AITA for getting my son a peanut birthday cake even though my nephew is allergic?

  1. I'm gonna assume no because OP replied to a 2 part comment and completely ignored the part where they asked why she didn't warn her sister. Plus, like it says in the post, the sister was surprised at seeing the cake when it was brought out so she literally never told her to even give her a chance of keeping her kid away from it.

  2. Yeah, I understand that OP isnt obligated to tailor her son's bday party for the nephew, but if his allergy is that severe, I wouldn't risk it. A kid with grubby peanut cake hands could very easily and accidentally make the nephew sick (or kill him depending on the severity of the alergy.)

  3. OP is TA because she's downplaying it by saying "allergic" a bunch when nephew is "deathly allergic". There is a huge difference. When sister confronted her, OP dismissed it by saying she had told the kids. I don't know how old these kids are, but I can't imagine leaving that sort of life or death responsibility in the hands of a kid, while leaving his parents (who were RIGH THERE with the kid at the party) in the dark is not the responsible move that OP is flippantly trying to make it out to be to absolve herself.

  4. Serving a peanut cake at a party with a severely allergic kid there is going to cause problems. Maybe not at that one event, but it will happen. Because kids are messy and dirty and contamination will occur.

  5. This OP had an obligation to tell the parents that it was a cake with peanuts, before the party but especially before serving the cake so that proper precautions could be taken eg not let the allergic kid sit rubbing shoulder with a toddler eating the peanut cake, making sure all the kids washed their hands after eating etc (or dozens of other similar things).

  6. Nothing tough about this. I worked in a candy making facility and we could not have peanuts or peanut butter any where in the building. Peanut allergens can be in the air, and contaminate surfaces and ingredients. For safety reasons, OP should have protected the peanut allergy child. Kids can be impulsive, and putting a brightly decorated allergen filled cake in the room is like an invitation to disaster. OP sounds very immature.

  7. Exactly. I think if a 7-year-old wants a peanut cake for his birthday then he should be able to have it, but it would have been appropriate for her sister to then say "Hey, these kids are little and messy and we just don't want to take the chance that nephew could even accidentally eat a little of the cake. We'll celebrate with the birthday boy at a different time." Then there would be NAH. Now, if sister pitched a fit after being told there would be a peanut cake at the party, she would be the AH. But if OP knows her nephew has a severe allergy and didn't give her sister a heads-up before she arrived at the party, she's a bit of an AH.

  8. as someone with a peanut allergy, i’m gonna say YTA if you didn’t tell everyone you would have a PB cake, esp knowing your nephew has a peanut allergy and would be there. i’m not anaphylactic but the smell of peanuts makes me really sick, so if i was at the party, i would have to leave and couldn’t really interact w anyone who had that cake. you don’t fck w people’s allergies, so definitely YTA

  9. INFO: Did you take all the necessary precautions to avoid cross contamination? Such as: cakes in two different bags, not put in the same place in the fridge, different and single cutlery + dish for the vanilla cake?

  10. That info wouldn't change the judgment. No matter how seriously you take precautions in advance, you're giving a messy food out to 20 kids in an uncontrolled environment. Kids eat with their hands, they drop it on tables and floors, they eat with their mouths open, and then they go play with the same toys and touch each other's faces and so on. Given that trace amounts can cause a deadly reaction, there's no amount of control that would have made this a safe environment.

  11. It’s a birthday party, kids are running around, they’re messy as hell, and the peanut butter icing could get smeared on anything anywhere. There’s no avoiding cross contamination in this setting.

  12. I think the issue is the parents who deal with it daily had the right to be informed before the party/at the very least before the cake was served so they could decide what precautions were enough. That might mean they didn't come or left before the cake was served.

  13. There's no precaution that will prevent one kid with peanut cake on their hands from touching another kid. I'm always on the fence on these. Sure, your kid should have the kind of cake he wants for his birthday, but your nephew COULD literally die if one kid maybe gave him a little hug on the way out the door. That's a real threat, she's not exaggerating. The least you could've done was told the boys mom so she could've sat this party out.

  14. Surely you have observed kids at play before. They touch all over each other and then those fingers go into their mouths and noses.

