What is a depressing truth you have made peace with?

  1. sometimes people you care deeply about will choose to drop out of your life and all you can really do is have the grace to let them

  2. This is elegant. I’m dealing with this right now. Part of me wants to revive our past relationship and constantly attempt to interact with them. But dignity and maturity dictate that it’s time to quit. At least I still have my memories!

  3. I think this is happening to me at the moment. Haven't talked to my best friend since our birthday (same birthday 3 years apart). We have been friends since around 1990 or so.

  4. My grandpa just wanted to get to know me and the man I was becoming during his last year of life. Which I was too young and too selfish to realize.

  5. Yeah, this hits home. I spent 90% of my childhood with my grandparents. I was at their house almost everyday. When I got into my teens and obviously found friends, discovered women, all that stuff and then I just stopped seeing them. They’re both gone now and they died with the memories of me as a child. Although they seen me sometimes while I was older, they didn’t know me because I didn’t give them the chance.

  6. Had this situation with my grandmother when dementia was beginning to take her. I was in my late teens and too busy. Now in my thirties, sometimes I’ll daydream of sharing a Sunday morning with her. After the feeling of regret hits I land on promising myself that I’ll never waste that time again. It’s the only silver lining I guess.

  7. I've taken CPR training twice in the past 10 years. The instructors were so completely different... The second one flat out told us "you're giving them about a 15% chance of living, and even if they live, they will probably have some kind of severe trauma that will dramatically decrease their quality of life". Wow...

  8. Fuck this hit hard. The worst call I went on was CPR on a kid in front of his whole family, not just parents but aunts, uncles, grandma, and cousins. I knew it wasn’t going to work but I so desperately wanted it to. I needed it to, for them and for me. 3 years later and I still haven’t made peace with that call.

  9. Its been 10 years since my father passed, despite that I can still hear his laugh and voice in my head. Some things stay with you forever. Remember that he was an integral part of your life and there are mannerisms / behaviors / traits that you have that are from him. He lives on in you and someone will see those behaviors in you and remember him. Maybe later this will help, I know now it probably just hurts.

  10. You can be hanging with your best friends and not realize that it is actually the last time you'll ever be all together in the same room. Even just because of moving cities.

  11. My best mate of 20 years, said that he didn’t want to be my best man and just said he didn’t want to be my friend any more. Hurt like hell.

  12. I have a really hard time with this one. Every friendship I've had in my adult life has only lasted a couple years tops. Rarely a falling out or anything, but just drifting apart or shit happens type deal. It's hard for me to make friends in the first place because I'm pretty shy, so having to regularly restart that process is really discouraging. Right now I don't really have any friends because I've just kinda given up trying.

  13. On Monday she was my best mate, on Tuesday she was gone forever. I still don't understand why she did it but I accepted it. She didn't commit suicide, she just stopped talking to me, but it was like loosing somebody for real because I lost her for real.

  14. I’m finally starting to accept the loss of an 8 year long friendship. Shit’s worse than any breakup I’ve been through.

  15. Damn this hits hard as it happened to me yesterday. Wife and I got high in front of two friends that had never seen us high and are a zealot of our religion. They thought getting High was like getting wasted and that we wouldn’t remember anything. So they started talking shit on us thinking we wouldn’t remember. Taking things we told them in confidence as our supposed best friends and shitting on us with it. Was an eye opener to see how they really felt but I don’t understand if they felt that way why even continue to be our friends and pretend? I dont know man just hurt.

  16. I have actively despised people I love because they presented an obligation that stopped me. I felt so out of control in my life, that not being able to have that choice myself, to go or stay, felt like a slap in the face.

  17. Been trying to figure out how to deal with this for a few years now. But it's not something I like to talk to people about so i just ignore it, as much as humanly possible. It's an exhausting existence.

  18. Go to the doctor if you can. I've always known I had some sort of mental ailment and I'm finally going to see what a professional thinks.

  19. I read on here yesterday that the cost of living is outweighing the benefits. Never thought of it that way before and now it’s the only way I can think about it

  20. Don’t get me wrong, it has its moments. When I’m sitting on a mountain top in complete silence, things make sense and life is righteous. But, when I’m sitting in traffic on my way to work on I-580 in Oakland, goddamn is it rough. Best of luck to all of you. I hope you find peace. 🤙❤️

  21. Everyone is making jokes - I get exactly where you're coming from. My wife and I get basically zero support from either of our families, and when we get into tough shit, there is no rescue or recourse, we just have to ride through it and hope we come out okay. I also know that when it comes right down to it, if something tough happened with me, I'd be almost completely on my own to handle it. It's a very tough realization.

