What’s a funny memory you have that if you told someone, they’d think you’re lying?

  1. This was a couple years ago but I pulled up to a stop light, and another vehicle in the next lane also comes to a stop. The car is filled with what looks like high school kids. The kid in the passenger seat notices me, taps on his window and starts doing the universal sign for rock, paper, scissors. I look at the light (which is still red) and immediately think fuck it and play along so we start. 1..2..3..shoot and we tie.1..2..3..shoot, we tie again. This keeps happening. All the young kids in the other car are involved and are screaming like "WOOOOOAAH" everytime we tie. We literally got off like 15 rounds of rock, paper, scissors and tied every single time until the light turned green. I'm still high from that and hope all those guys are doing well.

  2. I love strange stoplight interactions. When I was in driver's training (~15 y.o.) I was out for my first ever drive with the instructor and at the first stoplight we got to, a car with a couple older teenagers in it pulls up next to us, revs their engine, and the driver rolls down his window and looks over at me with one eyebrow arched and says, "Wanna race?"

  3. I once checked in at a restaurant and gave the hostess my name to hold my slot, she then asked for my last name since the person below shared my first name. When I told her my last name, she looked at my like I was lying. The person below had my first and last name. She laughed and introduced us, and we took a pic. I’ve never met someone with my same first and last name since.

  4. Same exact thing happened to my dad, and we have a rare surname that nobody in my family has ever met anyone else with before! Funny thing is since moving to that city (and publishing his number in the phonebook) my dad had been getting calls/voicemails he didn't understand, including collections and the other guy's young daughter asking why he disappeared and when will she see him again. So my dad got to yell at the guy to get his shit together.

  5. Started college. Saw my brother's best friend on campus, from a distance. Hard to miss: Nate's 6'6", skinny, long brown hair. Fitting of our childish friendship, I straight up open-field tackle the guy. From behind. Blindsided.

  6. I was in elementary school, during recess, just kinda daydreaming and looking at some ravens flying overhead, when one of them suddenly took a nosedive... right into an open trashcan.

  7. When I was doing my First Aid training in Melbourne, we were taught that an antivenom exists BUT there are 70 known types of venom of the platypus. And the types assigned to each animal seem completely random; types aren't passed on hereditarily, nor by region. So there's no point in administering an antivenom because you have (at best) a 1 in 70 chance of guessing it correctly.

  8. I once read something similar here. Dude calls the wrong number, which ends up being his friend'd grandparents' house... where his friend was and picked up the phone.

  9. Before my husband and I were married, but had been dating for a long while, I was watching Portlandia and BAM there’s my husband on screen. Dumbfounded I called him and he casually said “oh yeah I forgot about that”.

  10. I had a friend who had a single scene in some Italian Gladiator movie. He got hooked up with the gig while on vacation oversees. My roommate legally downloaded the movie and the scene comes up. My roommate is like “yo, this guy looks and sounds just like so and so!” I Call him up and he’s like, “oh yeah, I totally did that while was on vacation, crazy story.”

  11. My little brother took a few gigs as an extra in TV shows when he was 14 or 15 for some cash and because he wanted to get into acting. He has a few none speaking parts in things like Coronation Street, Waterloo Road and Peaky Blinders. In Peaky Blinders he was the lad that Arthur beats to death in like the second series.

  12. I peed on a bear once at 12 or 13. Some background I lived in a mountain cabin with some family aunts and cousins and stuff. The cabin was small but we had several acres so we had about 4 RV trailers for the rest of the family. 2 were my aunts 1 was for weed and the last and closest smallest was for children which was just my brother and I at the time.

  13. Got stuck in a bank for the night. When the bank is closed, you can still get to the ATM thanks to a security door. Once inside the door decided to stop working. No phone, no emergency button. Just waited here for hours till someone in the street saw me trough the glass and called someone

  14. I was in charge of a kid in the army that was obsessed with wow. He got into the barracks and it didn't have high speed internet yet (mid 2000s),so he would lug his computer to the rec center every day to play after work.

  15. I went to see Mitch Hedberg do stand up. We stayed around awhile hoping to see him leaving. He never materialized though, so my husband and I walked towards our car. As we were walking we heard a woman yell from an ally “Hey! Mitch Hedberg is back here signing autographs!” We walked around the corner behind a scary old building. It was like 1am and pretty dark. There was Mitch Hedberg and no other fans. Just him and his wife, who had been the one to yell about autographs. He was very high and super lovey. He hugged my husband and me and told us what his fans mean to him. HE took pictures of US for his scrapbook page online. He was also hilarious. We were just there behind a building at 1am with Mitch Hedberg and his wife laughing and hugging deep into the wee hours… When I tell people this they go silent and I’m not sure why. I figure they don’t believe it.

