AITA for calling my fiance selfish for refusing to let my dad walk me down the aisle?

  1. I don't know. I thought that these disagreements were minor and they will at some point move past them but it turns out I was wrong. He says it's his wedding too which's true but I really can't do this to my dad. I want him to be there with me and not just as a guest.

  2. Why are you marrying this guy? "Sell your truck or you're not my friend", "you're grieving too much, too publicly" (and then the gall to publicly shame your dad for not grieving to his standards), "you will be paying for my wedding". If he wants this to determine his relationships, that's his call. But to ask that you limit your relationships to the people he approves, that's awfully controlling and self centered. I doubt that your dad is the only person that brings out the self centered jackass in him. It sounds like you've dismissed an awful lot of his behavior.

  3. Wow, not married yet and he's already trying to isolate OP from her family. All of his issues with the dad are just ridiculous!

  4. Fiance is showing OP how he treats people who don't submit to him. I'm sure she would say "he's very nice to me" but for how long? Someone who is this much of a jerk is going to turn it on their partner sooner or later.

  5. YTA for planning on marrying this man. Although admittedly, I’m going with “asshole” because “dangerously oblivious to the red flag parade of signs your control freak fiancé is trying to drive a wedge between you and your family to what cannot possibly be any good purpose” isn’t an option.

  6. What do you think the chances are that as soon as she’s his wife he’ll expect her to not speak to her father because as a “good wife” she’ll support her husband’s feelings above her own or her father’s.

  7. You know what, I wouldn't have called her TA until this comment. You're right. She'd be the asshole if she marries him. She's be destroying all of her relationships and hurting the ones she loves if she let's this man continue to treat everyone this way.

  8. NTA and every one of the “disagreements” you listed sound like your fiancé being a jerk and your dad doing nothing wrong. And now your fiancé is trying to prevent you from having an important moment with your father on your wedding day because of petty nonsense. Your fiancé sounds a lot worse than selfish to me.

  9. NTA and think carefully before marrying someone who wants to alienate you from your father on the most important day of your life. These are RED flags'

  10. NTA. Keep your dad, dump the fiancé. Fiancé is petty, entitled, and a bully. Your dad has put you first. Your fiancé is putting you second. This is a wedding of each of you. Fiancé’s position is that this is HIS wedding. Your fiancé will next try to isolate you from your dad and older sister. When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them. Run.

  11. OP, your entire future will be "my fiancé is mad because the world did not meet his expectations." He's well beyond old enough to deal with minor issues in life with more grace than this. Your dad is your only family, family that you love, and he wants you to hurt your father because he doesn't have money? If anyone should be fuming, it's you.

  12. Yep, it sounds like OPs fiance has a bad case "can't mind my own business." He's gotten mad at OPs dad for (1) not taking his advice, (2) talking about something that was hard for him, and (3) being broke.

  13. Exactly this. Also, he thinks your dad should be grateful he’s even INVITED? Simply because dad didn’t have the money to pay? OP, I know everyone loves talking about red flags on this forum, but… for real, please notice the pattern here, and please be careful. <3

  14. INFO: Why are you marrying someone that hates your only parent and throws fits like a demented toddler, if you don't also hate your father?

  15. YTA for missing the bigger picture. Why on earth is it okay with you that the fiancee talks to your Dad, whom you love, the way that he does??

  16. Are you asking for advice on the best way to leave him? Or just want to know if you're the Asshole, cause honey, I will tell you now... Take the advice that all the people are giving you right now to leave these man, cause you are in for a life time of manipulation and abuse...

  17. NTA. Your fiancé is a controlling AH. I promise, Once you get married he’s going to want you to cut your dad out completely.

  18. Info: You talk so fondly about the relationship with your father and in general about him as a human being… and your fiancé seems to be the complete opposite. Do you really want to marry a man like that?

