Even though there are no dumb questions, what is the dumbest question you've ever been asked?

  1. Your users are doing better than mine. Them: "I got an error. What do I need to do?" Me: "What was the error message?" Them: "I don't know, I didn't read it."

  2. One of my first jobs was in a call center for IT support. We were basically just given books of scripts to read from when someone would call with a problem. The first question in each book was "is the computer plugged in and turned on?" That usually solved the majority of "my computer's not working" questions

  3. This is second hand from a diving guide in Bermuda: "how far do you have to dive to get under the island?"

  4. This right away made me think of that Georgia congressman about 10 years ago in a congressional hearing who worried that developing military bases on one side of Guam would cause the island to tip over and capsize.

  5. When I was about 10, I decided to try out my cousins skateboard. I immediately fell off and sprained my wrist. Even I knew I had to get the thing going first, it just never occurred to me that the board leans. You know, so you can steer...

  6. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he realised how dumb he was being. At least he got to see it!

  7. I used to work at call centers, and I totally got calls like this. Once had to explain to an elderly man that a Desktop was not in fact, his computer desk that he was sitting at, but the actual screen of his computer.

  8. Once my mom had to have part of a lung removed due to cancer. Afterwards, the doctor showed us the imaging that showed the remaining cancer spread through the rest of her lungs, which we already knew about. My dad asked him why they didn't remove all of her lungs.

  9. Is the iced latte hot? I thought they were joking and I laughed. They complained about me to my manager 🥲

  10. In retail "Where is the paint in this stupid store? I was sent down here and they lied! " "Right behind you (literally dozens of paint cans 8 feet behind her) " "No they're not!" I walk past her and put my hand on the can, took her a good 10 seconds of ranting to accept the paint was infact there.

  11. ( work with animals professionally) A woman was taking her dog to see the vet because when they drank water the fur around their face became darker and they were *very* worried about it.

  12. I saw a story once about a woman bringing her dog in to get the "bugs" off his stomach. It was his nipples. She said they couldn't be, because he's male. She had been trying to pull them off. Poor dogs.

  13. I dated a twin in college. Id often get asked how i could tell them apart and if I’d ever accidentally tried anything with the other one. Well Susan was a girly girl and loved Ghibli to the point that she had a full sleeve tattoo on her right arm. Derek has a cock.

  14. I'm going to need more context here before I make a judgement. I'm hoping it was someone asking about a child's painting? Is that too hopeful of me?

  15. Working on a tourist sightseeing boat on the ocean in Alaska. Person asks me what elevation we are at. I look down at the ocean and back to them and say, about 10 feet.

  16. Was sitting on a beach in our city limits with a guy once, talking about some cities having high elevation and harder to breathe air, and he said damn, this city must be at a pretty high elevation (to be fair, the wider region is also known for mountains)

  17. Had an adult family pay to go fishing, daughter caught a fish, I bonked it. She got upset, I tried to ease her into the realities of harvesting food. She said it was inhumane and people should go to the store for meat, she gave me stink eye for the rest of the day and wouldn't touch the damn fish that she herself killed.

  18. I worked at an ice cream store and someone came in, looked at the ice cream cone I was handing to someone then looked at me and asked "what kind of soups do you have"

  19. First I can’t find clothes at the soup store and now I can’t find soup at the ice shop! Damn it I need some ice cream to calm down, I better head over to the phone store

  20. I had the neighbors by for a quick chat a few years ago, and we happened to be standing by our goat pen, we had three at the time. For whatever reason, people don't really see goats as pets, and I'm often asked about their purpose, are they meat, etc.

  21. Was in a maternity class with my wife. One of the husbands was an endless source of amazing comments. My favorite was while on the topic of breastfeeding. “So do you just poke holes in them or what?” There was a very long, very shocked pause from the instructor before she explained it to him.

  22. I'm currently recovering from laughing at this so much that it physically hurt by the time I stopped. Thank you. I needed that.

  23. This isn't actually the worst question. A popular reform to a 13- month calendar, each month having 28 days, had a provision that New Year's Eve was a special day that would not be part of any week.

  24. I'm half Inuit. In 6th grade I did a social studies project on Inuit people/lifestyles. During my presentation, I brought up the fact that I'm half Inuit and pointed out different things my grandmother was teaching me. A boy in the class the goes "how can you be an indian?? I thought they were like.. extinct"

  25. I got stuck in line at a Starbucks behind a woman trying to order a "skinny americano". They asked, "do you mean an americano with skim milk?"

  26. Way back in community college I was in an English class of some sort, I forget which. The teacher had people write ideas for what people would like to write essays about on the board and then we got into groups of four and had to pick one topic for our whole group. Somebody had written something along the lines of “should NASA get a larger budget” which I really took a liking to and vocalized this to my group. One girl said she thought that was stupid, what had NASA ever done for anyone. I pointed out that many things we take for granted were developed by NASA and this girl deadass says to me “but you know there’s no air up there, right? That’s why we don’t leave.”

