“Once a cheater, always a cheater” - What are your thoughts on this statement and what would it take to start a relationship with someone who has cheated before?

  1. My wife cheated on me 2 years ago, we are still together but every single day I wonder if she’ll do it again. That’s what “Once a cheater, always a cheater” really means.

  2. Trust is extremely hard to earn back once it's been broken. People who've demonstrated a willingness to betray you at some point will be much harder to trust than those who haven't. That's why I told myself that if my wife ever cheats on me I'm immediately ending it. I refuse to live life always being afraid it'd happen again

  3. Man, i dont know why im asking you this, but are you really ok now? If so how you've overcome all those emotions and decided to stay in the relationship?

  4. That’s the thing, isn’t it? People can change, but you’ll never know if a cheater changed or not until they prove they didn’t. If they really did change, you’re just forever waiting for the other shoe to drop. They may have put it behind them but you’ll never again have the confidence they’ll stay faithful you had before because they already proved you a fool for believing it once.

  5. So honest talk... that feeling of “is it going to happen again” doesn’t go away... like I’m 8ish years since it happened to me and still wonder sometimes.

  6. we have a policy started when we got serious dating if you cheat your fired, end of story, no sorry it just happened bs, we're done. 15 years later we're still good.

  7. "There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again"

  8. Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, can’t put the blame on you Fool me three times, fuck the peace sign,load the chopper, let it rain on you -J Cole

  9. Before I started dating my ex boyfriend he explained to me how he cheated on his ex and that’s how their relationship ended. Very hard for me to accept knowing how big of a red flag that is, but I was really into him and he convinced me he wasn’t about cheating and games anymore. After dating for 1.5 years he started cheating on me with his ex for 2-3 months. As soon as I found out I ended it. I was shocked at the time, but I also knew what I was getting myself into 🤷🏼‍♀️. Never dating a cheater again though, I’m not gonna be fooled twice

  10. On one of my first dates with my now husband, he asked me if I had ever cheated on anyone. I was so surprised by the question, but now I understand where he was coming from.

  11. Yeah, cheating isn't like a single momentary decision to fuck-up. You have to continue pursuing advances for at least a couple of hours. During that time the thought must come up again and again that you are betraying the person closest to you, and yet you continue to do it. I'm not going to forgive that.

  12. I was a cheater when I was a young man and really hurt a few girls because I was too afraid to break up with them before starting another relationship. Long story involving multiple simultaneous relationships, but thats the gist.

  13. to cut a long story short i kissed another girl years ago whilst i was with my now wife. i'd always gotten on with the girl i kissed like a house on fire (my wife's sister's girlfriend, we'll call her sarah). she was pretty but i only had eyes for my girlfriend so never even thought of doing anything with sarah. one night at a party sarah and i were talking about deep stuff, she was pretty distraught so i gave her a hug. when i leant back we shared a look and the next thing i know we're kissing. we were both drunk out of our minds but i always view that as a poor excuse tbh.

  14. That's an excellent quote! I've actually never heard that one before. Definitely makes sense.

  15. In my experience, this is more or less true. My ex cheated (not with me) on the girl he dated before me and (GASP!) he ended up cheating on me, too. I also have, or rather had, two friends who've cheated on literally every boyfriend they've ever had. Neither of them were even slightly remorseful, instead they just made up excuses to try and justify the behavior. And in my ex's case he just denied it, even despite irrefutable evidence.

  16. For me it is a point of morals over trust. Therefore if someone has considered it ok to cheat in the past they would do so again. I'm not saying they definitely will, but are certainly capable of it. Worse when they don't get caught as they feel like they can get away with it and therefore more likely to do it again.

  17. “Sometimes men change for the better. Sometimes men change for the worse. And often, very often, given time and opportunity . . .' He waved his flask around for a moment, then shrugged. 'They change back.”

  18. I cheated on a previous partner some 30+ years ago. I seriously regretted it and have never done it since.

  19. Yeah, I think there are people in the Grey area who may have cheated under weird circumstances, and immediately regretted it. There are people who can completely compartmentalize their side relationships and be happy they are getting more than they normally would. However some people can't do that and feel horrible about breaking the trust of someone they care for and it ruins any possible benefit they could see from the cheating.

