AITA for no longer wanting to pay for a trip abroad if my (pregnant) wife won’t allow me to consume any alcohol on said trip

  1. As a pregnant woman, exactly this. I've asked my husband not to get drunk, and also not to drink my favorite drink in front of me, but completely abstaining is a ridiculous ask.

  2. I mean, I get your concept, my only issue with this is that it's not really fair to compare it to addiction or being on a diet. Yes, the wife chose to be pregnant, but OP chose to help make that pregnancy, so they are both responsible.

  3. I agree I'm 15 weeks pregnant and I'd never tell my fiance he couldn't drink or even smoke weed just because I cant. It doesnt bother me. Just because I cant do something doesnt mean he cant. NTA, OP. your wife is being ridiculous.

  4. Your wife is punishing you because she can’t drink. She doesn’t want you to enjoy if she can’t. That’s very selfish. You should be able to have a beer and drink on vacation. NTA.

  5. This now I am currently in recovery my wife still drinks on occasion, my only request not even rule is if you're drinking please pop a mint before you kiss me. Now she will only drink rarely out of respect for me but I never once told her she's not allowed to.

  6. I came here to post something very similar! I'm also a recovering alcoholic. I'm happily in a place where the idea of using alcohol as a relaxation tool is laughable (FOR ME), but if others can only have a drink or two then by all means, go for it. I refuse to let my sobriety get in the way of others responsibly living their lives--my problem is not theirs. If I'm uncomfortable in a situation where there's alcohol, it's on me to do something about it/leave, not on everyone else. I guess for short-term sobriety, I can see how this doesn't necessarily register and how a pregnant person might adopt a "misery loves company" attitude towards abstaining, but it's not right.

  7. I appreciate this. 99.9% of the time if someone else isn't drinking because of sobriety I will abstain because it's a considerate thing to do. But if someone came up to me and told me I'm not ALLOWED to drink because they aren't? Uh, no.

  8. I came here to say this. NTA and OP, the whole deal was unreasonable and irrational from the start. The trip only put that into focus.

  9. I agree with you 100% but I want to add a question. Is the pregnant wife an alcoholic struggling to stay sober for the sake of her baby?

  10. I feel like trying to control your partner in any way and using pregnancy as an excuse is a red flag. Hope they have a sit down...

  11. I've been pregnant for 3 of the last 5 years and I 100% agree with you. I asked my husband to refrain from getting drunk to the point that I couldn't enjoy his company when it was just the 2 of us but that was it.

  12. You're right. Complete balderdash. I guess it's a little late for relationship change now that she's pregnant. Definitely need some expectation discussions. Could go both ways. But pregnant wife is being ridiculous (assuming OP doesn't go insane with alcohol).

  13. i had a gastric sleeve in 2019 and couldn’t eat solid foods for around 3 months. it was absolute agony. i never ever told me husband that he can’t eat around me. he would always ask to order a pizza to be considerate, but my relationship with food is on my own. it was definitely a lot harder being starving + not able to eat and being around food, than being pregnant and around alcohol. she just sounds controlling and not able to handle the responsibility on her own.

  14. I don’t feel like someone with a healthy relationship to alcohol would cancel what is basically a once in a lifetime trip just because they can’t drink.

  15. I agree. When I was pregnant I didn’t ask my husband to stop drinking until the very end of my pregnancy. My reasoning was that in the last couple of weeks baby could come at any time and I wanted him to always be sober so that he could drive me to the hospital at any time and be fully present for the birth.

  16. I completely agree Nta! I love rare steak so I just asked my husband not to eat it rare but I didn’t say he couldn’t have steak. Then I got gestational diabetes I just asked we had nothing that would tempt me in the house but anything sugar he liked he could have as long as it wasn’t something like peeps or dunkaroos. To demand you not have anything because she can’t drink is ridiculous.

  17. Agree. I’ve been pregnant and breastfed three times. If my husband wanted to have some drinks that’s fine, and didn’t bother me at all. I almost feel like I’d be ruining part of the fun - one of the nice things about going on vacation is being able to sample drinks and food from that region.

  18. I agree can’t believe all the folks saying he should suffer alongside her. I’ve been pregnant and breastfed twice and did not bother me at all that my husband could still drink. Maybe it’s she who has the complicated relationship with alcohol if she centers it so much.