  16. If it was any other comic I'd be skeptical but this seems very much like the kind of thing he'd do. Just get all full of hugs and laugh.

  17. Mitch was so friendly. A friend and I met him in a bar below the hotel he was staying at after one of his shows. It was in 1999 and I lived in a smaller town but was moving to California soon. He wrote down his address, phone number and email to stay in contact. Ended up hanging out with him and his wife at Largo in Hollywood a couple years later and his popularity had skyrocketed by then. By far the most down to earth celeb I've ever met.

  18. I was the brokest I have ever been living in the middle of nowhere. I was pulling my last 20 dollars out of a gas station ATM. I hit the button and it spit out 60 dollars. I was only charged 20 on my account. It sounds like such a tall tale but I swear it happened.

  19. This is like a side plot of an episode of Frasier. Martin was using a bank ATM and it spit out an extra $40. He tries to return the $40, but due to a series of misunderstandings, ends up with a $10,000 payout.

  20. This actually does happen. Worked at a bank with a shitty ATM. Probably 60-100 a week extra given out and then they finally had it repaired lol.

  21. An eagle came for my face as a child. I was about 8. I ducked and it ended up grabbing my hair and taking some with it. I ran inside crying and told my mom. She didn't believe me so I never told anyone else. I'm 22.

  22. Well you did tell me just now. Birds can do some weird things. A few days ago my ice cream got pushed out of my hands by a seagull. They ate it afterwards.

  23. I had a pet humming bird as a kid. My mom found it injured on a sidewalk and nursed it back to health. It only had one eye and no depth perception so we kept it inside. We'd let it buzz around the room, land on us, and all that jazz. My brother told his teacher about it (in 3rd grade) and the teacher actually called my mom and was like "your son has made up a crazy story and insists its real". Reality was we had a pet humming bird and that seemed crazy enough people didn't believe it.

  24. Back in middle school I was walking back to class after lunch when someone chucked something down the hallway as hard as they could. My natural instinct was to jump up and catch it. It was a perfect catch and not a single person saw. It was a mozzarella stick.

  25. I was walking on a hiking/biking trail when a woman rode past me on her bicycle. I yelled out, “keep the pedal to the metal.” Not two seconds later I hear an awful metallic noise and turn to see the poor woman’s pedal mechanism had fallen apart. She told me, “you shouldn’t have said that!” I apologized profusely and asked if she needed any help. Naturally she didn’t…not from me anyway.

  26. It's not really funny but I shot a hole in one while golfing by myself when I was 16. It wasn't one of those beautiful arching shots, no. It was a worm burner that I thought ended up in a little stream behind the hole because it appeared to disappear off the back of the green. Looked for 20 minutes before just walking by the hole.

  27. I got high with Bob Dylan in the 90s. I was walking around after the show and saw his tour bus and he was outside of it. He was a really good guy and it was an honor. He wouldn't smoke mine but he offered some and we shared his.

  28. I worked at this restaurant that was near a dueling piano bar. We usually gave them half off, they would pour us cheap, super stiff drinks. As such, we would tend to go there if one of us had a birthday or something.

  29. In 2000 I was selling ecstacy in a club. I was very high and not very discreet about it. At the time, no club owner really cared but it was tacky to be out in the open. I get grabbed by security, zipped into cuffs and stuffed out the side door. Pocket full of cash and drugs. I'm totally fucked, cops have been called and are on their way. "Janet" a friend of mine saw me get thrown out and ran for her car, a Mitsubishi Eclipse. I'm standing there with one asshole security who says he's a cop off duty. Janet pulls up, opens the door, and screams "GET IN!!!" Handcuffed, I jump in the car and the door slams as she hits the gas. Clean fucking getaway. I have been clean for 14 years, thank God.