  20. Same here. Cheated on an ex-boyfriend. Learned my lesson. Have now been happily married for almost 15 years. Would never entertain the idea again.

  21. People can certainly change as they grow up and mature. Cheating in your teens and 20s is not something that should define the rest of your life.

  22. For me "twice a cheater, always a cheater" comes closer to the truth. Once might be a slip up, or might have some reason beind it and you come to regret it and never cheat again. If you cheat twice, you'll do it again.

  23. I would agree with this. More like is cheating completely out of character or....not. I know a couple people who cheated, one time thing, were in unhappy relationships that’s ended shortly after the incident. I also had the pleasure of dating a guy I found out cheated on every girlfriend he’s ever had, including me, and also with me (lied and said he had broken up with his girlfriend).

  24. I completely agree. Cheating once can be a mistake that someone makes and realizes it's a shitty thing to do, so they never do it again. If someone cheats twice, that indicates they didn't care all that much about the damage they did the first time around, so they did it again.

  25. Yeah, the only time I ever cheated was at the end of a relationship with an extremely mentally unstable addict who threatened suicide whenever I tried to leave. I knew cheating wouldn’t be forgiven and he’d finally let me leave after that. It’s otherwise out of character for me and I would much rather communicate about any issues than make that choice ever again. He just made it impossible and he’d actually attempted on me a few times (which was abusive and traumatic because I know now he wasn’t genuinely trying to die, but force me to stay because spoiler alert: he’s still alive). Still on really good terms with the person I cheated with years later because we’re capable of healthy adult communication with each other.

  26. Yeah, I had a girlfriend cheat on me, but I don’t consider her “a cheater.” We were young and our relationship wasn’t really working, I think we just didn’t know how to end it and she did something that would cause it to end. Was it immature and the wrong way to go about it? Sure, but we were both immature and going about things wrong because, yeah, young and dumb. Haha we even both had other people in mind who we wanted to date...

  27. Depends on the context. How long ago was it? If it happened long in the past and it was only once I like to believe people learn from their mistakes and can change. Also for me at least for me did they cheat on someone while they were dating or when they were married. Obviously both are hurtful to the other person, but I would be much more hesitant in the latter situation as it means that person broke a vow.

  28. Yep, context and history totally matter. My ex-wife has (had?) some severe, legitimate daddy issues. He would hit her and constantly threaten that he was leaving the family. He eventually did.

  29. Yeah, context matters. I cheated on a boyfriend in high school. Told him immediately we broke up (and actually remained friends). I would like to think we're not defined by dumb things we did as teenagers, and I wouldn't see something similar as a red flag in a partner.

  30. If it's long ago, chances are they've changed, or were very unhappy. If they're cheating WITH you though, in my experience they'll 100% cheat ON you.

  31. Agreed. Like I've heard people say, "The guy that leaves his wife for his mistress now has an opening for a new mistress." If someone is actively cheating and gets "rewarded" for that cheating with a shiny new relationship, they have zero motive not to cheat again.

  32. It may have been your experience, but it’s definitely not a rule. I cheated on my ex with my now husband. We’ve been together a little over a decade now and I’ve never even considered cheating on him. There has certainly been personal growth on my end and a ton of self-reflection. Some people just don’t have the courage to leave until they have someone to leave for, and I think that was my problem- I was a coward. And while I think I’ve overcome that problem, there was never really a risk of me cheating on a partner I want to stay with.

  33. Yep. Was cheated on in my first relationship and it left me with trust issues that would sabotage my relationships for years to come. Of course it could happen again, but I wouldn’t knowingly get together with someone I know has done it in the past. It’s the worst feeling I’ve experienced.

  34. Yeah it’s the risk for me. People CAN change but it would take a lot for me to be fully convinced that they did. Sometimes you just never know and that’s a big hurdle for me when choosing someone to date.

