TIFU by giving my girlfriend money to surprise my boys

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My mom held a graduation party today and no one came.

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  1. I worked for an electric company almost 15 years ago. The grid was being upgraded one transformer at a time throughout the US. It was obviously going to be a slow process and I guess municipalities get to choose which locations get these upgrades first. They were not cheap and difficult to get. Years of backorder, but it was being done. The transformers were to be able to withstand EMPs as well.

  2. Do you have any insight into why everything is backordered? Is it a raw materials issue, only one place in the world builds them by hand, etc?

  3. The transformers themselves where in such a high demand all across the US that it was just a known fact that it was going to take years to get them. It was like spreading them across the US so everything gets upgraded more evenly. We were promised so many over the course of a year and that is how it was worked out. Our company did work for muliple states and many municipalities.

  4. I remember a story of a toddler who walked out of the house at night and was later found frozen. She was revived and didn't have damage.

  5. Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames was put on by a traveling production company who came to the church and helped the congregation put on the play. People from the church were cast in the play. The church probably could choose the location for the production. I can see some renting a local theater to bring more into the fold. I can attest that my church was definitely cult like. I was raised in it and it took many years for deprogramming.

  6. I have a friend who's parents told her and her siblings that they are Jehovah's witnesses so they wouldn't have to buy them presents. This went on for years until the older brother figured it out and called the parents out, she said the parents just laughed their heads off and moving forward they started receiving gifts on theirs B-days and Christmas. They still laugh about it to this day.

  7. At least they made it into a joke. Mine just told me the truth and said they didn't want to spend the money.

  8. There's a reason they built it after the lots were sold. Did they ever repave the road after construction slowed? That was always something the builder I worked for never did. Left the construction grade asphalt road because, "not all the lots are sold yet."

  9. because the chaos demon responds to shame/guilt/fear, so we present really well.

  10. This is what I have to do...back myself into a corner so the overwhelming shame/fear/guilt forces me to get moving.

  11. Yeah, this is as dumb as saying "well if workers just lived out of their car then they wouldn't have to worry about rent, and that would fix the demand for apartments and therefore rent will go down till it's cheaper than a car payment."

  12. And stop building more stores to increase their profit margins. Large corporations keep growing to squeeze more money out, but have no workers for the stores. Creating more jobs to sell more crap for crap wages.

  13. Why is ADHD one of the few mental illnesses measured not in how debilitating it it to you but how annoying you are to other people?

  14. Autism is the same way. Or, at least, the focus of the “treatment” (ABA, or autism conversion therapy) is all about what makes the parents and teachers comfortable.

  15. Look at all of your gorgeous work! Who’s the white rose?

  16. These make me so happy! I can only imagine how it feels to live with these around you. Great work!

  17. Thanks! I get so excited in spring waiting for the first to bloom. It is worth the work.

  18. We call them the Happy face butt spiders in my house. These are the good guys.

  19. I can rock almost anything, i just dont want to by a (plain) tshirt from a designer costing $100+ when i can by pretty much the same at h&m for 5 bucks

  20. One of my personal heroes was my church league soccer coach. We had a player on our team who had cerebral palsy but was a pretty good player, better than me. One day at a game, the other coach started mocking the player for his walk and his hands. Our coach went up to the man and cursed him out and made sure to make a scene of it to say it wasn't okay. Fortunately, the other coach was ejected and banned from the league but our coach was too, simply because he cursed. I have a disabled sister who is noncommunicative and completely dependent on others to survive. I knew from a young age not to mock people for that, but I would hope that that's common sense so it enraged me that, in a church league filled with supposed Christians, that a coach decided this was okay behavior, and the league thought cursing was as bad as mocking a kid's disability. He was an advocate and that wasn't appreciated.

  21. I definitely point out to my children the difference between someone who cannot change something about themselves and the person who chooses to act a certain way. People used to make fun of someone I worked with because of her voice and every time when I heard it, I would say, "She can't help how she was born," and walk away. Not sure if they stopped or just stopped when I was around, but it really irks me when these kinds of jokes persist. I was bullied a lot as a child for things I didn't even know I couldn't change, but I always judge myself harshly because it persisted and I felt like the failure was on my part for not being different somehow.

  22. You gotta go to therapy and do childhood work. You likely have to learn to hold people accountable and set hard boundaries before things will get better.

  23. Checkout the Crappy Childhood Fairy on youtube. Great content to help with this.

  24. I used to love going and doing this as a teen. We would also paint the ladies fingernails too.

  25. Honestly I've had almost this exact conversation with her. It's like this marry go round of "she can't help how she feels" and "I can't help that I'm autistic." So now we just have to always be sad? That's what is getting me down.

  26. She may not be able to help how she feels, but she can help how she perceives you and treats you despite how she feels. Sometimes I don't 'feel' like going to work, but I have obligations that I agreed to, so despite my feelings I still go to work. If I feel crappy I still treat my partner with respect.

