AITA for refusing to come to family Easter get together because of what my cousin did last (pre-you know) Christmas?

  1. It would be bad enough if OP’s ankle was the only thing her cousin twisted, she also twisted the truth. OP, give yourself a “leg up” and keep them out of your life for now. Sounds like your cousin took a “heel turn” and is now the villain in this story.

  2. They just are trying to avoid being the target. With sis and cousin gone she will go after someone else. Bet they will feel different after they have to take it on the chin.

  3. Also like, they're gonna be pissed at OP either way so she might as well take the path that doesn't end up with her getting hurt. 🤷‍♀️

  4. So this Christmas, come visit me!!! I don’t know your fam, but I will stand firmly in your corner as you regale us with your stories and shout the occasional “F” for emphasis. I’m sure we could get a bunch of us here to make your holidays amazeballs! You game?

  5. There is one family member she could do holidays with, if both of them are willing! Both she and the older cousin seem to be on the same page. And because the victims of choice aren’t coming around now, she’ll probably take her behaviors out on someone else- who might have a little more pull.

  6. I came here to say the same. The part where she was disappointed OP wasn’t in more pain/mental distress is so upsetting. This girl needs more mental health help and needs to be freakin monitored!

  7. Oh no, you are NTA. Your cousin is a menace, and you are obviously one of her chosen targets. I get so furious when I hear about families that excuse or deny the outright evil actions of one of their children because of some issue or other, until it results in another child in the household being harmed or killed. I grew up with a brother who never got proper treatment for his obvious behavioral issues and abused and tormented me, and whenever he made my life hell, my mother would scold me for being upset and say “you just have to understand” and make some weak excuse for him. Saying your cousin ”just needs love” is so disgusting. She needs treatment, and part of the treatment for ODD is to hold the young person accountable and impose appropriate consequences for their behavior.

  8. She’s big for her age, by that I mean she’s well above the standard height and heavy to boot. She ripped a cabinet door off its hinges and frisbee’d it into the TV. Why? She couldn’t get the TV on to watch her favorite show because the POWER WAS OUT. Granted the hinges on the cabinet were rusted and barely hanging on, but my fucking goodness.

  9. NTA. Stay as far away from that toxicity as possible. She did what she did on purpose and she knows what she's doing too. Just stay an extreme length from them for the rest of your life. You'll be better off for it.

  10. I know I’m going to sound like a paranoid crazy person, but I am legitimately terrified of her. Maybe not right now, but what she could be. So here goes:

  11. NTA. These people won’t learn until cousin does something really severe and irreparable, and maybe not even then. Time to kick them to the curb (figuratively, of course, because ankle).

  12. I have another ankle that is slightly less damaged than the one in the post. Granted, it’s my non dominant side so I might miss the target and kick her in the face

  13. NTA. ODD doesn’t manifest in abject cruelty. By definition it’s a reaction to authority. If you’d told her “do not touch this” then I could see her mental illness being at the root of her reaction. But this was active, not reactionary. To be frank she sounds like a sadist

  14. ODD is however often the beginning diagnosis for a child that later is given the label anti social personality disorder, as psychopathy isn’t a diagnosis that’s given to children.

  15. NTA. Regardless of whether she's lying or whether she really cannot control what she does, she's a walking danger and you have every right to protect yourself.

  16. I like your username! When I leave for work in the wee hours of the morning, there’s always one or two bunnies hopping about in my backyard. They are so cute and I watch them for a bit before leaving, seeing them hop around is very calming and makes me happy.

  17. NTA I get tired of the "oh they can't control themselves". No, the caregivers in their life have taught them they do not have to. They get to be complete and total dicks while suffering no consequences. Stay away, keep yourself safe.

  18. NTA are you sure it's ODD and not just her being a psychopath? Holy crap that teen needs mental help ASAP before she kills someone. The fact that she knowingly pour bleach into a fish tank is disturbing.

  19. ODD diagnosis is often the springboard for antisocial personality disorder(IE Psychopath), but children don’t get the diagnosis of that.

