not my favorite day.

  30. Hand lotion and chap stick. My skin gets awful at work. The air is so dry.

  31. Yeah you're right. Fuck everyone's feelings, including your partner. Toughen up and just break it off immediately. Or conversely, just suck it up with your poly feelings, shut up and never talk about another partner again. 🙄

  32. No, when I was in monogamous relationships I was a fucking grown up and didn’t allow myself to fall in love with other people. It’s not that fucking hard, you start realizing you have feelings and you step the fuck back. You don’t allow space for love to grow because you’re an adult and not a 16 year old who doesn’t know better. Everyone can fall in love with multiple people, it’s not a super power.

  33. So don't allow yourself to fall in love? Step back the minute you have feelings? That to you is being a grown up? I'm glad you're such a hardass who doesn't let emotional connection phase you in the least. And again, fuck whatever feelings the other person develops for you, right? Why let empathy phase you? You sound great.

  34. It is common sense that when you enter a monogamous relationship you do not allow space to fall in love with someone else. If you start to feel that happening you step back or you break up with you partner. It’s pretty foundational to monogamy.

  35. Thank you! We have one with a severe dairy allergy so we’ve never done a bakery cake.

  36. It just seems like a good way to lose your staff you already have to agency is all I’m saying. If they want to leave that’s their choice, but you’re likely upsetting the staff you have knowing their coworkers are making far more than they are.

  37. I don’t know, I’m never bitter about agency being there and making more, or the per diems who are there on bonus making double. I’m there either way because I actually do need the benefits and the stability of my facility- I have a special needs kid and their super accommodating. So I’m there either way, I’d rather have agency there making double and not leaving me floundering with 18 patients alone. I actually prefer the agency aides who used to be coworkers because they know exactly how we work and I never have to pick up their slack. I’m sad that we are losing amazing nurses to travel though. Our nurses are what makes my facility wonderful and now they’re traveling and we have other travelers in their spots. Seems like they could have just paid those nurses more since they knew they’d have to take on travelers to replace them.

  38. I don’t know where you get that most of society would love to have 4 sons. I think this totally depends on where you live and the prevailing culture around you. I know very very few people who want more than 3 kids and most of the people around me want one of each. I only wanted one and didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl. As my child is trans, my wishes didn’t really matter at all anyway :)

  39. Theres a lot of research articles that show data on how many couples prefer sons over daughters and how men especially prefer to have sons.

  40. No, and I’m really sorry that you are worrying about this. I think a lot of men want a son, one who can carry their name and all that patriarchal stuff. They love their daughters just as much as their sons, even if they don’t necessarily bond in the same ways. Unless you live in an agricultural society where your dad needs strong sons to work his farm, or he’s just not a great person, I assure you he loves you and values you.

  41. I was wondering if this had already been discussed!

  42. I’m a fat person, nearly everyone I date is smaller than me and their partners are also smaller than me. It would have bothered me in my 20s, by my late 30s though I loved my body. By my 40s I realized that the people who say they love my body actually really do love my body. They aren’t just being kind when they talk about my ass or my hips or my belly, they legitimately think I’m beautiful. They also think their much thinner partners are beautiful. There isn’t any competition or uncomfortable feelings there. I never think about my size after an initial meeting, other than when someone new wants to try a tricky sex position and then I have to consider whether my body is capable of that and whether theirs can support it.

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