  22. I went through 2 years of cancer treatments. I realized this after 6 cycles of chemotherapy. No one’s coming.

  23. I had to tell this to my students in Myanmar after the coup. No UN help, no US help, no one's coming. I have never felt like such an asshole for telling the truth.

  24. Not too long ago did my mother say that she hopes my sister and I had a happy childhood. I didn’t dare open my mouth. Childhood, the good old days, I don’t think I can say such a thing. My childhood was school and things I enjoyed doing, which I did alone since I had very few friends. I’ve been doing everything I enjoy on my own for the past 10 years, since I was 11. The only good thing from the old days was the absence of the overwhelming pressure of what I should be doing with my life.

  25. My childhood was just study. I had interests, but was never allowed to properly pursue opportunities because study wasn't to be interrupted. Any hobbies I had that my parents did approve on were put on a fast track along with so much pressure that I quickly stopped enjoying them.

  26. Me too! 26 months sober. Didn’t think it was possible to get here when I was beholden to a 1.75 of fleschmans every moment I had free time. Couldn’t have done it without lurking the

  27. 20 years I've been with "the one" she is as beautiful and awesome as the day we met. This last 12 months she's been telling me that she's not in love with me anymore and as much as I try to hold on, I think she is gone. She just looks through me, she still says love you but she said it's what she has always said out of habit and doesn't mean it anymore.

  28. Best realization I had along these lines is to not fantasize about people. Don't fit people into daydreams or mastrubate to them. Doing this makes them objectives rather than individuals. Just dig people for who they are and accept the uncertainty of the experience. If you're nervous about the future with them or jealous of their past you won't enjoy the present with them.

  29. I often feel really dumb and incapable of things. I guess it's a healthy maturing awareness of my own limitations, but I still thought I would be more than I am.

  30. My personal level of stupidity never ceases to amaze me sometimes. Little actions throughout some days, literally make me question how I'm capable of dressing myself up every morning.

  31. There are two types of intelligence. Fluid and crystallized. If you don't have natural fluid intelligence (i.e, information processing, logical thinking, wit), make up for it with your crystallized intelligence. Crystallized intelligence is the experience, knowledge, skills you obtain over the course of your life. It's going to take you more effort and determination than someone who has stronger fluid intelligence than you, but don't sell yourself short. Make up for it by continuously learning and being open minded.

  32. There are plenty of us like that - diagnosed at 19, now I'm in my late 40's. I'll never be able to go a day without an anti-depressant. I'll have bouts of depression even with the medication.

  33. There will be no cure for my spinal cord injury in my lifetime. It was initially very depressing to realise, but almost 3 years in I'm kind of okay with it.

  34. It's been 34 years since my accident. Completely dislocated my spine from T-12 to L2. I have severe "phantom pain" in both my legs that's worse than anything else I've ever experienced, and I was no stranger to pain before the accident. About 15 years ago I started passing kidney stones almost constantly. Even that isn't as bad as the "phantom pain".

  35. I’m in the same boat with Type 1 Diabetes. I was diagnosed at 3, have lived with it for 24 years. I remember being a young child and being told that there was high hope for a cure at that time- and yet here we are. I appreciate how far we’ve come with insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitoring systems but….I’ve lost all hope for a cure in my lifetime. I’ve heard it’s on the horizon for so long that I’ve just stopped giving any stock to it because that hope kinda died a while ago.

  36. Your life can flip seemingly over night. Born to a family that did well. Went to college, didn’t have any debt, got a good job, never really had any hardship in my life.

  37. There's an episode of Star Trek: the Next Generation where Picard tells Data: "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness - that is life."

  38. No matter how hard you love someone, they can fall out of love with you and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. Took me a lot of self destruction and pain to realize it. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

  39. After 10 years of being together, 8 years of marriage and two wonderful children, my wife broke up with me, 2 months ago. We shared almost a third of our lifes together, through thick and thin. She said we'd grow old together, that i was the love of her life. Even until around a month before the break up. I am still devastated. The life i knew and grew to love is gone. And i still love her, at least the person she used to be. It's by far the worst thing i've been through. It was hard to accept that and push through. But i survived it... and there is still a long way to go before i can forgive her, or at least accept her as a person (we still need to talk because of the kids). And before i can trust again.