  20. Dang, they're all in need of serious mental treatment if that's acceptable (and even encouraged) behavior in their eyes. I'd keep my distance from all of them except your other cousin.

  21. She is safe, she’s living with a friend currently. I’m finishing getting my guest room set up for her, she’ll be moving in not this weekend but next.

  22. AUTOMOD The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read

  23. NTA. NTA NTA NTA. What she did to you was so cruel. She can't be coddled for harming you or others. You and your other cousin have every right to not want to be around her.

  24. NTA. Your cousin needs more treatment/a different kind of treatment and your family needs a wake up call. She had the wherewithal to find bleach, know that it's toxic, pour it into a fish tank and your other cousin is the ostracized one?! You and that cousin should do your own fam jam stuff.

  25. NTA Stay away, form a new family unit with her sister, and watch people slowly join you one by one as she chooses a new victim. Because once you permanently take her current target away (you), she will eventually need a new one.

  26. Oh my God. NTA. I have bipolar disorder. It's not an excuse for this type of behavior. It's not even a reason or explanation. I understand she has another diagnosis but if she becomes an adult and behaves like this she will end up in prison or involuntarily committed or both. They need to hold her accountable now and you need to keep yourself safe.

  27. NTA. Her cruelty and ability to fake may be a lot more than just these two. I think it's really best to steer clear, because she knows how to manipulate family.

  28. NTA at all. It doesn’t matter if you were sleeping or not. Your cousin had no right to touch the machine without your permission. Your family sounds toxic and it would be better to keep your distance. As for hurting their feelings, that’s their problem and not yours. They’re already pissed off at you, so nothing is going to change that unless you do a grand gesture and you don’t need to nor should have to. Again, it’s their problem, not yours.

  29. NTA. That girl is a malicious psychopath. She knew perfectly well what she was doing and she enjoyed it, and highly enjoyed getting away with it. Hannibelle Lechter

  30. NTA. Your cousin sounds terrifying and your family is enabling her to escalate. Sorry to disappoint granny, but I think you should stay far away until steps are made to actively, effectively help her and protect everyone else.

  31. NTA. Tell them you fainted and forgot to visit them for Easter. I would not feel safe around that child ever again.

  32. NTA, but based on the behaviour described, it sounds like ODD is a preliminary diagnosis as a precursor to something like ASPD (though it's not anyone's place to armchair diagnose, this is based solely off the post) or is a particularly toxic and destructive form of BPD. As someone with a masters in psychology like yourself knows, the way the family is handling this situation is enabling escalation and danger to both herself and others, and needs to be addressed ASAP.

  33. NTA - one of our neighbor’s children had the same disorder as your cousin, and his family refused to get him help. They were absolutely shocked when I wouldn’t let him play with my son or come to our house. It sounds like your cousin specifically targets you too. I think you should continue to keep your distance.

  34. Fellow psychology degree here... almost starting to sound like she has conduct disorder/the beginnings of antisocial personality disorder. Purposely physically hurting you, and killing her sister’s fish, for no other reason than she wanted to, and then crying and gaslighting the rest of your family about it is actual psychopath behavior.

  35. how can they even scold you after something like that happens?!?!?! i'm sure they'll regret then when she gets older and starts doing it to them too. there's a reason she's not doing it to them, she knows who she can hurt. once she can't access you anymore, she'll turn on them. and when that gets old she'll do it to other people. at that point she'll probably end up in a psych ward, which isn't a place any 15 year old would want to be. with any luck if (read: when) she ends up in a padded room where she isn't allowed to shower or use the bathroom without a staff member watching her and she's being woken up at 4am for a vital check she'll realize that maybe being an asshole for attention isn't worth it.

  36. NTA and this isn't even about whether you should be legitimately angry at your cousin or understanding of her disorders. It's about being in a situation you don't feel safe and no one making accommodation for you to ensure your safety.

  37. Masters in psychology and you're the one who dosnt understand...NTA tell them all to get stuffed. The more distance you can get now the better when something really serious happens later

  38. NTA. Spend Easter with the sister and have a great time. The brat will only get worse because everyone else in your family allows it to happen. I would stay away and I wouldn't feel bad about it.

