1. Time to re-home your roommate. Sorry OP. She sounds awful 😞

  2. As someone with a boatload of pelvic floor problems and no discernible diagnosis, but a lot of issues related to bladder and urethra, i will say the following; I too am a very sexual person, and i can get pain with intercourse. For me some specific positions hurt, and i went through a phase this spring where i had terrible terrible pain right after orgasm once and then the morning after some sex. Following that experience my sex drive was low for about a month. But there are other times it’s been quite normal and even high despite the pain. I can actually find relief from urinary urgency through masturbating, and can get immense pleasure during intercourse , even during the times that were followed by pain or had a moment of pain in one position. This is obviously all just one person’s experience. During that time this spring though my partner was very understanding, and did not break up with me because i was briefly of a lower libido. I understand not wanting to enter into a relationship with someone with a much lower libido than you overall, but I do think there’s a number of shades of grey between hates sex and turns you down all the time and wants to have sex whenever. Are you prepared for the possibility sex can be both great and occasionally cause flares? Can you problem solve around that? Can you tolerate down the line a period of time where sex may look different or be less frequent? If someone, especially in their 30s, were to answer no to these questions I would frankly be concerned about them being in a relationship in the first place. There are millions of things that can reduce sex drive for a period of time, and to me it’s all about willingness to be open about it and try to find solutions while also working hard to not put any pressure on the other person. So I don’t think its a problem if you don’t want to enter into a thing with someone who never has sex, but I think the reality of pelvic pain is often somewhere in the grey of that, and if you can’t accept that and what comes with it you do need to do some inner work on sex , communication, and healthy respectful attachment. I also don’t love your use of the term “make her my girlfriend “ it kinda smells misogynistic

  3. It really really depends on the person, because IC is more of a collection of symptoms than a singular disease. So I can only give my perspective.

  4. I am really not of the mind anyone should be having sex that’s uncomfortable for them in the first place. Like that’s not what sex is supposed to be and im sorry that you ever had sex like that honestly

  5. My kid was home sick this week and watched Bob's Burgers during that time. They've seen all the episodes before, but its a comfort show. I was making lunch and one of these subtle moments happened and they said "I love Bobs Burgers." And I think its so good for a show to give this kind of rep to my kid, who has already had to fight so much just to be who they are, and has seen their friends also fight. This kid who has already had to contend with the media they love not being friendly to their (our) community. It makes us both happy, and I'm glad we can share it together.

  6. For another show for kids with amazing representation I suggest she-ra remake on Netflix. The representation is much more obvious but its not being done for woke brownie points its just like literally everyone is gay or something but that’s not what the show is about (the show is anti imperialism pro environment magical warm sparkle awesomeness- I consider it a fantastical blend of star wars, avatar the last airbender, and Disney princess movies )

  7. I like that Gene is casually fluid with his identity. I won’t label him with anything because he’s a child, but like that his family is very chill with everything he does regarding gender identity

  8. Thank you for pointing this out!!! Gene is literally not a cis boy!!! That’s all id say too cuz again a child but he’s constantly experiencing gender dysphoria in the show- see the synchronized swimming episode for multiple examples. I also think in the horse meat or insurance fraud or nude beach episode maybe he literally calls himself a girl.

  9. Ok sorry for stalking you. I now definitely think you should try seeing a pain specialist about pudendal nerve with the pain in peeing and in vulva

  10. Unfortunately, Endo, IC, and PCS are all poorly researched, underdiagnosed and often mistreated. Just like IC, both these conditions require specialists who really know what they're doing, which makes diagnosis and treatment beyond frustrating.

  11. According to my endo doc pcs exists a lot in people that don’t have pain to the point that they aren’t sure it is causative of pain . For you, Endo still needs to be explored. Go directly to an endo specialist, not some general gyn. Also look into pain specialists and pudendal nerve issues.



  14. I will say that I am fairly messy but I do clean, especially on my days off. The only other time we had this conversation was a few months ago when I had an accident and had to recover from 2nd degree burns on my body and I couldn’t clean up for a few days.

  15. I don’t like people downvoting this because to me you are pretty likely in an abusive dynamic, as others pointed out. I don’t actually think you should look at your reaction was out of proportion with the situation because it sounds very in proportion with the emotional intensity you experienced. Looking at it this way will help you reduce the pointless self judgement (on my case judgement of my self in the moment often increases my negative reaction) and it will help you identify what you are actually responding negatively to so you can address it and have a different response down the line. Everyone might not respond that way but you have this condition and you can do work to help react in different ways but part of that work is leaving someone who can’t help you out and can’t lay off you. Also to me cleaning is a really gendered issue, and it bugs me he won’t acknowledge his contribution to messiness and can’t seem to realize he has to clean too, or if none of the mess is “his” why is he so obsessed with this division of who created the mess? Yall are a couple not roommates you should be doing things for eachother and mutually. He is just not it .

