An Anti-Spanking Rant

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  1. My dreams and why I decided to tell my T at the last 10 minutes because it was hard for me to talk :))))))

  2. Yeah I tried it. I found it very useful at that stage of my life ( more rigid rules, learning coping skills and more) . It helped me overall to become more independent person. However after years, when my depression relapsed, I had to go deeper with psychodynamic therapy. Psychodynamic therapy really help me to self-reflect, connect with both people and my T on a more deeper level, so I think psychodynamic therapy suits me very well. May be I am frustated myself because how slow I change but the more I think about it, even realising that some people are “emotionally unavailable” can be start of a behavioural change.

  3. There may be various factors why ou feel that way. Whether your therapist is a good match or at what stage you are…As you know, therapy has no time limits, no curriculum or things to keep up with even though we have goals at the end of it. From my own experience, first months were aw-ful. Not because my therapist is bad or my therapy is bad but because I had so much going on that I could not have courage to face myself. Also, healing is not linear and not always easy. I remember I forgot the adress of my home after a session. Eventually, I believe that it gets better. This could be controversial but I believe that therapy is for everbody, but you need to find which suits you better by experiencing it. Try to understand your emotions, why you feel bad, is it because you are having hard time processing it, may be you need to slow down, change your therapist.

  4. Realizing how actions of my family shaped my behaviours, got angry and actually grieve for the parents I never had, and finally surround myself with the relationships I choose.

  5. Okay, so obviously I haven't been there and don't know the tone your friend said this in. But maybe you felt it was a rejection and sort of diminishing all the effort you put into caring for your friends? Like they don't appreciate what you do for them and that made you upset?

  6. My friend did not tell it in a serious way but that could be the reason I feel angry , yes ! Thank you :)

  7. You are such a crybaby! When I was 6 years old, cried because I had an argument with one of my friend.

  8. In 2-3 months my one year will finish. I started therapy for academic performance stress, depression and my main goal was to find the energy to face the consequences of my actions and as well as getting rid of my suicide ideation. I also had insecurity, abadonment issues. There were so many things come out in therapy that I learnt to process these emotions healthy. My confidence increased and my next goals for therapy is to have more meaningful connections and have healthy boundries.

  9. Back to my toddler days, when they said horrible things to me but then 5 minutes after they were ignoring me and laughing at a TV show like what the hell happened. I was sobbing and crying and trying makes sense of all that shit.

  10. So happy for you. You seem to have good T

  11. I’ve also noticed that there is no such a thing is just spank. Parents who spank children can possibly be more severe if their kid further “needs” educated. For example, if you ask my parents they would say “ just a little spank” but in fact they did lots of other physical acts they did not “ remember”

  12. Recently I started reading Alice Miller’s For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Root. She comes with the term poisonous pedagogy, or what I think “ I am beating you, and I am sorry for it but you need it”. She explains how this idea of “educating” children actually supresses the children’s emotions of anger. She underlines this type of education actually harms the child because the child both idealizes parents, becomes detached from their own trauma and learns to bury their emotions. This eventually causes the generational cycle, where the parents do the same things to their kids as a way of expressing the delayed anger.

  13. When I was 9 or 10 I fell in love with a boy. One of my friend also fell in love with the same guy, so we planned to write a love letter together. We wrote and decided to put in his sports bag because why not? Later that day, I told my parents about it. My dad become so angry that scolded me like 1-2 hours and rest of the day was me crying. He could use this as an opportunity to talk about romantic feelings,not being ashamed of them, how to handle them. He could be laughing about this whole stupid thing, but he chose to scold me…

  14. Of course. But why, I don’t understand 🙃

  15. because i can relate and i thought aboutmyaelf in that situation and idk the awkward silence and the 👀 emoji you used made me laugh

  16. Ahahah okay. I thought you think I was being awkward 🙂

  17. This was me. I got so used to smiling that eventually it was just what my mouth did all of the time.

  18. “What my mouth did all the time.” damn, that was exactly what I am doing.that sentence hit me hard. Internet hugs from stranger

  19. Only good mother is the mother who can accept their badness. I think

  20. Well, Ingmar Bergman’s Autumn sonata. I can’t explain how much I cried in this movie. ( spoilers ahead !!!) the mother’s unwillingness of taking responsibilty of her actions, her denial. Awesome movie.

  21. I have depression and after 5-6 sessions I told my therapist straight away “ I feel like I am a hopeless case. I feared of you quitting therapy because you think you can’t help me. I even thought you will abandon me.I thought about this before coming to session.” We talked about what made me feel that way. I think sharing that with your T, helps you to understand your emotions in a different perspective.

  22. “Look what you made me do”, at age 13.

  23. Yes, my mum. I think she needs a lot. However, she is avoiding confontration, and in denial for a looong time.

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