  19. sigh where. do. y’all. find. these. horrible. men? and why do y’all want to stay with them? I swear. Reddit women have a sixth sense that helps them find abusive, trashy men and then.. they just stay. even before marriage and kids. you will never have the chance to get out if you marry this guy. he will isolate you from your friends and family and then gradually build up to physically abusing you. that sounds extreme, but it’s a truth so many women face. especially when their partners display this sort of behavior early on.

  20. NTA and consider if this is someone that you really want to marry. He’s throwing down red flags. Why is he so intent on alienating you from your family?

  21. I must have missed it but what are your fiancé’s redeeming qualities because I failed to see any and am wondering why you are marrying this man who thinks it’s his job to tell others what to do.

  22. NTA, but your view of their relationship is very skewed. None of the examples you listed are your fiancé and Dad having different opinions about things, they are examples of your fiancé being a judgmental asshat who can’t mind his own business.

  23. I hope you take a good hard look on this "disagreement" and realize that this is what the rest of your marriage will look like. You expecting something 100% reasonable and your husband steamrolling you and putting his feelings above yours.

  24. NTA This is a parade of red flags, my dear!!! First business after marriage will be your soon to be husband cutting your father off from your lives. Then your sibling. Is that what you want???

  25. NTA. You fiance seems controlling and it won't get better. Does he isolate you from your friends? Keep your father and dump your fiance.

  26. NTA, it's alarming that your fiance has such a bad relationship with your father and seems to have no interest in repairing the relationship. If your father is important to you, your fiance should make an effort to have a positive relationship with him to.

  27. NTA. But you are marring a walking red flag that is actively trying to distance you from your family after only 2 years together. Think about it.

  28. He’s going to be an awful husband. He’s selfish, he’s rude (every instance you describe he was in the wrong for), and now he’s trying to isolate you from your family. This would not be a future I’d choose. NTA

  29. NTA. He has overstepped in the things he has said to and expected from your father and you’re being too kind entertaining this foolishness from your fiancé.

  30. NTA. Please don't marry this man. Things will only get worse. I would bet everything I own, that he will prevent you from seeing your dad once you are married. Don't do that to your dad.

  31. First it is he don’t want him to walk you down the isle, then it will be he don’t want him over for dinners, then it is no invite to family holidays, then no seeing your children. Run, don’t walk away from this man.

  32. NTA. But this man sounds like a toddler. You sure you want to deal with an AH who can’t make an effort to stay out of your dads business and then cry like a baby about it afterwards. Dump the man.

  33. Why would anyone marry a man that disrespects their father so frequently and has zero sympathy for the father’s grief? NTA but you will be if you marry this guy.

  34. Seriously rethink whether you want to be married to someone with so little empathy. NTA. You can have anyone you want walk you down the aisle, and this sounds like a great way to honor everything your father has done for you.

  35. NTA, your fiancé sounds like an entitled selfish child and I would really reconsider marrying him until he has grown up. He is your Dad, of course he should walk you down the aisle if that’s what he wants. Your fiancé doesn’t seem to care about what you want, only punishing your Dad for being poor. Maybe that’s why he suggested your Dad sell the truck, so that he could take the money?

  36. NTA but so many red flags from your fiancé!! Like everyone else said why are you marrying him? It would surprise me if he tried to keep you away from your dad after ya'll got married too. Your fiancé is selfish and is acting like a child.

  37. So, are you making a quilt with all these red flags? At the very least you need to reconsider your impending wedding until you complete pre marital counseling.

  38. NTA your dad sounds great and your fiancé sounds horrible. Please know that this is only the tip of the iceberg and if you do in fact marry this man it will only get worse

  39. NTA It’s the truth - your fiancé IS selfish and he’s the AH. He seems controlling and like he’s trying to end your relationship with your father, which given time I’m sure will happen. Please reconsider marrying this guy & be thankful that he’s showing you his true colors before you do.

  40. NTA But yikes.... This is not the time to get married to this person. He tries to control what your father does with his own property and gets mad when your father doesn't leap to obey him? He acted as if your father was stealing attention away for just talking about losing his wife and actively confronted him over it? He demanded your father can't walk you down the aisle because he won't pay money he doesn't have when the wedding is yours and your fiance's responsibility?