  19. Exactly!! The term “misery loves company” applies here. This woman has the mindset of “if i can’t have it, no one can!” That way of thinking is selfish and extremely entitled. If I’m paying for a nice vacation and my significant other isn’t contributing anything to it, i’d be dammed if they try to tell me what i can and can’t consume during it. NTA, OP.

  20. ITA I’m also pregnant and who cares if my husband has the occasional puff or drink? It’s not bothering me. OP is NTA

  21. Yup. Totally agree. I just don’t understand the mindset that “if I can’t, you can’t.” It’s incredibly selfish.

  22. Also pregnant here and was a daily smoker of weed for over 7 years. Fiancé and I are not much of drinkers. Occasional and only a few. He offered to not drink with me (his choice he had contemplated for awhile) but he still smokes. Does it make me sad I can’t partake? Hell yeah. Am I going to say he can’t because I can’t? No. That’s not fair. He’s helped me out so much since becoming pregnant. The least I can do is let him blow some steam off. NTA

  23. NAH... i just don't get why you would throw away the trip abroad just because you can't drink. it really feels like a huge overreaction.

  24. I agree - like, this is their LAST trip as a child-free couple. They will literally NEVER have this chance again for at least like 18 years because they will have to either take the kid along, find care for the kid, be worried about the kid, etc. And he says they usually only drink once or twice a month anyway. Why is alcohol suddenly such a necessity that he's willing to give up this one last trip before the baby comes because his wife doesn't want him to drink? I don't get it.

  25. Also this couple seems to be unable to last a week without substances in normal circumstances. How will they care for a child? You can't have both parents drunk and/or high whem caring for a child. The no drinking won't stop after nine months. Let's be honest.

  26. I think the wife is overreacting. I would never tell my husband he couldn't drink just because I can't for 9 months...

  27. Honestly, I wonder about OP's accuracy of description when he is completely willing to cancel an entire vacation solely because he's been asked not to drink alcohol.

  28. Depending on where you are traveling, drinking different alcoholic beverages could be a big part of the draw to the area. If I was taking a trip to Italy for example a big part of that trip would be trying all sorts of wine.

  29. Idk… depending on where he’s going, the drinking matters. If I had to spend an entire vacation in the south of France sober, I’m not going.

  30. I don't know where this trip abroad should go, but going to europe and be not allowed to have a glas of wine or beer with dinner would suck

  31. You haven’t had a holiday for years, and you’re about to have a baby. Take the holiday. Everything changes when the baby comes. It won’t be the same after this.

  32. Thank you for a voice of reason. While I did not ask my husband to give up any vices during pregnancy, it does suck at times to have to go Cold Turkey on weed and drinking and soft cheese and sushi and drastically limit caffeine, to have nausea and body aches all the time, to sleep poorly and have every bodily function change like heartburn and pooping and breathing and eyesight, to have your form expanding and changing and leaking new and unexpected fluids, to lose mental and physical stamina and balance and self-esteem, all while your partner is just living the same. Especially because you’re doing all this to build a family for the both of you.

  33. Agreed. This has been the most measured response so far. I mean, OP isn't an AH for making a choice about what he consumes. But, this seems like a weird hill to die on.

  34. He just bragged about how much money he is making while she is creating a whole another person inside her. OP seems to think those are equal things somehow and that she is not contributing anything towards their life. That’s what the last part of the post sounded like to me. You actually made it sound nicer by saying he is great provider.

  35. honest question, why is that ridiculous? she has already all the pain and other uncomfortable feelings, can’t smoke and drink so THEIR kid is born healthy. shouldn’t it be the least to be a supportive partner and also don’t consume while she can’t? (this is not a dig I’m really interested why you’d think that’s so ridiculous)

  36. I understand asking him to give up SMOKING weed- doing it inside the house could potentially lead to her breathing it in and getting a contact high. It reeks and clings to your clothes and as someone dealing with morning sickness right now, that would really bother me. That being said, when we found out we were pregnant, my husband said he should stop taking edibles, and I told him there was no need, at least before the baby arrived. I can also see asking a partner to cut back on drinking if they had been doing it excessively and the wife wanted to Make sure her partner would be on a place to care for the child when it was born. But that REALLY doesn’t seem to be the case here.

