What toxic behavior is, for some reason, becoming more accepted at this time?

  1. Ah yes, the "no need to put a label on it" leads to a lot of misunderstanding. If you don't want to actually be dating, say that. It's fine to be just hooking up, no strings, fwb. You both just need to be on the same page to be happy.

  2. It's funny because every AITA post the top comment is like "I'm not usually one to say divorce/break up... but.."

  3. A little out of left field but looks like all the big ones already addressed. People being either unwilling or too lazy to discipline their dogs , letting them get away with all kinds of bad behaviour when they're young because it's cute , then ending up with poor behaviour engrained. True also of children lol.

  4. People do this with horses. I knew a girl whose parents got her horse when it was a little baby, and she taught it to "hug her" well guess what happens when 1 year later the baby is 700lbs? Total nightmare. And now the horse is 1100 lbs as an adult and lives alone in a field and they don't do anything with it because it's "untrainable and dangerous" Like... we all saw that coming when you let the fucker behave badly, even other horses don't let foals that aren't their own climb on them.

  5. I know someone who, in the last 2 years, has had 3 different dogs. They keep wanting high energy, high intelligence working dogs, but don't want to do the work. They live in a tiny apartment and work long hours, and want the dog (each one has been a puppy) to be instantly trained and know how to behave. And this is someone who has owned dogs in the past. My level of respect for them has dropped so much. The only redeeming thing is that they've realized it wasn't a good match before too much damage was done (but still, do your research before you get a Malinois puppy)

  6. Currently in training with my 7mo Pyrenees. He's a little big for his fuckin britches. I wish trainers around me would have let me get in earlier. Everyone seems to have a 6mo start time. Like, he's literally 90lbs already, fuck. I started calling and emailing when he was 12 weeks.

  7. There are so many dogs in the neighborhood and many will run at us while off leash. And the lack of speed or concern their owners give drives me bonkers. Like your dog is about 2 seconds from getting it's face ripped off by my dog. And I'm on edge and ready to punch or kick if something happens to my dog. I don't know the history of your pooch. You think they'd pick up the pace while I try to keep both dogs from murdering each other. And half the time you barely get a "sorry".

  8. My parents let our dogs bark all they want. Its worse when my dad is home because he doesn't do anything. When our Jack Russell stands on the back of the couch so we can look out the window to bark, I pull him off and tell him to stop and he listens. That's why I don't want to get a dog until I move out.

  9. Not admitting fault or guilt but instead trying to overpower people even when you're wrong; essentially extreme bluffing and bravado instead of, you know, behaving like an adult and understanding it's not a big deal to be wrong, at least when it's not the world at stake.

  10. This is exactly why my ex and I broke up. She just couldn't admit a thing she did was wrong so she would gaslight me. Just admit fault and we can, I don't know, talk about it and maybe move forward but nope.

  11. This isnt new but its definitely a respect killer. These people are just on the wrong end of self esteem. I still have self esteem issues and i used to do this but now i dont, at the very least not nearly as much.

  12. Also using all the in-vogue words to describe everyone who calls on someone to take responsibility for themselves. They're gaslighting, toxic narcissists, that's why they're being mean to me for not doing the dishes.

  13. My boss does this constantly these days. She's been screwing over a lot of us when putting together schedules, and, when confronted, always responds with, "Oh, I wouldn't have done that if I knew how your schedule is set up. I'll triple check just to be sure." Bitch, I have screenshots of my schedule! Just admit you're wrong! Come two weeks later, and she still hasn't bothered touching the work schedule...

  14. fully agree. Like don't get me wrong i enjoy having a cell phone but I really don't like being "available" all the time. Luckily my good friends understand and are often slower responders themselves, so we're on the same page.

  15. On the nose. The hill I'll die on is that I'm gonna move slow as molasses most of the time: at work, in relationships, with spending and purchasing, in decision making. Slow and steady, right? It's done me well so far.

