AITA for choosing a female friend's picture for my lockscreen?

  1. He’s admitted to having “warm and fuzzy” feelings towards her and admitted he’s been sexually aroused by her before. And he has not changed the photo and says he’ll do it “when he finds a suitable replacement”.

  2. Yeah, having a picture as your lockscreen is basically the modern equivalent of carrying their picture in a locket. It's probably best to change it.

  3. YTA- it is creepy. She might see it as a way for you trying to date her and might question how you view the friendship- regardless in whatever light you see her in. You should of asked her first because it would have given you a chance to explain yourself as well as seem less creepy.

  4. YTA. She told you it was weird. That means she doesn’t like it. None of my friends have done this unless they were in the picture. This is so creepy.

  5. That's exactly what I was thinking like ya if it's a cute pic of you with a group or both of you at an event that's probably fine but.. selfie? Nahhh YTA

  6. He seems to believe no male can control their erections and the only reason the world isn’t filled with boners is because there’s not enough hot women.

  7. YTA. It's something that would be appropriate if she were your girlfriend. She's not your girlfriend. And she's now told you that she doesn't like it, so it doesn't matter if you understand why it's weird, just change it.

  8. YTA. #1.She asked you to change it so you need to change it. Not when you feel like it, not when you find a good replacement. NOW! I think you are in denial that you have feelings for her and I think she suspects that as well. That is why she got upset. She is trying to maintain healthy boundaries with you. Please be respectful or she will end your friendship as she should.

  9. He already has refused to change it so definitely YTA. The time for him to have been able to change his mind and escape the AH verdict took place before he posted this, when she asked him to change it and he said no.

  10. YTA like I can’t imagine you’d feel comfortable with this if you were in the picture of a friend’s Lock Screen without them knowing. You need to tell your friend you crossed a boundary because you have feelings for her. Then her response will clarify that this is inappropriate for a friendship where this closeness isn’t welcome. I suggest some therapy would actually really help you a lot

  11. How old are y'all? Based on the post and some of the comments, it sounds like you're at least late middle school, early high school age. Just take the picture off, man. She told you it creeps her out, LISTEN TO HER. You value her friendship, no? Then do as she asks and apologize. If not, then you're not really her friend and are setting yourself up as a future incel. Think about that for a bit

  12. YTA, not for the pic but for persisting after she told you she was uncomfortable with it. Take it down. She’s not into you.

  13. People usually have lockscreen pictures of their significant others on their phones, you having hers implies that you have feelings for her and she might be uncomfortable for that.

  14. Was gonna say N-A H but I’m changing to YTA, especially after reading your comments. She asked you to take it down. You should be respecting her wishes. You’re being creepy and a bad friend.

  15. YTA, you are in denial about your feelings. In the comments, you said that you feels super happy when you see her, and is in love with her but “only platonically because you’re friends.”

  16. 100% correct , and you are on Reddit asking if you’re the asshole instead of offline apologizing to your friend for making her uncomfortable whilst changing your Lock Screen to one of the basic backgrounds ….because who even cares what’s on your lock screen. You aren’t entitled to use this poor woman’s face as you please.

  17. YTA for not changing it after she stated she wants you to change it. It doesn't matter that you "don't have a good substitute" yet. You made her uncomfortable, so rectify it.

  18. YTA - only if you keep the picture if she asked you to take it down. I’m not sure where you are posting from but in the US, your lock screen or wallpaper is typically reserved for someone or something special. She may not feel that way about you, hence her asking for you to take it down.

  19. Using it in the first place is unusual. Not necessarily an asshole move but not something I’d consider normal. If you continue to use it when she made clear she didn’t want you to do that you would be the AH.

  20. I love my friends and can absolutely see picking a group photo of us as a lockscreen, but singling one friend's photo out for a lockscreen is creepy. YTA.

  21. It’s weird. I think most women would feel uncomfortable with it unless you’re romantically involved or it’s both of you or a group pic. YTA

  22. YTA. That is pretty creepy and weird. It'd be different if it was a group photo, like "me and the gang," but setting someone else's selfie as your background/screensaver pretty much screams that you're obsessed with them.