  15. Mark Rober has a terrific YouTube video about how things spread. They put a invisible dust on one kids hands in the classroom and then at the end of the day they used a special light to be able to see how much it spread and it was EVERYWHERE!

  16. THIS. YTA for not knowing basic facts about how allergens spread and for getting your kid a peanut butter cake to serve at a party to which your nut-allergic nephew was invited. It kinda sounds like you were looking for a fight with your sister more than you actually cared about your kid’s cake preference; it would not have been hard at all to explain that “when we invite people over and they bring us presents we need to make sure they’re safe and we make sure things that could hurt them are put away safely, so if you want to have a party let’s pick a cake everybody can enjoy.” It would have been a teachable moment instead of a nightmare.

  17. It's wild to me that OP being a parent didn't think about that cake getting everywhere. I was a camp counselor at a peanut-free camp and another counselor had an allergic reaction and had to go to the hospital. He had no idea how it had happened until someone found a single empty chocolate bar wrapper (with peanuts) that some kid must have snuck in and somehow the peanut oil got transferred onto something the counselor touched. Wasn't even a kid in his cabin/activity group.

  18. Info: did you warn her ahead of time that there would be a serious allergen present? I would be freaked out too if I was blindsided with a life-threatening food too.

  19. I know people that just smell peanut and start reacting. Once a friend touched something that was touched by someone who touched peanut and he reacted. Allergies are no joke and this should have been mentioned first so a solution could be made.

  20. Agreed. I'm allergic to strawberries but I have to consume them or come into contact with a substantial amount to start reacting. In my situation, OP's solution is appropriate. (And having another cake is considerate, but not needed.)

  21. YTA for not warning your sister what you were intending to do, though it's mitigated by you taking appropriate precautions regarding the alternatives you provide.

  22. Agreed, this would have been a safer solution and still would have made all the kids and parents happy. At least a heads up to the parents of the cousin with the allergy would have been nice

  23. This seems like the best solution tbh, plus what kid wouldn't want the cake all to themselves later? 😆

  24. This needs to be at the top. The few precautions OP took were woefully short of providing a safe and happy space for the children.

  25. Amen. And think of the empathetic teaching opportun ity this could be for your kid. "Your cousin is allergic to peanuts and would get very sick if he ate them. Do you think we can find a better option so he can safely participate at your party?"

  26. YTA. If the allergy is truly that severe, it is incredibly dangerous to trust a bunch of 7/8 year olds (but likely younger kids too since it was mostly family) are going to carefully wash their hands and faces clean of all peanut butter particles before potentially spreading the substance all about our nephew's environment. You didn't even have the decency to warn your sister in advance, which is common courtesy when you're going to have a known allergen around. This would indicate you knew it was a problem but wanted to do it anyway. You didn't even let her know when you brought out the cake so she could watch her kid. That right there makes YTA all over again.

  27. My 8 year old nephew is insanely aware of his peanut allergy and generally good about it, but he still ended up in the ER last year when he accidentally ate something with peanuts in it at a party for exactly that reason. He was excited and didn’t think to ask what was in it. I cannot fathom hating my family so much that I’d actively risk killing my nephew just so my child could have a cake. What the actual fuck?

  28. Yeah he could have had a peanut cake for his birthday and a different type of cake for the party. At the very least op could have warned their sister. YTA.

  29. Agree. OP is TA. There are so many ways the allergen could spread to him and affect him other than directly ingesting it. And not to warn her sister? I would be livid. My bestfriends daughter is allergic to peanuts and I cannot imagine not giving a shit about her life like that. And this is a nephew.

  30. This is it right here, especially the missed opportunity to teach your child compassion. A child can easily understand, "Peanut butter cake can be dangerous for some kids at the party. Let's keep them safe and choose another flavor. What's your second choice?"

  31. Shouldn’t have had to scroll down so far for this! What is one child’s peanut smooshed hand touched something that the nephew later touched? Why the absolute hell would OP be so willing to entertain the risk and show little regard for nephew, their own family member! I would’ve been equally livid no matter the “precautions” taken.

  32. Agreed. If your child wants a peanut butter cake, how about have a small cake just for the family later in the evening, once the party is over? The party host has more responsibility than just what the birthday boy wants.

