Compassion for kids

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  1. yes I've been feeling like this a lot recently. it's really scary and I feel like a leaf in the wind, just subject to whatever the people around me decide or want. I think I've felt like this for a long time but I'm becoming more aware of it especially as I've tried to lower my defense mechanisms (which I may have done in not the best way), and I just feel so exposed and vulnerable, its horrible. I'm trying to stay minimize my time around people I feel like don't respect me and my inner child. its fucking terrifying, I just feel so nonexistent and irrelevant and like a puppet. it's really scary when I've had people clock that about me as well, especially when they don't have good intentions.. that shit was terrifying bc there was already a power dynamic btn us

  2. Oh god this is me these days. Though Im still stuck with abusive parents but the trauma work just infuriates me. I'm kinda annoyed to people telling me the anger will eat me alive and I should just accept them and focus on myself. Lol excuse the rant.

  3. it’s so hard bc you have all this rage from years of being fucked with and it has nowhere to go. how are you supposed to just let go of that?

  4. Hi dear! Just want you to know my DMs are a safe and welcome place for you!

  5. thank you so much for your kind response, i’m sorry i’ve been meaning to reply. but it was really assuring for me. one thing i always kinda forget is that i can actually join a preexisting friend group as well (although that does always seem kind of intimidating to me.) i guess a lot of it is just getting the courage to go out and talk to people which can be hard for me. i’m also nervous about overisolating myself and losing momentum/social skills/masking ability and then it’ll be really difficult to get back out there and i’ll just end up alone with no real way out. i kinda alluded to this in my original post but i’m in a kind of burnout period where it’s been really difficult for me to make a social effort, i just feel completely done with masking and no longer have the effort to put in so i think that worries me too in terms of making friends/making it on my own. it feels like maybe the wrong time to move to a new city, but i also feel so stifled by where i am right now that it feels like the only option. and i know i can do it, it’s just. even the thought of it is exhausting to me right now. anyways thank you for your response and your stories of your own life and for saying your DMs are open :)

  6. i feel like a lot of people that are traumatized in childhood are very compassionate/respectful towards children.

  7. i’ve always spoken to children in a similar way i would an adult in that i show respect and don’t dumb things down a lot. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for. I remember hating the way i was treated as a child because i matured a lot faster due to abuse and always hated being talked down to for my age. It’s best to meet kids on their level, and treat them like what they are; people.

  8. me too! i felt really belittled by most adults and it infuriated me. i would go home and have to take on huge responsibilities and then go to school and every adult there acted like i was just a stupid kid.

  9. I remember watching Grave of the Fireflies as a kid and thought the moral of the story was that his arrogance/entitlement to not accept however his aunt wanted to treat him killed himself and his sister. I was shocked to find out you were supposed to emphasize with him and he wasn't supposed to be arrogant or selfish! Who knew...

  10. now that you mention it, there are a lot of stories i haven’t understood the point of because i demonized the vulnerable character the same way ive always demonized myself, and gotten a completely different moral about it... i never realized this! i just thought i was rlly bad at interpreting stories

  11. Yeah, I've ended up rewatching things and found out I liked characters I disliked before for being "cry babbies" and "too sensitive" and was just like wait a minute, no they're not, I just didn't know what healthy people look like...

  12. yeah me too! i always blame the person who gets hurt for “being so stupid” 😳

  13. So I am undiagnosed but I relate to almost all the diagnostic criteria of BPD. I have experienced having “favorite people” and i agree with what you’re saying.

  14. I treated myself that way for YEARS. thinking I can "get better" with a few inspirational quotes and some self help books and a few mediocre therapy sessions. let me just fix this and get on with my life. but everything I thought that was wrong with me was just the tip of the iceberg.

  15. Realizing my personality seems to mostly be a trauma response.. kinda freaks me out.. even though it explains that emptiness I feel inside all the time and lack of connection to myself and others around me. I like to think that my interests are actually my interests though.. the ones that I kinda felt like I had to allow myself to have, to create or discover and to enjoy.. but then there are times I get so immersed into them that they have become an unhealthy addiction or coping mechanism.

