What's the funniest thing you believed in when a child?

  1. When I was 10 or 11 I was picked up from school first by my mom, and then we went to the elementary school to pick up my siblings. At some point they were learning about different cultures of the world and the hallways were decorated with those paper children in the different traditional clothes. One was a Mexican boy with a Sombrero on and I remember asking my mom, "why is the brim so big?." She looked me dead in my eyes and said... "well where else are they supposed to put the fish to keep them alive?" What??? I called BS right away and she's telling me how they fill the brim with water and that's where they put the little fishies they catch...

  2. It's the worst when an authority figure just gives out false fun facts like that. One of my middleschool teachers told us that the food with the most Vitamin C content was Corn. And I told my friends. In college.

  3. This is my one. An adult told me this at some point and I spent a few years genuinely afraid of being torn to shreds from the inside out by an apple tree.

  4. To be fair, I know of at least one case of a man who sprouted a pea plant in his lung after accidentally aspirating a raw pea.

  5. I thought a Virgin was a religion as a kid because in pewdiepie's video where he googles himself, someone askes if he's a virgin and he said he's not religious

  6. I thought virgins we're women who had babies out of wedlock 'cause, y'know, Mary was a virgin since she wasn't married when Jesus was born.

  7. I didn't believe in Santa Claus the whole thing never made semse to me, but I was convinced the Chupacabra was real after seeing a TV special about it.

  8. I was well into my 20s and convinced mermaids were real after watching that Discovery Channel special on them. Apparently it was bullshit but I missed the disclaimer.

  9. In Spanish class we'd watch Disney movies in Spanish. So I couldn't wait until we saw Beauty and the Beast because there's a whole section of the movie in French and I just assumed the Spanish version would have that part in English. It was still in French.

  10. What languages do brits learn? They are kinda just surrounded by languages and English is taught cause it's the language of business in other nations

  11. When I was younger, I thought that if someone broke into my home to kidnap me, I could claim to have a mental illness so that the kidnapper would be too disoriented to take me.

  12. When I was like seven I was fully convinced that I was going to be stabbed to death in my sleep, like I thought it was just a matter of time. Idk why bc I had no reason whatsoever to think that.

  13. That since out house didn't have a chimney, Santa Claus would obviously come down the extractor hood in the kitchen.

  14. We used to have Santa give us one present on Christmas Eve at my grandmas old house. Gma didn’t have a fireplace/chimney so he’d go in through the front door. I just thought Santa had a key to her house because we were that special to have Santa. At her new house she had a fireplace so they’d always make us go to the kids bedroom window and look in the sky for the reindeer while our great uncle went out to change, throw presents in a bag, and come in the garage door dressed as Santa.

  15. That's basically how it worked in the Tim Allen Christmas movie The Santa Clause - Santa can always find a way inside the house to deliver presents.

  16. I was terrified of removing the tag on the mattress and pillows. I thought if I ripped it off, there would be dire legal consequences.

  17. My father in law recently bought some new patio furniture and throw pillows. We were sitting on the deck and he said “I sure wish I could take the tags off.” I asked why he couldn’t. He said the tag says it prohibited by law. I tried very hard not to laugh. He’s 63.

  18. I work at a furniture manufacturer. I'm pretty sure those tags just need to be there while it's being made and in transit. Once the customer has it, they can do whatever they want.

  19. I thought "low-fat" yogurt burns fat off ur body so i ate a bunch of them thinking it would give me a 6 pack

  20. My sister told me I was adopted from a jungle in China (from monkeys). I sobbed/cried about this for a couple of years until my mom corrected the situation.

  21. That’s hilarious. I totally told a story at my brothers wedding (best man) about making him believe acid rain would melt your skin and body and it was about to rain that acid rain (you could smell it) so he ran inside scared for his life lmao.

  22. I believed that my parents had superpowers, because when they would put me in a cart I and give me a little push they said "Hey look I'm pusing you with no hands"

  23. That earthquakes were really just a big monster jumping up and down. I thought that’s why we took shelter under tables, to hide

  24. Me too!! I was about 5 when the 94 earthquake hit Socal and I hid from the "monster" and my poor parents were trying to evacuate the household but couldn't find me.

  25. My mother always told me if I played with my belly button too much my butt would fall off. Still too scared to see if she’s right or not

  26. That red potatoes were special Australian potatoes. I guess we kids didn't want to eat red skinned potatoes, so my mom told us they were from Australia. It worked because it was the 90s and The Crocodile Hunter was our favorite. Fast forward to 15 year old me yelling across the produce department to ask my mom if we needed Australian potatoes. The look on her face.