  35. Yeah, its not just that they cheated, but all the shitty things they did in addition to that; all the many lies to cover things up. Once someone is capable of all that, I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

  36. I'm just curious if that applies to things they did before they were an adult. Like, my ex cheated on me when we were 15 and it was our first relationship– do you think something like that makes a person likely to be unfaithful in an adult relationship?

  37. Absolutely nothing would get me into a relationship with someone who was known for cheating. I've been (fairly recently) cheated on, 15 years of being together, 11 being married, all straight down the toilet because my ex wife decided the grass was greener on the other side. The amount of absolute hell I have gone through these last six months is going to make any history of cheating an instant, and complete turn off. I do not want that hurt again, I barely survived this time, I don't think I could keep myself from throwing myself off a cliff next time.

  38. Hey mate, hope you're doing ok now! It must be difficult to deal with all that messy stuff, I can only encourage you to keep going, for sure there will be someone that will appreciate you and what you have to offer, stay strong man!

  39. I'm sorry you went through that. The scary part is that your ex wife wasn't a cheater, until she was. Cheating may or may not predict future behavior, but not cheating says nothing about future behavior. Context is everything.

  40. Cheated on a girlfriend when I was young and dumb- we had issues and I just wanted to be “the man” to someone again- like I said, young and dumb. Anyways, we broke up for other reasons, then she found out when she was moving out and it just made everything so much worse. I hated seeing how my actions affected her, just such an unnecessary additional pain, and I felt so scummy- I made a promise to myself never to cheat again. Be honest about your feelings, end a relationship or work to improve it, but don’t look to another for validation/relief. Idk, not all men are dogs, I was never looking to just get laid but instead had some self-esteem issues and shit. Justify it however I want, I understand why that girl would never trust me again. At the same time I learned from it- wish we could go back and just work on the actual issues, but instead I just move forward trying to be a better person with that “don’t cheat” as, like, the simplest requirement for myself.

  41. The same thing happened to me! It’s not a character trait that will be stuck to you, it’s action and reaction, you put your hand in the fire, burn yourself, you’ll never do it again.

  42. Cheaters know what they’re doing. No one accidentally starts texting, accidentally gets flirty, accidentally meets up and accidentally cheats. I always thought of it as an age thing too. Younger you are you’ll cheat again because you really don’t got much to lose? older people might have a house under their name with their SO or children and they can learn from their mistakes, especially when they’re found out and about to lose it all. I know a lot of people that have been cheated on and they’re never the same post relationship. The amount of trust issues the other person gets scarred with insane.

  43. Agreed. You don’t accidentally cheat. That is not a thing. If you are able to cheat, you do not respect nor love your partner enough. If you are thinking of cheating, fine. Just be honest with your partner and break up with them before you actually do.

  44. Cheating is deliberate in that they never find themselves alone with the other person by accident. Because if you have a feeling that you might do something, or someone might make a move, you try to do things to avoid it if you really care about your current relationship. No excuses

  45. Might get downvoted to oblivion, but I agree with the statement. When you realise change is not easy, it's much more efficient to move on to someone else rather than wait for a cheater to change.

  46. I know this woman from college, whose then boyfriend cheated on her, they broke up for several months and got back together, then he cheated on her again, with the same girl, broke up again for months and got back together again. A year later she got knocked up, annnnnnd wouldn't you know it, he cheated on her yet again. When I bumped into her last year she was living with her son in a bad neighborhood , working a dead-end job, while he's out there enjoying his life. So no, I would never go back to someone who cheated on me before.

  47. Don't believe in it in general. There are some people who don't care if they hurt other people but very often people cheat because they're emotionally not invested or feel good in their relationship. It's like a mental break up that wasn't expressed yet. I don't know many cheaters but those I know where in a very stale relationship. They didn't do it out of malice but didn't have the spine to breakup. And their partners took it as a bait and felt more self righteous about the end of the relationship.

  48. cheating can still hurt a lot though. i won't pretend to know what the exact situations were, and how annoying their exes got about it. However, when someone cheats instead of getting the spine to break up, it may be understandable but it doesn't excuse their behavior. i totally understand if the ex goes like "fuck that person, I'm done wasting energy on them".