  16. Even just shoving your bullshit, uninformed political opinion in everyone's face. That used to be one of the off-limits topics of polite conversation (religion being the other one), but now people lead with their crazy ass politics in random discussions with strangers. Man, I just met you, I don't want to go from "Hi" to "Oh, wow, I hate you" in like three minutes.

  17. I walked into work today and my coworker started up with, "Joe Biden got pooped on by a bird last night. Even birds think he's full of shit. Blah blah blah."

  18. Exactly. “I broke my arm” And rather than responding with a nice, “hope it heals fast,” people say, “I broke more bones in my arm once, that break is pathetic.”

  19. When my father passed away earlier this year, my mother called her sister to inform her of it; her response was to tell her about her rash on her back. No condolences or anything. A few of my mother's "friends" did that too. She gave them an earful that's for sure.

  20. Trauma dumping as well. It seems more and more people like to discuss their experiences for attention and not to actually heal into a well adapted person.

  21. As someone who would often win those trauma contests if I stooped to that, I 100% agree that it's toxic bullshit that needs to stop. I used to do it a lot, and I'm learning not to anymore, because, like... Who the fuck CARES if I've had it worse? Who does it help to know that my life was harder?? Who gave me the right to belittle someone already going through one of the worst things in their WHOLE LIFE just because mine has also sucked ass???? All it does is make them feel worse and like you don't care about them at all. If I've also been through something similar, and maybe worse, it should be used as a sympathy thing, like "yeah I've been there, too, I know it sucks but you'll be okay, let me know if you need advice or anything." Not some invalidating and cruel bullshit.

  22. I will say, there's a difference between "I had a shitty day" and "Sorry, I had a shitty day." I'm generally in the second one, and I apologize and then leave so I don't make it worse.

  23. One of my favorites is, “Oh that’s just how [insert someone’s name here] is.” I’ve run into this a couple of times. I had a job where this lady I worked with was just in general a nasty bitch- like all the time, for no good reason, to everyone. People didn’t really seem to care and just put up with it, bc “Oh that’s just her personality.” Excuse me? No, you don’t just get to get away with treating people like shit all the time, bc deep down in the very soul of your being, you’re an asshole. If I treated people the way she did, there would be consequences immediately- the same should apply to everyone.

  24. Even if you intended for it to be a prank, sometimes you take it too far, or happen to hit a nerve. Just apologize, don’t just say, “it’s just a prank, you can’t get mad at me.”

  25. These people have issues about prioritizing "being funny" over pretty much every other valuable social trait. Sad to see, I think it would take professional therapy to sort that out.

  26. Freely disrupting whatever is going on because you have a personal need. For instance, the gym pool is dedicated 3 hours per week to an exercise class. In the middle of class, a swimmer comes in, stops the instructor, and demands to do laps - even though the pool has about 60 people in it.

  27. I see this a lot in grocery stores as well with people acting like they're the only ones in the store. Why would you walk in front of someone who's obviously looking at something on the opposite shelf and then just stop and grab stuff for yourself. Your bread needs are not more urgent than theirs!

  28. The word you're looking for is Hedonism. Our society has become ultra individualist, hedonistic and narcissistic. Those three things have become today's values.

  29. I had a female friend (I’m a male) who I was fairly close to, there was never anything between us and there wasn’t going to be. My ex said she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of me being friends with women and asked me to stop talking to her. Foolishly I did. However, she had plenty of male friends, some of whom were pretty flirtatious with her and she played along, but if I said anything I was the bad guy and jealous. Not that I’d ask her or anyone to do anything like that. Anyway, she ended up cheating and now my trust issues are worse

  30. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that we’ve created a social order that rewards narcissistic behaviours. Often the harm gets distributed over a larger scale so it’s harder to narrow down than if it were taking place in a more close knit social group.

  31. Overworking yourself. 80 hour work weeks aren't a badge of honor. You're a victim of the system and you've fallen for their plan.

  32. Now I want to do a thread titled “successful people of Reddit who did not do cliché grind mindset stuff (read every day, take cold showers, work 16+ hrs per day, etc), how did you do it?”

