AITA for my husbands aunts tree being cut down?

  1. YTA for letting it continue when your husband said no. the aunt said no to the gate and no is a complete sentence. Your parents removed a tree from a yard they DO NOT own. How stupid and selfish of them. Everyone is the AH besides your husband, his aunt and family. The Aunt can hire a lawyer and sue your parents and the company who did it without her permission. And honestly I hope she does

  2. I hope they sue her as well. That’s just so selfish. It pisses me off. How could you completely go against someone’s word and think that you’re not the asshole for doing so. Of course you’re the asshole.

  3. “Oh the rent is super cheap so while I’m a tenant I am entitled to do whatever I want, including major structural work and taking down the landscaping, how was i supposed to know my late uncle in law planted that apple tree you can get apples from trader joes anyway, she overreacted to throw us out, I’m thrown under the bus by my parents who also think that rental = the property is mine to do as fit JUST SO THEY CAN FRIGGIN PARK A CAR boo hoo hoo.”

  4. She's been living in a nice place for barely anything for years and she can't even respect the rightful owner stance when said no. I sincerely hope they sue and take them to the cleaners.

  5. I agree completely. The aunt has treated them all very generously by allowing a month to month lease with what OP described as “super cheap” rent. I can’t believe OP believes she’s the one being “thrown under the bus.”

  6. I just wonder if this story is true - what construction crew starts a job without the owners or at least the main renter of the place being present? That's like asking for legal trouble. If true, aunt is fully within her rights to evict them, then to drag OP's father to the court for the damages.

  7. Replacing the tree could be a huge cost in addition to restoring the fence. There's an entire subreddit on tree law and cost of replacing mature trees. She should sue and of course pp should be out on her ass for not shutting this down.

  8. My great-grandmother planted a redwood tree she got from the San Francisco World's Fair in our yard. It came in a teenee potter-plant and she nurtured it with care for years. It's now the largest redwood north of California. I grew up in the house and have loved the tree and its story all my life. If some asshole took the tree down so her asshole family could park their RV, heads would roll. I would go scorched earth. I would ruin their lives for the depth of betrayal, deception, and mind-boggling sense of selfish entitlement.

  9. I bet this chick was thinking long haul and was playing 4d chess only in her mind moving her parents on the property hoping to one day own the aunts house.

  10. I assumed they wanted to live in the RV on the aunt's property. That's against bylaws in many cities

  11. I think OP planned this. This reeks of beg forgiveness instead of asking permission (yes they asked about the gate but not about anything else). It was an act. “Oh gosh darn gee whiz, what’s a person to do? How can I stop the big burly fence company? Oh no! Aaaaaaaahhhh I can’t prevent this! Woe is me!”

  12. On another point, she’s possibly effed things up for her husband in finding another place to live if they don’t comply with the 30-day notice because if the aunt goes through the rest of the eviction process; it makes it extremely difficult to find another decent rental to live in for about 7-10 years. For the husband’s sake I hope her she isn’t dumb enough to be entitled about that too and that she’s not there in a months time whining about the aunt going through the eviction process because of a mistake..

  13. I don't see this marriage lasting. If you already having communication issues and being selfish....and newly married???....

  14. YTA. NONE of this is fair to your aunt, and it doesn't matter if the tree was a random tree growing on her property or had a special meaning; you broke the lease and cost her damages and I would expect to be sued for the loss if I were you.

  15. Exactly. This was not their property to make irreversible changes to. Just like any other normal rental.

  16. Her aunt? Her HUSBANDS aunt. The audacity of both OP and her parents is beyond me and OP from her comments seems dense as hell. Poor husband and his aunt.

  17. What’s so surprising is she doesn’t realize that even if the tree was never touched and fine, she’s still the asshole bc it’s wrong in the first palce

  18. Except that cloning patented fruit trees is super-illegal (it's stupid, but it's true), and also, unless you're grafting it onto the right sort of root stock (probably dwarf or semidwarf) you're gonna end up with a monster tree that doesn't fruit for 15 years.

  19. Your dad is mostly the a-hole. He started the gate, plus he ordered the tree to be removed. BUT, why didn't you stop all of this as soon as you realized what was happening? You are the point-of-contact for your side of the family, so they blame you. You are going to have to own this one. YTA.

  20. Because she knew. She knew what her parents were doing. She lied to her husband, she lied to her husband's aunt, and now she's lying to AITA. What is your end game, OP? Are you waiting for just one commenter to side with you so you can show it to your husband and his aunt, thinking it'll save your marriage and your home? Are you going to wave it in front of the judge when your parents get hauled into court and sued? You and your parents are in the wrong. Nothing is going to fix this. I feel so badly for your husband and his family. You'll probably make yourself really hard to get rid of once he decides to divorce you.