  49. What people said. People can change. Do what you feel is right. Judge them not on their past, but who they are now. If they still feel iffy, you don't have to go ahead with the relationship.

  50. Yes, some people change, but they're few and far between. The best predictor for someone's future behavior is always their past behavior.

  51. Can abusers change? Yes they can but no one will forget they were abusive. Same goes with cheaters. They can change but no one will forget they were cheating on their significant other.

  52. Once a guy cheats it's game over for me. I don't stick around for a round two, and if I know for a fact a guys cheated before, I usually avoid dating them simply because they've already proven unfaithful.

  53. Thank you for bringing up this important aspect: the dynamic of a relationship can contribute to one or both people ending up cheating on the other.

  54. Maybe they wont cheat again but someone else can test it out. Not going to be me. Ill never date a cheater and ill never help someone cheat. Just imagine is was your boy or girl.

  55. Personally I just wouldn’t be able to. It just skeeves me out too much. Just because someone changes doesn’t mean they can’t change back under the right circumstances.

  56. True. For me, once the trust is gone, it's gone forever. There's no earning it back. I'd never want to live my life 2nd guessing what a partner is up to if he's on a business trip, working late, out with the guys, etc. No man is worth that to me. I'd rather be alone.

  57. I don't buy it. The saying implies people are unable to change and I disagree. The problem is people usually don't see they have a problem. It doesn't mean they can't change. (Not overnight obviously but with a lot of work and determination.)

  58. I think it's true, if you give them a second chance they know they can get away with it and will most likely do it again. Obviously there will be a few exceptions to this but I wouldn't be able to trust someone who had cheated on me.

  59. I suppose a person could get out of the habit if they really wanted to but I think they enjoy the thrill and the adrenaline rush of it or something.

  60. Nah, no trust. I was talking with a girl we were friends for a long time, but she is a known cheater. Thats why i didnt date her before. But it happened... And i insisted we take it slow and had talks about cheating and whats ok and not. Found ourselves in a good place.

  61. I have never cheated, never even been tempted. Where as I have been cheated on, so I know just how fucking awful it feels.

  62. I don’t believe in that statement, i’ve cheated in my teenage years and always felt guilty about it. I’ve never done it since then to avoid that feeling of guilt ever again.

  63. I believe this sentiment, but only because of my personal bias experience. After a person cheats, in my eyes, there's nothing worth redeeming.

  64. I have never been cheated on (I think and hope), but I'm the same way. If you cheat on someone you love, I want absolutely nothing to do with you, not even as a friend.

  65. I think there is a huge difference between someone who got caught up in a moment, regretted it, and came clean vs. Someone who carried on a whole other relationship for a period of time and had to engage in intricate lying to do so. IMO people who fall into the latter category are a lot more likely to cheat again. Same can be said for people who have repeatedly treated on others already.

  66. I think it is kind of bullshit because relationships are extremely complicated issues and you have no idea what lead to what action.

  67. Yeah but cheating by definition is going behind someone’s back. Yes you could argue that it may have been because of certain reasons but if that were the case, just break up with them first.

  68. I once heard a very logic explanation from a psychologist on the radio. He explained that there is a moral barrier in people that keeps them from doing immoral things, like cheating. For some people, the barrier is stronger than for others. This is not a thing one can change. However, there is one thing there is a lot of misconception about: It's not that the threshold is lower next time, so after someone cheats the whole barrier is gone. Once one has made the decision to do the immoral thing, the moral barrier has not enough substance anymore to function as a barrier. It's not about the reason that someone cheated or the arguments one once had to justify their cheating, it's the fact that they did. Next time, those arguments (eg "my partner doesn't give me enough attention") might not be applicable at all, but the cheater will make up other arguments to justify their cheating. They did so before, and there is nothing holding them back from doing it again.

  69. I cheated on my wife with her brother's wife. And then when I finally cut things off with her brother's sister and came clean to my wife, she told literally everyone. I think it was as impossible a situation to work through as there could have been.

