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I would rather be depressed than take antidepressants

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Is the decision not to have children selfish?

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You don't need to be productive when medicated.

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  1. Other people have already said this, but 1. Not all depression is situational, and 2. When you’re severely depressed it can be physically impossible to will yourself out of the depression. I’m turning 28 soon and have been depressed since I was around 12, and was raised in a family that didn’t believe in therapy, and my parents basically told me for my entire life that my struggles were a result of moral failings and simply not trying hard enough or wanting to change enough.

  2. Some people just dont have the social energy. Theyre not just talking to you after all. They could also have mental health problems, I ghost everyone when I have a depressive episode. Also get overwhelmed easily on dating apps from too many messages and people, so I shut down.

  3. I’m exactly the same. I feel like not enough people understand how painful it can be when you’re isolating due to major depression and then everyone in your life takes your distance as a personal attack. On the one hand, I completely understand why they might be hurt, but on the other hand, no one in my life has ever, EVER expressed concern because of my silence/distance.

  4. Okay, but what if you’d rather die than exercise (asking for a friend) lol.

  5. I read a few articles recently that went over the concept of willpower, basically, and how we assume that people who do things like exercise regularly have a lot of willpower whereas people who don’t exercise regularly have a deficit of it, but that’s actually not even the case. Same with things like eating healthy and stuff. Ultimately, people who workout regularly manage to do so because they don’t even HAVE to exert as much willpower to do it.

  6. put on some music/podcast you like? helps me get started

  7. 100% second this. Music is insanely powerful and can have an actual impact on your body and brain as soon as you start listening. I recommend making a playlist of songs you like that get you feeling like you’re ready to take on the world 👍 It’s hard not to get moving when you listen to the right music.

  8. I feel for you. I think if she can hurt me like that then anyone can. I really trusted her.

  9. I know what you mean. Honestly 90% of the close relationships I've formed, romantic or otherwise, were with narcissists, and I didn't even really know what NPD was until very recently, so for years I just brushed off abusive and unhealthy behavior because like you said, I did think it was normal. I'm also definitely feeling how hard it is to find someone who's healthy AND who gets along well with you—as if healthy people aren't hard enough to find as it is. I'm not personally a vegan, but I AM just... really weird in a way that only a handful of people seem endeared by. Which is fine! But hard :< I can only imagine how much harder it must be trying to find someone healthy, who you feel compatible with, who is ALSO a vegan. I'm sure there's someone out there for you, though! Good luck <3 and thank you for the reply! I appreciate it!

  10. Totally relate. It's been less then a year for me, I know it might change in time but I really can't see how right now. I have decided to just focus on learning to love myself and set boundaries so that if I do meet someone I'm interested in, I will be able to trust myself when the time comes. But I also am okay with being alone. I think I have to be, so I'm not desperate for a partner and thinking I need to take what I can get, in future.

  11. I'm sorry you relate :< I'm sure things will get better in time, but it really does feel like it's going to last forever in the moment. I sometimes convince myself that I haven't grown or changed at all until I really analyze my growth by comparing myself to who I was a year or two ago. It can be harder than you'd expect to really see the change. I feel like I was a lot more content with being alone a year ago compared to now, just because so much time has passed. I used to be almost TOO okay with being alone, I think. Isolation feels safe because when I'm alone, I feel in control and I don't have to expend effort wondering who I can trust or analyzing every little thing someone says or their behavior. In a way, I still feel much safer alone, and usually prefer it to being with people despite how lonely I am. It's a funny thing feeling terrified of emotional intimacy but wanting it so badly that it hurts. And by funny I mean... mostly just terrible. I definitely need to work more on being okay with being alone again, because like you said, being desperate means I might just settle for someone who's terrible again. Thanks for the reply, and hang in there!

  12. Plain eaters and fussy eaters are different.

  13. People seem to conflate the things they like with their own identities or sense of self worth. I think it’s an insecurity thing. One of my friends (who is deeply insecure) will have angry outbursts if you even say you like something that she doesn’t—and that’s without mentioning how she reacts when you dare to say that you dislike something that SHE likes. People are weird, idk

  14. There’s actually a lot of scientific evidence that taste preferences have a neurological basis rather than being a choice that someone makes. People often act as if “picky eaters” are simply weak willed or overly sensitive or unadventurous, but the fact is that different people process sensory input differently. For instance, autistic people sometimes have limited preferences when it comes to food because of things like texture and taste, but it has to do with the fact that autistic people are also often hyper sensitive to sensory input and find certain things that most people wouldn’t even notice to be intolerable.