  23. YTA for not immediately changing the lock screen when she told you to. YTA for being deliberately obtuse when people are politely asking you why you think saying she arouses you and gives you the warm fuzzies is somehow platonic. You need to change the lock screen to something generic immediately - because she asked you to - and then do some introspection and evaluate what your actual feelings are toward her. Everything you’ve described is not “platonic” no matter how often you say it.

  24. Even though I find this extremely odd, I won’t call you an add home for doing it. However, YWBTA in a GIANT way if you don’t immediately change it now that she’s asked you to.

  25. YTA. Creep! You literally said it makes you aroused to look at it. That’s gross. And you haven’t even taken it off now she’s asked you to? I’d be cutting you off so quick if I was her. That’s creepy af.

  26. NAH. you’re not an AH per se, it’s just weird. she probably thinks you’re attracted to her romantically and is uncomfortable with that.

  27. He definitely is. In his comments he’s describing feeling “warm and fuzzy” when he sees her and being sexually aroused by her.

  28. NAH. It makes it seem like you are more than just friends, if you get my meaning. If she asked you to remove it and you refused you'd be TA, but right now you're fine.

  29. YTA- she asked you to change it and is uncomfortable,stop being a creep and change it NOW,not when you find a replacement,change it NOW!!

  30. YTA. It’s creepy, unless she specifically asked you to do it, you shouldn’t have. And now that’s she’s asked, you need to remove it. It’s really that simple.

  31. Unusual? Sure. AH? Not necessarily, in my opinion. If she didn't mind it then all good I guess but YWBTA if you still kept it since she's expressed her discomfort

  32. YTA because she's uncomfortable with it. Meaning you should respect that and change it. You guys aren't a couple, so it is kind of weird that you put her as your lockscreen wallpaper. If you do have romantic feelings for her, confess them to her and take it from there. Saying you're "just friends" but doing what you did comes across quite creepy. Hope this helps

  33. YTA you're clearly not that close, so this is creepy. Either you know this and are lying to yourself, or you have social problems.

  34. You aren't necessarily TA for choosing the pic in the first place, though it is pretty odd to have a platonic friend as your wallpaper. But YTA for not changing it immediately when she asked. Use a generic one that came with your phone until you get a better one.

  35. You’re not an asshole for using it as your intentions seemed really sweet. But she’s told you it made her uncomfortable so that’s that. Change it, apologize and respect her boundaries. Edit: read through some of your comments and your intentions might not have been sweet after all. You get warm, fuzzy feelings and refer to her as your only ‘cute’ friend. You aren’t seeing her as just another bestie. Changing my mind and gonna say YTA.

  36. Eh nah. I get why you want it as your background but she’s expressed that she’s uncomfy with it. If you keep it you’ll be the asshole. To her it means something different than it does to you. And you might want to analyze your personal feelings about her. It’s fine if it’s a partner as your Lock Screen but a friend? Not really appropriate unless she is also ok with it

  37. I would say he’s an asshole. The friend has expressed her discomfort and asked him to change it, and he’s basically using every excuse under the sun to defend his stance on keeping her picture up. He also admitted feeling aroused every time he looks at the photo. It’s grossly inappropriate.

  38. YTA from what you wrote she isn’t upset she was just curious and thought it strange. Unless she’s your relative or romantic partner she should probably not be your lock screen, wallpaper, screensaver, etc

  39. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  40. NTH however, you WBTA if you didn’t change it as soon as she said something. Normally when a photo of a person (or people) is chosen as someone else’s background it’s because that person has a platonic or romantic love for them.

  41. YTA. She says she’s uncomfortable having her picture as your Lock Screen. She wants you to remove it so remove it. Don’t remove it later. Don’t remove it when you find a better picture. Remove it NOW. IMMEDIATELY. If I was her and you still had my picture despite me expressing how uncomfortable I was by it, we wouldn’t be friends anymore.

  42. AH might be too strong but she has a right to think it’s a little creepy if you don’t have a romantic relationship. Having pictures of friends is fine. Featuring them as favored images on your phone implies a greater level of intimacy than just friendship.

  43. I mean it sounds like your intentions weren’t weird but that doesn’t matter, she expressed she was uncomfortable with it so you should change it. If you don’t change it YTA

  44. It feels to me like you’re in to your friend there, buddy. It probably felt that way to your friend, too. You could’ve just used that as your friends contact photo, people generally put members of their household on Lock Screen status.