  70. Cheated in my early 20s, would never cheat again. Especially after then getting cheated on by someone I loved truly and thoroughly. Not something I would wish on an enemy.

  71. Nothing, i wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who has cheated (unless she did it in her mid to late teens and is 25 or over now so hopefully matured). They may be different now but i don't care to find out because most likely it will be a waste of time.

  72. I strongly believe the once a cheater always a cheater part. There is something fundamentally wrong with the personality of a cheater if they think they can get away with it and personalities never change. They only evolve/devolve

  73. I would never date someone who was in a monogamous relationship and cheated on their partner. One time is one too many and there is no excuse for it. Most people have monogamous relationships and in those relationships you make a commitment to your partner to love them and be faithful. If you cheat on someone that shows you don't love that person. I don't care if it's a man or a woman they are being selfish if they cheat. Love involves sacrifice and if having a fling is more important than being faithful to your partner that shows that person only loves themself.

  74. My ex-wife cheated on me early in our relationship. We got past it, and got married years later. I found out a year or so after we were marrying that she had cheated again. I know now that I will never date someone who cheats. If they did it to someone else, there’s no reason for them not to do it again. I have no interest and no tolerance for that bullshit. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

  75. I don't know if I would ever fully trust someone that's cheated before. Knowing they had betrayed a former partner like that would always have me questioning them. Especially in regards if your the one they cheated with. If they cheat with you they'll cheat on you.

  76. I know 3 people who have cheated that directly affected my life: 2 ex-girlfriends and my father. What's common with them is not the cheating since the repeat cheaters are my 1st ex-gf and my father only. The common thing is that they all make bad life decisions over-and-over-and-over again. It's like they never learn.

  77. I believe that people can and do change. No one is the same person all through their lives. I also believe in second (and sometimes third!) chances.

  78. Usually true, but people do change as they age. Something done at 18 shouldn't be held against one when one is 40.

  79. Cheating shows a lot of negative things about somebody's character, it would be hard to be attracted to or trust somebody with those traits. Why would you want to be with somebody who has a proven history of dealing with relationship difficulties by breaking the agreements of the relationship behind their partner's back? A partner is either in the relationship as agreed, or if they don't want to keep those agreements anymore they need to talk to their partner about it/break up.

  80. I don’t care too much about the whole cheating thing in the first place. I’ve never done it, but I never really got why cheaters are treated like they’re next to Hitler. If the cheating is indicative of an underlying relationship issue, then the issue is with that, not the rumble in the hay. Sex is just sex. Otherwise: do you enjoy yourself and are happy when you’re with the guy/gal? If so, then great! If not, then maybe you need to just confront it and fix it, or move on.

  81. Because it is reflective of your personality. If you are in a relationship with someone you’ve made some level of promise to them to be faithful (unless it’s open, but that’s separate). If you cheat it means you are willing to put your temporary satisfaction over the long term feelings of your SO and says that you don’t value the relationship. You are willing to put the person you theoretically care about the most so you can feel good for a little bit. It’s incredibly selfish. You are also risking your SO’s health without their knowledge because even with protection it’s no guarantee that you won’t get something and pass it along. If you don’t want to be in the relationship then the other person has the right to know that.

  82. Have you been cheated on? I have. It tears you apart, it makes you feel worthless, you lose self-esteem and confidence, you can only think of yourself as a fool, the betrayal cuts you like a knife and suddenly you're not a naive person walking around in the sun but a broken untrusting wreck who sees danger everywhere. I am not kidding when I say it always alters someone and can almost irreparably damage them

  83. In theory I don't want to judge. My marriage ended last year (during the pandemic!) when my wife had an affair so I'm a little rattled at it still. Divorce on top of COVID? Fun times.

  84. There's no such thing as a "cheater," there are PEOPLE who cheat. Its a horrible thing to do to someone and you should almost always leave that person. But people aren't perfect. People can make mistakes and learn and grow from them. People won't change if you never give them the opportunity to do so, though.

  85. 100% accurate. Any excuses in this thread is just hopeless denial of people trying to justify it and think that they aren't a terrible person. You are.