  37. Fuck your last statement. He doesn't have a problem - he stopped drinking and smoking in solidarity with her. He. isn't saying, "I need a drink to relax." He's saying, "I'd like to indulge and have some drinks ON VACATION." He wants to enjoy his vaca the way he wants to. And if you are in a special place in Europe, you may want to indulge in the cultural delights - German beer, French wine, a Bellini in Venice, etc. I'd be hella pissed if I couldn't fully experience a culture because my killjoy partner takes the stance that, "If I suffer, you suffer." Fuck that. We should all want to maximize our partners' happiness.

  38. I’m not sure why you felt the need to comment on his alcohol intake status. It seems pretty clear that he’s upset about being forbidden to do something, not that he can’t function without alcohol.

  39. I have gone back and forth, and I realize it isn't popular, but I am going to go with YTA. I originally thought ES.H, but honestly? She isn't asking for anything that you aren't expecting from her, and you are using your financial leverage to try to force her to accept you doing whatever you want.

  40. OP is also indicating that if they were to take the trip after the baby was born, he'd be allowed to drink then and the wife can...look after the kid, I guess. So she does all the hard work of carrying the baby, then gets to do all the hard work of raising the baby so he can have his precious alcohol?

  41. Thank you!! Whether or not the request was unreasonable doesn’t matter: you resolve that sort of conflict without using financial leverage over your partner and retaliating to get what you want.

  42. Reading comments comparing being pregnant to being on a diet just reinforces why I don't want kids. Women have to be uncomfortable and refrain from unhealthy things to grow a child they both want, but the mindset is that it's her problem to go through alone. Even other women agree. She obviously loves smoking weed and drinking. It's more like eating dessert in front of someone who has only just learned they are diabetic when they used to eat dessert pretty often. She wants to drink and can't because she is carrying his baby and the reaction is, "well why should that impact him?" I dunno, because it's his damn baby too.

  43. It's your call, but honestly I don't think it's unreasonable to not drink when your partner can't. If you 'need' a drink to relax and to enjoy yourself, there's an issue. So NAH.

  44. ESH - you guys should work harder on a compromise. And maybe also think about learning to relax without the use of substances. If that's your ONLY way to unwind that's not great. A beer with dinner yeah and smoking even a few times a week is no big deal but if you have no other ways to chill it sounds like you ha e a problem.

  45. I-N-F-O: Is she expecting you to give up all drinking in front of her, or drinking in general? Like if you go hang out with a friend, would she expect you not to drink then? Because it would be very shitty of her to expect you not to drink even when she's not around.

  46. In my opinion, YTA. I feel many of the redditors here never experienced pregnancy. I am at the moment 38+ weeks pregnant, and I enjoy to smoke weed and have a drink. Being pregnant can be HARD! The nausea, the tiredness, the heartburn, unable to breath properly, lack of sleep. My husband wanted my pregnancy as much as I did, and therefor I do think he should be supportive. I have not asked him to stop smoking and drinking, like OPs wife did, but I have definetely asked him to slow it down and do it away from me. We went away for a couple of days and we went for dinner every night. All I wanted was to have a glas of red wine or a cocktail. The suffering! While I did not ask him not to drink at all, I did ask him to have beer or white wine, that I like less. Maybe OP can suggest something similar. Also, there might be another issue at play, like the SMELL! I have developed supersenses and I hate alcohol breath. It makes me so nauseous. Maybe that is also going on. I think OP is being childish for immediately wanting to cancel the vacation. Another thing that rubs me the wrong way that make me feel like OP is an AH, is how he mentions their finances. When you are married and decided to have a child, I feel like you should be more of a team. I am the only one with an income, but I would never use that to make decisions alone. My husband has as much of a say in how we spend our money (that technically, I bring in). How are you going to be equal parents when the little one comes?

  47. During my first pregnancy, the smell of beer made me vomit. I couldn’t sit across from someone drinking one without running for the bathroom or bushes. It was intense.

  48. I was pregnant with triplets and I would never even think to ask my husband not to drink. And that was a pretty miserable pregnancy. However, I did expect him to get me chocolate milkshakes when I had a craving. Lol.

