1. If he sent you that message, how is that him choosing you? That message looks painful, and I'm not even in the relationship.

  2. He meant, because he chose me he cut contact with her, before anything 'deeper' would have happened. I guess (or want to believe) that he just wanted to build friendship but they both felt more... It was not planned, he did not consciously invested emotions. He made that sacrifice, for me.

  3. I tried to join the server but I'm really confused and overwhelmed when it comes to big discord servers. Are there any smaller ones? Recently I had no one to talk to and I'd love to talk to some new people.

  4. Not specifically in the same context as you're experiencing, but with family and other relationships, yes.

  5. I second this. Read that book, I have BPD and it was eye opening for me to realize the toxic patterns in my behaviour. To OPs Protector: it is not your responsibility to save her. She is the only one who can save herself! :)

  6. When i get angry i usually don't act on it, i used to get angrier towards people but nowadays im just getting so angry but i would be in my room or smth so i dont know if thats a difference

  7. There is the quiet BPD subtype, like me. Maybe you have that too. Non impulsive outwards to the people, only inwards... I have a great self control, never act on my anger.

  8. I would also like to know if you can separate the healthy part of a tainted plate.

  9. I made an other pic, would you check it out? It rly looks suspicious 🥺

  10. I made a different photo in day light. The smaller circle has a greenish colour. What should I do about it?

  11. And then you don't want to be friends because...?

  12. Ah I get your confusion now. Tbh no wonder I overcomplicate shit. Bcoz I am bored and lazy I dont really put an effort into my masks, but I cant be me, bcoz they would never accept. So I do these loser masks and if they dont see through them, I just lose my interest. Sometimes there are people who see through me, they are the potentional friends. tl;dr: The people who want to be my friends because of my mirroring dont interest me.

  13. Same with me. Maybe you can research about IFS therapy :). My difficulty is, that my sub-personalities (or in IFS terminology 'parts') are very different. F.ex I have a sadistical part with reversed empathy but an altruistic part as well. The both are contradictical but both of them are me, so I suffer a lot because of they never agree, and always fighting. Mental chatter all the time, if you feel me.

  14. I live in Asia. Here, Mental Health awareness/treatment are almost 50 years behind that of West and I already have done MDMA Solo sessions twice. My point is don't wait for MAPS, etc. Do it by yourself.

  15. Sounds like a beautiful awakening. I honestly believe that with intention and practice you can live your life in this new mode all the time, but it will take work, and to begin with you'll experience it as an afterglow which will fade a little in a week or two. Several sessions may be necessary along with further integration and healing work.

  16. OP never mentions anything about taking the time to concentrate on them personally. In fact i think that is the point they were making. They just give out pretty words without actually being there or following up. Probably why OP says "girls" rather than "my wife"... Nobody falls for that for very long, cause it's not as sneaky as you think.

  17. The only way to manipulate these girls if he observes their weaknesses. That takes time and energy, believe me. This is what I mean when I say 'he concentrates on them'. How deep or personal it is, we dont know. Try to understand his point of view. He does not want to 'actually be there' for these girls. He wants to control them and fuck them. If these girls would put in the effort, and at least try to get to know him, they could see that. The coin has two sides. I see the egoism and ignorance on the side of his targets as well.

  18. It isn't a win/win because i guarantee 9/10 women's desire there isn't to be told nice things, it's to have a partner who will legitimately love them, actually take care of them when they need help, actually give them a real meaningful relationship. Sounds like OP doesn't do those things, so it's fake. It's a trick.

  19. You are right on that. The first step to their desire, to be loved and taken care, and to have the desired meaningful relationship is to get to know the other person. OP takes the time to concentrate on them, find out their desires, what they want to hear, and gives those things them. What do these girls know about OP and his desires? Nothing. They don't bother to take the time and effort and get to know him, they only want their own profit. Because they are so concentrated on themselves, they dont see the other person, only what they want to see. They dont have to put in the energy but still get the treatment and words they need. Ofc it is indeed a Fata Morgana, because OP uses the information for his own benefits, but they get the feelings what they crave without the work. But okay I changed my mind. Its not 50/50, maybe 60/40. And true, its a trick, but as I mentioned. The goal is not the truth. It is more important for them to 'feel good' and valued so easily, and to get their ego polished than the actual reality.

  20. Were you using liquid culture or did you use a spore syringe if you used a spore syringe ⁶you probably just got a bad batch it's better to spawn to agar so you know that you are getting a viable sample if you don't know how to do that watch Uncle Ben's 90 second spawned from agar video Will tell you everything you need and if I had to guess that looks like trich.

  21. Thanks! I was using a spore syringe, and the vendor has a good reputation. I guess I just had bad luck. I plan to learn agar. Fuck that trich-bastard... Whatever, next time I do better.

  22. When y’all say contaminated spore syringe…do you mean there was contam inside the syringe? If you take steps to sterilize the needle wouldn’t that eliminate contam, or does it not matter in that case? Thanks, appreciate learning from everyone!

  23. I think they mean that it was inside the syringe. And nope, I don't think flame sterilisation could help with that. :/

  24. I've noticed that the life raft has 6 members. Feel free to comment and talk. I want to hear from you.

  25. I'm sorry if this sounds rude, I saw that you made a very typical german typo in this reply and thought that maybe you are german? if so i could recommend some local stuff to help you find people in your area that you can connect with!

  26. Help me too. I live there as well.

  27. I dont know, but its smiling.

  28. Yeah the thing is I completely feel you but I just feel like I’m this awkward enigma and I’m not palatable to most people. So I feel it’s hard making friends and those who understand I’m still grieving and I have MDD

  29. You are not weird. You are cool!

  30. I wish you would be more kinder to yourself. I can't imagine the pain you feel...

  31. Hey stranger. I feel you, I am in a very similar situation. I don't know the answer for you. What is your illness, would you share that? For me...I have not much to lose or choose, so I made my decision. I think suicide has two components. First, that the situation you are, is unbearable. Second, that you dont have the slightest hope for change. To check out, is an option to end the meaningless suffering - my plan C. Plan A was to seek help from doctors, but it did not work out for me. And now I have plan B, psilocybin. It will most likely send me to a horror trip, but some people say, they learned a lot from horror trips, and I want to face my fears, and understand why I am suffering. For me it is risky, I may lose my sanity (I have a mental illness), but still, I want to try it. I have hope and I trust my subconscious.

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