AITA for reporting a co-worker who wanted to set me up with someone then trying to apologize after i became interested?

  1. The manager is insanely inappropriate too. Telling a worker about the private conversation they had with another worker and telling op to check out the dude's sister on Instagram. Holy fuck, that person should not be in a position of authority!

  2. Double YTA for the edit. The only reason you want to contact him now is to get with his sister. It's sleazy and creepy. You're only doing this 180 for the potential date, you don't feel sorry at all, you just want the hot girl.

  3. God I hope he never speaks to her again and already told his sister about it. OP just apologize and move on. You don't stand a chance now and rightfully so, cause YTA.

  4. Exactly! She only felt bad once she realized she may actually be interested in his sister, and that's clearly all she still cares about

  5. YTA. You jumped to conclusions and now you are only planning to apologize to get at his sister, who you have absolutely zero chance with now. If this were a random man, I'd be behind you 100%, but this is someone you're friendly with, maybe try hearing him out before assuming next time.

  6. Exactly. It sounds like this guy thought that he and OP had built up a bit of a work friendship.... I understand wanting to keep your personal and work life separate. I also understand being firm and direct with shutting down perceived unwanted advances. But, it sounds like OP instantly went on the offensive with this guy.

  7. I thought the same exact thing. Op went from expecting an apology to "oh your sister is hot, well maybe I am sorry". And the fact that Op described his sister as a "10" is really disgusting and hypocritical considering the assumptions she was making about him. YTA.

  8. It sucks that this AITA reinforces the toxic stereotype that women receive any man as predatory until their interest is piqued. Now she knows there's a hottie involved, she wants to take it all back. Incels and antifeminists are going to have a field day. She just went and reported him after that limited exchange before he had the opportunity to show that he'd leave her alone, which he is evidently what he's done ever since. YTA

  9. OP is the AH that retorts in a snotty tone that they have a boyfriend/girlfriend whenever a stranger simply holds the door open for them out in public.

  10. I agree with this entirely except the part about OP lighting the relationship on fire. It sounds like her coworker is the one who has ended the relationship. And rightfully so, I think. OP went to HR. If someone I'd been friendly with at work went directly to HR with a complaint against me, I'd totally cut off communication with them. No casual friendship is worth my career.

  11. This reminds me of an old joke. A man is trying to get a woman’s attention at a bar just as she was returning to her seat from the restroom. She told him “no thanks” and she wouldn’t go out with him if he was the last person on earth. He replied that he was only trying to tell her that her skirt was partially tucked into her underwear. Then he walked away

  12. I agree - all of it sparked from her bad reactions, personal comments before he even managed to explain, then escalating to HR.

  13. And what’s funny? She’s acting JUST the way she didn’t want him acting like, towards his sister. It’s sick

  14. She sicced HR on him over a conversation where she is the one who got rude. There is a less than zero chance that he will set her up with his sister now.

  15. YTA. The fact that you feel remorseful only because you learned his sister was hot is narcissistic. If you were truly offended by this coworker's actions, you'd hold to your original principles and still be upset. How she looks is irrelevant.

  16. It's a good point, the manager should absolutely be reported and would then be fired. It was TOTALLY inappropriate to (a) disclose what a coworker said; (b) disclose the co-workers private family information AND contacts! If this were a principled person, OP should definitely report the manager and get her fired. The manager actually violated privacy and laws ... but that seems to have made not the slightest impression because maybe she can stalk her co-workers hot sister behind his back and that would just be cool!

  17. YTA. So he's a total creep and out of line right up until the point where you find out he has a super hot sister he is trying to set you up with?

  18. Waiting for the relationship advice post about “my new gf’s brother absolutely hates me, and is trying to get her to dump me”

  19. “All I did was tell him to go fuck himself and try to get him fired for setting me up with my current GF.”

  20. “My hot girlfriend dumped me after finding out I never told her I work with her brother, who I reported to HR over a misunderstanding that was totally my fault, then only tried to apologize after I found out he was really trying to set me up with his hot sister (my ex), so I went around him and hit her up anonymously on IG without telling either of them anything. How do I convince her to take me back? Am I really TA this time too???”