  49. I think everyone is making a bigger deal than this needs to be. It’s unreasonable to ask someone to not have even one beer on vacation. We all have long days and it’s not like he’s saying he’s black out drunk every night . I like to have a glass or two of wine after a long week and I definitely like to enjoy a few cocktails on vacation. I don’t think he has an alcohol problem and smoking weed responsibly as an ADULT doesn’t mean they have a problem either. I get that she’s pregnant and doesn’t want anyone to have fun without her but that’s an unfair ask of someone that’s essentially taking on the burden of literally everything else.

  50. I'm going with YTA because if the whole point of a vacation for you is alcohol instead of idk, enjoying time with your wife and you are totally incapable of having fun without alcohol, my dude you have a problem.

  51. Tbh it depends from person to person and couple to couple. In My personal opinion, a person does give up a fuck lot during pregnancy, and if she wants her husband to stand with her he should. It's not like she is asking him to sleep on the floor cuz she has backpain or something. It's substance. He can live without it for a a few months. So the husband is a slight YTA. But slight because again if he doesn't want to he has a right not to agree.

  52. INFO: Which month she will be while on vacation? Could there be another reason she doesn't want you to be intoxicated, e.g. if something is with the fetus?

  53. Is it fair that your wife has to risk her life and develop health problems that will shorten her life span for you to have a child and all you had to do was cum?

  54. It sounds like he is a problem drinker if being unable to drink would ruin the whole vacation for him to the point he'd prefer to not go at all rather than go and not drink. This is their last chance for a trip like this before the baby comes and he'd rather cancel it because he cares about alcohol so much, since apparently he's unable to relax on a fun vacation with his spouse if he can't drink. That definitely sounds like a problem.

  55. ESH. She shouldn't be controlling you, but you don't think you can enjoy vacation without drinking? Is that really the hill you want to die on?

  56. YTA. If you rarely drink as you say you do, why, exactly, can't you relax without booze while on vacation? I agree, it's unreasonable that your wife demands you stay sober 100% of the time. But you planned a vacation for the two of you, but now that you know you can't drink, you're throwing a tantrum and cancelling the whole trip. You sound like a raging alcoholic, because who cancels a nice vacation over booze!? You're on a power trip. You'll survive without alcohol, I promise.

  57. Given OP's replies, I have a feeling that his power trips are the new normal since he's the one "working more". "It's my way or highway!"

  58. YTA - learning to relax without substances is a vital adulting skill that you're going to need when you're a parent.

  59. I feel like if not being able to drink means you would cancel a whole trip, then it sounds like you have substance abuse issues. And if your wife doesn’t want to be around alcohol- I think you should support that. Chalk it up to a sacrifice you make while she sacrifices her own peace of mind, health, and body for the sake of growing your child 🤷🏽‍♀️. Regardless this sounds like a normal issue during a transformative time so NAH. Though I’d really recommend you try to do something since y’all both deserve a break and consider making it a sober occasion. It’s terrifying having a child and realizing you’ve never actually engaged with the partner you procreated with sober.

  60. Your comments keep stating you only drink once or twice a month, so it's not that important, but it was important enough that you canceled an entire vacation over potential drinks that you might have been able to have. I get that it rubbed you wrong that your SO just said "no" and that you're probably tired of people telling you she's pregnant and not going to be super reasonable about some things, so I'm not exactly getting your complaint? You want those drinks bad enough that you will deny her a pre baby vacation if you don't get them but also that you don't drink very much? The contradiction is confusing. What are you looking to find by airing this story online? Right now all I feel is sympathy for your wife who will not get the chance to enjoy some free time before the baby arrives because your unimportant drinks are now the hill you are prepared to die on.

  61. Because people do things they normally do in moderation on vacation more. Expensive dinner, drinking, spending money etc. especially if they are planning to go to an all inclusive resort or something. People let loose and relax on vacation and if OPs definition of relaxing is drinking mai tais on the beach he should be able to do that.

  62. ESH. It's a silly request and you should find out why she wants you to not drink. Maybe pregnancy is making her feel very alone and she wants you to show her some support? Maybe she's really struggling with not being able to smoke a drink and she's afraid that watching you do it will be to much for her. On your side why would not drinking ruin a vacation? That is a problem if you can't relax without a drink. Talk to your wife.

