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  1. Anyone has an idea why this happens ? May be it is because as you age energy available for you to keep your defences up is diminishing and all the shit your sibconscious was trying to push down start to leak out ?

  2. Let me state something similar: losing your limb in an accident can be an excruciating event or quickest way to shed some body weight depending on how you look at it.

  3. I feel like people who haven't been abused lack the empathy so much because they all think they're "strong enough" to stop it if it happens, and they think everyone's like them and has the same "capacity" to change things. If they went through a tenth of what happened to us, they'd be humbled real quick. People tend to tint events and others with the way they were raised and how their lives have been, inevitably. Nobody can avoid doing so. But man, sometimes I feel like the only empathetic people towards us is us. And that's a shame.

  4. The people who ask others to "be strong" and "fight back" are also the ones who fold under slightest pressure and act devastated. They cannot comprehend what it means to have your psyche turned against you because of overwhelming external events and how there is no way for you to stop it once it has happened, much less think out of it. They are also the ones who get overly philosophical like "life has ups and downs etc.

  5. Hmm, I might a lot of shit for saying this but what the hell.

  6. Completely agree. No one is doing anyone a favour by doing THEIR job.

  7. For me it mostly happens at work. I'm at the lowest pay grade for my job but I feel like it's somehow my fault if shit doesn't get done. This is reinforced by upper management, who pushes "accountability" while not themselves being held accountable. Oh our project is late and it's my fault the company didn't hire and train enough people to do the job and didn't manage time in such a way as to get the project done in a timely manner? Yeh. My fault and now we have weeks of mandatory overtime because we at the bottom "fucked up" and weren't team players tho every one of us participated in the voluntary overtime..

  8. I struggle with this too. People like us are wet dream of a corporate. People who willingly clean up other peoples shit and not complain. Chances are you feel that you are not worthy enough to ask for a raise like me ?

  9. I have combined an inflated sense of responsibility with an inflated ego, so that, not only is it my job to fix the problem, I am the only one who can fix the problem.

  10. Exaclty. And when you are no longer involved, things 'magically' get sorted out on their own.

  11. Someone in the family who was 'strong' is now down with a stroke. Someone who was always there when the need comes, somone who was always dependable and who is willing to bear other's burden. Someone who does not flinch ever and had superhuman endurance. Someone who I considered a role model. Now people are struggling to make sense out of what he is blabbering. Just saying.

  12. After a major breakthrough in my trauma journey, it usually hits me like a speeding truck how much of my current life, personality, relations(and lack thereof), job, habits etc are designed around trauma. The feeling lasts only for a while before the normal trauma responses take over and everything is a haze again.

  13. I think what is it that they want from me if they are being kind. I subconsciously get prepared for being taken for a ride.

  14. Both Self and Therapist Administered EMDR recipient here : One of the biggest sings for me was that I started having vivid dreams which I did not have for very long, which meant some kind of processing is happening. Also I was generally less emotionally dysregulated and more present. Anxiety was present but at a milder level. In a way I felt a bit more emotionally aware but less volatile.

  15. Thank you. Am I assuming correctly that those were lasting effects (therefore a success, I mean)? And how long did it take to see those effects?

  16. Right after the session, I am most relaxed and more emotionally connected but less emotionally reactive. Almost like right after sex LOL. Also the week following EMDR will be the one with most vivid dreams. Some of the effects wean off and I tend to get anxious again in a few days/weeks depending on the environment (mine is complex trauma). But overall, I am generally less anxious and better at regulating myself than before I started EMDR and the more I keep at it, the better it gets. It is like working out where your muscles are sore right after a workout and it gets less painful after a few days if you don't do anything but if you keep working out, you can watch yourself gaining muscle over each week/month.

  17. I have experienced this and a lot of my trauma stems from such experiences. The peculiar thing about this experience is the fact that one cannot comprehend how cruel it is and how much it fu**s with your mind unless one has gone through it. Even if we try to ignore this subtle signs of ostracisation, our brains are designed to sub-consciously pick up these sings of hostility and cause immense stress- which leads us to act more guarded which will attract more of this behaviour. Also if you trace this kind of behaviour to its root, this 'joke' is usually started by a scum bag or two, who dislike you for reasons only they can comprehend. Very few things has helped me to handle this - one being training your mind to completely ignore ANY social clues ( negative or positive) and rely completely on your mental compass. This is not like a IDGAF attitude which is glorified these days, this is like sending your mind on a kamikaze mission of flying solo without any external social input in the presence of overwhelming negative feedback. You know that there are people who hate you and they are talking behind your back but you convince yourself that you are too retarded to understand it and that you cannot be hurt unless they actually assault you. Pretty sure it is not healthy in the long run but this is the only thing that helped me with this kind of manipulative behaviour.

  18. Impaired decision making ability is the classic sign of CPTSD. I also struggle with the same problem. Choosing which shirt to buy and which car to buy, both are decisions of equal magnitude for me.