  86. Maybe I shouldn't speak on this as I luckily haven't been cheated on, but I do believe people can truly regret their actions anough to change for the rest of their life. I did after treating my ex badly out of guilt. However, I can't know whether the person who cheats would truly be sorry enough to change that much.

  87. True statement but like others said people can change. Just a risk you’re willing to take and trust. If there are insecurities then the relationship isn’t right. Trust your gut

  88. As with any short, pithy saying the observation being made could be generally true but not universally apply in all situations. In fact, I don't know if there are any proverbs in any culture that are always true.

  89. It’s simply not always true. Everyone changes, usually for the better, as they age and learn from experience. Seeing someone you love heartbroken because of your own selfish behavior is dramatic and deeply impactful. Of course cheating can also have devastating consequences in a family. For some, it can lead to a permanent change in thinking and behavior. For some, it doesn’t.

  90. Most of the time that statement is correct. But some people do change, the ones who really want to. I'd have to really click with someone who's admitted to cheating in previous relationships, I'd be on the lookout for red flags for a long time. As for an established relationship, I think I could forgive once if he swore it was a one time thing and that it would never happen again, but we'd have to go to couples counseling to help reestablish trust.

  91. Your scenario included loving their partner. I'm just pointing out that they may not love their cheater. Does that change your feelings at all?

  92. There is factors levels pretty much its if you were in room with serial killer and Joe the accountant. Who do you fear, not saying Joe won't just sporadically stab you in neck.

  93. I'd need some seriously good context for why it happened. Personally I could never cheat. Just mathematically the odds of having two women interested in me at the same time are astronomical. It would be like being hit by lightning during a shark attack.

  94. These days, when I think of "once a cheater always a cheater" I think: once you've cheated, that's your label to all your future partners. You're either hiding that you cheated, which comes across as suspicious, or you blurt it out early that you've cheated in the past and then they don't keep dating you. It doesn't matter if you cheated on your abuser, or if you were young, or if you were neglected to the point of mental illness, or hell if they were cheating on you, too. As far as anybody is concerned you cheated on some poor kind sap you made an idiot of for loving you, and nobody wants to be your next sucker.

  95. I believe it is 100% true but even if I'm wrong and it isn't always true it is a billion times better to life by it. Most cheaters will stay cheaters. And even if some of them do change you're not going to know which one is which. Cheating is one thing that I will never be able to look past a person no matter how much they're trying. I just can't.

  96. Cheaters are going to cheat and there will always be someone who comes along that is better than you. That said, as long as the person didn’t cheat on her previous partner with me, I’m willing to believe that she has changed.

  97. If you cheat in a stupid teen relationship you get a pass. If you cheat on an established adult relationship of over 1 year you do not get a pass.

  98. If they do it once but get caught they will definitely do it again but will have learned from the first mistake and be alot more careful next time. I'd advise not getting past the friends with benefits stage with someone you know who has cheated before.

  99. As someone who has been cheated on, I cannot think of anything that would entice me to knowingly enter a relationship with a cheater. I have noticed that my ex's new wife (the one he cheated with on me) keeps a pretty close eye on him. She knows where he is and knows how long it'll take him to get from point A to point B. If they'll cheat on you for them, he'll cheat on them for someone else. LPT: when you go to hire a nanny, make sure she's old and ugly, just sayin'

  100. I think that people in happy fulfilling relationships don’t cheat. They don’t need to. So it’s feasible that someone in an unfulfilling relationship would cheat and then be in a better relationship and not cheat.

  101. I would never want to be with someone who disrespected me or anyone else like that. To know that they’re physically capable of sinking so low, it’s incomprehensible to be in a relationship with that type of person.

  102. I think that if someones cheated once they might cheat again. I don't trust cheaters and I do not see myself ever starting a relationship with them.

  103. The essential question for me would be whether there is remorse. None of the people who have cheated on me have ever expressed regret for the pain they inflicted.

  104. As a man who has been cheated on by 3 separate women. Once a cheater always a cheater. But it’s more my motto rather than what the truth might be.

