Mother's Day Support Post

Shows the Silver Award... and that's it.

Thank you stranger. Shows the award.

When you come across a feel-good thing.

Everything is better with a good hug

  1. Well, to start, your husband doesn't deserve to watch you get abused. He has every right to set the boundary that he doesn't want to go hang out with your parents and watch them abuse you.

  2. Thanks. You’re absolutely right and he’s aware of that and chooses not to go sometimes. It sets a good example for me, even when I go without him. We have a standing excuse built in that he often has to work late or work weekends (or just that he had things to do or wanted some down time). This time he ultimately decided he wanted to “do what you want to do, just make sure it’s what you want to do and let’s leave by 7.” I’m sorry my words didn’t make that clear. I guess I was more focused on his initial reaction than on the outcome of our conversation.

  3. I think a good manager takes some responsibility for their part in your training and support, and for things that fall through the cracks. Keep being communicative and showing that you are eager to do well and remedy the situation. And keep some confidence if you can honey! Some of the most competent-appearing people I’ve worked with make mistakes and go “shoot okay here’s what we’re gonna do from here” or “here’s how we’ll tweak the process for next time.” You don’t have to be mistake-free to be a valued employee, I promise.

  4. Ha! Our sleeping minds are so smart about connecting dots, that’s amazing. “If I didn’t show there was a fine.” What a brilliant metaphor.

  5. Aww thanks for calling me honey! XD I lack affection old help XD

  6. Oh sweetie you absolutely deserve affection! I was trying to say that she won’t be happy with the “real” reason (aka the justification for your actions) either. You still can’t “win.” So sometimes I find it’s better for me to just not explain myself; not spend the energy.

  7. Ahhhh ok yeah. Yes I shouldn't have explained myself.

  8. You’re doing amazing in difficult circumstances! Def not trying to criticize, just offer a possible tactic ♥️

  9. Does your therapist know of any referrals for you? Oh a good doc who makes content on youtube (surviving narcissism) has some info on trained Teladoc therapist services.. don’t know if they accept Kaiser though... finding a good therapist is tough not to mention in-network... I have been through 3 and looking again... good luck!! Sending strength and love ❤️

  10. Thank you. My current therapist doesn’t know any Kaiser referrals :( thanks for the YouTube info, I’ll check it out.

  11. That is not for protection, it is an invasion of privacy. If they wanted to protect you, they should put cameras in the hallway and maybe outside your window so that they can be alerted to anyone trying to come in. However having cameras in your room was a major breach of privacy because you can be monitored at any time. How can you feel comfortable in your own space. Also, how are you going to change your clothes without this camera seeing you. If you have a camera recording you while you are changing or undressed, that quality’s as sexual abuse and should be reported.

  12. I’m so sorry to OP and everyone commenting that your edad didn’t protect you. I don’t know why they do this but I can relate. Here’s one story of mine, in case it helps to reinforce that we’re not alone:

  13. Ugh, familiar and infuriating. Sounds exactly like what my dad said every time. How I should be more sympathetic to my mom after she abused me. Like the enabler adds another layer to the abuse to make it extra traumatic.

  14. You can do it! You took the first step by posting here today! You are more capable than you know. You’re going to knock it out of the park.

  15. You are allowed by the powers of the universe, to have relationships that don't involve your mother. Her sad protests are just a narcissist saying, "What about MEEEEEeee??!!" I, your random Reddit mom, celebrate your ability to separate, and bond with other women who hold you in esteem. As they always say in assertiveness training, you are not responsible for other people's feelings. You have made amazingly mature observations, and I wish you the best! <3

  16. assertiveness training is the name of a concept where you nurture your skills at standing up for yourself & feeling comfortable while expressing yourself!

  17. Honey, I feel like you are handling the situation with grace. Think of all the steps you have taken to take care of yourself!! Major props. I am always way behind on laundry, it’s the last thing I want to do when I’m feeling low! And making doctor’s appointments rather than avoiding the issues? Well done.

  18. Can you move out? Do so as soon as possible.

  19. I don't want to leave bc of my pets. Two years left of school, then I should be able to get a job out of state with the company I'm at now. Thank you for your kind words <3

  20. My mom was particular about the temp too. If she was too hot, “it’s way to warm in this house. Who touched the thermostat? Put on a thermostat.” If it was up 1 degree from where she wanted it (which obviously there was a different rule day by day), she’d figure out who touched the temp and criticize them. But if she was cold? “It’s freezing in here. We don’t have to be that stingy with the heater.”

  21. My mom would require my dad to cook her a fried egg in a very specific way, even when everyone else was eating scrambled (obviously easier to cook scrambled for a group of 5-6+ people). And she always has different specifications of what she is and isn’t eating right now. But if anyone else were to request (or even make for themself) an off-menu item or style of preparation, watch out. It’s an insult to her, or “it’s better for you this way”, or “you’re so particular”.

  22. I think that is one of the key points : not doing anything wrong. I will have to achieve that first, trust in myself and stopping guilt tripping me about everything bad that happened. Thanks!

  23. “Not doing anything wrong.” This concept is so central in my life. I’m always worried about it and asking the good people around me to affirm that I didn’t do anything wrong.

  24. +1000 to this. And the worst part is when nparent blames YOU for this behavior. “Okay, yes, we get it, you don’t need to explain every angle.” Or “I don’t understand why you feel the need to overresearch every decision, you take so long to make decisions, you don’t have to turn over every darn rock.”

  25. Yes!!! It’s such a hard habit to break—especially for women. I find myself apologizing for EVERYTHING, even when I didn’t do anything wrong. Or I fold and do stuff I really don’t want to do just to avoid conflict. It’s a survival tactic—my therapist said it’s called fawning.

  26. I feel like I’ve reached a point in therapy where we know that I do this but I don’t feel like we’re making progress on improving it. We know that I have trouble connecting with my own voice, and we know why. But I’m stuck on the “how.” Feel stagnated in my healing.

  27. Thank you for that validation and sharing your experience. I wonder if I need a therapist who's experienced narcissistic abuse and/or specializes in trauma/abuse.

  28. I do want kids. But honestly, it’s taken me some time and healing to figure out whether I wanted kids or whether I thought I wanted kids to fulfill nmom’s expectations.

  29. Same. The only bedroom in the house without a lock was my sisters and my door (shared room by choice even though we could’ve split up when we were teens). I used to go into the bathroom to cry or be angry because it was the only place I was allowed to be alone. I wasn’t even allowed to spend time in my bedroom alone. If I spent too long back there (like, longer than it takes to change pants or put your laundry away or something), my mom would come back and say what’s going on, what are you doing, come out and be with the family, why don’t you want to spend time with us.

  30. This to me was that she was gaslighting herself and wanted to live in her self constructed make-believe family and demanded you play your part. Cognitive dissonance is so confusing and crazy making especially for a child. Having the people you should trust the most, lie and tell you, you aren’t seeing feeling experiencing what you Know damn well you are but you must play along to survive.

  31. Thank you so much for this perspective. “You must play along to survive.” “Confusing and crazy-making especially for a child.” Whew. That hits.

  32. First post! (Plz be gentle) My emotionally and physically abusive mother's birthday is May 5, which falls on mother's Day and it makes an already difficult day even more so.

  33. Just found this sub and I’m poring through this thread and relating to everything.

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