What would you do if your long term SO suddenly wants to have sex with other people?

  1. This actually happened to me when I was still with my ex-wife. I put up with it for a while. I didn't feel like I could say no without permanently fracturing our relationship. (If only I had realized it was already damaged beyond repair.) I didn't really like her sleeping with other people because she wasn't a careful person and the guys she picked were nasty, so I pulled away from her. She was already bored with me anyway, so she didn't really notice.

  2. Wow my partner had a similar relationship with his ex wife. They tried the open thing and it destroyed what little was left of their marriage. He said he will never have an open rel again.

  3. I’m convinced that askreddit is mainly used to make masses of people uncomfortable and paranoid. But maybe I’m just paranoid.

  4. Karma farming. Open relationships is just the latest "Ask Reddit" karma generator. Wait till next week for the next "what sex is the sexiest sex to ever sex" question

  5. Might be the pandemic? Many people's social lives were contracted. I could see that causing 2 ways of producing more interest in open relationships: 1) it caused more relationships to progress further than they otherwise would've and 2) it's caused couples to spend more time together than they otherwise would've. So now you have people realizing they're deep in a relationship but things are changing back or they're just looking for a change.

  6. College semester is ending, kids are going home for the summer, and people are desperately trying to "hold on" to their college partner through the distance.

  7. I don't understand why there has been such a massive cultural push the last couple of years to normalize cuckolding and tell people they need to be okay with it.

  8. Lol I spent three years with an ex who seemed totally uninterested in sex. We would fuck like once every six months. By the end of the relationship she was telling me she just wasn't interested in sex. I tried everything. I tried asking her about potential kinks she had. She told me she had none. I tried analyzing the rare moments when she was willing to understand how to reproduce it. No luck. I asked her if we could see a sex-therapist. She refused. As soon as we broke up she was suddenly super sexually active and made sure our common friends would know so I would as well. Last I heard she was into Japanese bondage.

  9. The whites for the eye holes remind me of a weird dream I had once about these supernatural creatures that would mimic your loved ones to lure you outside and kill you.

  10. Wish her well and spend the next 2 years masturbating and getting myself back to a place where I am ready to get hurt again.

  11. That happened to me but she didn’t ask for permission and just went and did it with at least 3 other ones, 2 were at the same time

  12. Wow I’ve never seen anything so accurate. Lonely af sometimes but rewarding when I hear all the drama and bs my friends vent to me about their S/O

  13. See I thought something was wrong with me I'm on month 3 and I'm still loving the freedom. Shit I even put a racing simulator in my front room and had PTSD about getting told how ugly it was. Then I realized oh yeah her mf ass isn't here I can do what I want.

  14. You took an anxious question and turned it into a love letter for your husband. This comment is so pure and wholesome and I hope to be like this one day.

  15. Same. A big part of our marriage is the fact that we both have high libidos and signed up to only have sex with each other for as long as we are both alive. (That's kinda hot in its own way.) And as such, we both prioritize being sexually available and fulfilling for each other. He knows if he wakes up horny in the morning, his wife is happy to bang him. I know that I can just say, "I want you," and he's going to come give it. That's really wonderful.

  16. It's really good to actually have that communication and respect for the other party in a relationship, and it sounds like you're absolutely nailing it. Open relationships are 100% not something that works for everyone and it takes a good level of maturity and self awareness to recognize that.

  17. I know monogamy is not for me but I totally praise people who are. If you signed up for monogamy you do monogamy. One thing the monogamous and ethically non monogamous people can agree on is that you don’t betray the people you love.

  18. Yeah this is sadly what happened to me.. Being left for sex while we shared a great relationship was very hurtful but it did put things into perspective.