  15. Also frankly I got into an argument with my dad (who is a human garbage disposal and will eat anything you put in front of him) once a few years ago regarding taste preferences, and he made the argument that people choose what they will or won’t like the taste of, and I argued that it ISN’T a choice (generally), and after that decided to do some research just so I could prove him wrong. Basically I’m petty, is what I’m getting at.

  16. I’m in the same boat, so I totally understand. My parents also frequently guilt me about it and try to tell me that kids would give my life meaning or that it’s my job to have kids. It’s funny because 1. I’m not even in a relationship, 2. I’m not even financially independent or capable of supporting myself rn, and 3. Same with you, I’m emotionally unstable and dealing with healing from a ton of trauma and emotional baggage.

  17. Frequently, when we start changing to our stronger, more capable selves, there is pushback from family because we stop going along with the old dynamics. It’s likely convenient for them to make it about the drugs when what they’re reacting to is you standing up for yourself.

  18. This! Also, in my experience, my parents both have ADHD, so I hear the “but that’s normal, everybody does that” argument from them A LOT. They seem to take personal offense when I talk about ADHD because they refuse to accept that it’s a genuine disorder and not just a set of traits that everyone experiences that I’m using to victimize myself.

  19. Just got on adderall and I can confirm it’s easy to nap after taking it. Your brain goes quiet and you can actually relax.

  20. I sleep through taking my meds all the time tbh. What’s weird though is that I take my meds an hour before I’m supposed to wake up because it makes waking up a hell of a lot easier and less painful and gives me the energy I need. But I also seem to sleep better when I’ve taken my meds sometimes? I’m kind of chronically exhausted because of my depression, and my ADHD meds help with that, but it just seems weird that they could wake me up and help me sleep better at the same time.

  21. Yeah so a common description people give to illustrate the point is to think about how it feels when you’re on the highway, just thinking about stuff and look up to realize you’ve been driving automatically without putting any real conscious thought into it.

  22. You explained it really well. I definitely relate. I’ve always had issues with dissociation, but they’ve gotten progressively worse over the years after repeated exposure to toxic people and relationships.

  23. I know we have a month so its not a big deal but whats the best content to get the tomestones from?

  24. Biased because I fuckin love PvP but if you don’t want to run content that will get stale after the first couple of runs (and can tolerate PvP), definitely Rival Wings or Frontlines. The queue times are crazy fast during mogtome events, and it’s fun if you like a challenge. It’s weird to get into at first if you haven’t done it a lot before, and there’s a definite learning curve, but I pretty much got into PvP because of the Garo event when I was just going for the mounts, so maybe you’d end up enjoying it a lot too if you don’t already. It’s all personal preference tho!

  25. seal rock specifically is bullshit RNG and you can't convince me otherwise

  26. I just played tons of seal rock yesterday and I’m ngl... yeah, it sucks u-u. I have a love/hate relationship with onsal and seal rock. I feel like I tend to enjoy those modes more, even though the RNG is definitely likelier to screw you over; and at least with seal rock you can reclaim a node after another team has claimed it—but with onsal you’re just boned forever if a team gets a node. I think the only reason I don’t like secure and shatter as much (despite being fairer) is because teams have a tendency to avoid fighting altogether on those maps or end up just sitting around and waiting, which is boring af. At least wins have more to do with which team actually earned it in those modes tho

  27. It's fucked up but it's really nice to see I'm not alone in the constant hyperawareness of the position of various parts of my body (esp mouth/jaw)

  28. Dude, I’m pretty sure this is the reason why I have such horrible TMJ. I know it started because of how badly I grind my teeth in my sleep, but even when I’m awake I can’t stop trying to ‘adjust’ my jaw or the way my teeth line up because no matter what I do it just feels weirdly wrong. Sucks :(

  29. 😭 THIS. Do you have bad "teeth" dreams too? (I dream sometimes that my teeth won't separate and I end up breaking them and it's very painful. My grandmother has had terrible TMJ all her life and I suspect I'm developing it.)