  45. NAH because it seems like you didn’t have any ill intent behind it. It’s a nice, but kinda weird thing to do. However, you would be TA if you didn’t change it after she’s asked you to.

  46. I'd say NAH, because she absolutely is not an AH for telling OP that it makes her feel weird.

  47. YTA. You’re definitely a creepy Nice Guy™️. You’re not her friend, you’re just hanging around hoping she’ll suddenly start liking you romantically.

  48. NAH She is thinking you love her, and that worries her because she has no romantic feelings for you, and she's probably worried it will ruin your friendship. Reassure her and maybe change the pictures to show her that it's only friendship.

  49. I think she's realised they don't have a friendship. It's very uncomfortable to realise you're being sexualized or romanticized when you thought you were platonic friends.

  50. NAH. I’ve definitely had pictures of my close friends as my lock screen before and they’ve had pics of me. But I also get why she wouldn’t be comfortable with it. Not everybody’s comfortable with that sort of thing. And since she’s shown she’s uncomfortable with it, you should definitely respect that and change your picture

  51. And with new information YTA. You don't wait till you find something suitable, you were told they felt uncomfortable, you change it there and then.

  52. YTA. I'm not convinced you're secretly in love with your friend - that's a big assumption people are making from reading into the very, very few details we were given. But that's honestly besides the point, because having her on your lock screen does give that impression. It's something very often associated with couples. If girl bff's agree to set each other as their lock screen that's one thing, though even then some people would think that's a bit odd or too much. At the end of the day though, it makes your friend uncomfortable, so if you care about her comfort and the relationship you'll just take it down. 🤷

  53. YTA. You also now have no chance with this woman or anyone near your merging circles, now. Guarantee she’s already brought you up in the group chat as someone the girls need to stay away from too.

  54. NAH. I think your intentions are sweet. But this would widely be perceived as weird or creepy. Do you happen to be on the spectrum?

  55. YTA You might have put it there all in innocence but now she has objected, and you have had time to think about it, writing in to reddit asking 'why did this upset her?' is clearly gaslighting. (If you are really that thick then let me lay it out for you - it's [email protected] creepy because that's what parents and lovers do.)

  56. YTA. Simply because you didn’t seek her consent first. You open your phone a lot in public, I’m sure, and so a lot of people might not be comfortable with how visible their face will be on your phone. Also since the only people I know who use individual selfies of others as their backgrounds, are couples using their partner’s face, she might feel uncomfortable that people in your life might make the misguided assumption. It’s best to ask first.

  57. NAH here. But if you don’t change it in the near future then YTA, it clearly makes her uncomfortable.

  58. Personally I find it weird. If you two were dating then I wouldn’t but you aren’t and you didn’t ask her first if you could use it as a background photo for you phone. YTA

  59. YTA. This is a social convention people don't cross. Having a picture as your phone background is the modern day equivalent of a photo in a locket. If its a solo picture, it could be of your parent(s), sibling(s) or SO. If it is anyone else, I'd ask first. That's weirdly intimate.

  60. She doesn't want you to like her like that. She doesn't want you to get aroused thinking about or looking at her. She doesn't want you to have her picture as your lock screen, that's intimacy reserved for family and her boyfriend or girlfriend. You are helping yourself to an intimate status one-sidedly, of course that's inappropriate. Wouldn't you be upset if you had a best guy friend who got aroused by you and happily helped himself by putting you as his lock screen? Just because you can and it's legal doesn't mean it's OK. It's invasive when you're supposed to be just platonic. YTA

  61. YTA (feels weird calling you an asshole for being weird.) Doesn't matter how cute your male friend looks under a tree, bet you wouldn't use that photo for your lock screen.

  62. Info: how old are you? Where are you from? While people are making judgements on this, I am wondering if we are missing some vital information about your life stage and/or culture.

  63. YTA. Do yourself and her a favor and delete all the pictures you have saved of her. You’re creeping on her very hard and what’s worse is you don’t even realize it.

  64. YTA. Knock it off, sex pest. She doesnt want you. and the last thing she wants is someone seeing your phone and THINKING she'd ever want you. Wipe it off and put some 2D girl or something until you can meet a real one who likes you that way. Stop forcing it on her and making it awkward.