  41. NTA, unless you go ahead with this wedding. Pay attention to him trying to isolate you from your father. It’s not going to get any better from here. You do not want to go down this path.

  42. If I had a good relationship with my father, this would be a deal breaker…NTA you’re going to regret this marriage if you let him do this. He’s already treated your dad like crap…it’s not going to stop

  43. NTA but honey, he ain't the one. That's a whole lot of red flags coming out of the woodwork. Are you sure he's the person you think he is?

  44. YTA. Purely for wanting to get married to him despite him showing you every possible thing to show you how he’s not a good fit.

  45. NTA. Walk out of the aisle with your dad. You don't want to walk down the aisle to this man who is going to constantly put a wedge between you and your father.

  46. NTA, you need to reconsider everything. If this is happening now, what will happen once your married to him? Is he gonna make you go lil contact or no contact at all? What happens if you have kids, would he try to cut off your dad to visit? Seems like he will jeopardize your good relationship with your father.

  47. NTA and here is where the isolation from your family begins. Say for example you do as he has asks and your dad doesn’t walk you down the aisle which causes disagreements between you and your dad and your sister then extended family/friends and then a few months later he will make a comment about someone else in your life and that will cause other people to distance themselves from you or you from them. Then it will be something/someone else. He doesn’t like your job/what you’re wearing etc. please don’t marry this guy. Seems like he doesn’t like your dad because he puts him in his place.

  48. I honestly believe you do know you are NTA and you are looking for external people to make you aware about what you already know deep inside: you should not marry nor continue a relationship with this man.

  49. NTA. However your fiance is a controlling AH. You may want to slow down that wedding train to a stop and take a much closer look at that guy.

  50. NTA but your fiancé is exhibiting some HUGE red flags. You need to sit down and really think about whether you want to be married to someone like your fiancé. Do you really want to be married to someone who doesn’t get along with your father? I’m curious what your dad thinks.

  51. NTA. Everything you wrote about them not getting along and having different opinions is just your fiancé being an asshole. “Lucky to be invited”? Seriously? Because your dad is not wealthy? This attitude alone would make me walk away.

  52. Holy fuck lady. He’s called off the wedding. You just don’t get it yet. NTA AND fucking full stop. He’s abusing your Dad. Why would you love someone who does that to the man who really loves you more than life itself.

  53. YTA if you go through with wedding how can it even be a thought in your head to continue this relationship when he's showing his awful controlling abusive behavior wake up see the red flags. NTA for calling him selfish but if you go through with marrying him then your setting yourself up for a life of misery

  54. NTA Fing someone else to walk you down the aisle? More like find someone else to be at the end of the aisle. Jokes aside, do you really want to spend the rest of your life listening to your partner pick apart everything your dad does?

  55. NTA, honey, your ex fiancé really sounds like he is trying to isolate and alienate you from your remaining family. Please, please think hard about how you want to proceed.

  56. NTA but his behavior should be a red flag, and a big one. Is this the first time he's thrown fits and tried to manipulate you because he's not having it his way?

  57. OP, please notice the trend. Your fiancé is going to emotionally, psychologically, financially, and possibly will physically abuse you. This is not a good man.

  58. NTA and please don't marry this man. This is how he behaves BEFORE you tied the knot. Can you imagine what happens after you do? I can tell you from personal experience that it can be a lengthy, trying and incredibly expensive process to divorce people like this.

  59. Whoa. Your fiancé sounds…controlling. And manipulative. Honestly, he sounds toxic and I feel like he’s attempting to whittle down your family ties to slowly isolate you. Best way to start is going after your closest allies (like your father.) Beware of his behavior. There are red flags, and then there are Red Flags.

  60. Don’t marry this person. He sounds controlling and abusive. You deserve a life partner who treats your father with respect. Please see the hotline dot org for more info on what abuse looks like.

  61. Your fiance sounds like he's trying to isolate you from your father and destroy your relationship with him. Massive red flag. NTA. Your fiance is the asshole, massively. I would have your dad walk you down the aisle, but not for this man. For him I would run.