  33. Additionally!! By telling the parents about an allergen, the parents would have the opportunity to make ALTERNATE PLANS.

  34. Agreed. OP is completely ignoring the fear her sister lives with every day. A colleague of mine has a child with a life-threatening food allergy. She said one day, “I live with the reality my child will likely die before me, in a circumstance I can’t protect her from”. Likely or not, the fear of that is palpable. Your SISTER lives with the panic of her child DYING and you think this is about cake? Grow up. Have a peanut cake later as a family or explain to your son that your family’s life is more important than getting what we want in every moment. You owe your sister and nephew an apology. I doubt your nephew will be visiting again anytime soon, so you’ve damaged a relationship over cake.

  35. And it's important to remember that if they use the epi pen, they don't just bounce back up and everything is normal again. If they are in a situation bad enough to use their epi pen, they still have to go to the hospital and can have SERIOUS health issues. And, if they don't use it quickly enough, they can still die, even after using it.

  36. If it was OPs kid in a place where something could kill her kid on contact and no one warned her, she'd be pissed too. But I guess we'll never know because OP is ignoring everyone who says "hey so why tf didn't you warn her?"

  37. My school growing up had a PB&J ban because of this very reason. I was like 8 years old at the time and I didn’t care as an 8 year old. It’s always the parents that make a bigger deal about it than the kids. And cream cheese and jelly sandwiches are better than PB&J anyway!

  38. Seriously. My sons best friend has a peanut allergy; I would NEVER KNOWINGLY risk accidentally causing her a reaction (even one that isn’t anaphylaxis; I don’t want to cause her to be sick or get a rash over a goddamn PEANUT).

  39. I don’t mind no peanut butter because one kid is allergic, I mind it when no one can eat peanuts because theoretically there could be someone with this type of allergy. There’s actually a kid in my kid’s class— then fine, I’m happy to oblige. But when it’s just a policy, it’s really annoying. As for this woman, yeah, she’s an AH. Her kid can pick a different cake so his cousin isn’t killed by someone with unwashed hands.

  40. All it would take would be one of the other kids to touch him with dirty hands though. It could literally kill her nephew. It’s ridiculous.

  41. Sorry this is off topic, but I have a question about your comment format. I'm seeing this a lot lately, and I'm kind of new, so I don't really know what it means. Why did you put a strikethrough on the 7 seven instead of just typing 8? Also, how did you do it? Thank you!

  42. YTA, not just for not choosing to have a different cake, or at the least warning about the cake, but for treating your sister's reaction the way that you did. Most parents find out that thier kid has a deadly allergy by thier kid almost dying. They then have to be vigilant to make sure it doesn't happen again. Being upset when a close family member doesn't take that seriously is a normal reaction.

  43. I'm surprised this isn't a more common sentiment. OP is YTA more for the reaction than anything else. Like, you knew about the allergy and you didn't actually try to prevent serving peanuts to the kid. Making an alternative available is not the same thing as avoiding cross contamination and cross contamination can still kill. And then her reaction to her own sister being upset because her child could have died, is to roll her eyes and act like the sister is overprotective.

  44. or eaten one of the left over candies without realizing it had been on the cake, or even thinking it wasn't a big deal if it had been wiped off or something/didn't touch 'that much' of it. kids are sneaky.

  45. Your "NTA" will count as your vote because you have it ahead of your "YTA" vote. Just erase your "NTA" if you want your post counted as "YTA."

  46. My sons teacher has a severe peanut allergy, if kids do bring peanut butter they can eat it, but she has to keep her distance and they have to clean their desk and hands very good afterwards. I can understand the parents concern. Some people can even get sick when they touch it. I don't think you are an asshole, but a heads up would have been in place.

  47. I'm tempted to disagree if only because OP thought of her sister as dramatic and took the barest of precautions to make sure he wouldn't be hurt. Even though it's her job to tell what she put in that cake. If you are hosting and you aware that a person has a severe allergy, it's on you to make sure that the person is safe.

  48. YTA You warned NOONE in advance about the peanut cake. What are you bringing to the next family reunion? Peanut butter cookies?

  49. YTA, no matter how careful you were, the oils are on kids hands, surfaces and god forbid the kid took a drink after someone. If you were planning a peanut butter cake, you should have told her ahead of time so she could make the choice to skip the party if she felt it necessary.