  40. I am almost certain my partner and father of my children has fallen out of love with me despite him saying it’s not the case. He doesn’t go out of his way to spend time with me and hardly touches me (I’m talking hugs and kisses) there’s no intimacy what so ever. When I ask he says it’s not the case but I’m an actions speak louder than words person. And this isn’t how it was before. I think he stays for comfort and to avoid struggling financially because it’s bad af out there, and maybe some fear that I would take his children away from him. I stay because despite it all I love him with all my heart.. I have two kids, one is autistic. I’m overweight for my height (5’1 158lbs) and don’t feel like anyone would want me.

  41. "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." - Cpt. Jean Luc Picard

  42. This hit me hard too. I’m working on getting better and life is pretty good right now but damn if I don’t get mad thinking about how much time depression took away from my life. Fuck depression!

  43. My biggest regret now that I've come out to the other side. I lost my life from ages 18-23 and it stunted my maturity for awhile there.

  44. You won't. But if you are currently in a better place mentally, you can prevent it from taking any more of your time. It helps me to sometimes picture my depression or anxiety as some sort of entity trying to control me and directing my life. I would have never ever gave that much control over my life to some other person. I would fight for my freedom and things I love and enjoy. So I try to use that mindset and fight my GAD when I feel it trying to overcome me. If you're still not in a good place, seek some help. Even if it might seem like it won't do anything..

  45. I’m 25 and have been on autopilot for 6 years. Just go to work and come back home. Nothing new has happened in that time because I don’t have the motivation to change anything. One of my friends graduated and became an RN and now has his own home, other friend is already having a family, another one who used to be obese turned in to a gym rat and now found a new career to go for, all while I’m just on my pc all day err day.

  46. I'm only 25 but had countless of opportunities passed my way because I was afraid to do something.

  47. I find it more comforting than depressing but some people will see it as the opposite. I'm entirely fine with being in no relationship. It's been almost a decade since the last one and I just don't see it as the priority that others do. I'm entirely fine with just having friends and colleagues. Hell I'm happy. I just wanna toss it out there because some people might find my reasoning to be helpful in deciding their life priorities.

  48. This is me. I tell people I have nothing against finding a man, I just simply don’t care enough so I’m not going to seek one out. I am perfectly, absolutely, happy on my own. If a relationship “happened naturally” somehow I would not fight it, but since I don’t do anything (introvert here lol, I like my apartment) that’s unlikely to happen. I feel the same way about kids. If I did somehow find a man that wants kids I would not be opposed to having a child or two, but, eh. I don’t really feel strongly either way.

  49. I wish someone would've told me that when I was a child. People sometimes pressure us so much with stupid things... When I was a kid I kept hearing "do you have a girlfriend yet?" and somehow that became my life goal... It totally ruined half of my life and made me chase the completely wrong things...

  50. That my whole life has been a waste. That if I disappeared tomorrow nobody would even know or care. I used to consciously feel the existential dread that brings, but now I just kind of ignore it and keep going on with my mechanical existence.

  51. I’ve had to accept this and surprisingly it’s helped. It’s just always gonna be apart of me and I can’t change it. I’ve learned that I have to let myself feel it and let it hurt because if I distract myself or run away it only makes it last longer.

  52. Same though. I definitely hit manic/depressive moments but eventually I will get on. Maybe not happier, but on nonetheless. Keep at it you’re doing great.

  53. Also be mindful that you may feel well for a really long time. I spent my whole life with depression, but have been free of it for 5-6 years now. Never thought that possible.

  54. I haven’t been suicidal in a long time (though I do ask myself every night “what if I just killed myself right now?” But I’m not suicidal if that makes sense), but when I do get waaaay down to that vortex of darkness, I remind myself that it WILL pass and I’ll be ok again. This is just temporary. Life is beautiful and dark, but that’s what makes it worth living. As my dad (who ironically committed suicide…) use to say “permanent solution to a temporary problem”

  55. I wish i could articulate my thoughts to my therapist exactly. I often feel like i cant quite say what im trying to

  56. I put in an incredible amount of work to organize meetups for a former best friend who had clearly got tired of me, and it finally took me getting ghosted by them to realize how much time I'd wasted on someone who didn't want it anymore. It was a good lesson to learn, but damn do I miss them sometimes.