  65. Its the same vibe as putting up another family's family portrait in your house because it was just a nice photo and you thought you would enjoy looking at it while you were home

  66. You've stated here that you were sexually aroused by her, and while a normal human response, you also made this person the background to your phone. She has made it abundantly clear it makes her uncomfortable, and she has asked you to change it. She, clearly, is a reasonable person and is uncomfortable. Stop trying to explain how this is different than any other incident of a guy being a creep to a female friend.

  67. YTA Because you are refusing to find a new background. A friend is literally telling you it makes her uncomfortable when you’re straight of ignoring her. That’s creepy ass behavior. And it shows you don’t respect her at all.

  68. YTA. That's weird and anyone with common sense will tell you it makes it seem like you two are dating. Also, I wouldn't count on her sending you anymore pics if I were you

  69. This has nice guy wrote all over it. She sent you the photo sure. I send my friends pics of my kids. It would freak me out if it was their screensaver. Say it was an innocent mistake, sure just change it. That’s what makes YTA, the fact that when she said to remove it that you didn’t do so immediately

  70. NTA yet. If you don't change it then you will be. It makes her uncomfortable. It implies you're romantically interested in her, and the fact you're constantly looking at a picture of her could be seen as creepy. That being said she's told you how she feels, so respect that and change the picture, no harm done.

  71. NTA. But if she requested that you change it then you should. I used to have a picture of my best friend on my lockscreen as well. She was aware and fine with it. But my circumstances and the way I percieve and view friendships and relationships is different than most.

  72. YTA. She finds it creepy, and tbh so do many commenters on here. She's told you to change it, you need to do that freaking YESTERDAY and apologise before she cuts you adrift. But I suspect this isn't feigned, and that you genuinely don't understand what the problem is.

  73. Well, as her friend I’m sure she was just showing you what she was looking like for the day. However if one of my friends kept me as their background I’d just have to assume there’s more than just friendship feelings there. Why not just be honest, reading this post it seems you’re beating around the bush about how you actually feel? Idk maybe I’m reading too far into it. But, I think you’re the ass if you continue to keeep that photo up as your background after the conversation you had.

  74. Feelings or not, she's communicated a clear boundary you as a friend should have no issue respecting or understanding–something as basic as going by "Will" instead of "William".

  75. At first, I’d say not the AH bc the rules fir this type of thing are arbitrary af. Who says you can only have family or romantic partners as screensavers? And why? It makes no real sense and if you like the photo and she’s ok with it, what’s the issue here? However it seems she’s not ok with it and this changes everything. Ywbta if you didn’t change it when she’s asking you to.

  76. If she says she’s creeped out by it, you need to change it. YWBTA if you do not. It’s creepy. I would not be thrilled if a guy friend of mine did that to me.

  77. If you wouldn't also do it for your guy friends or your dad or something then YTA. Idk what else your intention could be. It comes off as quite strange and creepy.

  78. NAH but if you don't change the lock screen then YTA. If she says it makes her uncomfortable then please respect her decision and change it.

  79. YTA, because it's just weird. Imagine one of your guy friends has a girl's picture on his lockscreen. What would you assume she is to him?

  80. YTA if you don’t respect her wishes and change it. It’s kind of creepy unless it’s a group friends photo or she’s your girlfriend

  81. Yeah, YTA it's creepy. If any guy I wasn't in a relationship with did that, I would assume they were romantically interested in me and become uncomfortable. Clearly this girl feels that way because she asked you to change it

  82. YTA for putting your “good friend”‘s feelings second to your freaking phone. She’s not into you, dude, and you made her uncomfortable.

  83. YTA. As it's just her and not a group photo it will easily give the impression that she's your gf, and she doesn't want you to give that impression about you 2.

  84. Wouldn’t you feel awkward and creeped out if a friend of yours had you as their Lock Screen and expressed warm fuzzy feelings for you that you don’t feel?

  85. so imo you WERE absolutely NTA (assuming you might be a bit socially awkward?..) but now that you know it makes her uncomfortable what possible reason do you have not to change it?.. sorry bro YTA.

  86. NTA for doing that, but respect that It makes her uncomfortable. Personally, I’d find It nice, and I’m sure other friends would, too. But she doesn’t and that’s ok. Also, friendly advice, stop calling women females.

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