  30. Omg, yesss, same 😔 I have nightmares about my teeth constantly because of how badly I grind them in my sleep. It’s weird because even though they’re caused by my jaw pain, they’re always teeth related? The nightmares are usually really gruesome and painful which sucks even more—like your typical “teeth falling out” dreams but grossly detailed and gory.

  31. Why isn't this taught in school? Would have saved me 6 months of my life. Before my narcissistic ex girlfriend, I had no idea what this sorta behavior even was. Therefore, I didn't know why I felt so crappy all the time.

  32. I’ve personally had far more experience with my narc exes/friends losing their minds at me for not responding or leaving them on read even for short periods of time, like you said. I have also seen narcs use leaving me on read as a form of punishment or devaluation, ofc, but to me it’s easy to tell the difference between when someone is simply not responding vs. not responding in attempt to make you feel guilty or devalued or whatever, because it has to do with knowing that individual person and the ways they work.

  33. What do you think comes up for you when you get weirded out by increased affection? Here’s a few possibilities written in first person:

  34. You narrowed it down really well. I personally find that it’s a combination of all three for me. I don’t know if anyone else deals with this, but I also tend to feel increasingly wary of someone the more they express interest in me because I anticipate that they’ll begin to rely on me or essentially just become overly invested in me, which freaks me out. Too many people have latched onto me in the past and expected more of me than I could give them, and the thought of someone’s well-being hinging on whether or not I’m talking to them enough makes me want to get the hell out ASAP.

  35. Tbh just echoing what others have already said, but yeah, just going off of what you wrote, your partner does just sound like an asshole. You also seem to understand that his ADHD isn’t an excuse for his behavior already, which is true. I have ADHD myself, along with severe anxiety and depression, and frankly my trauma has trauma, and I would never dream of treating my partner (or anyone else) like that. If he has baggage, that genuinely sucks for him, and it’s good to try to have compassion and understand where he’s coming from and all, but it really does sound like you deserve way better, and I feel like you know that.

  36. One can come off as expectation/demand (which can trigger feeling responsible for, but also feelings of engulfment/pressure to perform/being a failure). The other comes off as a voluntary choice/offering (less emotional involvement and investment)

  37. That’s a great way of putting it & resonates a lot with me. I’m a very empathetic person, and I view it as being a kind of blessing to be there for someone when they need someone to listen to them or someone to talk to, but the literal second that I get the impression someone expects me to be there for them or feels entitled to my presence, it p much activates my fight-or-flight, and I can become borderline callous and aggressive at the drop of a hat. I hate when I get like that, and thankfully it doesn’t happen a lot and I try to be aware of it when I feel myself starting to default to it, but I’ve realized that it’s an actual trigger for me if someone approaches me with an attitude of entitlement with regard to their emotional needs. I had friends and a couple of exes in the past who tried to make me responsible for their mental well-being, which wasn’t easy given I’m a human being and they had mental health issues (and so did I),and sometimes things even verged into self-harm or suicide territory and they would threaten me and/or blame me for things of that nature. Those experiences made me significantly warier and now I’m genuinely terrified and borderline hateful when it comes to dealing with people who expect me to be responsible for them. Obviously that’s not okay, and I’m working on it, but yeah u-u It’s definitely a thing.

  38. Wearing a mask has made my life so much easier at work. I'd say I'll never go back but unfortunately I work with deaf and hard of hearing people, and covering my mouth makes it much harder for them to understand me... so I probably will take the mask off eventually. It's a real bummer, though. (I'm also autistic.)

  39. I’m so torn on masks. I love them for the same reason, but I’m also ADHD and have auditory processing issues, so being unable to read people’s lips makes it significantly harder for me to understand what they’re saying. I feel like the perks of wearing a mask outweigh not being able to understand people 70% of the time, though. Masking is genuinely the most exhausting thing ever.

  40. There’s a funny line in Bojack Horseman that I can’t remember exactly, but it’s something like a character saying “I have to get home because my wife wants me to do more co-parenting. Or as she calls it, ‘parenting’.” With an exasperated eye roll. Good stuff

  41. I’d personally prefer to take care of my parents when they can’t take care of themselves without sending them to a nursing home, but obviously it depends on the person and the situation. I feel like it’s sad too, because I’m used to seeing elderly parents dumped at nursing homes and left alone by their adult children basically until they die. It would be different in a situation where someone’s parent is in a nursing home and isn’t being neglected by their family, tho, and I understand that’s likely a far more realistic option for many people since often when someone can’t take care of themselves it’s more sensible to have them stay somewhere where there are trained professionals there to take care of them.