  27. I love these kinds of parental lies! My mom told me that the pithy white part of the orange peel left behind was where all the vitamins were. Since I associated vitamins with those Flintstones candy flavored kids vitamin pills, it worked and I ate the pith. 😂

  28. Money was super easy to get, 'cause my parents always had money to spend for me. No ps4's or XBoxes just little treats from the candy section

  29. I thought money was super easy to get and when my mom said she didn't have money I thought she was being mean to me, 'cause how can an adult have no money? Now i know.

  30. My dad told me that priests shaved the top of their heads because it sounded better when they banged their heads on the bells of the church. I believed it for a while.

  31. I thought that when you kissed on your wedding day, it activated some sort of biological response in the woman to start having a genetically pre-determined amount of kids, since I had no idea what sex was. My mind was blown when I learned that there were unmarried people who had kids.. I was so confused.

  32. And I GENUINELY believed that after that kiss, when it was time for the baby to come—the belly just opened and closed. I didn’t even question it.

  33. I also believed that and the funny thing is that my upbringing wasn't conservative, religious or sheltered in the slightest. My parents were very open about the facts of life. I guess I just never thought about asking them.

  34. I mistakenly believed that turn signals in cars turned on automatically and that the vehicle somehow understood the direction you were turning. From my position in the backseat, I was unable to watch my mum turn it on.

  35. Holy shit, finally another person who thought the same. Boy did I look dumb when I heard my dad ask my mom which way to turn and I told him to look at the arrows.

  36. I knew it wouldn’t work but I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t lift up my chair while sitting on it to fly. I tried constantly

  37. when you reach puberty you change sexes. idk WHO put that idea in my head but I remember being so excited thinking it's true. I ran up to my mom saying "mom, mom, am I really gonna be a girl growing up???" she had to explain to me that no, that's not how it works, and I cried.

  38. There’s actually a genetic condition (most common cause is a deficiency in the enzyme 5-alpha-reductase, which converts testosterone to DHT, a more potent male sex hormone that drives development of external genitalia, though I think other enzyme deficiencies may be able to cause it) where infants are classified as females at birth because they lack male genitalia, but they are actually XY and at puberty changes in their hormones cause their testicles to descend and penis to grow. There’s a village in the Dominican Republic where the condition is much more common than it is globally, and they call the people this happens to “guevedoces” which means “penis at 12”.

  39. My daughter asked me "when I get my penis?" Right before her third birthday. When she found out she doesn't get one she was PISSED. Spent months mad about it and telling everyone she knew.

  40. I read that penguins carry their eggs on their feet, so that must mean they stand on their heads, holding their eggs aloft in the air, cradled by their little webbed feet. This image was seared into my brain. Years later, when I was 12, I shared this "fun fact" about penguins with my family. They made fun of me for years and years... "Hey Pearlie, did you know penguins can stand on their heads?!"

  41. My parents, grandparents, aunt and uncle all used to threaten us with being sent to live at Helga’s House. Helga was a person everyone collectively created. She would beat children, never feed them, she had big blue bins along the wall but they were not filled with toys (we had bins full of toys), and her trailer had dents in it from throwing children against it. She was nasty. And it didnt matter where we were because, if we started acting up on a trip , Helga always had sisters and cousins living conveniently nearby. I remember my cousin and I being brats at my nannys house. She actually picked up the phone and said she was dialing Helga. We were quickly on our knees crying and begging her not to call. I remember when I was embarrassingly older and I learned she wasnt real.

  42. This is a funny one I'm not kidding I'm laughing so hard right now. Our parents told us because we lived around mountains out in rural areas and they told us Hillside Jasper was going to get us.. lol

  43. i thought that the tip of the penis looked like a nipple until like 7th grade. in my defense all the wattpad smut i was reading mentioned the “tip” so naturally i assumed it was a specific shape (also condoms have a tip)

  44. My parents told me that if you wanted a baby, you could have one, and if you changed your mind, you didn’t have to have one anymore. I grew up thinking that parents wished their babies into existence, and if they didn’t want the baby anymore, it would disappear from the womb.

  45. I was afraid to change into my school clothes in front of the tv because I thought the weather man would be watching me.

  46. I thought actual parts of you were different ethnicities. So when someone said "Oh, I'm part Italian." I would ask what part. I would tell people I was part Irish and point to my nose, elbows, and if I was wearing sandals - my toe.

  47. That my toys were alive and when I left the room, they would come to life. Safe to say, that was the last time my parents let me watch Toy Story.

  48. I was around 4, and my family had this cabin that my great grandparents built on some land. My family went there for social gathering with any friends that would come along

  49. When I was about 7, my brother told me that aliens visit us and take sperm samples by taking our balls in our sleep... I slept with both hands over my nuts for about 6 months.