  33. I had to stop telling certain family members about my hobbies. It always turned into "you should monetize it". Let me write my fluffy stories in peace Barbra.

  34. Hear me out. I do see redditers wanting every Russian soldier to die horribly. I know there's a conflict, but people shouldn't be so quick to dehumanise the other side. A good portion of the soldiers are forcefully conscripted. Most if them have been lied to being told that "Its just a training exercise", we're getting rid of fascism and the locals are going to appreciate it etc. And clearly lots of people are dying in vain. Most of the Ukrainians fighting are civilians. A lot of the Russian were formally civilians. Few people want the war and (mostly) both sides just wish they were at home. The only people benefiting are Arms companies and Putin who is ordering this for himself.

  35. Just the whole influencer culture imo. First of all, it encourages and emboldens mindless consumerism. Secondly, individuality is taking a serious hit because everyone is trying to do the same fucking thing all the time. Lastly, the majority of the content out there, from fashion to skincare to food, indirectly promotes body negativity. Idk I may be wrong but it kind of troubles me how much people WANT to be influenced per se.

  36. I hate that everything is just adds. Like influencers at LEAST half the time are trying to get you to buy something. It’s all about fucking buying stuff. Instagram is mostly about selling things now.

  37. And that’s why I don’t follow many youtubers anymore. I miss the creativity that people had and made awesome content. Now everything is done through advertising

  38. I don’t think you’re wrong, people are getting so worried about keeping up with trends that influencers set, and they act like anyone not trying to copy the influencers is weird

  39. Influencers are the same shit as celebrities. Before celebrity culture was so widespread it was nobility/royalty that was worshipped like this.

  40. I see what you mean, ive been with my partner for 4 years now i met her boy when he was 3 and the daughter when she was 5. Their dad is an asshole but now they love me. My sister last year told me i was playing house and i found that to be so disrespectful for anyone to say that as if, someone with children dont deserve a relationship (some dont). But my partner she is a hell of a person and doesnt play the single mother victim thats why we get this done together, we help eachother and i can say its been amazing. But my sister fucker her we haven't spoken in a year.

  41. I’m with ya. A minute or two late is whatever. You have an emergency and it’s fine. But I have friends that are always at least 30 mins late or just don’t show. And yet they wonder why I don’t ask them to hang out anymore

  42. My best friend. She’ll make plans, talk about the plans, then when it’s time for the plans “oh sorry I can’t do it anymore.”

  43. My biggest pet peeve. Time is irreplaceable and wasting someone's is just about the most disrespectful thing you can do

  44. And looking down on people who work 60 hours a week because you work 80 hours a week. Cheering your own exploitation isn't really a good flex.

  45. Generally treating others like shit. It's like it's in now. I know, I know - shitty people have been doing shitty things forever. But. It's almost like aggression is the new norm.

  46. I feel like that's more of an online thing that's slowly seeping into the real world. Older people seem less aggressive and the younger people who spend all there time online seem to be acting more aggressive and careless. We used to just have kids go into this store I work in and at worst, steal some candy, but now we have scores of kids trashing the place deliberately and stealing whatever. A lot of kids, to me, are acting like straight up convicts these days.

  47. I cannot fucking stand that whole “iT’s BeEn GoInG On lOng BeFoRe x” shit that people try to bring up about virtually anything. It’s such handwavy bullshit and downplays the issue of discussion.

  48. The friendship stuff gets me. I had to end a lot of friendships this year because it felt like a one way friendship where I was the only person putting any effort. It sucked, but long term is healthier.

  49. As someone with PTSD, the amount of people coming out of the woodwork saying they grew up with trauma is astounding. Now, this is from social media and obviously that is a percent of a percent of people in the world, but some people are labeling more normal things as trauma? I don't mean to be dismissive of people's experiences because trauma is subjective. A person's reaction to a natural disaster will differ from another person's reaction and all. But they'll talk about their parents taking away their things or yelling at them a couple times as trauma? Taking away a door while yelling that they'll put your mattress out on the street because your room isn't in tip top shape (slightly cluttered) is one thing. Taking away your phone because your grades are slipping and you won't pass your school year without improvement ASAP is another.

