what stopped you from committing suicide?

  1. Thank you for understanding that. My grandfather was never the same after bring an engineer on a train when someone committed suicide on his tracks.

  2. I have read that people in that position are heavily traumatized by what they see. Good of you to understand that.

  3. This is also why I wouldn't have jumped out my window. It's a busy street and I don't want some poor little kid biking by to happen to be the one to find me.

  4. I was a rider waiting on the platform when I witnessed a guy's suicide by subway train, 17 years ago, and the image of him laying prone across the tracks a split-second before the train passed over him has never left me. Thanks for not going through with it.

  5. I was going to jump off of a bridge. It was like 2am. I was walking down the street, and then right before I got to the part where like the sidewalk becomes fully separate from the road, some random guy pulled over in his car next to me.

  6. Do you think it was just a weird coincident or do you think the dude had a feeling you were gonna jump and wanted to try to distract you? And glad you're still with us!

  7. There is an Italian song about a man who is about to jump off a bridge when someone, "perhaps an angel dressed as a passerby", takes him away from there reminding him of the beauties of the world.

  8. I was afraid of what horrible trouble I would be if I failed my attempt. As an adult I realize how terribly sad and backwards that is.

  9. Only answer I can relate to. Fear and pain. If it wasn't for the shear pain of cutting my arm until I can reach an artery, I'd be gone.

  10. I was sitting by a lake at a state park with my .45 in hand and every intention of eating my gun. But the thought crossed my mind that some unsuspecting person might come across my body, so I called a suicide prevention number just so I could tell them where I was at.

  11. I just want to say thank you for sharing this. I work for the suicide prevention line and sometimes it’s really rough. Your story brought all hope back to me. I’m going into a shift tomorrow and will be thinking of you and the line “thanks for fighting for my life when I couldn’t”. Thank. You. Glad you’re here.

  12. I know that Bob would love to meet you too. Maybe his sigh was regrettable and he'd just got a parking ticket and argued with his supervisor before his shift; but it gave meaning to his day to day. If you met today. It would be like tbe TV shows. Hw would go away knowing what he goes through matters. And it mattered to you.

  13. My dad was on a break from work and went to the beach. He saw a woman sitting on a driftwood log sooking pretty distraught. He talked to her for a while and ended up convincing her to not walk into the pacific ocean.

  14. My late best friend found me at the park with my neighbors misplaced handgun, my parents were divorcing hella hard, my SA attacker had visited her family(family was close friends so I had seen her at a family gathering) and everything else seemed to be going wrong too. My friend kinda talked me down and stuff, we hung out and vented to eachother, she was a victim of SA as well so we kinda helped eachother work through it, she helped me more than I did her though unfortunately, and she ultimately took her own life later in highschool. So in a way I gotta do right by her and live.

  15. Thank you for sharing, I haven’t told anyone except an ex about my SA attacker, so that part really hits home to me. I also have a best friend I’ve shared everything else with and knowing that he has depression and how he might act if I go through with it somehow, kinda pulled me out of it rn more than any other post on here.

  16. While looking for sad songs on YouTube, I was really surprised of seeing that every single one of them was full of comments from people convincing the reader of not commiting suicide

  17. Vomiting and having diarrhea all over myself while crying in the ER after a lithium overdose was probably the most embarrassing night of my life.

  18. How did they know about it enough to come to your home? Do you have a partner that could’ve called them or what?

  19. My sister, we dont have a great realtionship but still. The worst part is; her reason for not comitting is the exact same

  20. That's basically the deal with my family, alot of us have a history of depression and suicidal thoughts/actions we are basically clinging to each other for life, when my uncle died it almost sent his brother over the edge and he's honestly still struggling.

  21. My therapist telling me that my son's chance of suicide more than doubles if I do it. This is not a curse I'm willing to pass on. Not to him.

  22. My stupid looking dog with her stupid looking face. GOD I loved her. No one would be able to take care of her. She passed last year but I got help and talked to a professional about my depression. So, mission accomplished. Good girl.

  23. Same. I had just adopted my dog before the peak of suicidal ideation. She had extreme separation anxiety from being passed around from foster to foster, and had been in a loving home before that, but her owner had become too sick to take care of her. When I was at my worst I looked at her, and just couldn't bear the thought of that happening to her again.

  24. My dog came in snuggled up, stuck her nose in my chest and stared me right in the eye. The memory of that don't leave look spooks my out even now many years later.

  25. my dog and I spend all of the time together, he even goes to work with me. the idea of him being sad or not understanding why I’m gone kept me here

  26. I had the same exact moment with my cat. We have a very strong bond, but she’s not particularly cuddly. On the night in question, she came right up next to me, laid her little face on my chest, looked at me, and let out the most sorrowful meow I’ve ever heard in my life. Decided I needed to stay for her. She’s been terminally ill for quite some time now and will be gone from the earthly realm soon, but I’ll hold that moment with me and continue to stay alive for her even after she’s gone. It’s what she would want.