  16. From the reaction here, I expect that any group will have the same policy.

  17. The fact you called a person who has light sensitivity an attention seeker and are acting as if covid is non existent tells me you are deeply ableist. One day you will be old or sick and when people act this way towards you, I hope you see the errors in your ways. You show a serious lack of regard for others in your comments on your post not in your post itself. You appear unwilling to take responsibility for yourself or others and expect the world to work for you. It seems to me you have narcissistic and potentially antisocial tendencies. Or at least some are being expressed in your comments. This is what is causing the overwhelming negativity in your responses.

  18. He's definitely an attention seeker. Whether or not he has a problem with his eyes, he is always the one that steals the conversation and the facilitator has to stop and restart the conversation with the person who was interrupted. He talks too loud and has more time than anyone else.

  19. Why can’t he exist as a person who takes up a lot of space and also genuinely has an eye problem? Why is he “an attention seeker “ and not a person who struggles to know what’s appropriate in this setting? Or a person who used to not get any attention and now just would like some? Why use these judgemental terms ? Are people not whole and complex individuals, rather than simply one thing?

  20. I also don’t know if I have endo or not… I got an ultrasound and they said it all looked “normal” but my doctor agrees that my pain is not normal. I just kind of have no idea what to do so I am going to try a hormonal IUD and hope I don’t get the horrendous side effects I got from the pill when I used it in my 20s… ugh. The lack of diagnosis is really not helpful for my mindset, I just don’t know what to do!

  21. This is not the same. Ultrasound can easily miss endometriosis and is not capable of ruling it out. Pursue a doctor that can actually diagnose and remove endometriosis, if you have the ability.

  22. Have you ever looked into food allergies or sensitivities? I have a small amount of endo which my doctor didn’t feel was enough to explain my pain. Found out I have an intolerance to sulfites (preservatives) and when I changed my diet, my pain was reduced significantly.

  23. I’ve had an allergist since 8 bcuz of a deadly peanut allergy. Due to that allergy restrictions to my diet are hard to operate. It is my plan to eat more veggies and do pt and exercise and do acupuncture to help at least my bowels and hopefully my bladder,

  24. Yes, obviously something happened for me yesterday. A small mistake that wrecked a collaboration I spent a year building.

  25. I don’t really think that it’s different from many other therapy or condition . People with anxiety don’t just magically stop being anxious, they have to learn how to cope and how to manage thought distortion, and then they aren’t experiencing the anxiety symptoms, its not disrupting. That’s considered recovery/remission. Same when you recover or remit from bpd. You seem to be pretty fixated on this skills arent a cure and everything is a skill mentality so i don’t know it seems like you’re just still in this moment but i hope you can come out of it . In my understanding you change the way you think through thing that actually creates a change in neural pathways/ so its more than just skills you need to practice forever bcuz change is created physiologically

  26. After 20 years I’m much better. But I get horrible episodes still. I still live in fear that it will return. And I still have to control myself. It’s a struggle.

  27. Bpd has a genetic component yes, ofc id never wish the level of suffering i go through internally on my kid or anyone . However bpd is caused by invalidating environments in childhood in those with the genetic component and i plan on being a very validating parent who also puts emotional learning forward . I work with kids and honestly dbt skills are super helpful in that work, we had a whole online training run by a dbt researcher that applied dbt skills to helping kids develop healthy emotional skills. Anyways i digress a little, i don’t think your point about the violin really applies, especially cuz it’s oversimplification as different components can lead to the 40 yo being better than some that started young but maybe not all. Also neuroplasticity as a concept is very deeply tied to the idea you can change your brain after development .. but i see what you’re saying ofc about how hard it is to deal and upsetting to do work and then see yourself slipping. Id argue it sounds like despite the fact you had this slip up, from what you’ve described it sounds like it was still lesser in nature than what it may once have been. Remind yourself that recovery isn’t always completely linear , for example I know someone who had very severe ocd as an adolescent. She went to therapy and saw a psychiatrist and was in total remission, then the pandemic hit and she began to have symptoms again , but she’s now doing better because sometimes life throws crap at you that stands in the way of your self work, but you reasses and adjust and continue to do the work and know that that thing that was thrown at you doesn’t mean you didn’t do all that work in the first place.

  28. Sometimes I theorize this is the core difference between having bpd and cptsd. With bpd, it’s known that more sensitive children are the ones developing it , when their environment invalidates them. You have that initial sensitivity that comes across in what yall are describing, the strong emotions, the deep care for others even when young young young. In cptsd, i think it can become an issue at a later point in life, after a certain threshold of trauma is reached almost.

  29. My therapist told me i should wait to read this book bcuz it has very graphic descriptions so if ur still in a phase post assault where you’re getting triggered take her advice

  30. For me? Probably not. It's only you that can decide whether or not you can place trust in this person again. Personally, it would take a lot of real effort on that person's part to demonstrate that they were worthy of my trust, time, and effort.

  31. Tw: self harm. I think this is the craziest but probably just the weirdest I got so sick of cutting myself that I decided to drink a bottle of soap to harm myself instead.