  50. YTA. The very least you could have done was inform your sister in advance about the cake so she could decide if it was safe or not to come.

  51. Agreed. My niece has a deadly peanut allergy and for my son’s birthday party we ordered all the baked goods from an allergy friendly place just in case. She already has so many restrictions in life, we wanted her to enjoy her cousin’s birthday party without the fear of dying because someone randomly sneezed after eating something with peanuts while at our house.

  52. YTA. it’s your NEPHEW, and you still can’t put in the care and effort into keeping them safe so they can enjoy a party with their cousin. I would put the utmost care into providing an allergen free space for a child I had never even met, especially when the alternative could lead to a hospital trip or even death.

  53. Yta. Im not allergic to nuts, but I am allergic to strawberries. As a child my allergy was so severe I couldn't be in the same room as them because I would go into anaphylactic shock. All of my friends knew this and made sure nothing with strawberries were at their birthdays, even my one friend who had wanted strawberry shortcake. We were 7 and my friend told her mom that I couldn't be near them so she had a vanilla cake at the party and strawberry shortcake at home.

  54. YTA. RN here, what you did was potentially put her child at risk of death for a cake. I’m very surprised that the allergic boy’s family stayed, given the gravity of the situation. What you need to understand is that severe, life threatening allergies are very, very real. As are the consequences of even tiny exposure to the allergen. Do better next birthday?

  55. You’re only NTA if you warned your sister that her child’s serious allergen would be present. Yes your kid should get the cake he wants on his birthday, but your sister should also get to take necessary precautions- including not coming- to keep her kid safe from a deadly reaction. While it sounds like you made an effort to avoid contamination, we’re talking about a bunch of kids who might not understand the seriousness of allergies and get that peanut butter everywhere. If there’s a risk, you should have notified your sister.

  56. So many things, but at the end of the day, if it was my nephew, I would explain to my child the severity of the allergy and have the special peanut cake just us in my home with our home family.

  57. YTA. You should have gotten a small peanut cake to have outside of the party. Peanut allergy is one of the most deadly and you only cared about what your son wanted, not about your nephew possibly dying at the party.

  58. YTA - the kid could have a severe allergic reaction. If one kid ate the peanut cake then picked up a drink and drank from it, then your nephew mistook the drink for his and drank from the same cup…. Big trouble.

  59. I remember when one of the guys in my cooking class sneezed and sent half the cashews he was crushing up into the air and all over my friend (who was completely unaware at the station in front of us). I started panicking because being a close friend I KNEW she was life-threateningly allergic to cashews. She realised as soon as I told her what it was and she started panicking too. Cue mad rush to find an epi-pen. Within about 30 seconds of it happening she started going into anaphylactic shock.

  60. YTA, your son could have had a cake later with just family that was peanut butter, I kind of feel that if 5/20 (that’s a whole quarter!) of the kids couldn’t have the main cake then at that point it’s honestly kind of rude to make them have a different cake, and it could seriously endanger their lives if any of the crumbs had been ingested. Yes 8 years olds are old enough to know what not to eat and the consequences but they are still kids and accidents happen. This isn’t like “my son wanted chocolate cake and the other kids didn’t want it but it’s his birthday so they can suck it up”, this is “1/4 of the quests are deathly allergic to the main desert I’m serving and they are all children”.

  61. YTA. Birthday parties with young kids get messy and you CANNOT be certain that he won't come into contact with any cake unless you watch him like a hawk and bathe every child who had some & make them change their clothes.

  62. YTA. You could have easily gotten your son a PB cake for before/after large part. It’s a total AH move to serve something that can cause severe reactions at a large kids party.

  63. Your son is old enough to understand such priority, and should have been educated on it earlier. You could eat peanut cake another day, it's not even complicated to find a suitable compromise that your son would like (two cake days instead of one, please, don't say he wouldn't or you're falling him on so many levels)!

  64. Unpopular opinion: NTA the day was about your son nobody else. You gave him the cake he wanted and had an extra one for people who were allergic to it.

