What is an immediate turn off for you on a date?

  1. I place emphasis on the last bullet. I have (an unhealthy) high tolerance on a first date for someone who talks about themselves. This is someone I want to get to know better and it is a refreshing contrast from the usual effort of asking question, but in the exact right way such that you get a real answer and not a vapid one. If she’s talking about herself with little prompt, it’s less work for me. I’m not naturally super chatty about less serious topics so I would pair nicely with someone who fills that quietness to some extent. But the point is valid — this is a yellow flag for balance in a serious relationship. Red flag if she barely (or doesn’t) have the capacity to realize or value the moments you’re sharing something significant. Also noteworthy if she never asks about you.

  2. Showing up to the date high. Complaining. Saying all cows should die because they are overrated. Not at least offering to pay for a meal because they are a woman.

  3. It is one of the most disrespectful things, talking to someone, trying to engage in conversation, and they could not be bothered to even lift their head away from their phone for one minute.

  4. That or bad mouthing the ex or men in general. Or being rude to servers. All red flags. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.

  5. Does this phone thing happen a lot?? If so is it a certain age group? I ask because dating in my thirties I’ve never had this happen to me as a female nor have I ever even thought about pulling a phone out to browse while talking to someone.

  6. For me, late is relative. 5 - 10 minutes late is no big deal, things happen (traffic, life, etc). I have ADHD as well, so I know fully well time blindness is a thing.

  7. Lates okay if it’s because of a certain reason, but when they justify it with “I’m always late” all I hear is “you can expect more of this”.

  8. There was a funny moment with my girlfriend on our first date. I showed up approx. 20 minutes upfront to not be late. She arrived around five minutes later (so, ~15 minutes early) and was quite surprised that I was already there.

  9. If a girl acts like it's such a privilege to be in her presence. I don't feel like "earning" attention from your boring ass, I'll just leave at this point.

  10. I think this is closely related to the online dating meta that gives women (especially if above average in looks) endless options to choose from at any given moment.

  11. Not first date but so many women act like sex with them is a gracious gift your just along for the ride on. You being there is just cuz you got lucky enough you earned her, she didn't earn you. Kinda the ying yang to the idea "only the guy cums doesn't matter if she does" along the lines "sex is her gift to me I've earned so it's about me".

  12. For the most part just being rude to staff/people. A petty one is I can’t stand when they chew with their mouth open or smack their food. I’m sorry but I just can’t handle that shit.

  13. I know someone that was on a date with a girl who was a huge smacker when she ate. He made it like half way through the date and politely asked her if she could chew with her mouth closed. She dead starred him in the face, shoved her mouth with more food and chewed louder. He put money down on the table for dinner and walked out. Lol

  14. If it's excessive then that's a turn off for me. Everyone has exes so it doesn't bother me if she mentions it briefly. However, if they rant or tell stories about him then I'd think about my exit.

  15. i mentioned my ex to my partner bc he gave me trauma and i explain why i feel the way i do. he did the same with his and that was that.

  16. Wouldn't that like depend. Say you are talking about something specific and you ask "wow how do you know that." And then it's just "oh yeah my ex was into it." Or talking about a location. Like "oh I rarely meet people that know x place do you still go there?" And then being like "nah. My ex used to live there, so no reason to anymore."

  17. Bigotry of any sort and being nasty to people in the service industry (bar staff, waiters/waitresses, porters, cleaners, etc).

  18. Absolutely this! I learned very young that if someone is nice to you but not your server/barista etc., they’re not actually a nice person.

  19. Asking too personal of questions. I don't want o tell every stranger I meet for coffee my sexual fantasies or childhood trauma.

  20. A lot of people mentioning begging on the phone a lot which is one of mine too. But one personal one for me is not laughing at my jokes. If she doesn’t think my jokes are funny I don’t want her to force herself to laugh but also we’re not gonna work out.

  21. Not putting any effort into their physical appearance... not saying a guy needs to show up wearing a 3-piece suit, but if he cares so little that he can't bother showering and wearing clean clothes, red flag.

  22. Treating others badly, the Valet, Waitress, the homeless guy on the corner or the stray dog in the Alley, ANYONE!!! Acting disinterested in anything but yourself. Also, body odor, ordering or speaking for me and being preoccupied with the cellphone. MAJOR TURN OFFS!!

  23. If she wants to much and to fast . Bad personality and or character . Bad manners and or social skills . If she does not take good care of herself , as in being not clean / not hygienic .