  21. Probably because she was the one who told them to do it anyway in the first place. Would you make this expensive changes if you know you're risking the tenants coming home (and the will) and stopping you immediately at some point, or getting so angry they cut contact and you don't get to park the rv anyway?

  22. YTA. Why would your parents think they have the authority to come into town and wreck your the aunt’s fence? I’m going to guess and say you either didn’t tell them they couldn’t or you told them to just go ahead anyway…just like you told your dad to just finish the gate instead of paying so much more to repair the fence.

  23. lol and you believe her? The absolute obliviousness of OP to how badly she and her father screwed up feels like she’s trying to justify that of course she’s not at fault! Giving tacit permission without saying the words until it was too late so there was plausible deniability on her part but it doesn’t sound like anyone in her family is buying it.

  24. Not to mention... If there isn't a gate then there definitely isn't a concrete pad for the RV to park on. That means she just wanted to kill a section of the lawn/landscaping and leave bit ruts across the yard from driving it in and out..

  25. I’m with the other commenter. I assume OP told dad “you can put up a gate and put it in our yard” aunt said no and OP never told parents. It’s hard to believe this story otherwise. How could OP and father BOTH suck that much?!

  26. Actually, the husband told her parents the answer was no on the gate. The more I read through this post, the more I would not be the tiniest bit surprised if OP was conspiring with her parents about it. She said they came home and found construction had begun and that her husband was angry and told them to stop, but nowhere does she say that she was surprised to see the crew or that her parents would do that after they'd been told no. Nope, we don't have that. Instead, we have OP telling her husband that they may as well finish it because they've done so much already and it will cost more to put it back the way it was. I honestly think she might have been in on it.

  27. I’m not sure I believe that part of her account but if she did say no, she basically did the same thing to the aunt they did to her, so I think it’s a family trait. Just do what you want and expect others to fall in line 🤷🏽‍♀️

  28. I don’t know where her parents got the audacity, but it’s clear OP got hers from them. There’s something so funny about stories where parents show you exactly how their kids got like they did.

  29. You and your dad YTA. You rent someone’s house and ask to make permanent alterations and are refused. Then you go ahead anyway and cut down their tree to make it more convenient? I would throw you out too.

  30. That’s what I’m struggling to comprehend too , why did they think it’s okay to make these alterations against the wishes of the owner , how did they think it’s okay

  31. YTA I think what makes you the biggest AH is despite people explaining why it's wrong you still don't get what a bug deal this is. The compromise is that she isn't suing your family and the company did this. Like fence aside do you have any idea how much a fully grown apple tree. If my husband did this and continued to act like it was no big deal I'd seriously consider a divorce.

  32. She’s oblivious to anything you have to say! No respect for where she is living but perhaps her dad and mom have her so blindfolded on it?

  33. I hope she does sue them. Their entitlement seems astronomical and needs to be checked by someone! I would 100% divorce this woman too. This whole thing is mind boggling.

  34. YTA. The aunt said no. Doing something against her wishes and asking for forgiveness later isn't the adult thing to do, and you're going to find out she might not forgive.

  35. Oh I wish I could give you an award but here is my poor man’s🏆🥇Can’t believe her dad ignored the answer of NO and acted like a child. I truly hope the aunt sues them big time! It was not his daughter’s property! YTA

  36. I’m still shocked she had the audacity to go back and ask for forgiveness. She knew exactly what she was doing and I really hope the aunt doesn’t forgive her, because she blatantly went against her word

  37. i kinda feel bad for your husband. first, his in laws stomped on his (& his aunt’s) boundaries and ignored a “no” to their request. then, you told your dad to “finish the job” but have the audacity to be shocked pikachu face bc your dad had the tree cut down to fit his RV which the owner of the rental had said no to storing on her property.

  38. Medium YTA for not supporting your husband when he told your Dad to put it back as it was - " It would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. I told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean." NOT YOUR CALL!! It doesn't matter if it would have cost your Dad more to put the fence back as it was - he took it upon himself to modify property THAT WAS NOT HIS OR EVEN YOURS!!!

  39. I really hope the aunt not only sues OP and her parents, but that OP's husband leaves her entitled ass. I pray they don't have kids together.

  40. YTA. Your father is an inconsiderate and self centered asshole - and it seems the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

  41. OMG what is wrong with you and your family?? Your Dad brings in someone to do work on property he doesn’t OWN??? Your husband tells him to stop- and then you tell him to continue?? WTF?