  19. I think it will help you address whatever is standing in the way of you liking yourself.

  20. I am someone who recently started and just gaining momentum. I think it is better to choose an eating window which would suit your daily schedule and life style. Also it is good to have your last meal at least a couple of hours before your bed time. It is easy to push my breakfast by a couple of hours since I am WFH any way. Also I am consistent now with when I have my dinner. I downloaded Zero app and it helps me keep track of my hours. It also motivates me because I know that if I touch food once I set the fasting clock running, it will have to be reset again and will push back my break fast time. I tried to start with 16:8 which was a disaster. Then I started again with 14:10 which was the easiest for me considering my previous schedule but by week 3, I can see my fasting window is already 15+ hours almost everyday even without me trying. Also tracking your weight loss helps you keep the momentum. Best of luck.

  21. I have tried what I think is self EMDR and it has worked veey well for me. In fact it worked for me better than a therapist administered EMDR. Not sure if it was because my therapist was a greedy money minded person and even if that was not my greatest concern, that knowledge prevented some of my trauma from manifesting itself in front of him. My most effective sessions were when I did a walk listening to trauma related content - mostly a part of the audio book of The Body Keeps The Score and then come home and do the session. The audio book somehow helped my mind realize whatever shit I am used to is not normal and there are things to heal and it is possible. I think dealing with dissociation is the hardest part when doing self EMDR. You have to forcefully make sure that you are in the room in the present. Therapists are trained to detect when we dissociate and prevent it from escalating. Also you have to remember only you are there to deal with whatever comes up. So you have to have built some level of tolerance. Even then some days I had my sessions run into a brick wall since my mind became a dial tone and I had to wait a few days to get things going again.

  22. It is like saying you got into a serious accident , so it would be easier next time crawling out of the car and calling for help since you have prior experience, not to mention you already lost a limb this time.

  23. Before I experienced those traumatic events, I was the exact inverse of how I am socially now.

  24. I can totally relate to this. I was also the most outgoing social butterfly that I knew of before my trauma. I could crack jokes to big groups of people and make them laugh their hearts out - an experience which I dearly miss now. I could easily make friends and deep connections. No self consciousness and no shame. I was proud of who I was and I genuinely liked people. No anxiety whatsoever and felt happy and peaceful. Not anymore. Social interaction is an ordeal now. I scare people off when I try to be forthcoming. You can see people being turned off, in their eyes when you talk to them. The weight that you carry is evident in your voice, demeanour, expression and words. People think that you are an asshole when you react to seemingly trivial situations or triggers. The more you try to censor yourself, the more 'weird and awkward' you become. It is like putting lid on a pressure cooker. The more likeable you try to become, the more needy you come across. You try to focus on your job and get by but then you discover that at every turn, someone is offended or hate you because you don't act as per their expectations. You discover that out of all the people, it is the narcissists and manipulators who hate you the most because your CPTSD makes you able to see them through. But the world does not care because they are able to keep a facade while you are not. The reaction of people make you withdraw into your shell but then you remind yourself that you cannot afford to do that since you will go insane if you do so. They say humans are social beings but having CPTSD makes being social infinitely more hard.

  25. Long silence without feedback makes me feel like riding a bicycle blindfolded. I can keep on explaining what I was trying to say for hours or until the listener confirms that they understand. Opposition makes me feel like at least someone has heard and found it important enough to interpret in their head and come up with arguments against it. If you watch Fritz Perl's therapy session, he interrupts and questions not from a place of invalidating, but in a mild teasing but thought provoking way till the patient can see the dysfunction in their behaviour and thoughts themselves and have an aha moment. I think it is an excellent tool for therapy.

  26. I think that it's a combination of your trauma making you behave in ways that people find vaguely annoying, like shyness, indecisiviness or attention seeking, while also making you an easy target because you don't have the skills to defend yourself with. At least in my case it was like this.

  27. This is interesting. I have given it a thought before as well. Trying not to attract attention actually attracts attention I guess.

  28. I've had this problem all my life, and honestly up until more recently I just thought this was a normal experience.

  29. Yes it did in my case. But that is also the point. Instead of having a racing heart without knowing why, you can now know why and also how you can resolve it. Worried about how you will be able to cope with it ? That is what the therapist is there for. The ground work for EMDR in the initial sessions are specifically targetted at making you capable of coping with those memories which you usually are not otherwise.

  30. Simply sitting down and trying to look into your thoughts might be a bit overwhelming and/or downright impossible for some of the traumatised people, if not most. I had tried to sit down and meditate while some of my major trauma was actively going on and only thing it did to me was to make me dissociated further. I became more of a zombie than I earlier was.

  31. Overlistening is a type of fawn (people pleasing) response adopted by some traumatised people. Fawning helps us with focusing on the other person while hiding out true self and thus possibly avoid pain.

  32. Yes. Usually the couple of days following an EMDR session (including when I sleep) would be a string of epiphanies for me.

  33. A lot of internal chatter is rumination about stuff that has happened in the past and possible outcomes in the future. EMDR tends to help with breaking this cycle because it helps to discharge the emotional energy associated with these thoughts.

  34. Perfectly said. I've had so much shame surrounding this for years until I worked on self acceptance and self compassion. I didn't do this to myself and I refuse to feel belittled by it. People don't get it and that's okay.

  35. Can you talk more regarding your journey towards self compassion ?

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