How am I supposed to react when my OWN mother says go and play we are having an adult talk in front of my whole family when im literally 16 what the hell

  1. However you choose to handle it, the most important thing is to stay calm and polite when you talk. It will make you come off as more mature.

  2. I know it sucks as a teen, but what if your mom wants to talk about her sex life? Not every conversation is meant for the kids in your life, even when they are grown. It hurts but just walk away

  3. I remember having my feelings hurt in a similar situation when I was 17 or so. My mom ask me to leave because she and my aunt ( her sister) needed to have a grownup talk. i found out years later my uncle had been having an affair and my aunt was talking to my mom about if she should file for divorce or try to work it out. It was something that was none of my business but at the time I felt like they were treating me like a child.

  4. Gonna tell ya I'm 30 and when my mom tells me to go find my dad and hang with him somewhere else it means they're gonna talk about stuff I don't need to hear.

  5. Depends on the parents. My Sister was a bully to me and regularly picked fights with me in front of our parents. They would then turn on me for defending myself and basically let my Sister keep throwing in her own jabs because I was the immature one in their eyes. I remember times where I just blew up on them after repeated insults.

  6. Some of the responses on here are really rude and presumptuous. It’s not being told to leave that’s bothering the OP, it’s that being told to “go and play” is condescending at 16 years old. But a lot of the replies on here are disrespectful and just assume the OP is an immature brat that can’t handle being told to grow up. And then when OP tries to clarify her stance the response is “see that just proves my point!”

  7. Exactly. Seemed like most people were missing the point. It’s understandable that her mother wanted her to leave, but completely unnecessary to tell her to “go and play”. Especially for her age.

  8. I think giving your mother a retort in front of others is not really the mature response, in the eyes of a parent. I think it's helpful advice if the mom is being malicious in her choice of words, but if it's just mom being mom and teen being teen, the mature thing would be to bring it up later, when it's just the two of them together, perhaps on the way home, and calmly tell her that when she says things like that it makes you feel like a child, and that you don't appreciate it and you would like her to make an effort to see you as an adult. A lot of parents have trouble seeing their own kids as adults. It's hard. Part of growing up is realizing that your parents are people too. Mom might not realize what she's doing, or how it makes OP feel.

  9. Some people here are being too mean. No, OP, you aren't an adult, but that doesn't mean that you should be treated like a child.

  10. So, it sucks when you're condescended to, especially when you're at an age where you're maturing and becoming an adult. I hated it when I was your age. I would just go in the moment, because your mother is entitled to talk to her sister privately, she's allowed to have her own secrets and thoughts that she doesn't share with you. That said, maybe later when you're alone, just let her know that next just say she needs some privacy to talk, because saying go play makes you feel demeaned.

  11. last year when i was 19, my dad and aunt were talking while my aunt put on disney plus for my partner and i so they can have “grown folk talk” sometimes it never ends. even though i’ve been living independently, own my own car, pay my own bills, my adult family will still sometimes treat me like a child. it’s best to assume that it’s THEM who are uncomfortable talking about things like sex, work, etc. in front of you and not assuming they think you can’t handle it. it’s really best to just walk away or privately tell your mother that you really think you’re old enough to be included

  12. "Hey mom, can I talk to you? I understand you and ---- wanted privacy but telling me to go play made me feel like I was being talked down to like a small child. In the future it would be helpful if you would see if I actually needed you/tell me you would like some time with your guest to talk."

  13. I think it's very reasonable to ask her not to be condescending. My 10yo is pretty attached to me and when I want to have a private talk I just say "I need to have a private conversation. Can you give me a few minutes?" And she understands that. It's not that hard.

  14. At 56 and living on the other side of the world I heard from a friend back home who did some plumbing work for my mum. She told him to say hi to her baby boy. I felt really embarrassed at the time. Now she is gone and I wish she was still here to call me that. It can sure be embarrassing but don't take it to heart, you only get 1 mom.