  42. You dont have to be single to be independent. And walking away because 'your man' throws a tantrum is kinda heartless and maybe the reason posts like these exist.

  43. I see where you’re coming from, but as someone who has issues with taking things too literally or assuming the worst/defaulting to defense when someone makes a broad remark like that one, I feel like you may be doing the latter. I don’t want to make assumptions while I’m talking about my tendency to make false assumptions, and tbqh I have no way of knowing the OP’s intent, but I feel like she was being hyperbolic to illustrate her point & wouldn’t literally leave her hypothetical partner over a tantrum. Not trying to get on your ass over this, tho. I just wanted to say that I think I understand where you’re coming from and, were the case literally that someone would leave their partner due to them just having an off day or something, I agree that would be callous and shitty. I think it’s too easy to misinterpret people when you’re strangers to each other and that’s especially true over text, and I personally ESPECIALLY default to assuming that someone means something in the shittiest possible way when it’s online, because it’s often the case that someone is being shitty on the internet.

  44. Omfg, I feel you so hard. A few days ago I walked into the kitchen, my narc dad was there making a sandwich (and leaving behind a mess as per usual), and I asked if he was going to have a work call anytime soon (he takes calls on speakerphone in the office directly beside the kitchen and I wait to do the dishes until he isn’t on a call so I don’t make a huge racket) because I was going to do the dishes. I have no idea how but he managed to turn me saying that into a lecture about how I need to do the dishes—which I had just announced that I was going to do.

  45. It’s definitely exhausting. There’s no getting anything done with them around. It’s like you have to wait for rare moments when they aren’t in the house.

  46. I’m late af, but honestly, that’s absolutely how it feels. It drives me insane. Half the time I hide out in my room almost all day just so I don’t risk running into him when he’s in a bad mood (or when he’s drunk which is a lot). I’m really sorry you can relate, but thanks for the reply! It does help to know you’re not the only one dealing that kind of thing, even if I’d rather that you weren’t. I hope you’re staying safe too!

  47. You put this really well. I think people often mistake any kind of core shame or self-hatred as being caused by narcissism, but I would argue that the vast majority of people raised by narcissistic parents will develop core shame or struggles with self-hatred as a result. I know that's certainly true for me, and at the same time I understand that feeling of having been told so many times that you're incapable and useless that you occasionally feel this kind of defiant, overwhelming confidence and belief in yourself and your ability to do things, almost as if to spite the voice in your head constantly telling you that you're not good enough and will never amount to anything.

  48. Take it on a full stomach if you can. My last job I either took it on time or I was fucked, meaning sometimes taking it on an empty stomach. I would be sitting there wondering why I'm so anxious but once I became aware of it I'd realize "you took the meds about 30 min ago on an empty stomach dummy"

  49. I feel like more doctors should mention this before prescribing medication. I notice that if I haven’t gotten enough sleep, too. I used to get really bad heart palpitations and stuff; took me awhile to realize that those bad symptoms only hit me when I wasn’t really taking care of myself.

  50. Do meds not help your anxiety? That's just too bad man. The first weeks I had next to no anxiety but I feel like it's kind of flattening out as of lately. I really hope I'm just dipping and my anxiety will keep on being suppressed. It's one of the main things I struggle with outside of ADHD symptoms.

  51. I notice that it helps me regulate my emotions much better, including anxiety. I’m a lot less likely to spiral into a depressive episode because I feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start or what to do when I take my meds; for me it’s like night and day. I’m the same way, though! Anxiety is seriously the worst thing ever :(

  52. I know the point of this thread is to give “brutal truths”, but I’ve seen several people make the “you aren’t special” point and I may be nitpicking or misunderstanding what exactly people mean when they say “special” but I disagree. Everyone is unique. No two people are the exact same and everyone who has ever existed has lived and experienced things that no one else has ever experienced. No two people will live through the same thing and experience it the same way. No two people have the same circumstances. Even twins have distinct genes. I would say that the “cards” someone has are more or less what make them special. Other people may be able to do the same things as you, but they will never be able to do it in exactly the same way.

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