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  1. Alchemist/Lawsons/Von Trapp are all fairly close to eachother and the Cabot Cheese Store and the Ben & Jerry's factory is right in the middle of them all. Alchemist doesn't have food on site and the taps are limited so it's more of a place you go to do a sample and grab cans to go. Von Trapp has good full sized entrees, Lawsons has good snacks (definitely get the beer cheese pretzel if you go). It would be about an hour and a half drive from Rutland but you can hit a lot of things in the same area once you're up there.

  2. The average graduate today has about $30k in student loan debt. A Millenial graduating in 2010 had $26k. A Gen Xer graduating in 1995 had $11,500.

  3. Gen Z dollars today have 86% less purchasing power than those from when baby boomers were in their twenties.

  4. Level of education doesn't dictate your purchasing power. The wages you get compared to the prices of the good you buy on a day to day basis are. That original source I linked clearly explained that so not sure why you're trying to switch focus to the education system of the early 19th century.

  5. I actually know of a similar situation where a higher up got involved and a team wasn't allowed to hire someone they really wanted to bring on. Team was certain they wanted to hire a guy, a VP wanted to be involved in the process and took part in the last interview, and the VP vetoed him because he thought the candidate was doing so well that he'd only want to stay at the position for a year before moving on for additional career growth.

  6. "Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong."

  7. If Russia could choose between making the US look bad or having an intact pipeline I'd imagine it would prefer the latter. If the US could choose between looking bad or making sure Russia loses its ability to sell gas to Europe I'd imagine it would prefer the latter.

  8. I got downvoted on here for saying something similar a couple weeks back - apparently I was “telling guys to simply give up rather than offering solutions” but it’s like… the real problem isn’t a lack of a SO but a lack of happiness. And hey, like you say, being more fulfilled and active in life makes dating a lot easier.

  9. I've noticed some of the same reactions from posting similar things here as well. On one hand I'm glad that they are engaging in spaces like this instead of falling down an algorithm fueled misogyny death spiral, but on the other hand part of mens liberation is realizing you don't need to buy into the patriarchy in order to build a meaningful life.

  10. I am pushing harder as I am getting more knowledgeable about myself.

  11. If you can afford it and aren't already going its worthwhile to try out therapy. Like you never really know how much of your current relationships mirror your childhood experiences until you take the time to talk through it with a professional. The conversations with your wife are a great starting point, and if she is unable to have a conversation about your emotional needs without redirecting it back to hers it might be something to bring up with a therapist. Like the person you're responding to said, its not healthy for you to be the emotional rock 24/7/365 even if that's what you were taught growing up.

  12. Yeah I did a couple of sessions of therapy. I am a bit undecided on continuing; mostly because I have been thinking by myself about a lot of what she does that I do not agree and I'm not sure she sees it as an issue even though I raise it from time to time. The more I think about some of those stuff she does or say, the more I want to teach her to get out of there.

  13. It sounds like you are on the right path then. I wouldn't view your therapist as the one who tells you what to say, but the person who helps you translate your (completely valid) feelings into words that you can share with those around you. If the people don't want to listen then that's another conversation, but going to therapy to help figure out how to vent and express yourself in a healthy way is a great start.

  14. Why would they feel as adversary? Don't they have a gender?!

  15. Because boys in highschool are very aware of the social pressures that push them to develop themselves into patriarchs instead of fully self-actualizing. A lot of those pressures come from the adults and girls in their lives, so a lecture from an adult woman on gender roles might come off as confrontational even if its not intended that way.

  16. Is think it would come as relief

  17. Check out some of the replies in this thread to get an idea of how boys are socialized under the patriarchy.

  18. Aren't you guys sanctuary cities??? why are you surprised then? And WHY should TX and FL and other border states be the only ones to take illegals? Honestly I feel like I am seeing a lot of pearl clutching racism from the declared 'sanctuary cities'. NIMBY am I right 🤨

  19. Do you know what Martha's Vineyard is? Its a small island with limited access to the mainland. The kind of place that can't just instantly absorb a planeload of people with no planning or accommodations. It sounds like they found church to house them for the night and then hopefully get them into a more permanent housing tomorrow once the ferry is back in service. I guess that's still an improvement over putting kids in cages like they do down south.

  20. Fun fact-Obama started the 'border cages' and Biden's are worse than Trump's. Much worse. I know MV. They should never have declared themselves a sanctuary city if they didn't want immigrants. Typical dem virtue signaling. I hope that each sanctuary city is forced to put their $ where their mouth is and take these people in.