  50. My dad took me to an "extra terrestrial expert" who convinced me I was abducted because a dream I had was "too realistic" so my answer is aliens.

  51. I really liked Michael Jackson. I thought 'she' was a girl because of 'her' colorful wardrobe, high pitched voice, cool dance moves, and long curly hair. I was disappointed when I learned he wasn't a girl.

  52. I watched Wallace & Gromit: a grand day out and basically believed the moon was made of cheese for my entire childhood

  53. My aunt bought me a hello kitty plush doll and it had a little fabric lollipop sewed onto the hand. She told me if I tried to take it out of her hands, she'd cry.

  54. I thought speed signs meant that you weren't allowed to say the number on the sign out loud as long as you were on that road

  55. I love this, because it's totally unhinged. Like, it doesn't even begin to make sense on any level. Yet it's exactly the sort of mad thing a kid would think.

  56. Funny story, I believed women were just men when their cocks dropped off, I was like 6 or 7 and my mom had this dildo, I picked it up from under her bed while looking for my DS she confiscated.

  57. Lmao when my oldest was about four, she came into the kitchen to talk to my husband. She was like “dad, didn’t you used to be a cop or something?” (He was a CO) He said, “yeah, kinda, what’s up?”

  58. My brother convinced me there was quicksand up in the hill behind our house with a giant snake living nearby. Told me I’d get stuck in the quicksand and eaten by the snake. Believed it for years. Quicksand in general is something most kids are scared of I think.

  59. I thought the signs that said "Don't Drink and Drive" meant any beverage, and I would get mad at my parents for breaking the law if they had water or something in the front seat.

  60. That when you slept your foot would disconnect and would reattach later, I always woke up with a foot that felt like radio static but that caused me to figure out I was sleeping wrong

  61. Well my mom would always freak out whenever we were leaving the house and the television was still on. Based on her reaction to how important it was to turn it off before we left, I thought that it would literally explode if we left it unattended.

  62. During elementary school sex ed (more like period ed, but still) they discussed ectopic pregnancies. They didn't have any visual aids for the sex organs, so when they described it, the teacher used their hands to represent the ovaries, the arms to represent the falopian tubes and then their torso for the uterus.

  63. Once, my mum joked that I had similar mannerisms to Steven Tyler from Aerosmith and that I could pass for his daughter. After that, I kept telling everyone Steven was my real father. I was 12 years old and was obsessed with him. I'm 25 now, still belt it out to Aerosmith and still adore Steven Tyler. But I'm 99.9% sure he's not my dad. Lol

  64. That if I flushed the toilet while still sitting on it, my poop would somehow go back in my body and I’d have to poo again

  65. When I was 11 my dad was 44. I had a full blown sobbing panic attack because I thought my dad would always be 4x as old as me. By my logic, he would be 88 years old and probably dead by the time I graduated college. After ten minutes of crying I rechecked my math.

  66. My uncles told me that if you eat the brown ice cream in neapolitan ice cream (the one with the chocolate, strawberry & vanilla flavours in 3 blocks), you grow hairs on your chest. I'm female, so this scared the shit out of me... I didn't eat the chocolate section of the ice cream for YEARS. Assholes just liked the chocolate and didn't want me eating it.

  67. I believed my Grandpa had a switch behind the front door that turned the moon on and off. Every night he would turn it on for us. Full moons and solar eclipse were his time to show off. I grew up in complete awe of him and the fact that he had such an important job. :)

  68. My friend is religious even as a kid. He once told me he kept taking hot showers so he'd be prepared incase he needed to shower in hell lmfao

  69. I'm not american and when i was a child i was really into sports expecially nba, nfl and track and field and i thought that black americans were the majority ethnic group in the usa as the vast majority of players /sprinters i saw on tv were blacks. I was surprised when i found out that blacks made up only 15 % of usa population.

  70. When I was a kid I thought black people were people who has been to the equator. For some reason I thought it was so hot at the equator they "cooked". The darker they were the longer they had stood there

  71. In my country's folklore, we have baby monsters called "tiyanak." There was a film in which they found a baby that turned to be one. From then on I thought all babies were potentially a tiyanak, and I wanted to get as far away from them as possible.

  72. Near Pittsburgh, PA is a tunnel called the squirrel hill tunnel. My dad said it was because there were squirrels in it. Every time we would drive through he and my sister would pretend they were seeing squirrels. I was always so upset that I didn't see them. I was probably about 4. At 39, I still think of that every time I go trough that tunnel.

  73. Up until at least age 6, I thought that terrorist and tourist were the same word when I heard them on the TV or radio. I couldn't understand why Irish tourists kept blowing shit up (this was in the UK).