  30. I was playing 8-ball at a bar one night (I'm not very good just play for fun). I'm on a slight winning streak. My next opponent racks them, and I break. 8 ball goes in on the break so it's an automatic win! Dude refuses to leave the table, continues to put quarters in and racks again. I'm like dude u lost .. there's like 8 people in line to play next. He's drunk and being stubborn and won't leave. So I break again.. and the 8 ball drops again.. dude walks away without saying a word

  31. I have to believe this because I’ve only ever pocketed the 8 on a break twice in my life and both happened within the same week

  32. i tripped and fell at the same corner outside subway 3 different times years apart and the same guy tried to catch me every single time.

  33. Does tried mean that he failed every time? Because that's the bit I find the funniest. Like not only is this guy there every time you fall, but he also constantly fucks up the save.

  34. You just reminded me of this. My brother worked at a Burger King in high school and would ride his bike to and from when the weather permit.

  35. "Me being black does not mean I am good at basketball!" I said before lazily throwing the ball backwards over my head for a 3 pointer

  36. Reminds me of a coach I had when playing basketball as a teenager. He was trying to explain the importance of watching where you're aiming while taking a layup.

  37. I dated a girl in high school who owned a parrot. The first time I came over to her house to have dinner with the family it said, “another one bites the dust” as soon as I walked in.

  38. I did pet shop work in college and got asked to fill in a few graveyard shifts at a nearby store. Just me alone unloading and stocking.

  39. My son's friend, whose mom had a parrot, not sure what kind. When the parrot wanted anything he would yell at the kid in his mom's voice. "TONY! TONY! Let me out!!" "TONY! TONY! Listen to me!" You could hear the parrot outside it was so loud. I'd pick up my kid from his friend's house , and hear, "TONY! TONY!" It was really funny.

  40. Our double-yellow-headed Amazon regularly made our son cry when he was young as they mutually despised one another. It has gotten better... Somewhat.

  41. There's an African Gray Parrot at the Zoo out in Eureka California, (side note, amazing zoo and rated the best in the country for animal welfare) that apparently is friends with the stray cat who lives on the property...

  42. I have a parrot life partner. I've had him since I was 11, and I'm 43 now. He still speaks in my dead father's voice. He also picked up the phrase "I like your butt" followed by giggles in my Mom's voice as her new partner is a cyclist. He also liked to bully my son by yelling "DIE" at him because of my son playing video games near him. He would make my son cry and go to his room and just laugh. Living with a parrot is pretty surreal.

  43. We used to live in an apartment complex where the apartment buildings were arranged around a big pond. Every morning I would take the dog for a walk around the pond. And frequently I would hear the trash truck beeping but never did see it. I told my husband about it, that it was weird that the trash truck came almost every morning. Well one morning I was out walking and there was a big old red macaw sitting in his cage on his human's patio and HE was making the trash truck beeping sounds I'd been hearing! Every morning he was doing the trash truck beeping sounds!

  44. My mom has 3 African greys, though only 1 at the time of this story. Neighbor came over and asked if my dad was home so they could go swim in our pool. My mom said no, but go ahead and go swimming by yourself if you want. Neighbor starts swimming and hears from inside, "Bob! Bob!" (Fake, but my dad's name, being called from inside). Neighbor goes in and says "I thought you said he wasn't home?" My mom says, "He's not." Neighbor goes back to the pool, hears her calling "Bob!" again. So he goes back in and she verifies my dad isn't home. Then she realizes it was the parrot. Parrots also mimick voices, so it sounded like my mom's voice calling my dad.

  45. My Nana once adopted this parrot from a lady that passed away and that parrot was mean and vulgar! My only real memories of it all consist of the parrot whistling, calling the dog, then cussing it out. So it would go, "Whistle noise*, Trico (the dog), come here boy!" Then, Trico like the good boi he was, would trot up to the cage every single time. Then the parrot would scream, "GET THE [email protected]%& OUTTA HERE!" Then just start dropping every cuss word it knew. Then a few minutes later, it would do it all over again. My Nana eventually had to get rid of it because it just never ended lol

  46. There used to be a pet shop in a strip mall near where I grew up. They had a talking parrot there who had been there for years and years. It would always say hello or tell you its name and other various chit chat. But without fail whenever my brothers friend Nate walked into the store the parrot started screaming "FATASS!" at him. It would continue to do it as long as he was in the store. The owners always apologized and swore he never did that to anyone else. Nate thought it was funny at first but eventually just got pissed and used to get into arguments with that bird. It went on like that for years until the store closed.

  47. My grandma had a parrot who was an absolute asshole. Would swear at you, sneak up on you, make a racket, it even knew how to answer the phone (with an obnoxious HELLO!?!"). The thing was a menace!