  27. My brother walked in as I was reaching for my weapon of choice. He wanted to show me his new Pokémon card. He was totally oblivious to what was going on, he was just far too excited to show me his Vaporeon.

  28. Glad you are still here. I found my brother this way. Luckily he was still alive, if only barely. I saw how it shattered my parents. Cant imagine how it would have destroyed them if he was successful. Again, i am glad you are still here man… much love

  29. I called the suicide hotline hoping to get some words of comfort and advice. The person who picked up said hello and stopped there so I asked was this the suicide hotline? And they’re like oh yeaaaaa no….. it’s not anymore. And I was like oh. And she’s like sorry and hung up.

  30. During the worst of the pandemic lockdowns, I called a crisis line and told them how I felt so alone and full of despair that I felt that "this might be the night I go through with it". The operator goes "it might make you feel less alone...have you considered getting a cat?" I told her I was allergic. She thinks for a second: "could you get a hairless cat?"

  31. Probably better than if you actually called the hotline because they just told me to go on the website and hung up

  32. Dropped everything and went on a solo trip to the west coast with my life savings. Ran into a homeless guy who told me his life story, talked religion and philosophy with a practicing Buddhist monk, and got to know a young couple on their honeymoon. Was taken safely to my hostel by a generous family who saw me stranded. Even took a motorcycle ride with a random Redditor in Portland. Saw the ocean and mountains for the first time. Decided, fuck it, there's still a lot more I haven't seen, and I could always just drop everything and start a new life somewhere else if it came down to it. But there's a lot I haven't learned or experienced yet.

  33. The thought of leaving my nephew behind, when I’ve been the only consistent male figure in his life. His biological father wanted/ wants absolutely nothing to do with him, and none of my sister’s boyfriends have been a positive or long lasting figure for him.

  34. I was literally thinking today how my nieces saved my life. In my darkest hour, I just imagined the looks on their faces; family explaining I was gone, and what I had done. Fuck man. No way I could do that to them.

  35. At my lowest point I had a very vivid dream. I dreamed that I was lying in hospital dying with loads of tubes in me and a heart monitor beeping next to me. The door opened and my family entered the room with the family dog who jumped up on the bed and started to lick my face as if this would save me. I woke with a start and started crying immediately. I knew I had to get better because my family and my dog loved me. This was 21 years ago.

  36. My man, you had a glimpse in another universe. The universe literally said "don't do this. It is stupid. Here is why:..."

  37. I also was in a really low point and had a vivid dream I was in the desert and there was this large rock formation that had this flat rocky platform jutting out. It looked kind of like Pride Rock from the Lion King. There was a line of people snaking up the side of the rock formation. Similar to people waiting in line for a ride. At the end of the rock formation there was a gallows.

  38. A mom here. If we are the reason, it only takes one reason and we will take it bc we love you. Assume we know without you saying it out loud.

  39. A friend of mine lost her daughter to suicide. Seeing her grief, year after year, makes me grateful I never followed through.

  40. I was really worried that when my mom died I would kill myself. Spent a lot of time time thinking 'when she's gone, I will finally be free to kill myself if I want to'. It's been two years I'm still going strong. Therapy helps a lot. There are still hard times, but I can finally imagine that it can get better, too. Pm me if you ever want to talk.

  41. I was about to hang myself in my room but my dog walked in. She was a white, angle of a dog and just sat their and looked at me. I kinda felt like she was wondering if I would do it. So I stopped, picked her up and we watched movies on the tv.

  42. That game still holds up, the water effects were incredible - sailing through the seas, and suddenly you catch the sun or moon through a cresting wave, tinged green by the water. I spent months dreaming about sailing after that, you could almost feel the spray in your face.

  43. And now a few internet strangers. And it is not stupid. Every reason counts. Every single reson. I am glad you are still among us.

  44. I was afraid of feeling pain as my bones break while falling 30 stories. I was afraid of suffocating during a failed hanging attempt. I was afraid of feeling pain while overdosing on my antidepressants.

  45. Antidepressants would be a horrible drug to overdose on. It would take an exuberantly large amount to kill you, and it would suck the whole time you were dying.

  46. This. The pain if I didn't die instantly or the many worse fates from a botched attempt. Also the thought of my mother finding my body if I did succeed.

  47. The shotgun jammed. I had a meltdown and got some help. Doing much much better now and feel like my life has purpose.

  48. I couldn’t trust my pets to anybody else. I have a soft spot for messed-up, reactive asshole dogs and spicy ankle-biter cats. At the time I had one dog and three cats, as well as a host of small animals (rats, degus, and a cockatiel from hell).

  49. My parents weren’t able to have kids. They spent years trying and trying until they realized adoption was their only option. I couldn’t do that to them; take away their only child after they did so much to have me.