  42. This is the correct answer. “I didn’t know he’d remove an important tree” is NOT an excuse to destroy her property— especially after she told you no.

  43. Yes YTA and I’ll explain why , you were aware the aunt did not want the gate and instead of siding with your husband and stop your father and the crew you told them to “ finish the job “ cause you felt it would cost more to rebuild the fence , this was not your property , it was not your call and if it was to Cost more so be it cause they had NO BUSINESS to build an RV gate at someone else’s property against the owners wishes to begin with , so no by allowing it to happen you’re also an AH but your father is a huge one

  44. YTA. You are a renter not the homeowner. Your aunt said no. Your dad had no right to put the gate or cut down her tree. You not telling him to stop immediately and put it back was wrong. I hope she sues both of you.

  45. OMG, that's not even taking into account that the fence company likely went out to measure and give an estimate before the work started. OP totally knew this was gonna happen but thought 'eh, what can aunt do?"

  46. YTA. She said no, and your dad went ahead and did it anyway, WITH YOUR COOPERATION. That you even have to ask is ludicrous.

  47. I mean, if my spouse cost me my relationship with my family by deliberately disrespecting them and going against their wishes regarding their own property. And actively cooperated in the betrayal of trust and then took absolutely no responsibility, and instead feels that the family member is the one being unfair. Yeah, divorce would be really attractive. Because it’s not going to get any better from here. OP has shown her true colours.

  48. You dad is TA, and he has some SUPER groveling to do. He sure dipped you and your husband in shit. Frankly, he sounds like that kind of person.

  49. OP won’t do anything to get her father into more trouble bc she places him above her husband and the landlord (whose property her father destroyed). i don’t blame the aunt for wanting them out of her home. OP and her father didn’t respect it, so why should the aunt let OP stay there?

  50. YTA and your dad is too. Who puts in an RV gate on someone else’s property without permission? And tears down the existing fence? And cuts down a tree? And after the owner said no to the RV gate from the beginning?

  51. YTA based on the post and your comments you’re missing the point. If you would’ve stood by your husband and just had them repair the fence this would be a none issue. But since you gave them the green light to continue, the tree being removed was 100% your fault. You acknowledged that the tree was preventing the RV from fitting so how else did you think they were going to get it to fit? The only thing you can do now is move out and accept that your actions will likely destroy the relationship with your in laws. Your husband may not be able to forgive you either.

  52. Yta. You asked the owner, the owner declined. Your dad proceeded to do it anyways. Your husband told him to stop and correct the thing the owner told you not to do, but you told your father to finish it anyway.

  53. You’re still not taking responsibility for your fuck up. You are not entitled to make decisions to a house you do not own. I’m glad you got kicked out.

  54. YTA You and your father are acting extremely entitled on someone else's property after being told a NO. How the hell did you give your dad an OK to make changes to something that is NOT YOUR PROPERTY. And why should your husband face the consequences of your own actions. You the asshole big time.

  55. YTA and so is your dad. The Aunt was asked and she said no and you still went ahead with it. It sounds like your dad is an entitled dick

  56. I'm seriously convinced that she heard the 'no' and decided Dad should go ahead and the aunt would have to deal since the deed was done.

  57. YTA YTA YTA. Your husband’s aunt explicitly said no. Clearly. Your dad did it anyways, destroying the aunt’s property, and you just let him continue????? Your dad is absolutely awful and this is on you too. Holy shit you owe your husband and his aunt a massive apology and your dad owes them reparations costs. Oh, and if it were up to me, I’d say Congratulations on your upcoming divorce.

  58. YTA. I’m fairly certain this is all a crime. I hope police reports are filed. That is your aunt’s property and she strictly forbade you to do it. You and your dad should be charged with vandalism. I’m not sure I see how this is repairable in your marriage.

  59. YTA and you both deserve the eviction. Don’t even fight it. Don’t put that pressure on her when you’ve so gravely wronged her. You are so abhorrently wrong. Who cares how much it would have cost your dad to put the fence back. He was wrong to start it in the first place.

  60. YTA - your dad seems to follow the act now, apologize later philosophy. That's a lot easier to do when there are no consequences to him if he is wrong. Just to you and your husband's living situation and your in-law's property.

  61. You and your dad are both assholes. Your dad more so. Who the fuck makes changes to someone else's property without their consent? I'm very much an amateur when it comes to the law in any country but, I think your aunt should pursue legal action because what the fuck is wrong with your father?

  62. YTA. You took advantage of the aunt’s kindness and just expected her to be a doormat and overlook your complete disregard for her feelings. It is not your property and you are acting like an entitled AH. Maybe your husband can work out a deal with the aunt where he can stay in the house if he kicks you out. You could always just stay in your parents’ RV in a Walmart parking lot!