  19. My 3 year partner just popped this question and it’s made me feel immature and jealous and selfish because I feel exactly like you do. It’s really nice to have read your sentiments exactly as you put them, that’s what I’ve been trying to express. There’s a large part of me that just doesn’t want to end up as miserable as my parents, who are still together. I don’t have all the answers, I want to be ok with complete bodily autonomy for each other but I’m trying into the lunatic you’re describing. 😖

  20. I think they're the ones leaving you. I don't think the relationship changes at that point; I think it ends. If you have a monogamous relationship, they are telling you they want to end that. They might be suggesting starting a new, non-monogamous relationship, but that is a separate thing. The original relationship is over.

  21. OP, it's no different than anything else they want: you either agree and stay together, disagree but stay together, disagree and break up, or even agree and break up.

  22. Great answer, my follow up question would be: "do you want to take the time and investigate with me if, and how, this would be an option"?

  23. I think it depends too how intently they're interested. If it's a thing they bring up because they're curious but it's not a dealbreaker for them, I'm fine with that even if I don't want to proceed. A solid relationship involves open communication, and it'd make me happy if my partner trusted us and our bond enough to voice that curiosity with me.

  24. Yuuuuup. Do read the ethical slut. It is a very interesting read and a good look into the mindset behind ethical non-monogamy and how it can work, how it doesn't work and what might work for you.

  25. Agree with all of this but also want to call out OPs use of ‘suddently’. I assure you that it would have been on her mind for a while before opening the conversation with you. Give yourself time to process, actually ask what she thinks will make her happy going forward.

  26. Your experience is kinda a solid counter to a lot of the propaganda that's espoused about "You're only monogamous because you were raised that way". I'm glad you were able to decide for yourself, one way or the other.

  27. I've really wondered what is actually like for the kids caught in those households to deal with a rotating carousel of adults that are supposedly important yet non permanent come and go. What was it like for you?

  28. Why do people ask the same question over and over on this Reddit? This question was posted maybe 5 days ago.

  29. I know a couple that was in an open relationship for many years. The wife had 40+ partners, many of them regular/long term. The husband had 2.

  30. Break it off, because they definitely already have someone in mind and you telling them no won't change the fact that they were only one step away from following through with it.

  31. Or they've already been doing it and just decided to feel you out. Either way, it's time to move on.

  32. Or just as likely; already have been sleeping with someone and want to find a way to tell you they did without making it sound like cheating.

  33. We have excellent communication about our boundaries wants and needs, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's highly unlikely I'd be blindsided with this question because of that, and it's highly unlikely he wouldn't already know what I would respond with, since we've talked regularly at length about our feelings on this and many subjects.

  34. Mine came as part of a separation after being married 11 years. We agreed to separate and work on things in therapy. A week later in therapy she announced that she wanted to date other people. And then just a couple days later she said she didn't want to work together at all for a few months, but definitely didn't want to be celibate. Her exact words in fact.

  35. Actually had this happen. Told him I wasn’t comfortable at first, but then conceded after he pushed for it. Wanted to have sex a few weeks later, he said he couldn’t because the other girl wasn’t comfortable with sharing him. I had to come to terms with the fact that he was ok being monogamous with her and respecting her boundaries, but not me. I dumped his ass. It sucked, especially since she was my friend before all that. Got over it quick though.

  36. I’d assume they’re already having sex with other people, at least that’s what my ex was doing when she asked about it.

  37. It's called a post permission, hah. Some people have no morals, no self reflection, nothing. Hollow shells.

  38. Have a mature discussion about their satisfaction in the relationship, why they wish to see other people, and if they still want to pursue a relationship with me. If they do, then discuss placing fair rules and boundaries that will allow them to do what makes them happy and safe.

  39. It doesn't matter how long I've been with someone, if they suddenly have wandering eyes & friendly hands, we're done. If you're that unhappy with me, just go, but I am not playing second fiddle to no one.