  27. Yeah, this seems like good advice and much of it I have tried to employ. I have shared that I feel like autism has been coming up a lot recently, and how I'm getting tired of that. Then what I hear is that by saying I'm tired of hearing about it I'm "dismissing" her feelings and such. And like...I just need a break. I'm just hurt emotionally from this barrage of comments from her.

  28. You can't help that you are autistic to a point, and if she has an issue with it, then she needs to sort througj those feelings. Yes, you could be there for her while she grieves the relationship she apparently thought you two would have before the diagnosis, but then she needs to come to terms with it so you each can allow your relationship to grow in a new way. I don't know how long you have been together, but she also has a right to her feelings of loss. As well as you hopefully are trying your best to learn how to be a good partner despite your autism.

  29. Oh that is interesting I’ve never heard that. What is the difference? How can you tell?

  30. Google lens is pretty accurate in finding similar looking things on the internet.

  31. Right? I feel if I were to base my mental freedom on something that (apparently) is very misunderstood, I may be stuck until I was “granted permission" to exist as I already have been for years.

  32. These subs have helped me so much! I basically don't have depression now that I know why I feel so different. My brain is different and there isn't anything wrong with that. I no longer have to be broken because I don't fit the mold society says I have to fit.

  33. Thank you for this post. This is the crap I have to deal with when I see my regular doctor and my rheumatologist. I moved a few years ago and established with a new practice. It takes a lot to find a doctor and have records faxed and all that as well as the more doctors you see the more you are looked at as "doctor shopping" which is seen as a negative because of drug seekers. I hate been talked down to when it already takes a lot for me to get up the courage to go to the office, see the doctor, then mention my concern. My last appt I was talked to so bad that I started crying and then he put in his notes that my issues are probably because of depression. He didn't mention anything to me and just put that in his note. After all the effort I had to go through to just be mistreated makes me want to just stop trying to even see a damn doctor.

  34. I had a reoccuring nightmare as a kid where every time you died your consciousness would be transported into a new reality where you survived the incident and everything goes on as if nothing happened and you'd have no way to tell beyond the overwhelming feeling that it happened. I've been in quite a number of accidents suffered from life threatening diseases more than once and escaped death I nearly caused by carelessness more often than I want to admit and there is a paranoid part inside of me that can't ditch the idea that nothing and nobody around me is part of the world I grew up in.

  35. I have looked at ACEs but not EMDR, I will look into it! Currently going through somatic therapy but it doesn't seem to be agreeing with me too well so we have taken a step back and reassessing the speed at which we move and which therapies may be better suited (we = therapist and I)

  36. I did EMDR with a visual cue and it worked well because I am a visual and somatic learner. My husbamd did EMDR with hand buzzers and he said it didn't do much. I just wanted you to be aware there are different ways of doing it as well. It was bizarre the way it brought my mind into the present moment. I had PTSD for almost 20 years and it changed it. It no longer is a daily issue. My moments aren't taken over by smells, visuals, or memories of the traumatic experience. It was amazing for me to move on finally.

  37. My fixation right now is looking into my genes and researching on them. It’s really interesting to see your different traits as well to see things related to adhd in my dna. There’s many free raw dna upload sites so I became fixated since 😭

  38. I like to search my raw data and see if I have wayward genes. So far I found a few bad apples and learned a lot more about my health. I just don't know how to approach my Dr. I def don't want to come across as a lunatic searching through my genes and learning about genomics. I got pretty fixated a few months back.

  39. Hey y'all! :) I just looked at my shower statistics in my daylio app. It feels disgusting and is embarrassing to look at. Especially months like April. I have the goal to shower at least once a week (with the hope to do it more than once but the bar is very low I know) and I still couldn't get myself to do it. This month I'm actually kinda proud.. 6 times and the month isn't over, then I read people commenting about how disgusting it is to not to shower every day or every second day idk. But it used to be so much worse so I gotta be happy for the small achievements :) Anyone else track things like this? It's always shocking to look at it not gonna lie.

  40. In between full showers do you do other cleaning? I wash my hair much more than fully showering, and I also do what my mom called a "whores bath" which is cleaning the pits, tits, and lady bits. Not sure why she called it a whores bath, but she is an odd lady. I also have a bidet on my toilets.

  41. I feel ya. I’m near retirement age and never had a birthday party in my entire life. Family was dirt poor when I was a kid, as an adult it’s a day that’s just impossible for people to attend. Always wondered what it was like for y’all.

  42. At least you had the excuse of being dirt poor. My mom just didn't want to bother with a party. We got the choice of a box cake or $10. As children we created getting to be king of the tv remote for a day. Get this you get to go to the bathroom without someone else taking over the tv because it was unmanned.

  43. You guys are awesome, but it’s on Christmas.

  44. This is when Birthday in July comes into play. Do you want a swim party?

  45. Or like the alien from Annihilation. I'm still recovering from that movie

  46. Just finished watching that an hour ago. It was the second time, but I didn't remember much from the first time.

  47. Like the Silence, if you do spot them, when you look away you no longer remember ever seeing them. They could just live in your house.

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