1. I'm just the opposite. Forcing myself to do stuff only makes me more miserable. I've had to learn how to stop forcing myself to do stuff. Like, even if it's a thing that I genuinely want to do, the way that I approach it is key. If I approach it in a self-shaming way, I collapse. I have to approach it in a self-loving way, which absolutely includes the possibility of discovering that actually I genuinely want to do something different that what I had planned, and I need to go with that.

  2. Yep. Homeless, been trying to find something for months now. No luck. The shelter is an incredibly toxic and chaotic environment, and they put me in the male dorms even though I told them I'm a woman (I'm a trans woman but that shouldn't matter) I tried to move in with a friend but his landlord won't allow it so I have until the end of the month again before I'm back on the street again.

  3. This is an important concept, but I think we need to update the terminology. According to the dictionary, "incest" is sexual. Most people will interpret "covert incest" as something like "secret molestation". I think we need a new phrase for "inappropriate emotional work without sexual content".

  4. It sounds like you're not used to being treated well =(

  5. I completely agree on dating apps; I've never gotten a date from a site or even felt like I was close to one. As for where, unfortunately the only place seems to be bars. It took me a really long time to get comfortable in them, but it seems like the only place that people are kinda interested in meeting other people. Either way, I can offer you some solidarity for your struggles, and I'm sure you're a lovely person. :)

  6. I've managed to feel guilty about things that happened before I was born. =(

  7. I actually have quite good emotional awareness as well, if I say so myself hahaha. I’m pretty in touch with how I feel - but when I feel especially anger, it feels so threatening that my nervous system just freezes or fawns. And no matter how aware I get of the inaccurate beliefs, they seem to have such a hold on me that trying to shift them frequently results in suicidal breakdowns.

  8. That’s fair enough a if handling emotions is part of being in touch with them I’m definitely not!

  9. No wait, I amend my previous comment. The ideal response is probably "You're a horrible person" and then the cops show up at his door and I get to listen to the sounds of him being arrested.

  10. Ideally, I might respond like this: "Sometimes I wonder how beautiful our family would be if you weren't an asshole. hangs up"

  11. Wow I'm so sorry. Definitely time to find a new therapist. To me it sounds like he wasn't just blaming you, he was also criticizing you. Both are really harmful and not at all appropriate for a therapist. Then they wonder why you're so frustrated. 🤦‍♀️ The lack of empathy and support in the world is a huge problem right now. Especially when so many of our trained healthcare professionals can't even manage it. It's like nobody knows how to be human anymore... I really hope you find someone decent this time, you deserved way better than that response.

  12. Automatic validation is not necessarily the most helpful path for guiding you towards more self-insight and changes in thinking.

  13. Certainly not. Validation should be based on truth. So we've got two possibilities here: a) My mom hurt me, or b) She didn't. If this is scenario A, then my hurt feelings are valid and ought to be validated. If this is scenario B, then my therapist should cite evidence and build a logical case for why he thinks my feelings are off-base.

  14. Thanks, great read! Would you say reading the book is still worth it or did you cover all of it?

  15. The book's pretty cheap, so I think it's worth a read. Cornell's style of writing might suit you better.

  16. Everything is easier if you have a partner to love and understand you.

  17. Labels are toxic and do nothing but create more division in a community that espouses unity and support.

  18. Isn't a "diagnosis" just an official/scientific "label"?

  19. Imagine loosing a friend because you like tea more than coffee

  20. I know what you're saying, but think of it this way:

  21. The Bible also says not to work on the Sabbath, but Jesus was ok with it:

  22. I had even thought of this but now I definitely want to research more. I feel like more information needs to be made available in accessible ways and that's definitely something I can do. Can you remember what societies you've read about who did things differently than what the dominant narrative states? I really want to look into this and imagine different possibilities.

  23. I would say things are better than when our grandparents were in their 20's, & kids were working in factories. But honestly, things really feel just as bad, if not worse. Kids require so much care, & depend on learning from mature, responsible adults how we should live our lives. But a lot of us didn't get that. & the Pandemic has left some kids in the hands of their abusers for even longer periods of time for neglect & abuse to occur. It's so heart-breaking. & then we need to factor in Generational Trauma, which can actually alter your DNA, & make you predisposed to certain mental illnesses!

  24. I can understand that. It’s really tough having this disorder when the people you love are so busy all the time. I think these last couple of years have been hard on a lot of us in terms of relationships changing and loneliness setting in. It’s been really hard to genuinely and deeply connect to a lot of people for me personally. I imagine it’s the same for you? If the people in your life were more available, what would you want help with?

  25. That’s awful! Your emotions aren’t too much. It sucks they chose to deal with THEIR problem by leaving. Sounds very immature.

  26. As an intensely creative person who has been extremely stymied by trauma, I relate to this a lot.

  27. Hey, yes my ex girlfriend did this to me, we were together for 2 years. People will do what people want to do - and sometimes that involves hurting other people.

  28. Because I'm worth fighting for, and because joy is possible.

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