  39. NTA , that’s going to be fun for the parents when they are old, helpless, and have driven away all sane family. Although, they might not make it that far with her around.

  40. NTA, once your cousin grows up or meets other highschoolers, no one is taking her bullshit and she's going to have to face consequences for her actions.

  41. NTA I agree with a previous responder that your cousin is a budding psychopath. Also sounds as thought her behavioral disorder (ODD) if far more prominent in this case. Family is not helping this. She could have caused you significant harm. I would stay far away!

  42. speaking as someone who has suffered from bipolar my entire life, and went undiagnosed until i was 19, even during the worst manic episodes never did i feel the need to be needlessly cruel. NTA, op. keep your distance. especially if the family is saying she needs support because she’s mentally ill, but won’t get her professional help? that’s fucked up on the part of the parents.

  43. Nta. Oh my god she killed her sister's fish on purpose?! If that was me and someone harmed my pet I would have a hard time not murdering them.. I certainly wouldn't hesitate to never be in contact with them again. That's all so dreadful and honestly, evil. Run for your life and I think it's safer to go no contact she just sounds like a terrible person who will do evil things for fun.

  44. Well someone's diagnosis is getting upgraded to anti-social personality disorder (aka psychopathy) when she's no longer a minor... NTA obviuosly. In fact so obviously why is this here? This should get removed quite frankly.

  45. Dude I'm sorry but that cousin of yours sounds like a psychopath. Like who tf pours bleach in a fish tank? And then hurts people just to watch them freak out. She's messed up for a 15 year old. Like I'm Autistic but I don't use my disorder as a sheild for bad actions. Especially ones where I decide on my own merit to be malicious.

  46. yikes! she sounds like she may have more than just what you stated....it almost borders on sociopathy.

  47. NTA. That was a lot of words to say your cousin assaulted you, and no you aren't the A for not wanting to interact with her or be near her.

  48. NTA, but take don’t worry - if both you and her sister refuse to participate, she will find another victim. Eventually, she will go after someone they can’t excuse away.

  49. NTA - Seen this so many times - Family won't believe you and you are stuck dealing with a monster who can't be trusted around animals, children and anything they can ruin or torture. You are not holding a grudge - she tried to seriously hurt you and you are concerned for your safety. PS as someone whose family has had to deal with a neighbor's son who did things like OP's cousin years after his family disappeared in the middle of night while he was in jail - I feel your pain, these creatures are even scarier as drug-addled adults with nothing left to lose! For us we problably have a five to ten year break as he is back in jail for assault with a weapon! Yipppeee

  50. NTA You should check out the show "Evil Lives Here." I have a feeling your cousin will be on it someday. Her behavior is beyond scary and it's only going to get worse.

  51. Honestly, I think you aren't the a-hole. Your reaction was normal in my opinion and it's your decision on what you would like to do with the problem. Plus, even your cousin's sister got tired of her. SHe may be mentally ill, but that doesn't mean she can't do any wrong.

  52. NTA even if she can't help herself, she's clearly dangerous and you do not have to expose yourself to that. Quite simply, she can't be trusted not to harm you or your belongings.

  53. NTA and not the worst. She seriously hurt you and intended to do so. Your family excusing what's not a safe environment for you is on them.

  54. NTA - there is something seriously wrong with her and they are enabling her behavior. She has killed a pet because she wanted to. That’s fucked up. She wanted to hurt you. She wanted to cause you pain. What if she decides to put bleach or something else in food for a family member?

  55. As someone who has had multiple ankle surgeries, you are wholeheartedly NTA and fuck your family for saying you are.

  56. NTA, it is okay to want to help a family member or someone else struggling with mental illness, but it is perfectly okay to say I can't help you anymore when it becomes a liability for your own physical and mental well being.

  57. NTA You are not required to play happy family with someone who risked your safety and intentionally caused you pain regardless of mental health issues/diagnoses that someone may have.

  58. NTA not your problem that their kid has issues they refuse to address of hold consequences for. Sorry but that’s life, do fucked up things people don’t want to be around you, diagnosis or not.