  50. I'm going through this right now. There's nothing you can do when the bully is highly regarded because of their undeniable skill and knowledge, and manipulation skills. Buddy buddy with management but an absolute psychopath with who they consider inferior. Sadistic torturing for the heck of it and then smirking when someone starts crying. The girl that cried got fired today. I don't know what to do.

  51. My mother is a teacher at an elementary school. Recently, two ten year old girls who are friends decided that they did not like a special ed student, and were going to accuse him of rape to get him in trouble. Another kid overheard them and told a teacher. The girls were given one day of in-school detention and that was it. They are well-known bullies and enjoy making other kids, particularly special ed kids, cry. Nothing is done about them.

  52. Double standards. Once met a girl who argued tooth and nail that it's okay for sisters to find their brothers hot but not for brothers to find their sisters hot.

  53. Employers calling/texting us while we are at home at night after hours. Used to be more of a thing for them to call the one land line and have a family member give u the phone

  54. Gatekeeping. I am all for respecting other people's cultures, genders, sexual preferences etc.But I think the bounds of appropriation have broadened to the point of gatekeeping.

  55. the "put yourself first" culture. I see a lot of posts (especially on instagram) encouraging things like ghosting (not just romantinc relationships, but friendships and family relationships too), or leaving a situation as soon as you feel a little uncomfortable. Why don't people want to communicate? If you are uncomfortable, say it. Explain to people what's wrong and if they don't respect that, then you can leave.

  56. I think the biggest problem I have with this isn't the ghosting part: it's people doing everything in their power to avoid being uncomfortable. From discomfort comes growth. I'm not talking about letting people take advantage of you, or staying in an unsustainable situation, but if someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, confront them calmly and rationally, explain what they did and why it made you uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable for both parties: the offended party for having to confront someone they love or respect, and the offending party for being confronted. However, this gives both parties a chance to react maturely, calmly and respectfully, to learn to agree or disagree and if there is no resolution, then as you said, THAT is the time to reevaluate the people in your life.

  57. For real. While taking care of yourself is a good message, a lot of these “self-care” tips are basically telling you to treat other people as disposable.

  58. This is spot on. Many of the issues in our society could be ameliorated if people would stop asking “what’s in it for me?” and start asking”what can I do for others?” Now obviously there is limits to that, but you shouldn’t be doing things only to benefit you but also to benefit others as well.

  59. Pretty sure I just got ghosted for the first time. Like, I'm fine with it. If she was that unhappy or uncomfortable, I don't want her to feel obligated to keep talking to me or dating me or something.

  60. Agreed. Also the couples therapy industry that is geared toward a wronged partner taking some responsibility for another person's shitty actions. You should be fully prepared to own your shitty mistake without trying to shoe horn in circumstance and the state of the relationship. If you don't think you can be happy, leave. If you do, don't cheat.

  61. This a really weird one to me. I can't even remember when I first noticed it, but I feel as though I just woke up one day and cheating had suddenly become romanticized, especially in music??

  62. Basically everything. If you're into any sort of toxic behavior you have plenty of online communities to back you up. Previously if you were regularly toxic, you'd have to deal with social isolation, which served as a good way to prevent such behavior

  63. Not having a drop of trust for your partner, the second i see my partner checking my phone to see if im cheating, im out.

  64. The mentality that the louder person is right. So if you just talk louder, over them, and interrupt them, you will obviously be the one in the right.

  65. I personally think that way too many people who don't have actual anxiety or depression say that they do. It's like... if you actually had it, it wouldn't be something you just post about on Facebook all the time.

  66. The most frustrating thing about this is that people who’s day-to-day lives are truly affected by this are lumped into this group and often don’t get the help or accommodations they need as a result.

  67. I would argue that we as a society are, across the board, becoming increasingly tolerant if not supportive of emotionally indulgent behavior--especially when it comes to raising children--that we have effectively accepted most of forms of selfish, entitled and borderline sociopathic behavior.