  15. Adults have lives. We also have kids. Often there is a healthy boundary between the things we share with our kids and what we share with our similarly aged friends. Yeah the words "go play" could have been more age appropriate....but she's a fully individual human just like you. And as the parent of a kid who recently became old enough for "the talk", there's stuff I'd prlly never tall to him about because of those healthy boundaries. Good luck and all the love in the world to you, kiddo

  16. I'm 25 and they just shut up when I enter the living room, so it just changes from "go out side" to "we don't really want your opinion on this"

  17. I dont think you deserve the hate you are getting OP. Yes you're not a full grown adult but there is a big difference between a kid of 5 years old, 12 years old and a 16 year old. It sounds condescending. But i recommend what i read in the other comments. Have a conversation with her. But to have the biggest chance to be taken serioisly is to talk to her calm and dont get mad. It proves your maturity. Good luck and i appreciate it if you let us know how it went

  18. Speak to your mother privately and let her know you don’t appreciate being told to ‘go play’. I’m getting the vibe that it’s the way she said it and the fact you don’t ‘play’ like a child anymore. Maybe she could better phrase it and just kindly ask you to leave (for a while?) whilst she speaks to your aunt

  19. I'd ask her in private if she could possibly word it differently the next time. Maybe she could ask for some privacy or ask that you leave the room. I don't believe that she meant anything negative by it or even realize how it makes you feel, so I'd just communicate this with her. "Play" is a bit of an odd word choice, but to her you are still a child and it's just an easy thing to say when she's asking for some private talk.

  20. Let me tell you, you don't want in on that conversation. And I know it feels like you're an adult at 16 but I'm a decade and more away from that and I hardly do lol

  21. I get it, for a long time my mother justified leaving and not telling me why because I was just a kid and I wouldn’t understand. My situation is different and I don’t know the context of the conversation but sometimes there is some truth and merit to being a 16 year old kid and not being allowed to have the adult family conversations yet. My moms side of the family is a different breed of crazy and the things that I have heard about now at 18 makes me feel grateful that I hadn’t heard them when I was 16. I understand wanting to be apart of the group and being a grown up but don’t rush it, you’ll get there soon enough and it’s not a bad thing to be a kid for the moment.

  22. You probably dodged a bullet! Could you imagine having to sit through a conversation about your parents role-playing possibly your dad being caught at a furry convention having sex with an otter, this could’ve been so bad and seriously ignorance is bliss!

  23. It might be sexual, it might be about something they aren’t ready to talk to you about, or she just wants to hang out with some older people and wants privacy. I understand being told to go and play makes you feel like less due to your age, and that might be something worth discussing with your mom, but ultimately it’s best to try and consider why she might not want you around when she’s with other adults.

  24. as an aged person, I can relate to this. most of the times, its all about the truth talk thats too early for you to understand such as debt, loaning or even serious topic such an adoptions and all, and its better to tell you off with something that you love and in this case, she told u off to play. age doesnt matter, its just she looks like she wants you out of the discussion room thats all. anyways thats just my opinion, sory for my bad english

  25. If it's in front of the whole family, that just seems disrespectful. If it's only a few,it maybe more of a personal matter that's only a select few should know. You should talk to her. Tell her that you realize that some things aren't for everyone to know but with the exception of those things, you don't just wanna be dismissed. Of course say it in your own words.

  26. This is all that needed to be said. You are a child and not entitled to be involved in a private adult conversation..have to remind my 2 kids of this from time to time.

  27. Agreed, this culture of acting like 15-17 is “adult enough” needs to go away, it’s in part why so many girls get prayed on , by thinking or believing the guy when told “you’re mature for your age”

  28. She still sees you as her child no matter your age. I wouldn’t take it personally, it’s just from habit. I tell my 13 year old the same thing and the only thing he plays is video games.

  29. parents don’t usually want their kids to know everything about them or everything they think about. your mother’s privacy is important.