  21. So many assholes. You for talking that way about what you call a work buddy. To say “if they are anything like you I am not interested” is an awful comment towards him.

  22. Thanks for pointing this out. That’s the part that I’m the most confused about. They are (were) friendly colleagues. I can’t believe she said “if they are anything like you I am not interested). I mean, why would anyone want to talk to someone that said that? It’s so insulting to him as a person who he thought he had good relationship with to say that.

  23. Yeah, people are gliding over this remark. Surprisingly, telling someone who thinks you are friends that you effectively believe that they are repulsive can end a damn relationship.

  24. YTA: just because know that you found out its a female and she's attractive you have no issue with what he did. Honestly it be NAH but the fact that you thought what he did was so out of like you reported him but now it's ok because his sister is a 10 is pretty hypocritical.

  25. YTA. Declining and saying “not interested” was totally fine, but throwing in an insult against your “work buddy” off of a conclusion that you leapt to was unnecessary and rude.

  26. YTA. YTA x2. You already reacted in a much more hostile manner than the question warranted and then had to double down and run to management.

  27. YTA. You did overreact and go extra cold when your coworker asked you about your relationship status, assuming the absolute worst at all points in this situation, and then you reported him to management, which I also think is an overreaction. Of course he wants nothing to do with you, and the only reason you want to talk to him now is because you want to get with his sister.

  28. That makes me so mad. It's not bad enough she got him in trouble at work, but she only regrets it because sister is "a 10." OP (and the manager) sound toxic af, dude and hot sister dodged a bullet.

  29. Yea YTA. You said yourself people have asked before and you never had a problem...but he did once? You treated the situation unfair, insulted him when he was never rude about it, then tried to use your friendship with the manager to get him in trouble...and worse yet...Expected HIM to apologize when he didn't do anything bad...

  30. Both of you could have done things differently and it would have been a much better turn out, but it didn't happen. Both of you are in the gray area of having some right or wrong.

  31. YTA. I'm older, but it sounds like you're one of those wokish over reacting over assuming types. I mean, the initial reaction could have been excusable. If I'm in a mood and I hiss out, I go in the next day and say "sorry, I was an ass yesterday, there was just unrelated stuff going on and I sort of took it out on you, my bad". Instead, you wanted HR to handle YOUR overreaction. Since males are at a HUGE disadvantage in such situations, he was smart and just went NC since there's just no winning in those Maoist struggle sessions. If you said "not interested" but he kept baggering you, that would be different. He made a one off try, you rebuffed him and that was it. But NO, it's a wokish HR thing because you in your mind were triggered. Get a therapist, it's your mind, not his.

  32. Uh yeah YTA. You went 0 to 100 before he even gave you a reason to. If he had been inappropriate in the past it would have been understandable but you say yourself you get along well. You got hostile, assumed he was trying to get with your or set up a one night stand, and then try to get him in trouble at work without ever knowing what he was going to say. You even expected HIM to Apologize after all that. You don't deserve to get to know his sister.

  33. It's not just embarrassing him, that's now a permanent mark on his employee record. And when someone who wasn't involved in the incident, like the boss, looks at it they'll just see a harassment complaint against a guy from a protected minority. She fucking torpedoed this poor guys career at that place and she knows it.

  34. YTA and I think what’s making me lean that way is that you seem (in the post and comments) more upset that you missed out on a potential date than that you messed with his job. I really think you should just leave this guy, and his sister, alone.

  35. Also you're out of line asking management how the talk went in addition to your manager. You're using friendship status with management to get the inside scoop on a personal employee. That alone could get both you and manager to hr though it does happen all the time.

  36. YTA. Dude if your cool enough to talk POLITICS at work, then I believe it’s fair enough he asks a simple question. You blew up, and now your trying to get back in his good graces just to get with his sister.