  59. NTA. This sounds like the kind of family that puts the “fun“ in dysfunctional. And in my opinion, oppositional defiant disorder is a fancy name for punk.

  60. NTA. Even if her mental illness was at fault, she is clearly a danger to others and herself and you NEED to put yourself first.

  61. NTA. You are not obliged to put up with this behaviour. And you are certainly not obliged to take responsibility for her actions, which is what they are doing. If they dint want to see what is really going on, that’s your family’s issue to deal with and you are well rid of the toxicity. Stay strong.

  62. If you truly do have a masters in psychology you know the answer. Little demon spawn is only going to escalate unless proper and consistent treatment/intervention happens. Run far and fast! Or maybe drive since your leg likely is still not a 100%!

  63. NTA. It sounds like this cousin uses her disorders to abuse people and your family are her enablers. You need to prioritize your own health and safety.

  64. NTA. I would never willingly spend a single moment with her again. I’m sorry if it alienates your family but if it does then it shows how little they care for you or anyone else who may come across her path.

  65. Nta. Fuck em. When they’re older they’ll realise how malicious she is. Who needs family like that. Honestly i would even go no contact. This is just stupid and ruins mental health of everyone else. If the cousin really is that fucked up then she should be constantly going to therapy and on heavy medications. They would be helping her and she would have no reason to behave like she does. They’re enabling her and don’t let yourself be walked all over. Family like that isnt worth it, trust me. They’re gaslighting you and manipulating you into being bullied.

  66. NTA. Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior. Unfortunately, her enablers will ensure that she never sees consequences. At least until she gets arrested. Given her callousness and manipulative behavior, I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before she commits a serious crime.

  67. SO NTA! You have every right to refuse going to Easter, because the last time you were around your cousin she intentionally tried to harm you and was disappointed by it not being fast enough, so she did a step further. I would be scared to be around her personally, and she put bleach in a fish tank on purpose. Defiant disorder and bipolar disorder or not she isn't someone I would comfortable being around, because of her past actions. Someone is really going to get hurt or worse at the rate she is going and will your family still be saying "oh no poor cousin" when the one getting hurt or worse is them?

  68. NTA - Considering the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting different results... You as a rational person cannot expect someone not rational to behave differently. Protect yourself first since your family won't.

  69. That doesn’t sound like oppositional defiance disorder. That sounds just plain nasty. NTA. She wanted to hurt you.

  70. I have a developmentally disabled son who was aggressive to the point of being physical. He didn’t truly have full control over what he did. He had some control but not full control. And he was still held accountable for his actions, (meaning he had consequences as a result of his actions ie didn’t get allowance that week if he had an issue) NTA. Family is doing your cousin no favors by coddling her.

  71. I used to nanny a kid that was diagnosed with both of these conditions, while working with him took extra effort he wasn’t someone that would try to hurt folks like that. Your family needs to separate her from people for a while and get her some intense help. NTA wishin ya the best in your future, I’d avoid that girl like the plague.

  72. Mate nah, if someone pulled that shit on me or someone close to me, I'd be throwing fists like it's the end of the world

  73. That’s nuts. My little brother is the same. He’s bipolar and has a personality disorder. It’s not just “his illness”, he’s got a shit attitude and abuses my parents (mom especially) but I’ve told them they won’t be seeing my family if he is present. I won’t subject my wife and son to his bullshit, they don’t deserve that. My mom feels trapped by “choosing family”, but I still visit...and spend time with that brother...and tell my folks they are welcome to visit us anytime without my little brother.

  74. NTA- at some point she's going to cause serious harm or death to someone. The way her family is handling her makes them assholes.

  75. The thought of it gave me🥶🥶🥶. I thought about the last time I lost a step and my ankle did some matrix items. Imagine if it moved faster. Something I’m gonna have in my mind for the next couple of hours

  76. NTA. I think defiant personality disorder is code for "you're not 18 yet so we can't label you a psychopath"

  77. I know an individual with the same issues. He was where your cousin was and has gradually descended into full on abuser. He’s beat his father and his Starr, threatened their dogs, and threaten the lives of his neighbors. He’s an absolute nightmare because everything bad he’s done has been excused by his disorder. The disorder may explain the behavior but it does not excuse it.