  62. NTA at all and I hope you don't back down from this one if the wedding has to go through at all - denying your dad the chance to walk you down the aisle as a punitive measure for not having the money to contribute to your wedding is straight up disgusting. Both you and your dad deserve a hell of a lot better than the treatment you've described.

  63. NTA This will be the rest of your life if you marry him. He’s showing you who he is, a controlling asshole who wants to isolate you from your family. It will only get worse once you’re married.

  64. NTA. Maybe it’s just my family but I wouldn’t marry someone who can’t get along with the people I care about, is this just a me thing? Idk it’s just important for me to have that peace in my life. The way I look at it is if you’re marrying him you intend on him being with you for life, you’ll have to put up with a life full of petty shit like this. Eventually, he’ll ask you to choose between him or your father, this is the first step in that.

  65. NTA, don’t walk away from this guy …. RUN! Seems like he looks for any reason to start shit with your Dad. Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life?!?

  66. Sorry but if it upsets him so much, I would cancel the wedding. You're 100% NTA, your father is 100% NTA, but your fiancé sounds like a dipsh*t

  67. NTA major red flag with him disrespecting your father you probably don’t see the issue because you love the doofus but it’ll only get worse. Maybe consider pushing the wedding back or cancelling all together if he doesn’t respect your dad now he never will. Stand your ground

  68. NTA but you will be TA to yourself if you marry this person. Step back and think about this carefully. He is bossy and a bully - trying to tell your dad what to his property and to you about who walks you down the aisle. He is insensitive to your Dad’s pain of losing his wife and to you wanting your supportive dad beside you on your big day. He is manipulative and unsupportive. Run done walk away. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

  69. Sweetheart, when someone shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM. This is never going to be an equal, supportive partnership for you. There are plenty of men who would treat you the way you deserve, but you only have one father, and it sounds like you have a pretty great one. You DESERVE a man who will respect you AND your family. I PROMISE there is someone better for you.

  70. NTA. Throw the whole boy away. He’s so disrespectful to your family. I wouldn’t put up with it. Who walks you down the aisle is your choice. Not his. He’s trying to control you. It’s only going to escalate from here. Run.

  71. NTA. Pause for a moment to consider that your fiancé doesn’t want your dad - who clearly loves you, has worked to the bone to support you, and with whom you have a great relationship with - because he doesn’t “feel comfortable”. This man is trying to alienate you from your dad, even before the wedding.

  72. NTA clearly ur fiance is a mean soul. your dad devoted his life to you and your sis and if u dont let him walk u down the aisle you will break your dads heart and then some. please re think this marriage becuase its a big red ass flag waving on how your fiance will treat u in the future like if u have a child your fiance may say o ur dad is not allowed to see the child. list goes on

  73. NTA - if your fiancé is this controlling before the wedding, you may want to think twice about who you want to meet you at the end of the aisle. It will only get worse.

  74. NTA, but if you don’t see the marinara flags all over your fiancés behaviour, YWBTA to yourself for going ahead with this wedding. Seriously, you should dump him.

  75. NTA cause what you said was true, but you need to think hard if this is the man you want to be with for the rest of your life who seems to have a problem with your dad.

  76. NTA. You described a series of your finance getting mad at your dad for very little reason, or picking fights with your dad . Is this how he is with everyone, or is it just with your dad?

  77. NTA but your fiancé is… none of the things you mentioned are legitimate reasons to be upset with someone. Your father is allowed to handle his possessions and finances as he so pleases and he’s allowed to deal with the passing of his own family however he feels.

  78. YTA if you stay with this guy. He has not shown an ounce of empathy once, and sounds abrasive. Sounds like your dad has done NOTHING wrong, and your fiancé wants him away, think about that, if you do something slightly not to his liking, is he going to treat YOU the same way? He's showing his real colors, it's time to listen. N T A at the moment, but seriously, re-think this guy for a min.

