1. I don’t even see how this is the opposite of traditional…

  2. We faced a somewhat similar choice to this. For us, we so strongly disagree with the values in our area that the private school choice was a no brainer for us.

  3. As someone with personal experience, you sound a little or a lottle depressed. I had postpartum depression when I became a SAHM after our first child was born - undoubtedly the sleep deprivation played a role, but a big part was also losing time with friends and suddenly being in a very new situation I didn’t enjoy as much.

  4. I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. There are definitely some products that are expensive but can be very useful, and some that add unnecessary steps. Unfortunately new moms are often anxious and it can be hard for them if the more experienced moms in their lives recommend expensive products.

  5. Are you kidding me? You’ve brought a stranger into her home and you’re inflicting him on her as a parental authority figure. She’s not required to like him and having started out by forcing it, she is not now going to like him. The only way to have a chance of fixing this is to back way, way off. Pause that engagement. He moves back out. You go back to having dates outside the home. You reintroduce things gradually, while she works through it in therapy. This is what you should have done in the first place; the bare minimum ti try and improve things is to do this now.

  6. I love everything about this and also your flair.

  7. I agree. I may feel like I am just as supportive and validating but it may not be in the way she needs.

  8. Listen to what she wants and feels first, and then do whatever she asks within reason.

  9. In addition to the respiratory and other childhood diseases studied in this paper, other research has found that duration of breastfeeding correlated with reduced likelihood of developing certain diseases like ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease as an adult.

  10. There was a dude on here who did a paternity test and the baby wasn’t his, but it wasn’t the mothers either!!!! The baby got switched at birth ah. Or I think it was the mom that posted actually.

  11. That’s what I was thinking could have happened! That would be so sad…

  12. I once tutored a child like this. He did have problems with ADHD which is why his adoptive parents hired me as a tutor. He was a very sweet kid otherwise despite his struggles with homework and I am glad to have met him.

  13. How about setting up a donor-advised fund, or DAF, which is like a charitable investment account for the sole purpose of supporting charitable organizations you care about?

  14. I considered a DAF, as one of my dear friends recommended it. I'm not sure how the limits will be affected, but I'll mention this in the bevy of options we discuss with our financial planners.

  15. There's something called the "assignment of income doctrine". It will make it very difficult to avoid capital gains tax on the sale of the stock unless you've already transferred the stock ahead of the sale. That said, if you turn around and transfer most of the sales proceeds to a private foundation, you'll get a big charitable deduction, which will cover a significant portion of the gain as well as some income in future years (up to five years out) to the extent you are unable to use up the charitable deduction in year 1 (you'll probably only be able to use 30% of the charitable deduction in year 1). But probably much more tax efficient to transfer the stock ahead of the IPO rather than after.

  16. Thank you! This type of detailed advice is exactly what I was hoping to get from this thread.

  17. We took the extra stock grant we got when my daughter was two and dumped the whole thing in. There wasn’t a better way for us to reduce taxes on it, so at least we got it into an account to grow tax free.

  18. One goal is to reduce vacancies. Given that there is a housing crisis, it’s shameful that so many properties are sitting vacant.

  19. If I told you, it would stop being underrated and would start being overcrowded!

  20. I work in a homeless shelter that was in the basement of a church. Most churches, unfortunately not have the resources necessary to provide adequately for the needs of the homeless. On top of that, many of the homeless have physical or mental health ailments that could cause them to do a lot of damage within the church. It is far more efficient for a church to lock its doors and to give the money saved on repairs to programs better equipped to help. The church that hosted our shelter kept all its doors locked for this reason.

  21. At this point, tell the bishop about the situation.

  22. I am going to start with suggestions before I share my own story.

  23. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal but I have done it all the time. It’s the only way to get things done that need to happen!

  24. Okay, I want to know YOUR routine for cleaning cast iron. This looks amazing and I’ve never been able to get my pans looking this good.

  25. Bay area "hot" is like a "5" here. Lucky for her, we have some amazing plastic surgeons. Shouldn't set you back more than $2MM.

  26. I don’t want to out myself as someone who just moved from the Bay Area with her husband in their 30s, but uhhhhh, yeah, we have both noticed there is a distinct attractiveness difference between the two destinations.

  27. thanks. psychologically it's still hard. i spent 30 years living like i was a week away from financial disaster. Works great to save money but it's hard to break the mentality.

  28. Your numbers are spectacular to retire, especially with your wife continuing to work. Frankly, this is a psychological problem with you.

  29. Ours is about the same- somewhere around 12-14%. We tried to follow Dave Ramsey’s principle that you should buy in cash, but that would be silly when our interest rate is sub 3%. Also most of our assets are in tax-advantaged retirement accounts and we would have to pay penalties to get it out. But it felt good to buy knowing that we could in principle have paid cash if we wanted to and it’s helpful to have a boundary to keep you disciplined financially.

  30. I think the mom’s offer, which the son blurted out during the attack, is potentially a huge part of this major turmoil. I think he wants his dad to fight to keep him.

  31. He took driver's ed and I have been fixing up a car for him so that he could be more independent. He hasn't done the driving hours because of his other commitments and hanging out with friends.

  32. Perhaps that could be another condition of him continuing with the martial arts. He has to go to therapy and he has to do 1-2 hours of driving hours per week so that you can stop being a shuttle service and “have a life.”

  33. I believe in teaching our children our values - regardless of how much we make.

  34. My husband and I did a cabin trip when our daughter was younger, but we had planned for her to have a sleepover from the get go. One thing we did I stole from my parents when I was around that age. We filled up two big coolers with snow and brought it home for her. We built small snowmen and had a snowball fight.

  35. “It's not even me being greedy: it simply would not be enough contribution to the household.”

  36. Depends a lot on where you live… In our area, you could never buy a house and have children on $100k.

  37. You absolutely need to communicate your feelings, set boundaries and expectations, etc... Also, if you think he is mooching or taking advantage of you, make it clear and stop letting it happen. All that said make sure that you are also seeing this from his perspective. It doesn't sound like he has a lot of the same interests or desires as you, and that's OK. He doesn't have to like eating out or wearing fancy clothes or running a real estate business, and all of that is perfectly fine. You don't have to like bowling or hunting or sitting home and reading, or whatever he likes. So if you really want to go to a movie and he doesn't, you have to decide together if it's worth it to you to pay for both of you, or worth it to him to pay to do it to make you happy. Any answer including in the middle are all just fine. What's not fine is both of you being unhappy and not working together to come up with a solution that makes you both happy.

  38. Yeah… I wonder how people would react if we heard his side. My GF constantly wants to eat out and expects me to pay. She resents that I’m not paying rent but I do 5 hours a week of maintenance on her property. She says she wants to FIRE but her properties are barely cash flow positive and she seems to be increasing her annual spend every year.

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