  48. I worked in a pet shop briefly & setting up early one am for a sidewalk sale, the new parrot, being re-sold for a pregnant couple - started ooo-info and aaaah-ing and then clearly started making having sex sounds. all the sounds, ending with loud “oui! Oui!!!! Ouiiiiii!!!” and a “Mon dieu”. Went on for a good half hour. Hilarious!

  49. Background: my parents live in an old house, and my brother moved into one that's a bit of a fixer-upper. My dad knows how to do carpentry, electrical, and plumbing, and passed this knowledge on to us through home renovations.

  50. I was driving a friend home to Indianapoilis from Holy Cross in South Bend. We got pulled over for speeding and the cop asked me "Son do you know how fast you were going?" to which I replied with a straight face and no sarcasm "Well my cruise control was set at 88 so I'm guessing somewhere in the vicinity of 88?" I've never seen such a confused look on a person's face. He proceeds to ask if I can step out of my vehicle and into his so he can talk to me while he writes me a ticket. I comply and as he's writing me up he's explaining to me how he had to do his Sherrif training in Indianapolis. He said thatt the one thing that amazed him was how fast locals drive esp on I465 and he understands why I'm conditioned to do so. Soon as he's done with the ticket he turns to me and says "So here's the deal, you're the first motorist to ever admit to me you knew you were speeding so I'm gonna cut you a break. If you can make it back to Indy without getting another ticket I won't turn this one in, but if you do you're getting 2'" I slowed down for the rest of the drive.

  51. My sister went to Notre Dame and has always been a preppy pulled together gal. My brother is a bit of a dirty hippie and he was touring with his band through the Midwest. My sister and her new boyfriend were driving from an event in Chicago back to South Bend and they see an old school bus broken down on the side of the road with a bunch long hair smelly looking guys wearing dresses. The boyfriend makes a comment like “look at these guys ha ha” and my sister says “pull over, that’s my brother.” Boyfriend says”very funny..” sister says “NO, PULL OVER NOW” she get out of the car looking very prim and dressed like Jackie O briskly walks up to our brother and his band waving her phone like “do you need me to call anyone for you???” (This was earlier cell phone days)

  52. Was contract programming, dropping into the office every Friday. The assistant QA dude was there to take my work; "Who died and left you in charge?" -- "Jeff died two days ago." :-o

  53. That happened at my college retail job. My horrible manager got the position because she was promoted from assistant manager when the previous manager died in a boating accident. I always wanted to say “who died and left you boss?“ but she was bad enough as it was.

  54. When I was in my early twenties my friends (we'll call him Malcolm) mother died from cancer. After her funeral Malcolm, myself and our mutual friend Richard drove to the liquor store. While there we ran into someone (Bobby) myself and Richard knew but Malcolm did not know well. Bobby sees all 3 of us dressed in black and says "hey guys, who died?" and laughs boisterously. I had to tell him Malcolm's mother had passed and we just came from her funeral. Bobby was obviously apologetic and him and Malcolm ended up bonding a bit because Bobby had lost his father to cancer a couple of years prior. Bobby ended up coming with us to the post funeral get together at Malcolm's family home and the two of them became close friends.

  55. So I worked for the IRS collecting taxes several years ago. I had seized someone's car and the IRS sales people were in the process of selling it. IRS procedures around some of this stuff are ancient. One of the procedures are to post a notice of sale in three public locations.

  56. In college I was walking to class and a thunderstorm hit, but I had just gotten a girlfriend and I was in the best mood of my life so I was just getting soaked and smiling from ear to ear.

  57. I bet you they figured you didn’t know them. People treat you differently when they know who you are. I grew up with a dad in the mlb my whole life (24 and still coaching) and once people im college found out, they would treat me different. I bet he was just happy to have a good genuine conversation like that with someone :)

  58. When I was ditching first period in HS a cop was in front of me at 7/11. The cashier couldn’t break his $50 so I paid for his coffee with my stuff. He thanked me, we jabbed about me being “late” To school and I noticed the tattoo on his neck and we joked about bad decisions.

  59. For some reason when I read "finger shake" I imagined him holding out his finger and you shaking it like a handshake.