  30. If uveitis shown immaturity at the table in the past it will nix you from these conversations. Step up your maturity level and make it obvious u want to be part of the family discussions

  31. 3 months ago you said you were 14, so I'm going to tell you that it probably wasn't your business what the adults were talking about, and if it bothers you how she said it, let her know.

  32. I got married at 27 and went to thanksgiving at her grandparents house. They sat her at the adult table and me at the kid table with kids all under 6. There were 2 preteens at the adult table and not enough room for me. You could come to thanksgiving with us so I’ll have someone to talk to.

  33. Your mom likely just worded it this way out of habit. Sometimes parents forget that their children grow up and/or are in a different stage of life now. She likely didn't think too deeply about it but you should definitely adress it afterwards. "Next time you ask me to give you and the other adults some time for yourself, please just say so. I don't appreciate being treated like a 5 year old who's sent off to play with toys. It might be not a big deal to you but it hurts my feelings."

  34. Enjoy it while it lasts, I've been a part of so many adult conversations I did not want to be in. You'll realise later it's better when you were out playing

  35. I wouldn't take it personally tbh. I'll share my own grown-up experience with you. Once you hit 25, all adults your age and over start looking the same, and you realize that even 90-year-olds are more often than not, winging it. BUT people younger than you do start to seem more... immature. The last time I went to the hospital, all interns were 5 years younger than me, and they all looked so baby-faced, I struggled to believe they let them wander around the hospital unsupervised; and these were adult professionals. Nowadays when I think about my teenage years, I am often embarrassed or angered at my shortsightedness, and when you see generation after generation succumbing to the same mistakes you used to, it does give you the impression that some more growing up is required until they can be taken seriously. I say, don't take it personally, because most people have gone through what you are going through, and the frustration you feel is a part of growing up. When I was 16 my mom offered to buy me a stash of condoms for me, just in case. I was mortified, as I was perfectly aware of the need for condoms when engaging in intimacy. Nowadays, I realize that keeping condoms in the med kit, so that anyone in the household can use them, should they need to is just ... a gesture of care for those around you; it is saying to your loved ones "be careful, don't get sick /become a parent just yet." Be patient; sooner rather than later, your mom is going to realize that you too are growing up, and there is no avoiding that fact unless it's pathological. And trust me, once your parents start having conversations with you about how they are getting old and certain parts of them don't work like they used to, you will miss those times when you were left out.

  36. I Remember thinking I was so old at 16 too. now I look back at my 18 year old self and am like "boy did I have so much more to learn..." im still not done growing.

  37. You are, by definition, not an adult. Sixteen is still incredibly young and you have A LOT to learn. First lesson, don't get so offended

  38. You are just 16. When I was 16 I thought I was already adult and I was expecting my parents to treat me like one. Little did I know, I was far from being an adult at that age.

  39. I can only guess but seeing that you’re 16 and trying to hang around the adults at a party, rather than with other young people, you were probably annoying the adults.

  40. There are things adults discuss that 16 year olds might not be privy too especially if it’s sexual or personal and they don’t want to expose you to It. You’re 16.

  41. I’m sure you don’t want your mom to hear every conversation you have with your friends! It’s healthy for parents/adults to have boundaries with what they share with kids. Just like you should have privacy when talking to your friends.

  42. You walk away and don't give a damn until someone asks you to be part of the adult conv. Then be part if u want. Else leave. Btw being adult is so overhyped

  43. Honestly you think your adult and know everything at sixteen but you really don’t I thought I did and learned the hard way enjoy being and stop worrying what your parents are talking about

  44. I suggest giving your mom the privacy she asked for. Maybe she wants to talk about something private, like her period or stress or money or whatever. Go play a game for example.

  45. You walk away and mind your own business. If you consider yourself a mature person act like one. There are conversations you shouldn't be and don't want to be a part of. Your parents deserve some privacy, I'm sure you wouldn't want your parents to participate in every convo you have with your friends.