  37. Yeah, YTA. You over reacted. There are plenty of reasons to ask why someone is single. If you just couldn't handle it, a polite, "I prefer not to talk about my personal life with co-workers" would suffice.

  38. Yes, you were the AH. You didn't even let the poor guy get out his thoughts. If he had been about to ask you out for himself or a friend, let him make the offer first. Geez. There is nothing wrong with people shooting their shot, as it were. Take the flattery and then decline. It's stalky and AH-ish behavior if they won't accept your NO at that point. Don't just jump the gun and get on the defensive immediately.

  39. YTA 100%, you snapped into rage at him for no reason at a basic small talk question. Plus the line "if he is anything like you, i really have zero interest" was so completely uncalled for. YOu need to deal with your anger. Dude was literally trying to get to know you and you attacked him like he called you a slur.

  40. Yta how is it different him setting you up with a woman rather than a guy? Why is one crossing the line but not the other, some serious mental gymnastics going on.

  41. YTA, and YTA X 10000000 for admitting the driving force behind wanting to apologize is to get to his sister. Reeks of narcissism and lack of empathy and remorse. Seek help.

  42. YTA. It's an overreaction even if he was setting you up with a man, but now that it's his hot sister, NOW you're sorry? That's disgusting.

  43. You were a dick and now a creep. This dude's poor sister...how do you think this will end well? Kind of shocked you are a woman because this has strong "thinking with your dick" energy.

  44. I can’t believe she actually has to wonder why she’s single. It’s pretty damn obvious, and this won’t stay a secret for long.

  45. It would have been one thing to be snippy and apologize later, but you REPORTED him. He could have gotten seriously reprimanded or even fired depending on the work place. You risked your work buddy's livelihood because you were mad he can't read your mind.

  46. MASSIVE YTA especially after the edit. I hope when and if your co worker finds out he blows up and destroys your relationship with his sister.

  47. This girl tried to get him fired.. literally jeopardize his livelihood… she’s so terrible I don’t think she’ll make it far with any love interest.

  48. That 2nd edit... My lord. That's so gross. The sheer degree of vanity and egocentrism in this post is beyond the pale. You don't give a damn who you hurt as long as you get what you want and that's disgusting.

  49. Look you don’t owe ANYONE details about your personal life but you also can’t go off on people based on past experiences. This guy probably thought you were friends or at least cordial enough to ask a personal question. You yourself called him work buddy.

  50. You're a huge YTA especially now that you reached out and she has no idea how you treated her brother

  51. Saying no wonder you're single was out of line but you seem mighty insecure yourself. If you're work buddies and he knows about being "out" but in concealment he probably figured it was OK. You're buddies and you went straight to management risking his job. Don't expect to be buddies anymore.

  52. You were such an AH - you told him you weren’t interested in him and before he could say anything else you jumped all over him. To compound the matter you then went and complained about him to management. So now you look foolish, you have lost a work buddy oh and missed out on a date with a 10! He didn’t owe you an apology you owed him one.

  53. I hope karma bites this AH. I hope she falls even more in love with the sister and then the sister stomps on her heart.

  54. YTA you are a fundamentally bad person. expect to get dumped when she realizes how much you suck as a person.

  55. YTA but she clearly deserves better than someone like you. You immediately reacted badly to him after assuming something due to his gender and got him written up as well as potentially fired

  56. Edit: you are an even bigger AH and stalkerish. Plus the fact you aren't even telling his sister who you are is an even bigger issue. What do you think will happen when the sister finds out about this whole situation? You are going to cause an even bigger issue with your coworker plus make the work environment a more tenuous situation. You need to leave all of it alone

  57. You absolutely do not deserve to keep going out with her. You didn't have to like what the guy was saying to you, but have the decency not to go and f his sister after blowing up at him, christ...

  58. You're so far up the asshole tree we can't even see you. His sister is lucky she dodged a bullet with you

  59. YTA. Even if he was talking about a man, you said he was your friend. You could have been kinder in letting him know. And reporting him was absolutely uncalled for. He did absolutely nothing wrong. If the manager wouldn’t have been understanding he could’ve been fired for that. You could have quite possibly ruined the guy’s life just for asking if you were single. You should definitely apologize. And stay away from his sister.