  57. Unlike the movies, humanity won’t pull together in the final hour to avert catastrophe. We’re 100 minutes from midnight and people are clinging to their daily distractions like a figurative safety blanket.

  58. Yeah I agree with this. As one of my favourite singer said "They never told us love could die before we do". That's quite cliché but still a strong sentence in my opinion

  59. I'll never be comfortable financially. I have failed every attempt. I really did try. I promise you, I did. But nothings worked for me. I just have to accept it.

  60. For me, being comfortably financially means I can go to the grocery store and buy basic food items without worrying that this carton of eggs will put me over budget.

  61. Damn this one hits fucking hard. Went to college and now I’m in debt, tried long term investments and those tanked, stuck with shitty ass low pay jobs.

  62. I'm going to have to commit suicide when I get too old/tired to continue working. I live check to check and will never have the savings for any kind of retirement.

  63. This was going to be my answer. I have a small amount of savings, I will never be able to save anywhere near what I would need to retire. I have to enjoy life now, because retirement simply means death.

  64. Rob a bank instead. I mean what can you lose? Best case you get out with money, worst case you get what you planned for. Maybe you get a place to stay instead of that.

  65. I’ve had people ask me what I’ll do when I retire. My response is “I’m going to work until I physically can’t, then I’m going to take a long drive in a closed garage. Ha, just kidding!”.

  66. The people that cause the most harm to the world will go unpunished, live happy and fulfilled lives, and die getting to do pretty much anything they ever wanted simply because they were either born into wealth or managed to acquire tons of if through nefarious means.

  67. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. Growing up In the 90’s in a rural area they never checked for that, in fact I was pretty much labeled a problem child despite being a decent student. On top of this I didn’t mentally mature at the same pace my friends did, they were discovering stuff about themselves that I didn’t even begin to discover until I was in my 20’s. On top of that my parents just didn’t know what to do with me, I got treated pretty bad until I was in high school when my mom kind of figured there was something a little different about me but most days she brushed it off. It took me getting counseling through the army to get diagnosed. Looking back it all really made sense that I had ADHD, especially since my nieces and nephews all seem to have it.

  68. Same here. It sucks, and I fall perfectly into that recent research that suggests people with undiagnosed ADHD are at extremely high risk of mental illness and suicidal behavior. The consequences of undiagnosed ADHD are so much worse than getting misdiagnosed with ADHD so I've really grown to hate people who maintain ADHD is "overdiagnosed" - because not only are they wrong, they're preventing people from getting help they need.

  69. That's so messed up that the culture back then was so bad the victim is ridiculed AND the rapist willingly publicly bragged about it. I wonder if any of your school colleagues by now still have that memory in mind but have come to realise how fucked up this incident was.

  70. This is the one I was thinking. I hate that one day I'll just stop existing. I definitely don't have enough time to do everything that I would if I could live forever. It'd be nice to read a ton of books and get a ton of knowledge and experience all the cultures and people out there, but instead of that society says I need to spend the next 50 years breaking my back before I finally get the free time to do what I want, at which point I won't have the energy to do it. Then I'll turn to dust and within ~100 years everyone will forget I ever existed, and all the names of pets and people that were important to me, who I live for now, will also be a neglected footnote in history.

  71. Same. Disliking my appearance (can’t be fixed ) + having next to zero experience with opposing gender + no friends. A never ending spiral of misery (i kinda envy those with great social life) which is easier to just accept, thankfully, than fix. Work videogames sleep repeat, work videogames sleep repeat. Occasional swimming/jogging to try get fit, but this is it. Turning 31 soon

  72. A workmate told me this story. Might be true, might not. He was on the bus heading to work, watching something on his phone with ear pods in. Felt a pain in his tummy. It kept getting worse. He thought maybe he could release some of the pressure by letting off a little gas. Figured that would be silent. He let a small fart off and looked around, nobody seemed to notice, so he did it a few more times. Plan had worked, minimal smell and no sound. Nobody had noticed his stealthy farts. A bit further along the road he got the pains again. He let off a few more farts, 5 or 6 this time. Pain gone. Looked up and everyone was staring at him. Apparently the second round of farts weren't silent like the first.