  65. My best friend has a son who's allergic to tree nuts. He once touched a table in her sister's home that had had nuts on it (i.e. the nuts were no longer there and the table had been wiped - not washed) and he had a reaction. Very scary to see. We had to watch how bad the reaction was, if Benedryl was enough or if he'd need the epiPEN. Scary shit. Having the peanut butter in the vicinity of a whole bunch of kids playing with each other was insanely irresponsible. THAT'S how allergies work.

  66. YTA it sounds like you didn’t tell parents of kids with known allergies ahead of time. If the cake was peanut butter and these are kids running around with crumbs and frosting on themselves could that not get to those kids with an allergy? Why risk it? You do the peanut butter cake for a small treat after dinner, not for the party.

  67. YTA so e people can have server reactions from the smallest contact. You could have peanut on your hands from the cake touch your nephew and boom reaction. This was a great moment to teach your own kid how to be kind and accommodate others who are different. By getting two separate cakes you highlighted the fact that he's different from his cousin. You should have got a cake everyone could enjoy and then got the peanut cake for after the party.

  68. ESH Kids are sticky and they touch everything without washing their hands. You're a careless, inconsiderate ah. Yes, this could have lead to your nephew dying.

  69. YTA peanut allergies are deadly. Some people react just from being near them. Cross contamination could happen at any point with kids eating cake and touching door handles or surfaces. You didn’t even warn them so they could decline coming. You literally did put her sons life at risk for a cake.

  70. Soft YTA - I do think there is often great misunderstandings with peanut allergies. From the sounds of it, your nephew has a severe allergy to peanuts. We don’t know if it is airborne or not, it could be but you didn’t say, so if it is airborne you’re definitely TA. Schools ban peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for this very reason.

  71. YTA. Sorry but there’s no way you can make sure a bunch of 7 year olds got every crumb of peanut cake off of them, effectively excluding your nephew.

  72. NTA. Your nephew is 8 and old enough to know about his allergy. You were there, his mother was there and you had pro actively made provision for the the fact that he was allergic by buying a separate cake. There are going to be many times in his life where he will be exposed to peanuts and they will have to learn to be observant and mindful. I think your sister over reacted.

  73. You clearly have no idea about allergies. Literally none. If you think “just don’t eat the cake” is sufficient, then you’re wildly ignorant to the risk any peanuts can cause a child with a severe IgE allergy to peanuts.

  74. So when another kid that has eaten the peanuts touches him that’s his fault? When he accidently picks up and drinks from the wrong drink?

  75. This isn’t how you include people who have a severe allergy to something to a party. You clearly don’t understand how easily any of those little hands and mouths, the little crumbs isn’t he clothes, etc can get to her son during playtime after eating the cake. That’s just one glaring example about how he could easily had gotten exposed AND DIED. OP thought she was thinking of everything, but no one will ever know as much as the parent of a child that can die to something that is common (yet preventable). She needed to give the mom a call to discuss.

  76. See I’m leaning towards yta. You absolutely have a right to give your son the cake he asked for but I would have given it to him before or after all the children had arrived/gone away and been soooo damn careful about contamination. I knew a girl with a peanut allergy, someone ate a snickers 6 rows ahead on the bus and she needed her epi pen so… yeah. Taking a chance like that with your own nephew is pretty cold 😕

  77. YTA. As an aunt, as a thinking adult, as a decent human being there is no way in hell I would run the risk of something happening to my nephew just because it was my kid’s bday & they wanted peanut butter cake. My reply would have been simply I will buy you a small pb cake or cupcakes for after cousin goes home or the day after your party but we cannot have it while he’s here. With all of those other children & even adults running around the risk was too great.

  78. I hate to write this, but YTA hugely if the allergy is severe enough that even touching peanuts produces a bad reaction. If that’s the case, then an alternative would have been to give the birthday boy his own peanut butter cake and get a large decorated cake for everyone else. Kids are messy, that PB cake could have ended up anywhere. You know the risks and I’m not sure your efforts were enough, though it sounds like your nephew made it through the party just fine. Your SIL was right to get worked up; you’re family and should do better.