  60. ...that update. Just yikes. YTA. You reacted terribly in the first place, then you expected to get the opportunity to apologize after you berated some dude trying to do you a solid? THEN you stalked the dude's sister on socials and don't tell her how you found her and what you did? You are something else. I hope she finds out what you did to her brother and she drops you harder than he did. Get over your sad relationship life and stop taking things out in people.

  61. YTA. Regarding your 2nd edit, how do you think that’s gonna go when you meet the family? I hope it goes the way you deserve.

  62. Anyone else finds it ironic she made it sound like he was creepy and inappropriate.... Only for her to then turn around and behave majorly inappropriately and creepy?

  63. The fact that after the co worker refused to talk to you, and you then decided to reach out to his sister, I really hope she blocks your ass when she finds out what you did.

  64. YTA. Not only did you over-react, but you went to the manager about it! You could have potentially made him lose his job over him asking you if you were single. That’s it. He tried to explain further and you wouldn’t let him. and even now the only reason you want to apologize is cause you want to fuck his sister.

  65. Can we just say how if a guy did what you did (snooped the profile and hit her up anyway), he'd be considered a massive creep. I think no differently of you. YTA

  66. YTA/ESH. It seems really weird he veered into the personal life question and stopping you all of a sudden and it def would’ve helped if he had given you some context, but you were kind of over the top rude about how you responded to him saying you didn’t want to date anyone like him. You took a personal shot at him when a “look, I’m really not interested” would’ve sufficed.

  67. YTA but I think this is a very good outcome (except for you obviously, because you’re clearly not a pleasant person). Your coworker’s sister dodged a huge bullet here and the coworker now knows exactly the kind of person you are and no longer has to interact with you. As others have noted, the only reason you’re feeling conflicted now is because you realized how attractive his sister is, no other reason at all. At least you showed the kind of person you really are before potentially meeting his sister. No one needs that kind of crazy and narcissism in their lives.

  68. YTA I really hope she ghosts you wants she finds out how you treated her brother. Honestly you went and told the manager and had this attitude towards him and still went and dm his sister and think your in. I really hope she is at least close to her brother and finds out.

  69. Really confirming YTA with your latest update. There's no way this ends well for you, or anyone involved, and you are truly demonstrating to the world that you only care about yourself and what you want. Absolute YTA 100%.

  70. Not only is op an asshole for no reason other than just to be one but she then goes behind her co workers back and finds his sister on Instagram (which lets be real is SUPER fucking creepy) and starts talking to her without him knowing.

  71. Honestly you are the worst kind of selfish. I hope you fall in love with sister, and then she talks with brother and punts you to the curb with the rest of the trash. You dont deserve to be happy until you stop spreading your personal misery around like fecal fingerpaint.

  72. You are a major AH after that edit. The fact that you are reaching out to his sister after what you did, and expressing so much glee like a kid on Christmas is disgusting. You don’t want to improve yourself after being an AH

  73. YTA for many reasons, A. Saying you were decently close with your coworker and then comparing him to a stranger B. You’re only gonna apologize because you want his sister C. Reporting him when you didn’t even hear what he had to say indeed YTA

  74. YTA one of the worst human beings I have seen on AITA. Your actions in this scenario are disgusting and your comments about his sister are even worse. You feel 0 remorse for what you have done.

  75. Lmfao I literally got banned from a FB group yesterday for saying people like you actually do exist when someone was arguing that people don't behave that way 😆

  76. So I already made a judgement earlier and your update made me glad I said YTA. I hope she finds out who you are and it all blows up in your face. You are not a good person.

  77. YTA. You were presumptuous, borderline aggressive, and the only reason you feel bad is because your behaviour cost you a chance to meet a “10”.