  60. Years ago I was picking up lunch. Got pulled over for expired tags I'd forgotten to renew. It was 2 police officers. One was very hostile. Communication was all aggression... "don't make any sudden moves!" and she demanded I roll down my back windows because "someone could be in the backseat pointing a gun at her". Windows halfway down... "I need them ALL they way down!" Meanwhile, I sit confused with my bag of Wendy's riding shotgun wondering WTF, is this for real?

  61. When I was a kid, probably 13 or so, I came home from school one day and I swung my key around on the lanyard and threw it at the door, because I was ninja fighting something invisible that'd be vulnerable to a single key on a string. The key actually hit the keyhole and just plopped in there. I was alone, so nobody would ever know that I actually was a ninja. Nobody has ever believed me, except my wife but she didn't care at all. I don't work as a ninja today. Unfortunately.

  62. When I was 5 my mom married my step dad. After the wedding ceremony I went to the bathroom. When I came out everyone was gone. Not a car or person in sight. I knocked on the priests door (This was a Catholic church and the priests house was on the property). He knew us pretty well and offered to drive me to my mom's friend, who was the maid of honour and lived closeby. On the way there we passed my mom's friend who was rushing back to find me. Everyone thought I just drove back with someone else.

  63. My doctor asked me once if I'd had a digital rectal exam yet. I responded, "Shew...they are digital now." Then I looked over to see him lubing his digits.

  64. A couple of years ago, I had to have colorectal surgery. During my first visit, I asked the doctor how often he heard things like, "pain in the ass," "you really saved my ass," etc. Doc says hes heard them all a thousand times over.

  65. Many many many moons ago, I was 15 at the time we were at a house party. We were all drinking smoking weed usual teenage nonsense, My Parents were pretty cool in that they knew what we were doing, knew they couldn't stop it so they followed the "Don't get in a car if someone's been drinking, call us and we'll come get you"

  66. Similarly I was once stuck in traffic due to construction where it narrowed down to one lane. Because of this there was a cop car sitting at the merge point with it's lights on to make sure everyone was paying attention. Well clearly this guy didn't as he every so slowly rear ended into the parked police car with it's lights on in a construction zone. Thankfully no one was hurt but the cop who was standing nearby talking to the workers just turned around and put his arms out at the driver like WTF are you doing? Seriously traffic was going like 10-15 mph at the most and this idiot still managed to drive into a parked cop car with it's lights on.

  67. Grandfather had taught me to shoot. One day a coyote that had been harassing and injured a dog on the farm showed up 1/3 of a mile downhill from the farmhouse. Grandpa throws me the rifle and tells me to take a shot. I’m not big on killing animals unneccesarily - line up my shot - coyote runs away. Grandpa chides me for missing (it was 1/3 of a mile, descending shot, crosswind, not great scope). I endure the scolding. Say nothing. A month later - coyote doesn’t come back. Neighboring ranch calls grandpa over to see something. Dead coyote. Same one. Rancher shot it. Had a clean, recently-healed shot through it’s ear.

  68. Incredible shot by you, all things considered. It ended up lining up with your mindset somehow anyways.

  69. My son would stop crying at age 1 whenever a camera would come out. He’d smile for the picture and then resume crying when the camera disappeared.

  70. Not that I remember it personally, but I was born in a helicopter on Christmas. When I was a kid I used to say I was twins with Jesus because we came from above on the same day.

  71. Well not so unbelievable as we’ve been married 5 years now but when I first met my wife I was in Vancouver for a student program for the summer. She was a model and crazy beautiful, I was some dirty farm kid from Saskatchewan who couldn’t flirt to save his life and had never kissed a girl or taken one on a date. So when I came back to my hometown, the way I told people about my girlfriend was: “yeah I have a girlfriend but she’s a model in Vancouver and no one here has ever met her yet. Maybe one day!” Took more than 2 years for anyone to believe me

  72. I was playing basketball in the park with my mom. Neither of us were very athletic, we were just having fun. There was some kid hanging around us and we weren’t trying to be rude so we let him. After a few minutes of some of the worst questions I’ve ever heard, he asked me if I could throw the ball at the basket backwards. I said sure. See, had he asked if I could make it backwards I woulda said no, but he only asked if I could throw it backwards, which I could. My mom knew what I was doing, hell I picked up so much from her growing up it was probably her idea before I said anything. I took a half hearted peak at the basket, turned around, no warm up, just let that ball fly. I turned back around to watch the obvious miss. I started to say, “See, I threw it at the basket,” but all I gout outta my mouth was, “See-“

  73. In high school gym, I hung out with the slacker kids. They gym teacher would send us out to play basketball during class — we all sucked. One day we were playing and I was making every basket — it was crazy. We started making jokes about it and I was trying really crazy behind the back shots. Everything was going in.