  46. The hell is that your mother wants be left alone now that you are old enough to not be around all the time (presumably). She has literally had you around 247 since you were a baby, it’s not surprising that she wants to be left alone once in a while.

  47. Looking at it from your point of view, I understand feeling like you aren't your age when you are treated like a child. It does suck, I get it. That being said, if adults are talking and a minor is present I can also see an adult saying to someone to please leave because of the adult conversation. I've told kids before if they can excuse us because of the adult conversation. Maybe it's the way your mom worded it, but this is definitely not something to get so worked up over or even come to reddit for. You're overreacting and yup, your age equals kid. Choose your battles, this isn't the one.

  48. Adults forget children are adults and that adults are children. Growing up is really just wisdom gained from lived experience. Use this experience to grow and figure out how to express yourself using your words. Better to talk about it sooner than later or else your parents will still treat you like a child despite being a better adult than them.

  49. I can understand the frustration, but sometimes we just have to walk away, I'd speak with your mum and say that you appreciate her "shielding" you from conversations you may not want to hear or be apart of. But her wording was poor and felt condescending

  50. 16 ain't an adult lmao I'm 20 btw, chill out boss man. And u know, she's ur mom, she CAN tell u what to do. If u don't like it, complain to human history.

  51. It’s the way she said go and play like im sum 5 year old which i found embarrassing not that she kicked me out of the convo because with my full honesty i truly dont give a fuck abt what they r talking abt

  52. I was this kid too, and adults do need to talk about some stuff without you there, but they wouldn't want ANYONE there, so it's not personal. For example my sister has just had a horrific custody battle with her ex (apparently until you SA your OWN child, you can still have unsupervised access with them, don't worry about the last 8 survivors). We never ever talk about it Infront of the kids (even the 18yo), or really anyone, because that can cause issues if anyone repeated anything.

  53. OP has said in several places that it’s not being asked to leave that’s the issue, it’s the condescending way they choose to do it that is. Lots of people are missing this information here.

  54. To be fair these aren’t criteria for adulthood, age alone is. Just because 18+ NEETs doesn’t have anything to their name or have to pay for anything doesn’t magically mean they’re not adults, legally or biologically.

  55. Who cares? Free pass to walk away and go dick around on your phone or whatever. Probably better than hanging out with your mom.

  56. I don't know the context of it but legally speaking (depending on where you live of course) you generally aren't considered an adult yet.

  57. I’m an only child in my twenties and my mum still mollycoddles me. I’ve king since moved out and am married haha. I’m afraid some never stop. Love her but remind her your growing up. Treating you like a child isn’t building you it’s reducing you. Just find gentle ways of telling her that

  58. I would just say "don't be so condescending" and then ignore her anything after that (that isn't an apology).

  59. In that moment? You leave the room and let them talk. When they’re don’t and you can find a minute to talk to your mom you can let her know, “hey I realize some conversations are private but the way you spoke to me earlier made me feel like I was being scolded and infantilized, I’d really appreciate it if you just let me know you want a private conversation with auntie next time.” Some parents will be okay with that and some are going to rude no matter how hard you try. Just remember that you’re always going to be a child in your parents eyes and it’s only a couple years before you can move out and prove you’re an adult.

  60. My parents did this around their friends and I find it disrespectful and demeaning. The way they worded it makes it seem like they’re treating you like a little kid HOWEVER, it’s probably something you don’t want to hear anyway lol

  61. This is petty, but play into it. If you're 16 she's expecting you to grow up and start acting like an adult in other ways. So you respond to her "oh you said I can't participate in adult talk. I was respecting the rules and boundaries you set down. I know I'm not an adult and I'm not trying to be." See what happens.

  62. This is not a mature way to handle things, and, given that OP would like to be treated like an adult, is bad advice.

  63. Heads up bud, your parents don’t respect you, or see you as an equal. Having dealt with family like this my whole life, it doesn’t hurt to go out, and carve your own path, even start your own family. These people won’t change, and unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, there’s always going to be a barrier they created, between y’all.

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