  21. I don't give a shit about politicians of either party so if you think you're gonna trigger a lib you're wasting your time. I do care about people being put into bad situations for dumb political moves. Martha's Vineyard isn't even that close to Boston and there are other airports in Massachusetts the planes could have flown to that wouldn't have left them all sleeping on a church floor for the night.

  22. Low key I think a lot of people get excited about adoption because it allows them to window shop like they're at a pet store while also having the pride that they rescued their child from the foster system. That's not to say there isn't truth to that statement but there's a lot to unpack there especially for the child. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm against the practice overall but just that I'm not sure if many people truly appreciate how traumatic of a process that is for the kids.

  23. Unfortunately OKC converged on the tinder model and borked their match algorithm back in 2017 so it's effectively useless.

  24. Give Coffee Meets Bagel a shot. Any matches only last a week and every user only gets a small stack to swipe through once a day. You'll still find short bios and stuff but those two features alone weed out a lot of the low effort swiping addicts that plague the other apps. It encourages people to actually put effort into chatting with their matches and setting up a date in the first week. Much better than doomscrolling through every single profile in the tri-state area and getting upset that you couldn't find the perfect flawless human being who will effortlessly slide into your life and fulfill all of your needs in between "POWERSWIPE ONLY $19.99 FOR THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES!!!" ads showing up in your stack

  25. I agree that dating apps would be better if you put more suitable people in front of one another, but I don't think the information overload would actually work as a solution, and there's just a fundamental flaw to the 'human catalogue' style of dating.

  26. Coffee meets bagel sort of does what you're saying and in my anecdotal experience it has lead to better results. Every day you are given a limited selection of profiles to swipe through, and every match you get only lasts for a week. It doesn't sound like much but those two features drastically shapes the user behavior. It really encourages both people to talk and go on a date after a match rather than endlessly doomswipe trying to find "the one". Which is funny because dating isn't build-a-partner where you try to find someone who matches every little whim or desire you think you want, its about actually meeting people and seeing if you are compatible.

  27. So girls are more dull on average and that's why they do better in school?

  28. If you were to compare the experience of white girls without disabilities to black boys with disabilities, then

  29. It’s entitlement / a defensive reaction to not being able to oppress people as much anymore, essentially losing privilege. They benefit from the status quo, so they want to defend the status quo. Dialled up to 11 because of the internet, and because grifters fan the flames in order to profit from it.

  30. Prefacing this just to say my post is in the context of the US political system/social environment:

  31. Here's some factors that I vaguely speculate are probably contributing to this:

  32. I overall agree with your points, but I'd like to add that dating apps in general are unpleasant for everyone involved. It's quite amazing how much we've collectively let corporations exploit every facet of our lives even down to something as intimate as dating and relationships. Some of the social engineering that these apps use to keep users engaged and addicted is so insidious you have to pinch yourself to remember that these companies make their profits as a "matchmaking service". The stats show that women have caught onto this problem and have made the healthy decision to disengage, but men (especially young impressionable ones) are getting sucked in and having their impressions of relationships and dating shaped by these apps. We've never seen something like this play out in society before so we can only guess the long term impact, but my assumption is that it's not going to be good.

  33. The nature of oppression for women and men under the patriarchy is different so I'm not sure if you can just point at women's movements and blame men for "choosing" to perpetuate the patriarchy. A key part of male socialization is how it systemically isolates them from their closest friends and family starting at childhood. For a young boy to push back against the social conditioning they would need to do a lot of introspection as well as empathy to understand just how damaging the patriarchy is to themselves and the people around them. That's no small ask of a child whose brain is still developing and whose introduction to emotional intelligence was being told "stop crying it makes you look weak" by their family members.

  34. I mean there probably aren't many "progressive alternatives", but like honestly, those young men want a sense of power above everything else. That's why they connect to this toxic masculinity bs that manosphere pulls, it convinces them that they are more powerful than and deserve power over women and LGBT people because they want to be a caricature of stoic hypermasculinity rather than an actual person.

  35. I'd argue that its not as much of a lust for power as it is young men being conditioned by the patriarchy that they are worthless if they do not have power. Men are socially isolated from childhood and it fundamentally damages their mental state and ability to connect with others, but if they can somehow overcome the isolation and build something out of themselves they can eventually rise to the role of the patriarch which gives them some level of social value and acceptance. To be clear I'm not arguing here that men have it worse, I'm just trying to build a picture of what attracts young men to the manosphere.

  36. People can struggle with mental health their whole lives. Should those people die alone?

  37. Nobody is entitled to a relationship, it sucks but you can't expect someone to enter your life especially if you can't stand being alone with yourself.