  74. I tell everyone this, I dunno if someone would think I'm lying about it though. But it's just too funny for it to be real, in my opinion.

  75. OMG you reminded me of this: when I started high school, my family had just moved to a new state and I was a weird kid with a weird family who didn't know anyone and then, just before Halloween my mom died by suicide.

  76. Oml dude this is bad. Something similar to what I did. I had to take a humanities elective in college and i took a certain subject and dropped the subject in exchange for another because I just couldn't handle it but a couple of my friends continued it. The prof for the said subject stopped taking class after the mid terms and the research assistant took over and their end term paper had the same syllabus as their midterm. Mean while I was busting my ass to try and get a B. So one day I'm walking with my friend and he says that there is this rumour that everyone in that course will get an A without doing anything further and i lost it. My first words were "this bitch better have brain cancer". A week later we found out..... She did... She was heading for surgery.

  77. A friend and I were hired by our a police officer in our small town to 'help train' police officers and make a training video. They gave us 'weapons' to hide on our bodies - I put a switchblade up in my hair, then we drove to a dirt road and were only told, 'When you see us come around the corner, floor it!' that was it!! That was all that we were told! When we saw the car, we floored it and went racing down the road. The police car followed us into the road with a gravely field that we'd pulled off into.

  78. I moved to a new city and figured I would go for a drive, get the lay of the land. At a stop sign trying to turn right, looking left at traffic. See my chance and turn right without looking. A pedestrian was crossing in front of me and I hit him, not super hard but hard enough for him to kind of roll up on my hood.

  79. Great, you gave him anxiety. Please never fly a plane, just in case this guy also gets his pilot license

  80. Jesus never drive again. You're dangerous. A lot of people driving are just not paying enough attention at all times, take the task more seriously and pay attention.

  81. I worked with someone for YEARS. We were work friendly. Never hung out or talked after work, but I knew him well enough that we knew who each other was.

  82. I knew twins in college and they would cover each others work shifts and take tests for each other all the time.

  83. This is like a super childish thing, but one time at a party someone brought out a little NERF pistol. Then someone takes a ping pong ball from the beer pong table and starts tossing the ball into the air and trying to shoot it with the nerf gun while in the air. Several people start trying and nobody can hit it.

  84. I went out to buy tobacco but when I get to the register and the clerk rang me up, I noticed that I had forgotten my purse at home and only had about 2€ in my pocket in loose change and the tobacco was 5€.

  85. Saw a chicken walking along a road, cross to the other side, and keep walking same direction.

  86. Long time ago in Japan my mom sent me a box full of snacks from my home country. Some time passed and I received a slip about box of package that I need to pickup. I went to the designated place and it was just full of containers. I show the slip of paper and asked around. Some guy says he knows how to help me and we both walk over to some other place and soon the package comes out. I was gonna take the package and go but he tells me I should have it inspected. He gives me more documents and they should be signed elsewhere. I ask around some other people and they agree to help me as well. This kind of thing goes on and on. All kinds of documents and signatures. I didn’t really care what was on there I just signed them.

  87. Was walking and chatting with 2 friends, all of us in a line, when suddenly the furthest away from me disappears from peripheral vision. Look down and she's fallen face first to the ground, saying she stepped on something slippery. The only thing under her is a banana peel.The girl literally slipped on a banana peel.

  88. I was late teens, on the (fairly packed) bus on the way home from work. There was a large group of French kids (I'd say around 14-15 years old) toward the back of the bus being quite loud in French, but not obnoxiously so.

  89. Short one, yet true nonetheless. Having a hectic day once, running errands I didn’t enjoy. Grocery shopping, quick Home Depot visit, going to bank etc etc. I forgot an item I needed at home for bank teller so I drive back irritated, driving fast, trying to make it back to bank before closing time. As I turn into my apartment’s parking lot there I notice ahead of me a squirrel. I hit my breaks to let the squirrel run by, but he’s just sitting there, nibbling on something. As I slowly drive closer I notice this squirrel is not only nibbling on fries, but he’s imitating dipping a single fry into a crushed and empty ketchup packet. I looked around to see if anyone was seeing what I was seeing. I couldn’t believe it. This mofo was dipping a fry in ketchup. A squirrel. I didn’t take a picture because my phone was dead. PrOoF Or It DiDn’T hApPeN — I know, I know. But, I think about this memory once a month or so and it’s been two years. No one ever believes me. A Big foot sighting would have been more plausible. Sometimes I think the fry eating squirrel was a form of deity or god, reminding me to slow the eff down in life. Who knows.