  27. While working tech support at a major financial services firm in the early '90s, I received the following email: "I currently use a hard disk and a monitor. I would like to get rid of the monitor and just use the hard disk. Can I do that myself, or do I need you to do it for me?"

  28. Im originally from France and I went to college in the US. I have a thick accent. Someone asked me how I learned French. Told them that I was from France. They asked the question again. Turns out, they thought everyone’s first language was English, and I had to explain them that no one is born speaking a language

  29. About 25 years ago I was explaining time zones to a 20ish year old intern at a large scientific agency. She wasn't getting it, so i got an orange I brought for lunch and used it as the Earth.

  30. OK, now pretend this cube represents time. A time cube. Every day is really four days. LIFE ENCOMPASSES A 4-16 CUBE.

  31. Told a girl I was starting college in the fall and she asked if I was going to "Campus". She had heard the word used and thought it was the name of a college.

  32. In the era of COVID, it's a legit question. Because you could be starting college online instead of going to Campus.

  33. One time a child asked me how big my dog was. The dog was standing right next to me. I was at an event and we were there with our dogs for the propose of letting people meet them, but I was interacting with thousands of people a day. My brain broke and I just pointed to the dog and answered "this big". The other people in my group still talk about that interaction to this day.

  34. My ex, we were planning a trip to Australia. She asked me if we should get the Rosetta stone program for "Australian" so that we would be able to communicate better there.

  35. We had to do internships back in medical school, we basically could choose anything that had to do with people. Since I had already done an internship at basically all three main options we had, I asked if I'd be allowed to it at a funeral home, which I was.

  36. Reminds me of a scene from Boardwalk Empire where a character gets his gnarly knife confiscated by a rival gangster. "What's this on the hilt?" "It's called a skull crusher. It's for cracking walnuts."

  37. A few years ago some people had to be rescued in my town, because someone told them the river went in a circle and they stayed on that shit for a day and a half

  38. I went kayaking with my ex-girlfriend and she got mad at one point and asked “why is this water so wet?” She now has a child…

  39. A girl in High School spread a rumor that I had Boob job. Guys kept coming up to me and asking if it was true. I am literally B-Cup (and was even smaller then)

  40. My troglodyte sister called me during a fight with her boyfriend. She wanted me to explain the difference between day-tuh (data) and dat-ah (data). She was very insistent the two had different meanings. Day-tuh was clearly what your phone used and dat-ah was information collected by scientists. It still makes me laugh and I’ll never let her forget it.

  41. LOL, long long time ago in a first aid class, 20 men doing a mock accident simulation after 3 days of training. I was a wounded in the neck injury person for the simulation. Two of my compadres came to me, did the whole first aid routine and in the end put a tight round bandaged around my neck. I had to keep a few fingers in there so I wouldn't choke... The instructor was not impressed.

  42. Less than an hour ago I went through the Taco Bell drive through and handed them my American Express Hilton Honors card to pay. Basically the more I use it the more hotel points I get. The girl literally, sincerely, asked me if I was the owner of Hilton hotels. I was taken aback but said no. She said are you in the family and I said yeah thinking she knew what kind of card it was and might have been a Hilton honors member too. She said REALLY??? And I knew then she thought I meant I am an heir to the Hilton family.

  43. As a teacher, I can confirm. We say "there are no stupid questions" so kids will ask us stupid questions and then we can laugh about them at dinner parties.

  44. Reminds me of this story about a girl who dreaded ''the curse''. She asked her mom about it as grandma had told her for years it was coming.... Mom was quick to explain it was grandma's name for having your period. She was old enough to have periods for a long time at that point.

  45. In seventh grade a classmate and I had to do a presentation about Japanese cuisine. When we met up, she had researched and written about Indian food.

  46. “Is it true that kids with autism can’t be vaccinated?” The woman who asked me that herself admitted that it was a dumb question and she was a bit embarrassed to ask, but she was terribly mislead by someone and she wanted to make sure. Backstory, if anyone can’t sleep like me and is interested: I was working part time at a medical centre offering genetic consulting and testing for many genetic disorders and diseases and stuff. Among many others, there were some tests for genetic markers that may be connected to autism spectrum. My job was mostly taking calls and answering all sorts of questions, in theory about what kind of tests the firm was offering and that sort of stuff, but sometimes… some people asked some wild questions. Anyways, one day this lady called, said her son had autism, even had some genetic tests run at our facility. Now the kid was scheduled to get some “standard” vaccination soon (measles or chicken pox vaccine, almost every kid in my country is scheduled to get it when we hit a certain age, but it’s not mandatory). It was the middle of pandemic, so she called her primary care clinic to ask some questions about Covid restrictions and all that jazz, and to schedule an appointment. And here comes the infuriating part - the nurse or someone that answered her call told the kid’s mother that CHILDREN WITH AUTISM CAN NOT BE VACCINATED UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES BECAUSE VACCINES CAN MAKE THE KID “WORSE”. The lady did not know what the heck was going on. She was pro-vaccination and all, the kid already had some previous shots for other diseases and there were no side effects, but the clinic worker scared her and messed with her head so she wanted to make sure and didn’t know who to ask, so she called us. The worst thing - I wasn’t authorised to give her any substantial medical advice, but I managed to calm her down a little and to convince her to get a second opinion from a professional doctor. All in all, it was a pleasant talk, but goddamnit, it’s been a year and I’m still mad and the woman from primary care clinic. Thank you for reading my TED talk, have a good night or day or time in general.

