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  1. I have IBS-D too but I’m much more pain dominant than anything. I just moved from a midwestern state where my commute was ~10 min at most and I had a very flexible job with plenty of sick time to a very large city for a new job, where my commute is 45 min at the least. I felt the same way as you, but I found being very open with your colleagues definitely helps them understand and helped to ease my anxiety around it all. For example, in typical IBS fashion, I had a flare my first day. I told my supervisor and colleagues “hey, I know this is more info than you bargained for but I have a chronic gastrointestinal condition, so I get sick more than the average person but I promise the work will always get done.” And after saying that, they suggested work from home for Zoom meeting days and altered schedules to meet my needs, which is great considering the type of job I have is typically not flexible. So that makes day to day working a little more bearable and lessens the anxiety around having episodes at work.

  2. Sure why not? Nothing to lose. Often at a big company there are multiple recruiters and recruiting teams. It is a good bet that they won’t even know.

  3. Thanks! I wasn’t sure if it reflected poorly as if I wasn’t super interested in the first. I’d be extremely happy if I got either position, but I think I’m more qualified for the one I just saw, and like I said, I’m dying to work for them so I’m almost desperate haha.

  4. The dog was gifted to him. Jus because you volunteered up keep doesn't change ownership.

  5. Yeah I see what you mean and I expected that. But also I didn’t really volunteer…I was basically guilted into doing it because he didn’t have the resources and he would be like “if you don’t get food the dog is going to starve, I don’t have money this month” or “if you don’t don’t take him to the vet for shots, he’s going to get sick and die and it’ll be your fault”. That kind of emotional manipulation as he knows I love animals more than anything.

  6. I felt this so hard. It’s happened to me too and my relationship is in the same state. It’s not only embarrassing but downright painful. Hang in there. Hopefully we will all be able to make the decisions that will lead to our happiness, whatever that may be.

  7. OP, what an incredible letter you’ve written. I hope you’ve sent this to your boyfriend. Now I’m going to give you my experience and a tiny bit of advice. I (F46) was with my fiancée from 30-39. We were in a DB for the last 3.5 years. It caused me so much anxiety that many days it was hard to even get up and go to work. I often thought about getting off the subway on my daily commute and jump in front of the next train. It was awful. Couples therapy didn’t work for us, and by the time we split up I was almost past the opportunity to have kids. Certainly too late to find a new relationship and have kids. Now I’m 46 with no kids. In the truest sense of the word I literally wasted the best years of my life. Don’t be like me. Don’t stay where you aren’t wanted. Your self esteem doesn’t deserve that self-imposed beating.

  8. Thank you. What you’ve described is how I feel - I feel the exact same on my commute to work or really anywhere I go. I thought I was going crazy or something, so it’s nice to hear validation of what I feel. It makes me feel slightly better. I will take what you said to heart and hopefully have an update for you all in the next few weeks.

  9. I wish I had written this letter to my wife instead of the one I did. Maybe she wouldn't have responded so poorly. Or maybe it wouldn't have mattered.

  10. He said exactly word for word “I feel like you haven’t said anything new”. That’s it. So yeah that has me feeling even worse this morning. So I think I’m with you, it just doesn’t matter

  11. Everything you said is like I wrote it. No advice here, but I feel for you. Wondering the same thing myself too :(

  12. Or my place of work: a university hospital that charges employees, students (and even formerly patients!) to park. Parking permits start at $30 for lots 2 miles away, to up to $120 for the closest lot. It’s not even in a big city either. Paying to go to work is the worst.

  13. By any chance is your title Medical laboratory scientist?

  14. Me too, with the whole eating thing! I'm so tired of PB sandwiches (can't even afford the jelly most of the time) and plain cereal (no milk) and carrot sticks every week.

  15. The jealousy think - YES. I feel so bad about it. But I have friends who got for example BAs in communication and they make a ridiculous amount of money and go on lavish vacations and have amazing weddings. I want to be happy for them but the jealousy takes over.

  16. My fear developed around the same time as you. I’m now a 26 F and I still haven’t really gotten over it…I will not eat if I have to travel or be somewhere where only a public restroom is available. Luckily my workplace has private bathrooms but it is just so mental taxing not being able to go out and do things like normal people do and not worry about the bathroom situation, and then trying to explain it to people is even worse. I did do a few rounds of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which really helped to rewire how I think about the situation, but I didn’t keep up with it over the pandemic so I kind of regressed. Highly suggest checking CBT out. There’s a good self paced workbook on Amazon (like $10)

  17. Thanks! And could you explain a little on what it does and how it works?(if not that’s okay too)

  18. It’s basically a form of therapy used to help people cope with chronic illnesses. You rewire the entire way you think - for example, instead of “omg I’m scared I’ll have to use the restroom at school” and panic about it, you start off with talking about your problem to friends, teachers, and family to normalize it. Then you rewire your brain to think that everyone poops and taking longer to use the restroom is normal and people will understand that you have a chronic illness and then working up to using the restroom at a friends house, then say like a restaurant, and then eventually at school.

  19. Molecular medicine? Huh, I didn't realize that was, like, a degree option! Interesting. I was just wondering because I'm currently considering getting a PhD and your field sounds interesting!

  20. I think a lot of cell/molecular biology programs renamed the field to molecular medicine to better reflect the entirety of the field since it has a lot to do with genetics, biochemistry, immunology, and microbiology and how it plays into pathogenesis within cellular systems/the organism as a whole. I really love the degree and if I was financially able to, I would for sure be pursuing a PhD in the field. Best of luck!

  21. Generally, putting a self-taught course of any kind on your resume isn’t going to convince a potential employer. You need to be able to demonstrate that you have mastered the subject, for which there are really only two ways: go to an accredited school or get experience.

  22. Thanks so much for your input. Yes, I am learning galaxy for the sole purpose of using it NGS analysis. I work in a research lab that’s also CLIA certified (galaxy is used during the NGS pipeline to generate patient reports), so I think hands on experience with galaxy/bioinformatics here would be pretty easy to acquire.

  23. Research associate at public university making 49k (starting salary was 32k so I negotiated up). I have a masters degree and a few years of experience doing skilled lab/research work. I currently do genetic manipulation, like next generation sequencing, ect. In the private sector you can make at least 2x that with the possibility of upwards mobility (which doesn’t happen at my university)…which is probably where I’ll try to head next considering my student loans take up almost half my paycheck and I’m always in the red no matter how tightly I budget.

  24. Yes, its having a history of job hopping that is usually the issue. Your first job in particular is a freebie for leaving quite early. Beyond that you typically want to stay with an organization for at least 2-3 years.

  25. I guess it’s worth mentioning that all of my jobs have been at the same organization- just in different capacities. I worked at the same institution during undergrad, my gap year, grad school, and again now post-graduate. So that’s a total of 8-9 years at this institution, but again in different positions. Thanks for your response.

  26. I went to a public university and grad school. One of my parents was unemployed, but the other made ~$100 over the eligible poverty line. Hence, I did not qualify for any need-based financial aid. My scholarship was $8,000 a year for undergrad, but each year costed ~25k. For grad school, even though I was financially independent (but would qualify for need based aid solely on my income), they still required my parents’ financial information which disqualified me from need based aid again. I spent $60k on grad school. When I applied for medical school, the same thing happened, and because of the debt, I chose not to pursue that anymore. Now, I work as a scientist making 50k with about $120k of loans, plus interest…it’s very unfortunate. I have friends that have parents who completely paid their tuition, so they don’t have this problem. Higher education is flawed here in the US. In my experience, it’s a “rich get richer” system.

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