  73. That I logged in online to play games with my friends for the final time without realising it. Good times.

  74. My husband had horrible eating habits in college. He weighed over 300 lb. He lost some weight after college, but not a lot. We met, married, had a child. Once our son was born, he realized his weight would contribute to his death, probably an early one. He didn't diet, but changed his eating habits. He lost 70#. Our son will be 13 soon and my husband has kept that weight off after all these years. Change is most definitely possible.

  75. A wise horse faced alien friend of Thor once said: "If there is nothing but what we make in this world, brothers, then let us make good."

  76. I'm convinced that by that reasoning, the point in life is to explore everything and enjoy as many aspects of this amazing existence as possible. It seems like people take the things they already have for granted. Like my grandmother having an orange as a little girl being a huge deal, while now I can throw out a bag that has gone bad and just be annoyed I bought too many. If we realized how awesome some of what we already have actually is, we could actually live with gratitude and enjoy more of what has become largely taken for granted. Then just having an orange can matter again.

  77. The person I love most in this world will die an agonizingly slow death and lose a lot of his faculties within the next 10-15 years due to Huntington's Disease. I won't get to grow old with him and by the end, he may not be himself anymore. We're only just beginning our thirties and his life expectancy is only a little past 40.

  78. In the words of Ragnar Lothbrok - “I know it is hard for you to accept. But unhappiness is more common than happiness. Who told you you should be happy?”

  79. There are things we can change, but most things we can't. Most of our suffering comes from not being able to tell the difference. The thing we are most unable to change is other people. And when you need something/someone to change and you can't make it, the thing you have to change is yourself.

  80. This is the key thing I learned from when I was depressed. I tried to change the whole world for the better and that destroyed me, so I broke myself into pieces, examined each of them, put them back together and came to accept that it's ok to let go of things I can't control and the only thing I can is myself.

  81. I'm a father to an 8 year old autistic child who attends normal school but has just one non-school friend. I can already feel his sadness in the world. If there is any insight you wish to share with a stranger that would make me a better father, I'd take it to heart.

  82. That even with all the progress and technological marvels and wonders of the modern world I'm still going to have to spend the next fifty plus years of my life working at least 5 days a week. That I'm never going to have more than a week off at once until my body has aged and deteriorated into something I don't recognise. That I'm going to spend the majority of my waking hours doing something I don't enjoy and don't want to be doing.

  83. Because I get easily confused and constantly mix things up, I can’t work in any field that would actually endanger people’s lives. Pilot, doctor, nurse, air traffic controller, engineer, pharmacist, etc. are all off limits.

  84. I go out of my way to avoid hitting animals with my car if they are crossing the street, but other people find joy in killing innocent animals, speed up and purposely hit them.

  85. Marcos Jr, son of our country's former dictator, was voted as our current president. Despite our efforts to educate other Filipinos and despite other candidates more qualified than him, majority still voted for him.

  86. Ive lost the ability to feel certain emotions. Its like parta of my brain have been paralyzed and i dont understand. And i crave it like wanting a hamburger so bad but you have no tastebuds. My life is now a disassociated plane its not even beating its own drum. Its a flat line. And people approach me expecting me to give them a empathetic or affectionate reaction and i know how but in spur of the moment instances i cant naturally give them a human experience. Ive now been outcasted by friend groups, social events, political issues, everything is crumbling. I have a therapist and psychiatrist and theres nothing more uncomfortable than people with over 20 years of medical and mental health experience get quiet and lose confidence in how to handle my situation.

  87. Only medicine ever made me feel the other side of the emotional spectrum. Before that, living just was an inconvenience followed by more inconveniences, dotted with grief that honestly, I kind of miss being able to feel those things sometimes. It felt so raw and honest. But then again, I didn't know what love or trust or peace or hunger or pride actually felt like before.

  88. Way out of left field here but i'm gonna throw this out there anyway since you already have a therapist and psychiatrist. I am far from an expert, but in my opinion what you are describing sounds like depersonalization. Many years ago I saw a youtuber start a channel talking about his experience with that and he was more or less cured by going on testosterone replacement therapy. Intuitively, low testosterone can cause depression which can result in depersonalization. Perhaps go to your primary care physician and get your levels tested.

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