  79. You didn’t have any intention of being TA but your sister is in a terrible position you need to be more considerate of. Having a young child who could die over something so commonplace is stressful enough, I think it’s reasonable to expect family who loves him to always try and mitigate that risk. While to you it seems like she’s having an overreaction, she isn’t. I like that you got an alternate cake and took those steps, but ultimately you allowed a child to be in close proximity to something that could kill him. I think the better thing would have been to get your son a peanut butter cake the next night to be enjoyed at home with family and made sure everything at the party was safe for your nephew. YTA but not in a malicious way, just because you failed to put yourself in your sisters shoes - where she lives in constant fear of her son being exposed to something deadly. Shouldn’t be hard for you, you have a child of a similar age.

  80. I know of someone (older teen) who ate a sauce that was supposed to be peanut-free (it wasn't) and could not get the injection (pen) on time. She died.

  81. YTA. Peanut allergies are deadly. Please OP, do not mess about with it. Your kid can have peanut butter as much as he wants when it won't kill someone at the party. You owe sister a big apology. This was pretty selfish.

  82. NTA, you've got two cakes, made sure not to cross contaminate and the alergic kid was sitting with adults eating. What's the whole fuss about? Next time you might want to warn your sister about the peanuts being in the picture so she may... Well decide not to come or smth? I don't know.

  83. Yes. Having the choice as to whether or not to expose your child to a known potentially life threatening allergen is a pretty basic thing, especially from your sister.

  84. YTA. Period. Let's put it this way- would you have raw chicken with cooked chicken? Even on separate plates and separate utensils, there is a massive risk of cross contamination if a bunch of 7 and 8 year olds are handling it. Either don't invite them or don't get the cake. If she was upset when she got there, it means you knew what you did was wrong. Otherwise you would have told her before hand.

  85. YTA. Should have discussed it with the parents - so they can make an informed decision. Also, we can tell you don’t like them - my kid’s best friend is allergic to peanuts - so my kid doesn’t even know that peanuts exist, because his friend’s safety is more important than a legume.

  86. YTA for not telling your sister beforehand that there would be a cake he could DIE from. It's one thing to bring a cake a child could get hives or a sore tongue from if he accidentally ingests it. It's a whole different thing if someone can die from it.

  87. YTA. You shouldn’t serve known allergens when you invite people with known allergies to your home. It is absolutely inconsiderate. Not to mention you caused a situation of exclusion for your nephew. This is my greatest fear, that some knucklehead will not take my child’s allergy seriously and will accidentally expose my kid.

  88. YTA- this is not a matter of taste or preference. It is a potentially life/death matter. Your sister is not trying to impose her likes on you. She is trying to keep her son alive. I like the suggestion that you should have had a regular “garden variety” cake for the party, and the other one just for the immediate family, without the presence of children with allergies. I hope you never have to suffer through the fear of losing your child over something seemingly innocuous.

  89. Honestly I would never serve peanuts at a party if a child was severely allergic. If any mix up happens it's on the host for serving it. I just don't want that kind of consequence weighing on me.

  90. You did everything you can to protect your nephew and it sounds like you did an absolutely wonderful job to do your best to prevent cross contamination, however you don’t fuck with peanut allergies. They are in a league all of their own and until it is your child that could face the consequences you have no idea the fear it instills. My aunt can’t even be in the same room as peanuts because it will send her into anaphylactic shock. You should have had a family (just your nuclear family) birthday dinner for your son and had the peanut cake then. YTA.

  91. 'nephew can't be in the same room as a peanut' seems like something that would have come up at some point point in life before a 7th birthday party.

  92. YTA here. Sorry. You did all the right things to avoid cross contamination from adults, but the reality is that kids are messy and will have allergen in their saliva, traces on their hands and clothes etc and there’s a possibility your nephew could react from it. I think you should have spoken to your sister beforehand to discuss things- you could have kept a peanut butter cake for a small immediate family celebration and got a safe one for the party.

  93. Interesting how many people think that one kid having an allergy needs to just deal because ''that's life'' BUT another kid absolutely canNOT have a different cake than the one he requested for his birthday because... ?

  94. YTA if my nephew was allergic I would never do that because you know things can happen and I would feel like absolute shit if something happen to my nephew.

