1. I am ugly too with a lot of flaws but i can honestly say i accept them now on most days. Society is very superficial and that isn’t beautiful imo even though it is an automatic reaction. I focus more on the inside now. It is perhaps better to be ugly and yourself than to get surgery and regret it. That said, i do recommend softmaxxing as long as it is reversible/not extreme so you can gradually get used to it. There is still a lot you can do with softmaxxing seeing as the beauty industry is huge.

  2. If you have cool pink undertones its likely the intense warmth from fake tan won't flatter you.

  3. I agree. I tried different brands , even with a violet base but they all turned out very orange or even yellow. Not even a realistic skintone

  4. I have a lot of objective flaws but cannot get surgery due to severe medical issues - no legit doctor would operate on me. I’m limited to softmaxxing so I do my best with that. It’s hard to accept when I know surgery would have more impact. But in practice, it is not an option for me and I have to accept it.

  5. Don’t feel bad i think it is a blessing in disguise. I really am not a fan of plastic surgery myself maybe that is not rational but i just think it is sad that people operate themselves because society does not think theyre beautiful enough. I have no disrase but i personally prefer working on accepting my flaws no matter how difficult that can be. I have come a long way with that already. I also think perfection is boring

  6. Yeah, it’s good to find other people who stick to softmaxxing!

  7. Exactly i feel like botox and fillers are as normalized as skincare right now and you are an exception if you do not do it. However people also talk more and more about the risks and side effects nowadays which is good i think

  8. Yeah i don’t understand the fuss and demonizingif you’re not hurt by it either

  9. I always fantasize my LO has an open relationship. This is probably not true but the daydream about it is enough for me and has lessened my anger at reality a lot.

  10. A big struggle for me is perceived breadcrumbs. Like these little things i interpret as signs that have deeper meaning. These breadcrumbs have told me an intricate story of my LO being secretly, even secret to him, in love with me and also deeply unhappy with his marriage. Im afraid of getting a dose of reality like OP had :( For now, i kinda like sitting in my delusional bubble even though im like 99% aware its a complete delusion.

  11. Yeah exactly lol same for me. I also create delusional stories in my head based on “code language” and “signs” that do not exist. Most people say delusions are bad but as long as they make us feel better and are not a distraction from other important things i think demonizing it is bad instead

  12. I didn't know about the fat loss! I've used retinoids since I was a teenager, starting with retinol, and then tret when I turned 30. I stopped tret earlier this year (I'm 34), and I definitely do have loss of facial fat, but I'm not sure if that's just a consequence of regular aging, weight loss, some combo of those, etc.

  13. Thanks for sharing your experience. Did tretinoin help with your wrinkles or sagging? Does the collagen help you? I used collagen too it made my skin slightly plumper but not much so i switched to eggshell collagen still not vegan but a bit better i guess but i do not see a lot of result so i do not use it often

  14. I didn't really notice anything with my fine lines with tret (I didn't really have any except one faint line on one side of my forehead at the time), but it definitely helped my acne and acne scars. After stopping it I got way more sagging and wrinkles 😬 Didn't notice any effect on sagging while using it however. I don't notice anything from collagen either in terms of skin thus far, but I do notice it helping my hair, nails, and joints, so even if it ends up doing nothing for my skin at least I've got those things lol. The first collagen supplement I ever took gave me massive headaches even at tiny doses, I read somewhere that could be because of heavy metals?? Love how the FDA doesn't monitor this stuff, hah. I'm currently using Vital Proteins collagen without side effects.

  15. Thanks for your reply. I might try rosehip oil one day since it is said to contain tretinoin

  16. Boring but more stable. I've got more space for personal growth to be the person I want to be. But the limerent memories are always in the back of my head shining, showing me how good I once felt. I'm hoping they will go away eventually. Life will always be boring though. Partners aren't everything and limerence is a lie (except for the moments in which it isn't).

  17. Why do you hope the memories will go away if you also say that life without limerence is boring?

  18. Because the memories although nice to indulge in just make the present a bit more difficult because I want to experience them again so badly.