  105. Cheaters confuses me. I know one girl who has been cheated on, goes on a long rant about how much it effected her. But when she does it she was in the right?

  106. I think it depends on how long ago they cheated, for what reason (if any at all), and if they seem to have changed. I saw someone here saying they cheated a few months after the death of their child, and I would totally forgive them. Although there's no excuse for cheating and it's almost always wrong, everyone has their own stories and reasons for whatever they've done. Some people cheat just because they feel like it, others because they're in a toxic relationship they're struggling to get out of. And some people because they are going through some kind of pain and just want to be someone else. I really do think it depends on a lot of things, so I don't fully agree with this statement.

  107. I decided to give a guy who had previously cheated a chance. He said he didn't want to be that way anymore and was working on it. He cheated on me... Begged and pleaded for forgiveness and to give him a chance, he'd do anything. Trust was eroded and he slowly got frustrated with my insecurities - he didn't want to put in the work. I broke up with him this week, good riddance.

  108. That was my belief from the very start. It happened to me before. My husband who was then my boyfriend, was acting suspicious when we were in college. Like secret phone calls and messages, putting on excessive body spray which I am not fond of. Something like that. Although, I never got any evidence and I never proved the accusations. Few years after, we got married, got two children, work together as instructors at a certain high school. He confessed he had an affair with one of his students. He confessed because he found out that when he broke up with the student she told her friends and was scared of what I might think if I found out from someone else. That was really crap and if I were to change things, I would have never dated a cheater. Currently, I am having trust issues. So, if you want to avoid that then never date a cheater. You deserve much better.

  109. IMHO, cheating is emotional violence inflicted by a person who is too immature or unhealthy to address problems in a relationship (which usually also requires us addressing problems within ourselves) and who also has a vindictive streak.

  110. It depends. If someone cheated when they were in their teens or in college, and are now in their 30s or older, I could definitely believe there might have been a change there. But if it was someone who cheated regularly or later in life, then I'd definitely have hesitation dating them.

  111. someone who cheats believes that they deserve it for whatever bs they think they have to endure with the person they are currently with.

  112. I just disagree with the premise that people don't change. People change all the freaking time! In fact it's unavoidable. Obviously you should use peoples recent behavior as a gauge for how much to trust them, so just blindly trusting someone who had recently done something like that would be stupid.

  113. Horrible phrase that completely ignores the potential for one to change and conflicts directly with concepts like mercy and forgiveness.

  114. And difference in relationship perception for different people. Like there is only one ideal relationship model that everybody should follow. Devoid of personality.

  115. Context matters. Someone who had one drunken slip-up and admits it, I might trust again. But someone who spent months/years coming up with elaborate deceptions has clearly demonstrated pathological tendencies and should be avoided.

  116. Cheaters are looking for "better" are they not?. This would imply you need to prove you are the "better" for them to be happy with you. If someone cheats let them go and find what they are looking for, they are obviously not what you are looking for.

  117. Cheating is fucking scary bruh... Like I could have a wife and a child and a beautiful life with my family and just fucking throw it away cause I get horny.

  118. I think cheating is a certain line you have to cross, once you cross it you dont fear cheating anymore and the chance of you doing it again becomes bigger.

  119. I would much rather start a relationship with a person who has cheated than with a person who actually believes people cannot change. I consider that kind of holier than thou attitude, high horses, and complete lack of insight into human behaviour is a much larger red flag than someone saying they cheated in a past relationship.

  120. “Always a cheater” ITT is too strong. Looks fade, libido wanes. When you’re young you’re more likely to thrive on chaos and drama so you create your own problems. With a little age a mature person can avoid situations that might cause them to cheat.

  121. In my experience this quote doesnt exist for no reason. Some people I know who have cheated also cheated in the next relationship. We talked a lot about this and they just have a different attitude. For them cheating isnt really bad, its just sex.

  122. But is there a difference between people who haven't cheated and just haven't cheated yet? I think anyone can cheat given the right circumstances so just because they haven't done it in the past doesn't make them necessarily better than someone who has a long time ago and learned from it.

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