  63. It’s extreme to say you can’t drink at all (I have been pregnant 2.5 times and never expected my husband to go dry). It also extreme to cancel the entire vacation- the last one you’ll have pre-kids because you can’t have a few beer. And I get it- food and drink are a huge cultural experience and I travel to experience the culture. But, are there compromises instead of both throwing things in each other’s faces?

  64. Look, I understand why you’re frustrated that she’s asked you to not drink when you think you should. But canceling the trip won’t solve your problem. It’s a bandaid move for your real problem. Go talk to her! Validate her feelings and express yours. See if there’s a compromise you can make

  65. Wow, so if you can't drink on a trip you don't even want to take the trip? You might want to look at your relationship with alcohol. YTA.

  66. YTA- is “just a beer or cocktail at dinner” really more important than creating memories on your last vacation as a childfree couple? I feel canceling the whole trip over something so petty is just manipulative.

  67. Hm, your wife’s demand is weird. But needing to have alcohol to enjoy a trip is kind of weird too. I get wanting to fully unwind on a nice vacation though. Food for thought: once you have a child, any vacation will not be nearly as relaxing as it will be now- unless you know you can leave the child with someone. And even then you may not want to be away from the baby for very long. I would go on the nice vacation now, while you still can. If you take a baby on a vacation it is called a “family trip”- bc you’re doing all the parental things in a different place.

  68. It’s not so much of a need just when you pay a lot of money for something you like to enjoy it to the fullest and a drink with nice weather and fancy food is my idea of a good time

  69. NAH. Obviously, her wanting support being sober while pregnant is reasonable, but so is you wanting to *unwind* on a trip. Do a smaller "babymoon" trip.

  70. My wife found out she was pregnant right before we went on a trip to Napa Valley. She joked that she would be eating for two, and I’d be drinking for two.

  71. ESH. Her, for insisting you don’t drink at all just because she can’t. You, for insisting a trip where you can’t drink isn’t worth taking.

  72. NTA- you and your wife need to sort some things out. I’m all about giving up substances in solidarity. After all, she can’t, in good conscience, drink or smoke. But this should be your choice, not a requirement.

  73. Also- having trouble determining how much of this is about your power struggle or if part of this is a substance issue. So- that is worth looking at as well.

  74. INFO: How much are you planning to drink? Like just a glass of wine with dinner? Or getting blitzed in the bar while she sips a water? What are the activities you plan on doing with your wife? What kind of trip is this? If you can’t enjoy it without alcohol, will your wife be able to enjoy it pregnant?

  75. Info: are you ok with her also having a glass of wine here and there? Because there’re a lot of doctors who do think it’s fine.

  76. Ehhhh... Did you agree to have the baby together? Was it something you both wanted? Just her? Just you? When deciding to try for pregnancy, did you discuss giving up weed/alcohol? During that discussion did you tell your wife "Sure, I will support you for 9 months by also not smoking/drinking"? Did she only agree to pregnancy after such a talk?

  77. YTA, my dude. Instead of negotiating with your wife on the drinking thing (you agreed to it!), you punish her financially. You're married and about to be a father. You don't get to wield "your" money to punish your loved ones when you're angry at them. What next? Won't let your wife buy new clothes because she annoyed you? Refuse to pay for your kid's college if he doesn't want to play football with you?

  78. So you me wife demands you don’t drink, and you think not drinking is not going to make the trip enjoyable enough to go? God both of you are immature. It’s honestly sad when people can’t have a good time/relax without drinking or smoking.

  79. I guess just when I’m having a really shitty day at work sometimes I day dream about just laying on the beach with a cocktail in the sun and I want that

  80. I can't really judge this because it's not adding up. Your wife clearly doesn't want you drinking which indicates concern over your health or control, but you're saying that you drink very little.

  81. I dunno who's the A H... BUT I know the amount of people who can't relax without making use of drugs (including legal ones) are more than one might think, or believe.