  95. YTA Not for having the peanut cake but for not informing your family. All the NTA comments I read are missing the fact you didn't inform nephew and his family about the peanut cake. If he didn't have a severe allergy it would be different, but he does and you didn't bother to inform the family before they attended. If other people can't have something due to allergies that is on them, but you should have done your part to inform the family ahead of time. Especially with it being your nephew and you actively knowing he has severe allergies.

  96. YTA. Not for following your sons wishes, but potentially endangering your nephew to do so. The appropriate compromise would have been doing a large vanilla cake for the party AND THEN doing the peanut butter cake later at night after the party.

  97. YTA. He literally could have died. If the peanut cake was that important you could have done it after everyone left. Or just told the parents of the allergic child beforehand like others have mentioned.

  98. YTA. Whyyy would you want to even have a deadly allergen at a party where you are WELL aware that your nephew is deathly allergic to said allergen??

  99. YTA. Put yourself in your sister's shoes. She has to go through life terrified her son will die if he eats or touches the wrong thing. And then her own sister doesn't give a shit about that.

  100. At the end of the day, you thought your son being happy was worth more than another child's life. Could've used this as a teachable moment for your child about how others needs sometimes come before our wants, but it seems you never learned the lesson yourself

  101. YTA - why wouldn't you inform your sister ahead of time since this was clearly planned? If his allergy is severe enought that TOUCHING peanut products could trigger an allergic response, you put him in a high risk situation with zero regard for his safety and put her in a stressful situation where she had to be hypervigiliant that her kid wasn't going to die by accidentally engaging with a child who has peanut butter on it or by accidentally eating something that was innocently offered to him. They're children, shit happens. You did not take anything into account and only made the motions by buying a separate cake to act like you were trying.

  102. i'm someone with a severe nut allergy. i read through the comments on this thread, and it was inspiring. there are still folks out there that have basic skills of consideration, can appreciate that what may be okay for one person, is a quick and painful death for another, and might go out of there way a little for somebody else. or not do something ahead of time, just as a basic precaution.

  103. INFO: I need to know if your nephew has a contact allergy to peanuts. But fyi, if he does, and you knew, then that's a cold hard thing to do to your sister, and your BIL and your nephew... for the sake of a birthday nobody's going to remember later in life.

  104. Yta big time. There’s no reason you couldn’t have gotten your son his peanut cake on his own when your nephew wasn’t there. You’re going to risk a child’s life for what? Because your brain can’t comprehend how severe allergies work? If I was your sister you’d never see my kid again.

  105. INFO: Did you inform your sister beforehand that you would be serving peanut butter cake? Because if you didn't, then even with the extra cake and precautions you took, y t a since you didn't give her all the pertinent information knowing her son is highly allergic to let her/their family make an informed decision

  106. Interesting, I saw a post very similar to this and the responses were ALL nta. This sub really likes to cherry pick.

  107. If you knew your nephew was allergic and you didn’t inform your sister before hand, YTA. You didn’t allow her to make an informed decision before she came and brought your nephew. If that was the case, you didn’t allow her to asses the risk. Kids are notoriously messy with cake and there was the distinct possibility of cross contamination without him ever having to consciously eat the cake.

  108. So what if your nephew had an anaphylactic attack and died at your kids birthday party. Would certainly be a party to remember wouldn’t it? YTA. And an asshole of the highest order.

  109. YTA. Did you 100% ensure there was no possible cross contamination with the vanilla and the peanut cake? Did you make sure that every child that came into contact with the peanut cake not only washed their hands and face, but brushed their teeth and changed their clothes? Kids that age are messy and I guarantee at least one or two of them got it on their clothing. Kids that age will also sometimes still put their hands in their mouths which, if their teeth weren’t brushed, would make the hand washing a moot point. Also, allergies can sometimes unexpectedly get worse for no reason and with no warning. Your nephew’s allergic reaction could have been triggered by peanut particles in the air this time instead of simply touching it. Allergies aren’t something you want to play with but you decided to play Russian Roulette with birthday cake and a bunch of 7 year olds and could have possibly cost your nephew his life.

  110. YTA, only because it sounds like you didn’t warn you sister ahead of time. If you had a plan for a separate cake, you could have informed her before hand so she could be aware and keep a closer eye on the kid from the jump.