  68. What are some behaviors specifically? As someone who doesn't interact with children bassically ever and is also relatively young`, I'm not super in tune with how they behave and how that's changed over time

  69. Yes! Especially videoing helping homeless people. It just seems like they do it to get likes online.

  70. Why is this a thing?! Yesterday I had to go into town for a big event I needed to go to, and some clown in a vanilla colored car was swerving around, trying to run someone else off the road! It was 11 AM, what was this dude's damage?

  71. Yes! What the fuck happened? I drive the same highway I have for 15 years, used to never be concerned beyond basic safety, but since lock down I fear for my life on the daily. It's terrifying.

  72. Filming random strangers on the street and then posting them online, i feel like over time people became more okay with this weird culture of public surveillance where people who aren't attractive or are doing something that's seen as weird are deserving of being filmed and ridiculed online.

  73. Using astrology or something equally as dumb to justify their shitty behavior or lack of personality. "I act this way because I'm a Gemini" "I act this way because mercury is in retrograde." No ma'am. You act that way because you're a prick

  74. Toxic “self-care” mentality and the definition of entitlement. People confuse basic human decency with entitlement and insist they owe no one anything even loved ones. And cut off people at the drop of a hat with no communication or anything.

  75. Most people here are mentioning trends that are a couple years old already or even older. You're right on the money with this take, though. This one is white hot right now and is dictating so much speech and behavior currently

  76. Victimhood culture is a huge thing right now. The more of a victim you are, the higher your standing is among your peers. So people look for reasons to be a victim and try to find ways to stack their victimhood. For example, being a woman gets you victimhood points, but being a black woman gets you more points, and being a queer, black woman gets you even more points. Just to be clear, I'm not saying that victimhood due to certain identities isn't real; the difference is these days a lot of people are actively seeking out victimhood, playing up their victimhood status, and relishing in the increased social standing that it brings.

  77. Apologies be like: sorry guys I’ve been dealing with 69 traumas and 420 mental health issues I didn’t mean to do that I swear guys

  78. Anti-intellectualism and hyper-individualism have paired up, leading to a large amount of people who will not put any trust in science/expertise, while wanting it to be their right to do what they desire and not have to be concerned about the consequences it has on others/the environment/etc

  79. The number of people I've met over the last few years who have talked over other people while loudly and proudly declaring that they don't read books or the news ever but just learn from life and then lecture others on any topic from evolution to politics is amazing. One was launching into a tirade at me once and when I finally got a word in, I said, sorry but I'm going to have to disagree on the grounds that I've studied this, I'm even published in the exact field you're talking about and the science says something else really clearly... Still they talked over me... they had no need to read a book to figure out all the science and published facts were wrong. Oh, okay then. I just shrugged and zoned them out.

  80. Walking on eggshells for people with anxiety or mental illnesses that they have no intention to get help for. I saw a comedian tell a joke that someone had anxiety, and he asked what they were doing for treatment, and they said they aren’t getting treatment, they just told him so that he could accommodate them.

  81. My sibling does this. Has terrible anxiety and regular panic attacks but refuses to develop coping mechanisms and is inherently against medication because it makes her “weak” (I’m on meds, quite offensive). Take responsibility for yourself and be an adult. It’s been years of time accommodating for her lack of self help.

  82. My husband and I went no contact with my MIL because we realized she was using her mental illness as an excuse for shitty, abusive behavior. Any attempt to discuss the unacceptableness of her actions toward other people was portrayed as intolerance for her situation (we were always very supportive of her getting better treatment/medication)

  83. Faking a mental illness or condition so you can be an "outsider" but in a socially acceptable way.

  84. There is soooo much "if you do this you have ADHD/autism" content on my Instagram. And the majority of the "symptoms" are not things exclusive to ADHD/autism. Also things like "if you read a lot as a kid, that's a trauma response."

  85. It's actually dissuaded me from seeking therapy (and potential medication) for my own diagnosis that I've had since the 90's. I don't want to come across as some attention seeker or bandwagoner even if my condition is literally already in my records.