  63. YTA Wow. What gave you the authority to say keep building the gate as it would cost more money to rebuild their fence? You're lucky you and your parents aren't in jail and you aren't (yet) in divorce court.

  64. Oh you & your dad fucked up bad. Do you know about tree law? She may or may not know about tree law but if she finds out and gets an appraisal done and pursues legal action? You’re screwed. Your dad ordered the tree to be cut down and you said to go ahead, if she finds out, you and your husband and your father will not be able to build up any savings for a while. Do not fuck with trees that aren’t yours, tree law is no joke. YTA.

  65. YTA - your dad really overstepped his boundaries and you told your dad to continue to screw up someone else’s property to save him money, adding a wrong on top of a wrong.

  66. YTA - you and your parents are huge AH's. What in the world made any of you think that it was okay to do this after she said NO???

  67. Holy cow, are you and your parents the AHs here. Horrible - no respect for the property of others. Your parents sound awful and entitled - and the fact that you can't understand that would make me run from you as fast as I could.

  68. YTA for not stopping your dad and kicking him off the property immediately and calling the aunt. Your dad is worse. No means no, for crying out loud. You are renters.

  69. YTA- You literally told them to finish the job even though your husband said to stop and put it back the way it was. What did you think was going to be done with the tree since it was blocking the way for the RV. The Aunt had already said no to any alterations which is her right since she owns the property. Don't be surprised if the hubs serves you with divorce papers, who wants to stay with some one who lets their family do what they want to someone else's property but can't own up to being in the wrong.

  70. YTA. Also, I'm just going to go ahead and reiterate as others have said. This is not fixable. There will be no compromises from your aunt. Expect a lawsuit and possibly selling the RV to reimburse her.

  71. YTA. Your aunt owns the house and property. She said no. Yet your father pushed through anyway, and you allowed for it. Neither of you had the right to do so. And especially not to cut down the tree. Don't be surprised if you are sued for the cost of the tree in addition to the costs to repair the fence. Tree law is not a joke, and this is a perfect example of why.

  72. Absolutely YTA and so is your dad. Your husband was in the right to tell them to stop. Who cares if it’s a lot of money for a project you didn’t even have permission for to begin with?! How do you even explain to her what happened?

  73. YTA. Big time. And the fact that you have to even ask this is sad. Yes, you didn’t know your father would do this but you just sort of shrugged when you found he hired a crew to damage something he had no right to. I’m shocked at the audacity.

  74. YTA You were getting a good deal on cheap rent, but that wasn't enough for you. When your Husband asked the Aunt if they could put a gate in the answer was no. Then your Dad took it upon himself to hire a construction crew to come out to your Husbands Aunts house? You are the biggest gaping AH. You are renters, and you seriously abused your Husbands Aunt. Why does everyone feel entitled to other peoples property or money? Do you think your Husbands Aunt owes your Parents a place to live? Do your Parents believe that Your Husbands Aunt owes them A place to park their RV? How did your family get so entitled? I hope your Husbands Aunt throws you, and your Freeloading parents out. She should sue you for cost to put things back exactly as they were too. YTA YTA YTA

  75. YTA you knew that auntie didn't want the fence and still allowed your dad go ahead with it even without the tree that's bad enough. If you have a little decency get out of the house is the best you can do considering all the damage done.

  76. Your whole family is the asshole! They need to put it back to how it was initially. You guys were severely trespassing. This was after the Aunt said no! The lack of respect is mind boggling!

  77. You are so much the AH here. You and your parents. You were told "no". You did it anyway. On someone else's property. You caused something precious to be destroyed. Now you've lost your own home, and quite possibly your husband.

  78. YTA and so is your dad, how entitled of your dad to go against the home owner and just do as he pleases and for you to go along with it. Now you're being evicted because of his and your actions. Go and tell your dad he can park his RV up his arse and follow him up there.

  79. Yta and you know it! Why can’t you say no to your dad? Also you are RENTING (ps look up the definition because you seem unclear) everything you did is within her declaring eviction Notice

  80. YTA. The aunt who owns the property and graciously let's you live there explicitly said no. Your dad came over to build a gate for an RV he doesnt even own yet. And the only play to park the RV was where the tree was, and you told your parents that was okay.

  81. YTA - make sure to post an update when your husband divorces you, and his aunt takes you and your entitled parents to the cleaners in court.

  82. YTA. I hope you husband thinks over your behaviour and reconsiders his commitment. You and your dad are bulldozers. That’s not good for any marriage.