  78. As you know YTA. You should probably just move on and leave him and his hot sister alone. You showed your true colors and he saw them clear and bright. Get some therapy so you treat people around you better

  79. Keep in mind that this is OP’s version of events where she can paint herself in the best light possible. And even in OP’s version of events, she comes off as a raging asshole. The truth must be even worse than we realize.

  80. “I’ve accepted I’m a huge asshole but I’m gonna go hit up his sister” Oh my god how did that even come from a real person’s brain

  81. Glad to see this has been cross-posted all over Reddit. So many others have said this more eloquently than I could, but seriously... such an AH.

  82. She's going to find out what you did sooner or later and you not telling her is a betrayal. You just keep making one AH move after the other.

  83. YTA and there should be an even higher rating for that update - you could have cost the man his job but you're still pursuing his sister???

  84. Not only are you the AH but a creeper too. You overreacted, tried to get someone in trouble after you went for the nuclear option, and now your showing how pathetic you are. The sis may be a 10 but you sound like a 0

  85. YTA - OP removed her update that she’s now dating the sister, in a complete narcissist fashion. Snuck into the sis’s dm’s and didn’t disclose knowing the brother. I’m sad for everyone the OP encounters in life, she’s not only oblivious to interpersonal cues, she completely ignores feedback (“I’m the asshole? Ok let me make it worse! And now even more worse! Wheeee!”) Get therapy OP, and explore the concept of “narcissist”.

  86. YTA.... glad you finally realized it. The questions he asked you weren't inappropriate quite the opposite. They are typically standard questions coworkers ask each other to get to know one another better. Like so are you single, married. Have any kids, politics, tv shows they watch etc.

  87. YTA!! Also there was no reason to go and cry to your manager over this. You could have calmed down and talked it out with him in a respectful manner like an adult. If this is how you deal with things then you won't get very far in a relationship.

  88. Yta, say sorry and then leave him alone please. He made a mistake and tried to set you up with his sister and then had to talk to his manager about it. He realized that interacting with you could negatively impact his work. He will never want his sister to meet you and if he's smart he will stay away unless required for work.

  89. YTA. I think you need to take a serious look at the language in your post and the intentions behind it, because even when you realised you were in the wrong, you tried to downplay it as “he just caught me at a bad time.” Your motive for apologising to him is not great either- this post suggests you’re doing it to have a shot at his sister, who I am willing to bet my bottom dollar already knows about what happened. I highly doubt that you have any chance of getting together with her after you disrespected her brother and reported him at his job for a situation in which you overreacted.

  90. As a lesbian, YTA. You seem very insecure in your sexuality, I'd get some therapy (again, lesbian here. If a man asked me out, without knowing I was gay, in a respectful way, I would respectfully turn him down. Your reaction is concerning, especially when he didn't even ask you out.) But you've already acknowledged that you know you fucked and you want to apologize. I would find a way to apologize and explain (not make excuses) why you acted that way. I understand being frustrated in heteronormative patriarchy, but he didn't do anything wrong.

  91. NTA: Please get this straight… you are not the asshole. That is reserved for when normal people fuck up. That doesn’t apply to you. I’m pretty sure that you are so irredeemably selfish that you’ll never understand the gravity of what you did.

  92. Lol. You were beyond rude to him, and have now gone behind his back to his sister. Pls update when she finds out what you did.

  93. YTA. You only reached out to him because his sister is hot? Oh, you're a shallow little thing. I hope that she finds out how you treated her brother and blocks you, you suck.

  94. Yta, I really hope the sister finds out what you did and dumps you. Not taking the consequences for your bad actions. You got her brother in trouble too for trying to set you guys up then go behind his back and talk to her. How on earth do you think that’s gonna end well?

  95. oh you suck… i usually dont leave comments like these but jesus christ it’s shocking how you reached out and didnt even fully attempt an apology but still had the gal to message his sister YTA

  96. I doubt OP will update when the truth all comes out. Of how she treated the guy and then he goes to HR with that phony apology letter and you and the manager get in trouble cause she told you about his sister that you are now stalking. YTA without question even more so for going after this woman in such a disgusting way.

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