TiffTested









  1. Why would you take it that way? I have not cheated on him at all.

  2. I just checked you account for an up[date, and I'm so happy for you! I read and commented on your previous post, so I was worried about you.

  3. I was just thinking about you. I'm so happy to read this update. Congrats!

  4. Op I just went back and read your original post and Jesus christ the comments were judgy, noone knows your situation better than you and you sound like you've got it handled perfectly, keep us updated when you're safely out 💕

  5. I had a really hard time at first with some of the personal attacks. Even now I’ve had some private messages calling me names. But it’s also helped me realize some of the judgments I’ll be facing when I finally leave, and that it’s more a reflection on those people than it is on me.

  6. It’s really good that you know this. Are you in any secular therapy for yourself?

  7. Good luck, OP- I'm proud of you for taking control of your own life! It's going to be scary to do all of these new things but you'll come out stronger and happier for having done it.

  8. Thank you! I am scared but I’m also hoping it’s going to come out for the best.

  9. Just to say it loud and clear: Your husband does not need to be "amenable" or "receptive" to you seeing a therapist solo. And the fact that both of you think it's reasonable for him to attempt to veto that is... not a sign of a healthy relationship :-/

  10. Oh, I don’t think it’s reasonable necessarily. I was mostly just disappointed that that was his reaction to it.

  11. Thank you! It may sound naive but I don’t feel worried for my safety at this point. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I’m not feeling anything except anger/shame at myself for not sticking up for myself more.

  12. I’m just going to go out in a limb here and ask how attracted you are to your husband? How well do you guys work together? You mentioned not feeling as happy previously, does that have to do with your relationship?

  13. I’m not sure I was ever physically attracted to my husband, or at least not as much as I was attracted to the idea of being married and starting a life. He would say we work very well together. I don’t know really know the answer to that, because the way we work has just always been the way we work and I’ve never had to think about it before.

  14. Have you considered that your husband might also change his views if you talk to him about the new things you’ve learned? You know your husband better than any strangers here, so that would be your judgment call. If it were me and it once was I would like to be educated and presented the facts that were learned instead of my partner thinking I’m just inadequate. He deserves a chance to change just like you. I will say that it seems difficult to be in a marriage with different views in regards to religion since it something people take very seriously. Also the relationship with your coworker does seem inappropriate. Unless you and your husband have set up boundaries that allow you to have this type of relationship. Have you talked to your husband about this friendship? Do you think it would make your husband uncomfortable if he knew that you find your coworker “charming, confident, witty, intelligent, and attractive” and spend some much time having such deep conversations? Honestly couples counseling might be helpful in this situation.

  15. He’s been traveling as part of his job for years, so I don’t think he’s had quite the culture shock that I have. He’s generally been more experienced in the real world than I had been. It’s part of why I don’t think his beliefs have or ever will change.

  16. gonna go against the grain a little and say it sounds like you’re not really happy. if you were following christianity your husband probably believes all the “wives should obey and serve their husbands” bs and might even be controlling. if so, i think you should leave him to pursue a happier and more independent life. i did, and i found myself as well as my true soulmate and i’ve never once regretted it. maybe see where it goes with this new guy!!

  17. So, I wouldn’t go as far as saying he’s controlling or even that he thinks I should be obedient and serve him. But he definitely does have a traditional view on women/wives and their roles.

  18. How has he handled the culture shock of moving? Have you discussed it with him at all?

  19. He’s been traveling as part of his job for years, so I don’t think he’s had quite the culture shock that I have. He’s generally been more experienced in the real world than I had been. It’s part of why I don’t think his beliefs have or ever will change.

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