  83. YTA bc when you asked your landlord for something and they said no, you did it anyway. It’s not your property

  84. YTA. 1st of all, this is NOT your property, you cant make any changes without the owners permission and she said NO. 2nd of all, you need to set boundries with your dad, what he did was totally inappropriate and if it is my property I definitely will sue you both. Now there is nothing to do but apologize again and again and look for another property you can afford and ask your dad to pay for it as because of him you are being kick out of the one you can afford.

  85. YTA. You let Daddy do things he was explicitly told NOT to do. You allowed him to alter/destroy property owned by someone else. You and your father showed a complete lack of respect or consideration for the aunt. You deserve to be evicted.

  86. Huge YTA and I read through all your replies so far and it’s extremely disgusting and lacking any sort of accountability. IT’s NOT YOUR PROPERTY. We’re you even gonna ask his aunt or was it only asked because he decided to. Regardless she said no. Your and your family are EXTREMELY SELFISH. You knew that the answer was no and went along and had a whole construction crew come and modify the fence and everything. “Add Value” my ass. You guys were gonna park the rv there and basically say “F U” to his aunt I live here. The entitlement is insane on this post. You can’t even apologize instead you want to “sit down and have a deep conversation” or “come to a compromise”. You should be sued to say the least and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the end of your marriage. This post is INSANE I can’t believe at the end you claim you feel like your being thrown under the bus. In your comments you say your family oriented and couldn’t stand up to your father seriously? No respect to his aunt who as you has stated is renting a lovely home SIGNIFICANTLY under market value. “I never told them to remove the tree” then you reply “well I knew it would need to go if they parked their rv there” I call BULL on it was to expensive to re build the fence. By telling them to finish you gave the Ok to cut down the tree. I’m shocked to say the least this is horrible what you have done and should be begging his aunt for forgiveness. Instead, your deflecting

  87. YTA. That tree is Irreplaceable, especially given the aunts late husband planted it. You should have immediately told your father no and to fix the fence the way it was. You had no right to allow this to happen. You are so disrespectful with another family members property. She already told you no. Your father clearly has very poor boundaries to think he can do whatever he wants to someone else’s property and YOU have poor boundaries for allowing him to do so. You will be lucky not to be sued. That tree may very well be worth 10,000$ 20000$ depending how established it was AND she could sue for emotional distress in addition to the property damage. You and your father could be facing criminal charges for trespassing and property damage. Well-great. Now you are homeless and have potentially ruined your husbands relationship with his family-all because you can’t say “no” and have so little disregard for this family members property. You are the worst kind of person. Entitled, not taking accountability, lacking responsibility. You messed up big time. Huge.

  88. You, and your dad, are big time TA. I would have terminated your lease, too. You had zero right to do that. You can rebuild a fence, you cannot replace that tree. You really, truly thought that was acceptable?

  89. YTA. I often roll my eyes at how litigious the US is but I hope the aunt sues the shit out of your father. Who by the way is a gaping AH. He could have paid $2k to fix his mistake but he could end giving his retirement money to your husbands aunt. I hope that happens. You enabled this. Good luck in your marriage going forward, you’ll need it.

  90. YTA. You were explicitly told no to any of the work and your dad does it anyway!! Entitled much?? Disrespectful towards the aunt and your husband.

  91. YTA Maybe you should go back and live with your parents so your husband can stay on his Aunt’s property. I find it hard to believe you didn’t know your dad was going to do this, but if you didn’t, your dad is a super AH

  92. I’ve been reading your responses OP and you seriously dont see how you could possibly be the asshole here. Let me break it down for you: You asked aunt. Aunt said no. Dad said “to hell with aunt, Imma do it” You said shoulder shrug Dad caused thousands of dollars of damage to aunts home. You said shoulder shrug Aunt said “get out”. You suprised pikachu face YTA. I hope your marriage can survive this, its going to be rough.

  93. YTA but your dad is worse. You owe the aunt a massive grovelling apology, explain that your dad did it without permission, you told him to stop and he proceeded anyway and that you had no idea on the importance of the tree. Is the tree cut off or fully ripped out? Can it be salvaged in any way? Or do you have the wood that you could get a carving done from? Maybe a miniature apple tree as an apology?

  94. YTA. Your father is an AH. Your father went onto someone else's property without their permission and damaged the property, as in changed it in a way he didn't have permission to and contrary to the owners wishes. You let your father do this.

  95. YTA, no questions or doubts. Your behavior was selfish and short-sighted. You owe your husband’s aunt an apology but I truly doubt you can come back from this. The lack of remorse from you only makes it worse.

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