  74. One time on a trip to the next bigger city my parents made some kind of joke about being tourists and later that day I asked them if we were terrorists now. In public.

  75. I though people's nicknames were their actual names. When I discovered my older brother's real name, my mind blown.

  76. That it was illegal to turn on the interior light in the car while we were driving. I genuinely thought there were people out there being thrown in prison for that offence smh

  77. My husband, 35 years old at the time, yelled at me for turning on the dome light to find something at night. "What if a cop sees?!"

  78. I thought it would make my parents crash immediately on the highway(despite our location), and kill us all and everyone around us because it was distracting.

  79. When I was really little (like 2-3), I believed that owls lived under the hood of my moms car and pushed the car around with their feet.

  80. that germs can tell the future. when i was like 5 i was told that germs were on everything you touch. so i thought that they would group up and be like "he will touch the door knob in 2 minutes! go! go! go!"

  81. My dad loves telling a story about how when I was younger, I said, while enjoying an ice cream cone, "If drinking makes you pee and eating makes you poop, does licking make you fart?"

  82. My dad once told me that toilets in Australia flush the other way when I was 5. He meant they flush clockwise in the US and counterclockwise in Australia (this isn’t necessarily true btw.) Well when he told me this I thought he meant toilets in Australia’s flush upwards instead of downwards. I believed toilets in Australia were fountains until like 7th grade.

  83. When I was 3 or 4, I could remember being a grown up and wearing olive green dress pants. My parents recorded video of me going on and on about it. By the time I turned five, I’d forgotten all the details of my “past lives”, but watching 4 year old me reel off detail after detail is seriously creepy.

  84. Because the first live-action movie I watched as a kid was A New Hope, I thought actors actually died on camera, so they just got a bunch of old people in costumes whenever someone was supposed to die, because they were going to die anyway.

  85. i thought pasta got soft because it was in water, not because the water was hot. i filled a bowl with water and put dry pasta in it and hid it where my mom couldn't find it to see what would happen, and i eventually forgot about it. my mom found it one day and it was FILLED with the most insane looking fungai (a ton of different ones). i might've created covid 06 in that bowl.

  86. When I was five my dad convinced me that water towers were chocolate factories, and they were on stilts to keep the ants away. Made perfect sense to child me, unfortunately when I pointed out the “chocolate factories” while on school field trips, I learned the hard way from the other students what they actually were…

  87. My (older) cousin found a four-leaf clover and ate it, she said she wished for my parents transform into tiny beings and that they'd end up in the outhouse. I screamed and cried as I went to see the outhouse LMAO for anyone wondering, no her wish didn't come true. lol

  88. My mom loves telling the story of when I asked about Santa Claus. She said something along the lines that Santa is the Christmas spirit in everyone's heart, but in her conclusion she admitted that Santa, like the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, wasn't real.

  89. I thought Dr. Pepper had pepper in it, like black pepper. Only recently did I find out it that apparently does have like bell peppers or some sort of chili peppers in it as one of the 23 flavors, so I guess I was partly right.

  90. I was scared to death to drive through Pennsylvania because I thought that's where vampires lived (not Transylvania) .

  91. That after you where do e being president you where put in a house never to be heard by the public again. Like you where locked away

  92. When I was about six I thought that I was born a couple years after dragons went extinct. The reasoning why is because of my old stepmom. I was talking about dragons and she had told me that she had a pet dragon. I being 6 years old believed her and then I went on to ask if it spewed flams and everything and how big it was. She told me that it was a small dragon so it made as much flames as a lighter.

  93. I always believed my school teachers had some sort of special knowledge/ authority that was ordain to them by the government.

  94. If I left my toys on the floor they would disappear and my parents said a goblin lived in our attic and he took the toys that I left out. One time my dad got on a ladder and opened the attic and stuck his head in and switched between voices to pretend to convince the goblin to give me back my nerf gun.

  95. my mom told me that there was a monster in my nose that would bite my finger if i picked it to get me to stop picking my nose. I believed her for a while and I remember trying to see how far up I could go before the monster would bother to bite my finger.

  96. I loved the Wiggles. I owned all of their VHS Tapes. I used to believe that when I put the tape in my VCR and the Wiggles began singing, they were performing in my TV, for me alone.

  97. I thought that when I put my hands in the holy water at church it meant I could do whatever I ever wanted for 30 minutes and it wouldn't count against me, like in the eyes of God. I have no idea where I got this from but I remember regularly slapping my little bro around right after church bc I believed I was protected.

  98. I used to think that when a woman is pregnant, the doctors would have to chop her in half to get the baby out and then they would reassemble her stomach.

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