  78. NTA I have two degrees in psychology and have worked in mental health the last three years. Coddling someone because of their mental illness completely does them a disservice. I've worked with so many adults who don't know how to be adults because their family treated them like fragile children their whole lives. People with a mental health diagnosis, while needing support, also need to be treated as people. I absolutely agree she may need more mental health treatment, however I'd ease into it and make sure she finds someone she feels comfortable working with.

  79. Nta. Your cousin sounds quite manipulative and knew exactly what she was doing. Her diagnosis is no excuse for this behaviour. It's a shame you couldn't record her doing this to the machine

  80. NTA. I was diagnosed with both of those disorders (among others) and while I never got help as a child (I was labeled "difficult", "hard to handle", got told "we didn't raise you this way", etc.) as an adult, I have sought help myself and now have them under my control. Your cousin needs help, not your family bowing to her.

  81. NTA at all. I broke my ankle once and if anyone intentionally tried to cause me additional pain to the already fucking awful feeling of a broken ankle, I’d gladly never see them again. What she did was intentional and she’s an asshole.

  82. NTA, this kid sounds scary and the parents/fam don’t seem serious about making sure this kid will be a productive member of society by enabling her. Yikes, don’t wait till she kills someone. Everyone else’s happiness isn’t more important than yours, don’t let gma guilt u into anything, stand your ground

  83. NTA and cut contact with them! Or at the least, go low contact. Your cousin is dangerous. Your family's enabling of her actions is only going to damage her in the future. It's sad but that's not your problem.

  84. NTA, but when your cousin ends up in prison (or worse) later in life due to her actions remind your family on how there enabling behavior helped put her there. I suggest going LC/NC.

  85. Come on! You know the answer here. You are obviously NTA. What do we do when people that should love you treat you badly continuously and act in an ignorant fashion? You distance yourself from them! In others, ya did the smart thing. Stay away from them in order to keep your sanity.

  86. NTA. Its only a matter of time before this kid seriously hurts or kills someone. And all the while will defend her from the police and try to say she did nothing wrong because of her disorder.

  87. NTA. You should tell the lot of them to get stuffed. They're enabling this little sociopath. You don't need to subject yourself to her sadistic nonsense just to keep the peace. Your safety is more important, and I'm glad her sister has also boycotted. Maybe you guys can throw an alternate get together lol

  88. My son has ODD. The behavior your cousin exhibited is not a symptom of ODD, it's a symptom of being an ass. You are absolutely NTA. Your cousin has learned to use her diagnosis to get what she wants, and your family is doing her a huge disservice in allowing her behavior.

  89. Right now I'm taking classes for psychology (hoping one day become a psychologist). Correct me if I'm wrong OP, since you have studied this as well and I'm still learning all this but isn't ODD more of a behavior where they lash out like tantrums or self harm or arguing back with parents/people? From what I understand it doesn't really consist of someone activity doing something like what she did to you with no emotion? From what I gather there's a lot of aggression and anger in ODD but what your cousin was doing was more of a sociopath, she was smiling and actively trying to put you in pain?

  90. NTA. If she is harming others and “she can’t help it”, then she shouldn’t be allowed to be unsupervised. Either she is milking this whole thing to get away with being malicious, or her parents are being dangerously negligent.

  91. YWNBTA! BUT Your cousin is few steps away from being a serial killer. psycho + lack of empathy is not a good combination.

  92. She tortured you. She tortured helpless pets. The family excuses this because she is mentally ill, and they want you to continue to allow yourself to be tortured.

  93. I thought you couldn't officially be diagnosed with bipolar till you are 18? I might be thinking of something else tho.

  94. Oh wow. She’s a little psycho. And I say this as someone with a psychology degree. She seems out to purposely hurt others and will do it when she thinks she can get away with it.

  95. NTA. She may have a disorder but they are enabling her instead of getting her help while she literally tortures you and your cousin

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