  32. relatable…. couldn’t self harm at inpatient so i drank all the mouth wash, shampoo, and soap lol

  33. Me reading this: my heart goes out to this person imagine being in such a state you do this i could ne- oh wait.

  34. I am diagnosed with low thyroid which gives fatigue, but its different than just the average fatigue I deal with, it's like not even having the ability to speak to others I suppose, I might look into getting my thyroid medicine dosed up if this keeps continuing though, thank you!

  35. I was about to comment saying could it be medical cuz sometimes we ignore medical things when we think there’s a psychological explanation. That being said, I think sometimes it can be so exhausting to be as emotionally heightened and sensitive and it can also be very exhausting dealing with people when we are so interpersonally stressed as many of us with bpd are. On top of that ive also had more classically depressed episodes before where i am just so worn out. The right antidepressants helped me have a lot less of that long term fatigue. So it could be any of those things, or a combination. Id really talk to a doctor who will rule things out

  36. Im so glad you brought this up. Adoption is an industry in this country and deeply dangerous and morally very unsound and its so frightening to me how many people don’t get this, including very pro choice people. Adoption was literally a fuel in the decision of that monster amy coney barett “increase the domestic SUPPLY of infants.” It is the most handmaids tale thing in many ways. It’s wrapped up im the deeply disturbing and racist replacement theory as well. They want more (often white) babies for people to take from the poor or disenfranchised and raise as their own a la Serena in the handmaids tale. It’s totally messed up

  37. True adoption is not the solution for the majority of cases, but my spouse was adopted and we have numerous friends that were adopted and they were all adopted by loving families. I know this isn't all ways the case. My spouse works in family law and adoptions are his favorite. Yes, the paperwork and time commitment is huge, but the end result will hopefully be a happy one. And adoptions do not occur in secret, it's up to the birth mom what contact is allowed. Don't give adoption a bad rap when it can be a wonderful option.

  38. There is literally no legally binding component to an open adoption and adoptive parents can decide to cut ties with the birth parents and force them out of the childs life with no legal recourse. This happens and is completely disgusting and wrong and birth parents are not warned of this. You are also ignoring the literal statistics op is posting.

  39. look into adenomyosis! and also just so you know, it’s actually really common for surgeons to miss endo. i’ve heard a lot of people say that there was no endo during their first lap, then a surgeon ended up finding it during a following lap

  40. Yes it completely depends on the surgeon. I think reality is only a handful of people in a country that say they specialize in endometriosis can actually spot all forms and remove it. So chances they are those ppl are slim. Some red flags: a general gynecologist, didn’t take tissue samples anyways, didn’t plan on excising if they had found it. Also, in addition to adenomyosis alternate explanations can be pelvic congestion syndrome, pelvic floor dysfunction especially caused by bladder or ibs concerns or trauma. Do start pelvic floor physical therapy. Pursue second opinions

  41. This would be a comorbidity , even possibly a physical medical problem , not bpd itself. That being said, food issues are very common comorbidities with bpd, as both are frequently occurring in those with history of trauma. So you experience hunger and don’t want to eat? Do you want to be thin? Or are you hungry but feel a lack of desire to eat just sorta physiologically? Identify these things and bring them up with a psychiatrist and a general practitioner/family doctor

  42. You should consider seeing a specialist to be checked out for endometriosis. It can cause ibs symptoms, and your pain is not standard for menstruation, especially at 32. 10% of women have endometriosis it goes vastly under diagnosed. Ibs symptoms and bad menstrual cramps is a dead giveaway that it might be what is going on.

  43. To me, successful is anyone who's living a good, fulfilling life where they're managing their BPD and aren't struggling that much.

  44. Rosie Cappuccino, talking about bpd author and blogger! Read her book! Uplifting.

  45. Ive done about 7 sessions so far. I'm not too sure if that's a lot or not.

  46. Dbt is typically very skills based, not going into the past as much as far as I know. My guess is you’re doing some sort of blend of dbt and other therapies with your individual therapist based on what you described. Make sure you look over the sections of this workbook and that you and your therapist are going over stuff that’s in line (distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, )

  47. If that's the case then, we've gone over the majority of my triggers and how to manage them before I spiral out of control. If that's what you're meaning or looking for?

  48. Im not looking for anything lol, other than that a fellow bpd bud is getting solid treatment Yeah it’s definitely good to learn management techniques/ coping skills!

  49. XD So does that mean I'm awesome because I was born in Oct?

  50. Yes because i too was born in October. But also the joke is scorpio starts October 23.

  51. Well I avoid dating scorpios BECAUSE EVERYONE BORN IN NOVEMBER SUCKS /s

  52. I think kidney stones has been named the worst by certain labs, its also up there with breaking a femur bone and cracking a tailbone im pretty sure

  53. Interesting. I had a coworker that didn’t realize she was passing a kidney stone because she was on her period and assumed it was her cramps. Needless to say I suspect she has endometriosis. I think pain is experienced differently for everyone, it follows the biopsychosocial model. I recommend the work of Rachel zoffness. For a primer, her episode on the podcast ologies is wonderful (

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