  19. It would solve anyone’s problems i think. But a lot of women i see look like this. Meanwhile i look like a creep

  20. I have exactly the same problem with all these features. Currently i am trying out a cream with argirelene to see if it has any effect since some say it works a little bit like botox. Maybe it works for the jaw instead of botox. I barely look like a woman at all as well but do not want surgery since i do not want to be fake and am afraid i will feel worse after

  21. Do lip plumpers really work? I've heard that they wear off really quickly.. Which brand would you recommend?

  22. Personally i have tried a lot and none of them worked long term and didnt even give a good temporary effect except for making my lips inflamed. Guinot gave maybe the best temporary result but its a cream with talc and dna in it, i don’t know if that’s safe for long term use and if it’s cruelty free. Grande lips also was sort of okay and from the buxom lipgloss some say it has a lasting effect but it didn’t do much for me. Currently i will be testing out 3 new ones the upcoming months and will keep doing that until i find one that finally works somewhat if it exists at all. My mouth is my biggest problem area

  23. I wouldnt add too many ingredients at once just because other people do it. It is important to know what the individal issue is first and only treat that. Overusing products just for the sake of it can be unneccessary, a waste of time and expensive at best and cause other skin problems at worst imo. But you have several problems. It would be best to start with one product that targets multiple of your issues, not several because then if you use multiple products and get a bad reaction you do not know the cause. I think your idea of a moisturizer is good because a moisturizer can also make fine libes less visible and some have niacinamide in it which can also help with that and uneven texture, but it can cause breakouts for some. I would start with the most gentle and if that doesnt work try things with more side effects. Like moisturizer with only hydrating ingredients/amino acids - antioxidants (can lighten skin though i think?) - niacinamide - peptides (can make sagging/lines worse for some, it did for me but fortunately was just temporary) - if that doesnt work retinol. But thats just my personal order, it can be different for everyone

  24. The fact that I have that same daydream is crazy to me. (Even though I’m 100% sure my LO could care less if I live or die so idk)

  25. I recognize the negative daydreams as well. For me theyre useful too because it can make you get used to reality

  26. Same, it would be nice if the people i am attracted to were actually attracted to me. I am only attracted when i’m in love which i can’t control so my pool is already extremely limitetrd.

  27. It can happen that someone’s opinion changes because of personality. It happened for me. But none of the people i fell for were truly ugly, just overweight or with a bad hairstyle. So i don’t know

  28. Yeah and i know they’re gossiping behind my back. My way of dealing it is just to tell myself i don’t care and try to prove them wrong which always fails but ok.

  29. Wow! Are you me?? Its extremely weird but i have the same feeling and i just don’t know how that is possible lol. From a lot of people i think theyre in love with me despite thinkng i am uglier than almost everyone i meet. the “flirting” is of course always an act/joke or just normal friendliness, but it drives my imagination wild nonetheless.

  30. Yeah, i have conversations with people who i fantasize are “flirting” with me (its always a joke /act or just friendliness and in reality theyre disgusted) and just dreaming about their reciprocation is enough for me Not ashamed of it AT ALL though. If no one wants me what else am I supposed to do? Have a lovely day too

  31. I think some of them just don't know what to say and not necessarily out of malicious intent.

  32. I agree because I encountered this too. I tried to get over my anger for the sake of the relationship because while they seemed judgemental “why can’t you be happy alone?” In The end it wasn’t meant in a bad way

  33. wait "why can't you be happy alone" sounds aggressive and really apathetic

  34. I know but because they don’t know what it’s like they think that you can just focus on family and friends and hobbies and be happy. I know that this is true to an extent and in some way that should be enough but if a relationship or casual hookup/flirting/positive attention wasn’t important at all and lacking it wouldn’t leave an emptiness no one would bother. and that clearly isn’t true which why this attitude is somewhat hypocritical. Sure there are people who are completely happy alone or with friends but these are often also considered autistic/schizotypical or are asexual and aromantic.