  79. Seems like you’re being given an “out” before you’re legally tied to this guy. I’m so close to my mom and would leave someone the moment they purposely said something unkind to or about her (my father sucks, so trashing him is okay lol).

  80. I’m going to say, since you love and respect your father so much, maybe you should trust his judgment of your fiancée. Your fiancée sounds like an awful human being.

  81. Girl please reconsider marrying this guy, anyone that tries to do this kind of thing is not a good person. He sounds obnoxious. You are NTA but you will be if you let him dictate and get his way on this. He is acting like a spoilt brat.

  82. NTA but you would be if you marry this man. Your dad isn’t entitled to pay for your wedding. He raised you as a single parent and he EARNED his right to walk you down for that alone.

  83. NTA. You need to seriously reconsider walking down that aisle at all. Your bf is a control freak, and I'm seeing 🚩🚩🚩 in the way he overreacts to people not pandering to him - there is no give and take, only take. His controlling behavior is not going to get better after you get married, and your life will be a nightmare if you ever have children with this guy.

  84. NTA. I’m gonna say this as kindly as I can but it’s incredibly clear your fiancé is trying to alienate you from your family. That is abuse. You posted on this subreddit so you’re at least somewhat willing to take advice from strangers, so… please leave him. Please take off the rose colored glasses and run back into the safety of your dad and sister. If the catalyst is how your fiancé treats your dad then so be it, but try to do it for yourself.

  85. NTA. He yells at you. He tells you what you are and aren't allowed to do. He us trying to alienate you from your dad, as nothing your dad did or said was wrong.

  86. Girl, why are you even marrying him? Every example you gave of why they don't get along proves this is all your fiancé's fault. He's controlling and wants to insert his opinions where it's not needed and throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. You might have a good relationship with your dad now but that will end after you're married. Your fiancé will make sure that happens. NTA but you will be to your dad if you marry this dickfart.

  87. INFO: how does the fiancé get along with your big sister? And your friends? I’m not one to jump on the ‘leave him’ bandwagon we usually see on this sub, but there are so many red flags flying around here that I have to question why you are marrying this man. The reason I asked for extra info is it certainly seems as though he’s trying to isolate you from your dad. Your fiancé sounds incredibly immature, and like he throws a tantrum whenever someone doesn’t do what he wants them to do. Selling your grandfather’s truck? Policing how your father grieves? And then, knowing how tight things have been for your family, expecting a handout for the wedding? Honey, I hope you read this. You deserve better than to have to live your life with someone who treats your dad this way without any reason. He’s trying to make it so that you have to choose between him and your dad. Please, please do not marry this man. NTA

  88. NTA in this situation but I think YTA to your dad. Dump this boy and move on. Your life will be so much better, I see 🚩🚩🚩🚩everywhere and from the way your speaking if he’s not already physically abusive I can see him being like that when your married. He’s already emotionally abusive and clearly financially abusing your dad. If he doesn’t pay for HIS wedding your dad isn’t allowed to walk his daughter down the isle. That shouldn’t even come up in any conversation he’s trying to control everyone around him.

  89. You’ve known and loved your Dad your whole life. You’ve known this guy for how long? None of what your fiancé complains about your Dad doing is unreasonable. Please trust what you know about your Dad, and compare it to how this guy is acting.

  90. NTA for calling him selfish but YTA for letting this man disrespect your own father like this . You will loose your father but not because of death. As you claimed you are someone who grow up with a loving father who is close to you, how you ended up with this person ?!! And why are planning marriage with him?!!

  91. WTF??? Did you read your post? YTA for staying with this man. Things will only get worse. What’s gonna happen next when your parents don’t give him money when he wants it, he’s going to demand you go no contact with him?

  92. And you want to marry this guy, why? What does he bring to the table? And don't say he magnificent except for this one thing.

  93. YWBTA if you married this guy. OP you’re 23. You don’t have to settled for this AH. Your dad taught you how a woman should be treated and loved long after “til death do us part.” Your fiancé lacks those qualities. Don’t waste your life with this guy.

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