  40. I'd tell her how I feel about it. Which is, not good. If she decided that she wanted to have sex with other people despite my feelings, I would end the relationship

  41. You need to ask your SO why. It could be a one time fantasy. It could be a acceptable if you participate.

  42. I’ll tell you what my ex did. Throughout our relationship he would try to entice me with the notion of threesomes. Specifically with other males and myself (He got off on seeing me with other men) I wasn’t all that enthusiastic about it but remained open to the idea that if it happened naturally and I was into the other guy, I wouldn’t oppose. Then one day, heavens gate opened and in waltzed the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. My ex jumped on his chance. We had a few sexual interactions with this guy and my ex would be SO pushy and honestly made me feel SO uncomfortable when he was involved, so I mentioned to him that it might be fun to explore open relationships. He immediately agreed. He began exploiting me to said guy, egging him on to “keep me company” because “I was a lonely housewife.” He would pressure both of us to send him videos of us together. He went out and banged as many women as he possibly could, showing off his endeavors to me and exploiting me along the way. All of this behavior seemed to exacerbate his sexual urges and he began to act out in alarming ways. It seemed like his mask was slipping at this point and I began to view him as unsafe and began pulling away from him. I came home late at night from a weekend trip with said guy that my ex paid for me to attend, to wine and roses and requests for sex and when I told him I needed a day to decompress, he went into a rage. The next day was my sons birthday, my ex left and refused to come back until 3 weeks later when I was no longer in the home. Communication had been severed completely. We went from having 2 small children, being engaged, had just bought our first home, he a successful cinematographer, me a doting yet exhausted stay at home mom, a seemingly beautiful and fulfilling life (hindsight is 20/20 folks) to straight up flames and ashes and rubble and in the matter of two months. He kicked the children and I out without a single cent to my name on what would have been our 8 year anniversary.

  43. Find a new SO, I don't do open relationship's, however I'm not going to selfishly stand in the way of someone else's happiness. Look you can't control or change sexual attraction, it is what it is. So instead of trying to hold on to something that no longer exists, which only make both people miserable, accept it for what it is and embrace change and look at it as a new and exciting start, that might turn out to be what you have been looking for the whole time anyway… don't choose to be miserable.… it's the only thing you have control of.

  44. I met someone at a party. She was awesome and we had a lot in common. We liked each other a lot. But she was asexual and I am not. Actually I’ve got a pretty good healthy libido. I’d have sex every day if I could.

  45. End the relationship right then and there. If she's asking its because she has someone lined up already or has already been fucking other people. I've already dealt with enough heartache. I'm good

  46. Tell em' to pull their fucking head in, stop being a fucking coward and end it if they want to fuck someone else.

  47. Both of my engagements ended when I discovered they were cheating. The 2nd ex will still occasionally send me messages, years later, asking if I'd be willing to take him back if we could be polyamorous

  48. Talk about some rules and how to make things work, and have a serious conversation about safety and where she is going to find partners. My wife's always been the monogamous one, I've been in poly relationships before and I would be fine with it. We've been married 14 years, so I'd be a little bit curious as to what caused her to change her mind.

  49. Break up. I’m only interested in monogamy. If they’re not on board with that, they can try their luck somewhere else.

  50. I’d consider it and discuss it with her. I’d make some common sense requests regarding safety for both of us, meeting the other person together and making sure they provide proof they haven’t got an STD or anything. I have no doubt my partner would respect that and if so then I’d be willing to try going poly with her. Our relationship is about way more than sex and I’m secure in that fact. I’m not about to throw the baby out with the bath water just because my partner wants to try some stuff I’m not into or can’t provide her.

  51. I guess there is really only one thing to do. Ask yourself if that is something you're okay with and talk to your partner about how you feel about it.

  52. Have an open and honest conversation about why. Talk any how we feel about this relationship, ask why they want this change, if there is someone in particular or just want to do it in general, if they want a third or if they want each of us to sleep with other people independently, if they are interested in polyamory (actual relationships with others) or polysexuality (just sleeping with others).

  53. Break up. Nothing good can come from “I suddenly want to open our relationship.” If you want an open relationship, or you’re poly, that sort of thing should be known and discussed and agreed upon from the start by all parties involved. It shouldn’t just be one person saying “I want to fuck someone else” and their partner going along with it because they’re scared of losing the relationship altogether.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Author: admin