  111. YTA. I mean, this kid must already feel so isolated but that’s beside the point. You didn’t even let the parents know so they could make an informed decision? You say his parent were with him the entire time but you must know you can’t be with them every second. That you don’t seem to care is one thing. That you didn’t even give the parents the choice is really such an AH move.

  112. NTA. What the hell is everyone on? It's your son's birthday party first and foremost, not your nephew. If he wants peanuts and isn't allergic to them, then he should get it. It's not your fault or your son's fault your nephew is allergic, and you went above and beyond to make sure he was still included and also didn't eat any peanuts. This is going to happen occasionally to the nephew sadly, and it's just something he's gonna have to learn. The world doesn't revolve around him.

  113. NTA. It was YOUR sons b-day, so he got to pick his cake. So what if it's peanuts? You even provided a second cake to those who couldn't / didn't want to eat the peanut one. And from the info you posted, I also take that there were various other forms of protection to make sure your nephew wouldn't get an allergic reaction.

  114. NTA. But don't invite her son next time. Your son shouldn't be made to go without his favorite because of her child's peanut allergy. I think you were very accomodating.

  115. NTA. You got another cake and made sure they never touched each other. You took care of the vanilla cake first to avoid cross contamination.

  116. As someone with a severe nut allergy, I was always the child who had the alternative at parties. NTA, you took the precautions needed to make sure everyone was safe.

  117. I'm leaning more towards ESH. A someone else stated, a peanut cake for just your son would have made the risk of contamination so much lower. Every kid that touched or ate the cake ran the risk of getting your nephew sick, so personally I wouldn't have taken that risk.

  118. I’m sorry, i have to go with a super gentle YTA. I completely believe you that you took all necessary precautions, and had absolutely no ill intent.

  119. I know I will get so much shit for this comment.. but it's okay. You asked for an opinion and I'm telling you my opinion.

  120. NTA I feel like everyone is being a bit sensitive here. Op bought another cake and kept it in the kitchen to keep from cross contamination. Why is it her responsibility to make sure her nephew doesn't eat/touch the peanut cake?

  121. NTA op took precautions and it’s clear from her sisters reaction that the allergy wasn’t that severe. Instead of immediately gathering her son and removing him from a potential allergen situation she freaked out, had to be calmed down by her husband and then came back to chew OP out some more all the while doing nothing to protect her kid.

  122. NTA my son is allergic to peanuts. He knows he is allergic so he doesn’t touch anything with peanuts in it. You had a separate cake, you DID think about your nephew. I’m sorry she is having such a hard time. But she needs to get a grip and teach her son the dangers. She can’t remove peanuts from the world.

  123. Makes me laugh that everybody who has allergy kids says NTA, because we know it's our responsibility and not other people's.

  124. NTA. Odd man out here but my kid is getting what cake he wants on his birthday. Nephew can just stay home if he’s that allergic.

  125. YTA. My brother just smelled peanuts one time and ended up in the emergency room. Do you not know how severe allergies work? Clearly you don’t care about your nephew.

  126. Why would you even chance this? YTA because you knew about the severe allergy. Even if you take several precautions, there's plenty of chances for some sort of cross contamination like another kid getting the cake on him then touching your nephew. There's a reason workplaces or offices that have a worker with this allergy won't even allow peanut products on the property. Next time tell your kid "Lets pick out a cake that wouldn't kill nephew". It's not that hard.

  127. YTA … not for getting your son the cake he wanted but for not telling your sister in advance that there would be an allergen there. It could kill her son and you just assumed you knew what you were doing with a life threatening allergy when you obviously don’t

  128. This is so weird. None of my family, either on my side or my wife's, nor us, would ever get a cake that our relatives visiting for the birthday would be allergic to. That doesnt even make sense.

  129. You should have told all invitees that you would be serving peanut butter cake. It is a fairly common allergy. But you are not an asshole for getting your son one for his birthday. That's what he wanted, and it's his birthday, not anybody else's.

  130. YTA I didn't really get how serious these allergies were myself until I spent a weekend with my adult friend with allergies to an adult it's hard. No way that set up with kids was safe, even with separate counters etc. And doubly worse for not forewarning.

  131. INFO: how bad is the allergy? Will he go into anaphylaxis if he gets a whiff of a peanut or does he actually need to ingest it to have a reaction?

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