  35. Honestly I think my mind subconsciously adapted and this is why i became bisexual. However i identify as femme and even though i would be happy to at least get attention from women (it happened once that a woman on the street said i had pretty eyes, but it could have been because she was drunk). its weird that they mostly assume i am a transgender man or whatever just because of my face and ugly curveless body. I am always treated like a transgender or butch lesbian in the sense that people talk about trans men and lesbian women in my presence and saying stuff like “i don’t mind as long as they are feeling like their true self” and i’m like whatever i don’t either Being an ugly women with bad social skills is the worst because people think you aren’t a woman at all. But maybe they are going to think that anyway, seeing as they thought lady Gaga was a man too. It has gotten to the point that i sometimes question my gender identity but then i remind myself that people cannot see past looks and that i want to be perceived as a woman. So what i learned is: we need to take 10x more care of our appearance than pretty women. we cannot afford to be sloppy or else it is interpreted as not caring because of our “gender dysphoria”

  36. There is a nice sentence

  37. Thats true but the problem is i think that most people want a romantic relationship. I personally cannot even be in a romantic relationship with someone i do not have limerence for

  38. Thank you. Sadly I think I am taking a breather from this sub. Not sure if/when I'll be back.

  39. :( i will miss your posts but if its better for you then i understand that you want to stop coming here

  40. There are a lot of people who consider cosmetic work even though their flaws are minor.

  41. Yeah i guess most people are better looking than me and therefore get confidence from this post. I don’t think that’s bad. It’a just that it sucks for the 1% of women who are uglier, but the op cannot cater to everyone of course. In hindsight my post might have been a bit too negative out of jealousy. I do think Emrata is an example of a non conventional looking woman and i always like to see more diversity. Also Emma is also visibly ageing, even though she is still beautiful of course. Even though i really need it according to most people , i am very against surgery. I think it is fake, expensive and a big risk.

  42. Yeah i guess most people are better looking than me and therefore get confidence from this post. I don’t think that’s bad. It’a just that it sucks for the 1% of women who are uglier, but the op cannot cater to everyone of course. In hindsight my post might have been a bit too negative out of jealousy. I do think Emrata is an example of a non conventional looking woman and i always like to see more diversity. Also Emma is also visibly ageing like me, even though she is still beautiful of course. Even though i really need it according to most people , i am very against surgery for myself. I think it is fake, expensive and a big risk. If other people do it i don’t care if they are happy with the result.

  43. Exactly this only works for people who have full lips. Down turned skinny upper lip just make me look mean.

  44. Yeah exactly. I don’t have beautiful pouty lips mine are thin and wrinkly. Oh well, need to make the best of what you have i guess. I try out a lot of lip products.

  45. Same, but i have a big nose and a face with a non feminine shape. I have tried many lip plumpers but none of them worked. I suppose a lip cream with argirelene around the lips might work. Didnt try this myself yet

  46. I can relate very much. I like myself, but i know that i am rated ugly (4 or less) usually because of my boyish facial features and body. I try everything i can to improve myself, but for me the only way to look like a normal woman is with surgery. I try to make the best of it with beauty supplements, skincare and haircare suited for my problem areas, nice clothing, makeup if i really need to look good (otherwise i think its fake) jewelry etc. And if people think that isnt good enough, i will not hesitate to tell them that i think they are rude and should mind their own business because its not my fault that they have a problem with my looks.

  47. I feel this way about makeup since the pandemic. I got used to not regularly wearing makeup. I now only wear make up on the one day a week I go into the office or date night with my husband. When I do wear make up it feels like mask and can feel a heaviness on my skin.

  48. Thanks for your reply, personally i also think fake eyelashes are too fake but i do find them beautiful on others. I never read about anyone only wearing false eyelashes and no makeup, that is original. I prefer to also not use tinted lip products even though i like the look. I only use clear ones if any

  49. Thanks for your reply. Interesting, I didn’t know that about French women. Personally I also limit myself to blush/bronzer , maybe a clear mascara (though most don’t give any hold so aren’t worth it imo) and a lip balm

  50. I think hydrate more. I recommend hyaluronic acid and algae oil supplements to everyone, because it helped me somewhat for hydration. This makes wrinkles less obvious as well.

  51. Honestly i think you “suffer” from facial fat loss which ages you. Personally i am very against filler. The only things that helped me somewhat personally are good hyaluronic acid supplements , vitamin c, algae oil, good moisturizers and i am still experimenting with some products like peptides and pycnogenol. Maybe it works for you as well

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