  90. So I used to work at a pizza place and the dumpsters always had the FATTEST raccoons living inside. So one day I go to take out the trash and inside the dumpster is a HUGE raccoon straight DIPPING HIS BREADSTICK. Fatty just was like yo what's up. He dipped his breadstick in the marinara again and I just used the other dumpster.

  91. I saw a clown get hit by a truck one time. No joke, it was a clown in full costume, red nose, funny hair, big shoes. He ran out into traffic in a particularly busy area and was dancing around like he was playing live-action Frogger. Well, he lost. A pickup truck hit him, he got launched, and the impact knocked his shoes off. I was at a red light in the intersection when it happened. My brain couldn't really process what happened, and all those years of depression and Adult Swim made my default reaction "laughter."

  92. I once showed up to a mates house with a bacon and egg roll from maccas. He jokingly asked "did you get me one?" I did, and without saying a word I pulled it out of the bag and threw it to him, the wrapping dropped off in mid air, he caught the burger one handed, we both looked at each other in amazement, and bit straight in.

  93. My youngest sibling was born inside of a Gino’s Pizza place. Not kidding, there was a news broadcast about it and everything. I, of course, thought everyone was lying to me about it since I had seen my mom that afternoon and she was definitely still pregnant (parents were divorced, visitations through court). Turns out my mom really did have the kid in the local pizza place. I was like 10 when this happened.

  94. My husband and I have an 11 year age gap, which now isn't that big of a deal (35 & 46) but we've ran into each other before. The weirdest run in was when I was 8 and at a friend's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. It was a particular store in a smaller town. We all had fun and took a picture with an employee in the rat costume. Guess who worked at that Chuck E Cheese and was the only employee who'd wear the suit? We also had the same locker in the same high school, just years apart.

  95. I was at Comic Con once in New Orleans a few years back. I went to the bathroom and everything was normal, until I noticed the guy at the urinal next to mine. Real tall, long hair and beard, tatted out the wazoo, I swear I’ve seen this guy before… Wait a minute, it’s fucking Jason Momoa! I’m pissing with Aquaman! We both washed our hands and I was like “hey man, my mom’s a huge fan of yours, we have a picture scheduled for the meet and greet later so you’ll get to meet her.” And he was like “alright cool, can’t wait!” So we walked around the convention until the photo session, and when we went in he recognized me. We even got an extra picture with just my mom and him, it was awesome.

  96. When my husband and i were moving cross country I was late for my period and stopped by a big box store to pick up a pregnancy test. As soon as I entered the front doors I realized I didn’t have my keys and had locked them in the car. So I got my pregnancy test and also some wire hangers so he could hopefully pull up my lock and obtain the keys from inside. He was a little behind me on the road and happened to make it inside the store to see me checking out with just a pregnancy test and set of wire hangers.

  97. Had a friend from up my street come over to my house pretty much every weekend. We were in middle school at the time. While playing basketball in my driveway, the ball rolled into my ditch about 50 or so feet from the basket after a miss. My friend, who was a pretty good soccer player, decides to kick the ball at the basket and to our amazement, he ends up making the shot. We both were pretty hyped about it so I said “bet you can’t do it again”. One make lead to another to where he then proceeds to make the shot 3-4 more times in a row which is basically him kicking a half court shot. In my absolute disbelief, I started raising the bet each time he makes the shot to “a million dollars”, “10 million dollars”, etc like we actually had the money or something at 13 years old lol. Because I was in denial that there was any chance he’d make the shot again, the final time he went to shoot, like a dumbass, I bet my balls on the line. Sure enough, the asshole sunk the shot on about the 7th time in a row and now has claim to my family jewels. We still to the day bring this up and have a laugh about it.

  98. I had a bet with my PE teacher that if I sunk the half court shot at least once out of 5 tries I do not need to go to PE class anymore unless I want to, and he will give me an A by default. He took the bet.

  99. One time at recess it was really windy and kept changing directions, so naturally I pretended I could control it. I got really lucky with timing and was screaming things like “WIND GO” and “WIND STOP” and a handful of kids were terrified of me for the rest of the year because I could throw wind at them if I was mad.