  24. Being corrected for no reason. Like if I call an author Bill and immediately get WILLIAM shouted at me with a victory smile. I'm like "oh. So you know who I mean? Then what's the problem?"

  25. smoking, distracted by phone or friends, talking but not listening, being inconsiderate to others, Not offering to go Dutch for cost, Having to drag a conversation out of you, One word answers.

  26. Eating before the date, if the date involves food. It kills the mood when they're like "oh, I already ate"...

  27. In college I went on a date with this girl who seemed like the one to me at the time. I was really attracted to her and she seemed smart and like she had her life together. Which she may have but all she spoke about on the date was about her and her friends getting black out drunk all the time and crazy parties which seemed to me to be an unhealthy extreme. She also shared how she would not prioritize school and was close to failing classes and would skip important things. It was weird and now that I think about it was the first and last time I mustered up the courage to ask someone out lol. It was so weird to have built a perception of her and have it shattered.

  28. After arrogance/obvious entitlement etc. being a problem, not seeing their purse come out is a pretty big issue for me. It tells me that you're not really looking for an equal partner the way I am. Fortunately this is not a big deal in Japan and I can safely pay/mostly pay for the first thing and expect the purses to come out for the second thing.

  29. Being to invested in her phone or/and if she doesn't really add anything to the conversation and just let me "interview" her.

  30. I'm not against drinking by any means, I just usually don't unless it's a special occasion or something. I haaaate how often I'm "called out" for not drinking on a date. They always think I have past issues or I get violent or something when I drink. They almost never accept that it's just not for me, and it gets awkward for a bit.

  31. Feminazis talking about how all men are trash. I respect feminists who are proponents of equal rights. But feminazis who think all men should be subjugated beneath women's feet is downright unattractive.

  32. I met someone in a town centre on a date, they came out of Boots (a big drug store) with a big smile on their face. I'm like why so happy?.. and she shows me all the things she's just stolen.

  33. Talking about how great dad is /cool /strong /smart/ fearless. I remember one girl only talk about how badass her dad was for speeding on a motorbike and flipping off the cops. Thats a Huge red flag not never put your dick in that crazy.

  34. Any kind of bashing, doesn't matter the reason, I don't wanna hear about how you don't like a specific group of people, I'm here to hear about you and figure out if I want to take things further.

  35. Bringing their mom is something I had to deal with once. Only time I ever pulled the “I’m gonna head to the bathroom real quick (and secretly dip out)” thing on a first date.

  36. I had a girl sit down and ask me which app she met me on. Not a good sign. Also thought I lived in the city when I clearly stated I live 15 miles outside the city. Yeah, no second date.

  37. If the first few things the talk about are about their ex or they keep bringing them up and saying how they'd always do something really well. Like OMG bruv, if you really liked that so much then go back to the dang a-hole

  38. If it's the first date, being too thirsty. I don't want to hear about how good you are at giving head, I want to know if your personality is the type that won't work well with mine

  39. Loud "bad bitch" energy. I don't mind strong and independent women, I actually prefer it, but there is a difference between a woman who is actually confident in herself and a woman trying to prove to others that she is confident.

  40. The few times a girl has revealed too much personal information, there was never a second date. We shouldn’t be hearing about your baggage the first time meeting you.

  41. I walked to a nearby bar for a date. The girl drove there. I wasn’t super interested in sex, so she started ordering tequila shots so she had an excuse to “not be able to drive home” and tried to manipulate me into inviting her over.

  42. that's ok, but only if she knows how to listen back and is respectfull about different points of view. Actually this attitude is so scarse that it's become a turn on hahahh

  43. Being fat. Before I got married I was cat fished a few times. Soon as I saw some fat chick sit in front of me I wanted to walk up and leave.

  44. I was catfished a little while ago, she looked great on tinder but the first date she was about 50lbs heavier, and she acted as if it’s nbd.

  45. Bad teeth (not crooked but tarter buildup or majorly discolored), being rude to anyone, one word answers, trying to one up, smoking, bald head, or tons of body hair.

  46. Not a guy but please don’t drink too much on a date. Having a drink or two to ease the nerves is okay but getting drunk and being obnoxious will make me want to never see you again

  47. Being inconsiderate, even in the smallest ways. Wether it’s directly to me or just people in public/ work staff. It’s a small detail that shows big things about a person.

  48. Demands to be treated like a prince/princess, young and privileged. Massive red flag and turn off. Act like a freakin' adult, even occasionally.

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