  82. I wanna say NTA but your wife is pregnant, if she has an emergency she needs you to be sober to get her to a hospital. Canceling a trip because you can’t drink not only makes YTA but it’s pretty sad too. You can enjoy yourself and relax without intoxicants, if you honestly can’t do it without intoxicants, then you need to step back and think to yourself why is it you can’t relax or enjoy yourself without some kind of substance. That is something you should work on now because once you have that kid life is not going to go back to you and your wife partying it up.

  83. So I was originally going to say NTA but on further thought, I’m going ESH because you are both being so incredibly extreme on something that should honestly be petty and nbd that it makes me wonder if you’re leaving out context about either of your histories with alcohol.

  84. I think this is incredibly embarrassing for you. You would rather die on this hill and not go on vacation because your wife doesn’t want you to drink?? Is drinking really that important to you? Your wife wants you to be in solidarity with her as an act of support. I think it’s the least you can do to sacrifice these small things when she is making a FAR bigger sacrifice growing and carrying your child for 9 months. grow up, you are about to be a father, is drinking going to continue to be this important to you??YTA.

  85. I’m saying YTA, if it were me personally. I can get everyone’s answers for the opposite but this personally would be a hard no for me. If my Fiancé couldn’t go that long without drinking to the point he’d miss a vacation, I’d not be interested. The fact that OP describes that his job is stressful and that he needs to drink for that reason is a red flag for me. Canceling a trip over alcohol would be a red flag. BUT as I said, this is personally. I had an abusive ex who was fine until he drank and it was a year of literal torture. My fiancé knows this and knows I’m not a fan of alcohol and we do it very very rarely. We also spoke on those boundaries/concerns in the beginning and he was fine with not drinking when I was pregnant. And I’ve never understood men who say no because they aren’t the one pregnant, like if y’all enjoyed these things before and you know she’s struggling it’s the least you can do lol. But I guess have fun giving up a great vacation over alcohol.

  86. ESH - I just really don't understand people who can't enjoy themselves without alcohol. I think it's silly of your wife if you really mean a few during the course of the vacation and not a few with every meal, but also keep in mind, that you have a baby coming and you will not be able to do this kind of trip again for YEARS, however you will be able to have a beer after the little one goes to sleep much sooner than that.

  87. NTA. Your wife sounds very controlling. I don’t think it’s right that she is asking you to give up alcohol while she is pregnant. Giving up the weed is understand able because of second hand smoke and the smell on your clothes. Cancel the trip.

  88. I agree and have tried but I always get guilt tripped into “not being in solidarity with my pregnant wife” I mean look at the comments here…

  89. NTA. She's demanding control over your bodily autonomy for no reason other than to "even the score". Sounds a bit selfish and controlling.

  90. NAH…but why would you want to drink when your wife is pregnant. Anything can go wrong. It’s messed up you’d cancel a trip over booze..

  91. Info does she rely on these substances a lot more then you do? Like if she see it or smells it would she try to join you? Is it just weed or also the drinking? Because the weed I can see so it doesn’t mess with the baby but the drinking I see is unfair.

  92. YTA because she is doing all the sacrificing in terms of body even after pregnancy. On top of that she is working even if her job doesn't pay much.

  93. I'm on the fence. I'm pregnant and we just got back from a 3 week trip abroad. I didn't drink obviously but my husband would. Not obsessively by any means. If I asked him not to I'm sure he would have obliged. I would say cancelling your trip is extreme. It sounds like you may have issues if you can't find a way to relax without alcohol. Your wife is doing it, so if she wants support, I kinda agree with her.

  94. ESH. My husband was very supportive when I was pregnant. If I couldn't have it then he chose not to have it either. Honestly it made things alot easier for me and I could see his commitment to me and our baby. Maybe she needs the support and commitment. If you don't want to give up drinking, fine but you do need to show her a way she is supported and that you're in this with her.

  95. YTA. It sounds like you guys made a pact which you’re trying to get out of and you’re lording over the money that should be for the family over her. Like others say, will a drink or two really make a difference if you don’t normally drink much? Cuz it seems like you can’t admit you have an issue drinking. Sure, your body your choice but I have a feeling youd be the type of person that would say it’s “we’re pregnant” and trying to say how hard the pregnancy is on you.

  96. Info: why is it difficult for you to give up drinking for 9 months, while your wife is pregnant with your child and therefore can't drink or smoke or do most drugs?