  100. Oh wow, I remember doing the same thing in elementary school! Sadly I didn't have the timing down, but I excused it by saying something like "technical difficulties" lol

  101. It was my second year of university and me and my friends were going on a night out. As most Uni students in the UK do, we pre-drank heavily in order not to buy drink when you’re in the club. We got to the club and kept on buying more drinks. My friend who lived a lot closer to the club said I could stay at hers as she was at her boyfriends. She didn’t think I could make it home as I was very drunk by this point.

  102. When I was 7 years old I saw a lady in the pool changing room with nipples that I swear to god were like 5 inches long

  103. When I was like 6 I was running around the apartment complex in my cowboy outfit complete with hat, chaps, and a cap gun. (look it up). The Goodyear blimp was in town for something. An adult strolled by and said, "Hey kid! Shoot the blimp." I demurred, "I don't think that's a good idea." The guy kept walking.

  104. I went to see some London fireworks around ten years ago - not NYE, it was the Mayor’s parade or something - and we’re all on the bridge waiting quietly for the show to bedazzle us.

  105. Was on a break outside telling a story to a coworker. He didn't believe me and when I told him weird things just happen to me he rolled his eyes and said "Right."

  106. It’s only funny now because so much time has passed but I had just flown in to visit a buddy and he picked me up from the airport. His house was a bit away from the airport so I ended up passing out. Anyways, I woke up to some commotion outside. He had stopped at a gas station. I stumbled out of the car and found a gun pointed at my head. He had gotten into an altercation with a couple of dudes and I guess I startled the second guy because the windows were tinted and they assumed he was alone.

  107. Humor and shit completely out of left field often calms tense situations because people don't know how to react when they are pissed off but the other person gives a totally unexpected reaction.

  108. I once said "what are you going to do? Shoot me?" To a meth head with a gun pointed at me saying I was a cop and to take my clothes off. I was young and VERY dumb, luckily there were no bullets in the gun as it was a really old and rusty. He did pull the trigger.

  109. The band pennywise asked if they could take a picture with me in a fancy restaurant, I didn't know they were pennywise at the time just that they were in a band cause I'd overheard them mention a tourbus and instruments. Fletcher had me wear his glasses in the picture.

  110. I was doing some work on the access control system in an office. It was an interior door where you had to swipe a card to get through. We were in the process of replacing the system so I had the badge reader pulled off the wall but had also removed the door Strike that actually keeps the door shut.

  111. My parents used to live near Ric Flair and see him at their local Starbucks a lot… he would come in doing his “Wooo” bit all the time.

  112. Rode an elevator with Johnny cash once at a hotel . I was pushing an Av cart and he was standing by the buttons . It was just the two of us. He asked me what floor and I said down down down . Not a smile not a nod nothing else was said.

  113. A few decades ago I was in the city for whatever reason, on my way to the metro I encountered this tourist who seemed a bit lost. Finding tourists aren’t rare, they are everywhere in the summer. Though this was a smaller street with nothing around and he was looking confused. So I approached him and asked if I could help him. Yes indeed I could! He said he got a bit over confident and was for a walk and now he could not find his way back to the hotel. Hotel in question was “the expensive” one in the city, quite a bit away. I knew it would be more confusing to explain how to get back via bus/metro, so I just walked him there.

  114. In middle school I was in the lunch line when I sharted. So I went through the line and went to the bathroom to see if my underwear was salvageable (it wasn’t.) So instead of just cleaning up and leaving the underwear in the bin or in a corner of the bathroom, I wiped them up to the best of my ability, scrunched them up, and wore them around my thighs for the rest of the day. That would’ve been embarrassing enough but ofc it’s middle school and at the time pantsing was the thing. The one and only time I’d ever been a target of pantsing was that day. Luckily I had quick reflexes and kept my pants up as soon as I felt them being pulled down. They definitely saw the upper half of my ass though

  115. I was sick in hospital with tummy problems one time, the doctor asked me ‘can u Fart with confidence?’. It’s now my favourite thing to ask someone when they have a dodgy gut! I could not fart with confidence 😅

  116. My mom and I were driving around late one night when I was in HS because we were bored. We drove through the mall parking lot and saw someone wearing a bear suit while riding a tricycle, and they were being chased by a dude with a golf club. It was like one in the morning and there were no cars around. It was really really weird.

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