  47. Oh I love when I'm asked this one. I had brain surgery. They removed some of my brain that stored memories. The first thing people ask me is "what did you forget?" Like I'd remember what I forgot

  48. It reminds me of my friend talking to my color blind husband. She would ask him "yes, but what to you SEE?" and hed be baffled by it. So I brought up a filter on the computer that lets you see a colored picture next to one that looks like what he sees, so she could see the difference and how he sees what we see. She just got impatient and just kept asking "yeah, ok, but what do you SEE?" Like, honey, I'm showing you exactly what he sees. He doesn't know what he doesn't see...facepalm

  49. If he’s busting his lips daily I’ll be seriously worried about both your and E lol. hope he’s doing well now.

  50. While working at McDonald's when I was a 17yo teen, Customer: can I have a cheeseburger with no cheese? Me: so you want a hamburger? Customer: no no a cheeseburger....... with no cheese Me: (internaly thinking, I don't get paid enough to argue with this stupidity) ............. OK, that will be $1.10

  51. "Does ground beef come from the ground?" Molly G in Mr Ballesterros' Freshmen Spanish class circa 2007ish at SHS in Phoenix Az. Nobody forgets anything Molly!

  52. I work for an IV committee at a hospital and some of the drugs we compound cannot be sent via pneumatic tube because the shaking of the tube can affect the integrity of the medication. So, we put this bright stickers on them saying not to tube them. We had a very expensive medication tubed back to us from a part of the hospital, so the medication could not be reused. I wrote up a report on the event and a nurse emailed me and asked, "How do we return it if we cant tube it?"

  53. I believe I may have asked the dumbest question in history. Our neighbor was in our driveway, and this is a guy that never really had anything to do with anyone around the neighborhood. I asked him what's up, and he told me he was looking for his cat. He said the cat was really old and was both blind and deaf and it had some gotten out. I asked what's your cat's name, I'll help you look and call for it. He looked at me with a completely blank stare for like 10/15 seconds, and finally says, I just told you it's deaf. I swear I've never felt so stupid.

  54. We had a holocaust survivor talk to our high school history class. One of my friends asked, "what did you do for fun?" ... the response, "there was no fun, only survival"

  55. It does though. The government denies its intentions of course, but if you sniff the bills whatever chemicals are off gassing from it smell enough like maple that you can think it’s impregnated with a scent.

  56. I once asked my mom if people really did walk faster in the early 20th century (footage from that era is almost almost played back too fast).

  57. "Do you work here?" is a valid question in a lot of places, but I was wearing the whole uniform top to bottom. Even the hat.

  58. I work in IT for a power company. When I was on the helpdesk a user called and asked me why she had to charge her laptop? We work for the power company and this person couldn't understand that they need to charge their laptop. I explained to them why they needed to charge their laptop and they got mad at me and hung up.

  59. Obligatory not directed at me, but I have two taken from a list in my notes app that I had when I was in high school. It was solely dedicated to things I heard at school.

  60. “Why are you dyspraxic?” - My P.E teacher after I tripped and fell during cross country, multiple times.

  61. I was cashiering at a Scholastic Book Fair. A lady asked me if the money we raised was used for scholarships. I replied "Ma'am, this is a public elementary school."

  62. I was on a ship and someone asked if the elevator would take them from the back to the front because "the front is up".

  63. My IT teacher told us a story one of our first days of someone who asked if the reason their computer wasn’t working right might have had anything to do with the fact their power was out. That was they day I learned what an ID-10t error really was.

  64. Walking home late at night I thought a nice piece of fried chicken from KFC would hit the spot, but I wasn't hungry enough for an entire meal, I only wanted a piece of chicken.

  65. I'm currently working as a parcel delivery driver. Nine out of ten people ask me what I'm delivering. They're being deadly serious serious when they ask "What is it?". I'm a delivery driver going from local depot to door and all I can say to that question is "It's a box". I don't know what they've ordered, and I don't really care.

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