  38. I'm speaking from experience here, a bad relationship is worse than being single. If somebody has serious mental health issues that they simply cannot manage on their own and they instead try to get into a relationship to "fix it", the only kind of people they will be able to attract will be equally broken if not worse. Managing your mental health doesn't get easier when your partner is belligerently drunk at 1am and is threatening self-harm or even threatening to harm you.

  39. It sucks for anyone. To invest in someone and want to have a meaningful relationship only for them to basically say, your investment in me doesn't mean squat unless you drop trou.

  40. A large part of it is how the patriarchy conditions men to have a pavlov response to emotional intimacy from women. The patriarchy forces men to emotionally numb themselves and there are only a select few situations (i.e. relationships or experiencing life threatening environments with a comrade) where men are allowed to feel vulnerable and open up. So when women try to open up with men (ESPECIALLY lonely ones) the wheels of "is she attracted to me?" start spinning in the man's head.

  41. I just watched this video and while its very lengthy it does touch on some good points. I know people are suspicious about his other videos and click bait titles, but this video by itself brings up a lot of good talking points that I've seen mirrored in similar posts made by trans men (

  42. I agree to a large extent. I have my reservations about the presentation of the topics though I’m about 20% through the video. However, I’d love to have a conversation about it when I’m done.

  43. From my own personal experience it's about building a space for men to be able to vent their feelings. Its absolutely crazy how much men just suffer in silence even when their friends are nearby. Men need to be able to open up to eachother and stop relying on women for 100% of their emotional needs. And I don't mean that in a "women won't date me so I'm taking my ball and going home 😠", but in a "I need to get in touch with my emotions for my own mental health's sake"

  44. The main issue is that working less hours usually means lower pay. And not every household can afford to reduce their income.

  45. If you reframe excessive consumption as "Being a noticer" you can do anything. Feel the urge to buy a lot of tacky decorations? Congratulations you have now performed unpaid emotional labor. Now you can bring it up to your husband who is doing pointless things like "educating himself" or "spending extra time at the office". You can also hold that "emotional labor" over his head at the same time as you criticize him for doing things that actually allow you to buy more useless shit.

  46. For what its worth toxic masculinity is toxic masculinity no matter what the perpetrator identifies as. If you saw that same post but the poster identified as a cis man would you still feel the same? Feminism doesn't have to censor itself for cis men's sake but celebrating gate keeping and telling cis men "fuck your feelings" lends itself more toward tribalism than intersectionalism.

  47. That’s wild. I just started using Bumble in the last month and have gone on many dates with different women at this point. I thought it would be a total shit show but I’m really happy with how it’s going.

  48. Wait until 2-3 months in when the algorithm stops promoting your profile because you are a new user. Then you start noticing more and more "buy boosts/premium" adds showing up in your swipe feed. The app is designed to get you addicted and then squeeze you for money

  49. U didn't to anything wrong nor fucked up, if he has a problem with this, it's his problem.

  50. It might just be a lot for him to process. He's known her for 1/4 of his life and this is a completely new side of her he's never seen. There is also a bit of power imbalance here, she's living in a three bedroom apartment so it sounds like the work pays very well. Just being blunt as a man he likely wouldn't have the same opportunity (unless he targeted a male audience) if he wanted to pursue a similar path. So as a (probably) broke 21 year old he now just realized his best friend for 1/4th of his life owes her current success to an opportunity that is completely alien to him.

  51. The longer your kids stay in that environment the more they will subconsciously learn to repeat those behaviors in their future relationships. Getting the kids and yourself out of this environment isn't selfish it is the best shot they have at living a healthy happy life.

  52. As a straight woman, I can throw something else in there. It's a real thing that bi people want to "explore" the other part of their sexuality sometimes. Or they feel as tho they're missing out... You can't accommodate that and if you are monogamous...

  53. I'm a straight man but curious to see what your opinion of this framing:

  54. TERFs. We gave a term for this already. Its trans exclusionary (radical) feminism.

  55. The real irony is some of the best advocacy I've seen for mens issues has been from people in the LGBTQIA community. My impression of what the patriarchy is had always been summed up as "not all men are bad but the ones who are hold all women back, the best thing a man can do for feminism is advocate from the sidelines", but seeing

  56. My guess is that at least part of the reason is that, in both the positive and negative sense, men are less likely to be casually touched than women.

  57. This. Whatever gender people identify as they are still humans at the end of the day and touch is one of the many things that our monkey brains seek out. Strict adherence to gender norms is damaging to everyone since our needs are a mixture of "masculine" and "feminine". In this case touch is socially treated as a feminine (moreso in the west, not all cultures treat it this way), so while everyone needs it we socially put the burden on women to handle ALL touch while also stigmatizing men if they try to initiate it.

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