  16. yeah, i relate to so much of what you’re saying. i was in a similar boat not very long ago.

  17. I saw this post yesterday and I was like I think I used to do this but I don't anymore and then last night I was in the hospital and they had me hooked up to the vitals monitor, and it beeped at least 3 times bc I would just stop breathing and the breaths per minute indicator went way down. and I wouldn't realize I had stopped breathing until the monitor started beeping. so I came back to this post to say yeah I do that too

  18. nausea from anxiety. can't eat bc nauseous. hungry bc can't eat. weak bc hungry. weakness compounding anxiety. too weak and hungry to feel feelings. too weak to do schoolwork or look for a job. not doing things making anxiety worse...

  19. this is me as well. i was extremely fearful as a small child, my heart was constantly pounding and i never talked to the other kids. i was terrified of life as a preschooler. i keep thinking that maybe i was sexually assaulted at a very young age but as much as my parents have put me through i really don’t think either of them would have done something like that to me. or maybe i just have a more sensitive nervous system than most people? i don’t know ive felt fundamentally unsafe in my body since i can remember and it freaks me out that i will probably never really know why i’ve been like this. maybe just the energy from when i was a kid was so unstable in my household that i just internalized that i was unsafe or that there was something wrong with me? this is how i’ve always felt

  20. I have done this for years, probably since I was in middle school. what I've realized recently is that a lot of what I viewed as "improving myself" (before I realized how deep the abuse went for me) was basically me trying to get better at pleasing others/fawn response.

  21. I see your point, but I'm not sure how to reply. I mean when i say I want to be like the people on my list its more so because i really want to be like them and not because I'm doing it for others. But i guess maybe i also want to be like these people to please some people. Idk. I feel like at the end of the day we all people please to some extent even the people we care about. Idek if I'm making sense. But I do agree i should focus on feeling safe

  22. edit: okay i reread your original post and i think you actually were asking about the legitimacy of this as a coping mechanism instead of whether it was a good idea? i think you are already aware that it’s a coping mechanism and i am just repeating that back to you, so i’m sorry i think i misunderstood. it sounds like what you are doing is much different than what i was doing bc i actually thought i was trying to be my best self and i was just getting better at my fawn trauma response. i’m leaving what i wrote below in case there’s something helpful in there anyways but it sounds like what you’re doing is helping you! i think trying out different ways of behaving is helpful and you will naturally realize who you want to be as you do that and as you heal further. (i do still suggest “the body keeps the score” though :) )

  23. yes my dad did. i was just thinking about this today and thinking about how it’s probably true.

  24. Geez, so accurate, I'm in the exact same situation today. I still live with my parents, same stuff : my father is emotionally abusive (slighly physically too but not anymore) and my Mom is an enabler. I was so sad this morning because I realised how she always tells me to forgive him, guilt-trips, gaslights, defends him but never really defends me. She's also a victim of him. I just can't see her as an abuser (yet?), so I say enabler instead.

  25. your analogy really hit me. i’m so love-starved and it feels like love is so possible. i think that’s why i left my body as a child because i knew what getting that love implied but i needed it so badly. i filled a role for her instead of being myself bc that was how i could get “love” but i actually don’t know if it was ever truly love.

  26. i could have written this. this is exactly what i do and i feel disgusted with myself as well. i wonder if it comes from constant criticism or gaslighting because it feels to me like a defense against being seen as wrong or bad

  27. yes, I keep wondering this. personally I also think im demisexual so that complicates things further in knowing how much im actually attracted to men or women, but yeah, I keep coming back to this. am I unattracted to men or is it just the fact that most of them have terrible socialization and aren't really going to be good partners compared to a woman?

  28. i don’t personally but “the body keeps the score” is a really valuable resource for this!

  29. I have heard that before, I think there is substantial scientific evidence for it! I believe it has something to do with dissociation. I think for trauma survivors it's better to do activities that get you INTO the body instead of activities that potentially separate your mind and body. I know yoga is really beneficial for trauma survivors, and you can be mindful of how your body moves in space in your yoga practice instead of doing traditional meditation.

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