  97. ESH - it sounds like you guys have a very transactional approach to your problems, like if one person is doing something that makes the other unhappy, the other retaliates to make them unhappy back instead of approaching the issue as a team. If you want to have a happy healthy relationship you should both see a therapist and stop trying to excert power over each other.

  98. YTA I’m pregnant right now, and my husband is choosing not to drink in support. I tell him it’s okay and he did get a drink at our anniversary dinner but mostly when I encourage it he says no because I can’t. A complete ban on alcohol on her part is a little extreme but canceling a vacation because of it is even more so. I’ve had vacations with alcohol and ones without. And honestly, they’ve all been wonderful. If OP is worried about not being able to relax on vacation without it, what type of vacation was he hoping for his wife? And using money as power in a relationship fraught with ultimatums = /

  99. Yes, you are the asshole. This is a gross overreaction to her unreasonable request. Are you angry because she has taken away some form of autonomy? She is unreasonable to ask, but have you talked to her to ask why? Maybe she is feeling some kind of way and she is in need of some solidarity? Pregnancy brings about all kinds of hormones and feelings, and sometimes it's hard to get a grasp or full normal control.

  100. YTA. Your wife is growing an entire human inside her, and you're whining about a beer at dinner. If it's that much of a burden for you to not drink, you may genuinely have a problem and should seek treatment. If it's not, then why is it such a big deal?

  101. NTA it’s completely ridiculous that you don’t drink because she can’t. A beer on occasion or a glass of wine with dinner and a couple of beers during the day on holiday is not an unreasonable ask. She’s pregnant it’s not an illness and I’m sure you’re not going to get completely wasted every night.

  102. All the comments are focusing too much on the drinking part and not enough on the vacation part. You're cancelling a trip ABROAD because you won't be able to have a cocktail or two?? That's ridiculous. You're being a baby. YTA.

  103. ESH. She shouldn't be making demands like that it you're not on board but thinking a holiday is no fun if you can't drink says a whooooooole lot more about you. Also, you seem to think the fact you're paying is important; she's growing a person that is much more impressive than paying for a holiday.

  104. Yta. Why is it such a big ask she feel you are both in this together. Do you have any idea what is happening to her body and emotions and mental health right now? So you expect her to go away and be able to enjoy a holiday without drinking but not you?

  105. Is it possible there’s something about your behavior when you drink that she doesn’t feel like dealing with? When you’re sober, drunk people can be annoying AF.

  106. I asked my hubby to give up booze while I was preggy, and he said no. I was really disappointed in that since I had a colleague who gave up drinking while his wife was pregnant. I really enjoy drinking casually as well and it was really hard for me to give it up through the pregnancy and breastfeeding months. I hated watching him drink in front of me during meal times and had a bit of resentment. What helped me was non-alcoholic drinks, I get it's not the same, but I got to order whatever mocktails were available or he would pick up a bottle of alcohol free prosecco at the shop.

  107. YTA. In a good relationship, you’re both pregnant. You both do things together and eventually, when the kid is born, parent together. Sounds like you’re setting up for a life of, “you’re pregnant, not me” to “you’re the primary caregiver, not me”. It’s time to step up and participate in parenthood, my friend. It begins now, not at birth.

  108. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  109. I asked my partner to either stop drinking or limit himself to 1 drink when I was approaching 37 weeks along so that I never had to worry about whether he could drive me to the hospital, he was perfectly fine with this and decided to stop drinking when I hit 35 weeks without me asking. Couldn't imagine telling him he couldn't drink for the whole pregnancy just because i couldn't

  110. NTA I’d rather put off the vacation to enjoy it fully than to half-ass it. If you feel like you’d like to drink, just save your money and do it next year. Then your wife can drink too.

  111. ESH. I think it’s weird to cancel a trip over something so minor as alcohol. But also I don’t need or desire alcohol to relax or have a good time. And you’re canceling your last vacation before adding a child. After your wife gives birth vacations are VERY different and I find it even harder to relax and enjoy them. They are fun but definitely not the same.

  112. ESH. I think not stupid to expect your partner to not drink. However, given the pregnancy is something you contributed to, and she has to live through all the discomfort, you’re the AH who refuses to not drink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Author: admin