  86. Sense of entitlement. Everything sucks, get over yourself and quit ruining everyone elses experience. This leads to terrible drivers, annoying people at restaurants, etcetc.

  87. Pretty much all of them. Everyone is so afraid to tell people, even friends, that they're being rude, selfish, mean, narcissistic. its easier just to let it go and move on than have conflict or difficult discussions. But bad behaviors will only persist if unchecked or un punished

  88. Probably the best answer here imo. The amount of times I see people bury their heads in the sand rather than work out issues drives me nuts

  89. One that I've noticed is people claiming sympathy or empathy or whatever for people with mental illness, but then mocking them when the serious symptoms of their mental illness start acting up. There is also a lot of "their mental illness doesn't mean they can act like that", but there are certain symptoms of mental disorders that do greatly affect your actions and your personality, even with treatment. I think people are especially unsympathetic to people with psychoses of any type, or with any disorder that can be triggered. Like, yes, that person should be able to handle their triggers by themselves, but that doesn't mean you should act like a dick and purposely try to trigger them, especially in a group setting.

  90. It’s the whole “I support you but don’t you dare have a moment of weakness and let your symptoms show/affect me” attitude. It’s almost more exhausting than the “Your just lazy/crazy/evil” attitude. You start to feel safe with this person, you have a bad day and they shit all over you. Like, I get it, it’s not a free pass to be an asshole but give me a little grace, I’m fighting my own fucking brain here.

  91. Making everybody believe that they can achieve anything. Like, no Kevin, sorry to break it to you but not everyone can/will be incredibly successful "if they just put their mind to it". Failure happens, it's okay, you don't have to be outstanding or special in any way.

  92. Not to mention that failure is often as important as success. I saw an interview with Craig Ferguson when he talked about immigrating to the USA and noting that one thing he liked about American culture was that we saw failure as a necessary step on the path to success. But I feel we have lost that attitude.

  93. "I hate your opinion, but instead of doing the mature thing and simply disagreeing and arguing against your opinion, I'm going to ostracise you from society, harrass you online and humiliate you on a public forum!"

  94. This is why I believe honesty without empathy is abuse by a different name. If you're being honest with someone and have zero sympathy for them, you're probably using the truth as a weapon.

  95. People behaving like their opinion = fact and should be treated with the same respect as such. When.. it isn't, and it shouldn't.

  96. People treating you like garbage or saying things that would obviously offend you and proceeding to then get upset when you react negatively.

  97. Our inability to discuss issues. At some point, you are going to be classified as evil no matter your perspective. Ignorance is a sign you are eveil. We no longer have the opportunity to learn from one another because is it so dangerous to have the conversation. Because we are surrounded by social media, we live in our own bubbles. The other side is evil and has not points to consider. I have been categorized as ultra right wing by some people because I said I wanted to understand why a particular candidate could be so popular because it was so different than mine.

  98. The same people that do this also like to complain about other people’s privilege, yet I can’t think of anything more privileged than feeling the need to tell other people when they should be offended.

  99. Dehumanizing your political opponents so there is no limits to how cruel you can be to them, since they are not human anyway.

  100. Requiring people to be perfect. There's no concept of learning, growing, apologizing. I hate when people cry about "cancel culture" but it's this puritanical need to criticize people who are ostensibly on "your side" for not being _____ enough... you demonstrate your own virtue by finding flaws in other people instead of doing actual work or organizing. Nobody is going to jump into the world fully educated, and it's important to help new folks learn with openness and kindness, instead of just ditching them for not being "enlightened" like you are.

  101. Yeah it's something that really bothers me, and any time you try to criticize this line of thought you get accused of being prejudiced/deserving of "callouts." People act like they are 100%, wholly, unabashedly good people who have never done anything wrong in their entire lives, and if anyone makes the tiniest mistake they deserve to be lynched. It's an insane witch hunt coming from people who claim to be fundamentally against witch hunts.

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