  50. Seriously, South Park. Was depressed as shit in a hotel room, on Christmas Eve. Decided fuck it, enough is enough. It was a random episode they did where Stan was being a bitch about everything. It made sense, I laughed, and decided as long as I can laugh, life ain’t so bad.

  51. The “cynical asshole” episode? That one is so good. If you’re not laughing, you’re crying. So might as well laugh. 🤷‍♂️😅

  52. DUDE SAMEEE ‼️‼️‼️ I wasn’t suicidal but I was falling deeper into depression and I started watching South Park and it was just so hilarious that day by day I felt better with the shit I was feeling cuz I had South Park to look forward to 😭eventually I genuinely got better

  53. Because in the back of my mind was my dads advice: " if you ever get so low you feel like committing suicide, stop. Leave. Start a new life anywhere you can." I was 17, I'm 68 now.

  54. The gun jammed, couldn’t cut deep enough, survived enough overdoses to warrant a clinical study on my physiology. mom says i’m out of lives and i believe her.

  55. Two people who I'd never met before. 18 years ago, they walked past where I was sitting on the sidewalk, spiraling down into an extremely bad place and contemplating ending things. Then, they turned around, came back and one of them said "I know that look, and you definitely shouldn't be alone right now" - so they drug me along with them to hang out with a group of friends and get stoned on the beach.

  56. my fiance. She kicked down our bathroom door and wrestled the gun out of my hands. Then she called the cops and had me sent to a hospital against my will. She saved my life.

  57. I can picture this, a lady just street-fighter style kicks down the door, takes the gun and saying “not today, homie” and drags your ass down to hospital

  58. Being nice to people. One day I was out with my mom and I some nice woman talk to about stuff in the store and I felt like I had to be nice to her. After going out a bit for a while it felt kinda good to be nice to people and that’s where I know longer felt suicidal. I felt like it was an obligation to be nice to all different kinds of people because it felt nice.

  59. Kinda the same for me, it was really gradual but eventually I’ve kinda made a bit of an oath to myself (kinda based on a book I like) to remember the forgotten, which means to me to try to be kind to people that others ignore or ostracize and love everyone, even those who are different and may not fit in

  60. I couldn't do that to the people I loved. Especially my parents. No parent should outlive their child. Besides, I know my dad all to well. If I went, he'd follow.

  61. It was in high school. The next morning, I would have a class with a friend of mine who loved to talk. All it took was the thought that she would miss having someone to talk to, and I put the pills down. It’s been almost four years since that night, and I still haven’t told her.

  62. I think one of the things stopping me from considering suicide is my bearded dragon. Almost everyone I know is too scared to touch her food, and the thought of her slowly wasting away is very upsetting. Who knew creepy crawlies could be such a motivator.

  63. Mine too. I was fine with writing notes to family and friends but cats can't read. And all I could imagine was her meowing so sadly not knowing I'd never come.

  64. Same, my tortie was abused in an earlier home and won't eat unless I'm watching over her. If she's in a good mood that means "same room", if she's feeling anxious then the bowl has to be literally on me. She's come a long way, she doesn't disappear when others are around, but I'm afraid she'd starve if I wasn't here for her.

  65. it's easy to fantasize and yearn for it but once you're looking at the wrong end of a loaded barrel the trigger feels both incredibly heavy and light at the same time.

  66. Funnily enough, even so I'm not religious, I was in a catholic school growing up and there was this tiny idea in my head that when I commit suicide I will not be allowed into heaven. I don't believe in heaven and hell. I would call myself an atheist. But there you go.

  67. A guy at the train station who noticed me stumbling around. He called an ambulance and they took me to hospital despite my protests, flushed me with saline, and managed to get the codeine out of my system with only a little bit of brain/nerve damage. I'm still not sure if I'm grateful or not.

  68. This will get lost but the extension cord broke 11 years ago, and glad it did father of 3 and proud husband making everyday count. Can’t believe what I almost missed out on.

  69. So basically i am really fucking fat plus i was using a really bad rope. So basically when i tried to hang myself the rope broke and from the falling i broke a fucking foot

  70. Bsf and my other friends and my family. They are also really depressed so if I did it I'm afraid of how it'd impact them and don't want to end up accidentally taking them with me.

  71. I once saved a girl that did this while I was working at Starbucks. She ran up to me full of tears and just said "Help". I dropped everything I was doing and called 911. Luckily a nurse was in line and noticed, and put napkins around the girls wrist (and probably other things, I was focused on getting the paramedics there) and sat her in the lobby and talked to her.

  72. A huge part of it was losing somebody to suicide and experiencing the grief of knowing that their death was so final, that all my love and remorse and sorrow could never bring them back. It's not a feeling I can ever describe. They were just suddenly gone. Losing a loved one has become my greatest fear since then. That shit carves your lungs out. I didn't want to put anyone through that, so I stuck around long enough to change for the better. Once I decided to live I saw there was hope, and years of knowing nothing but emptiness and loneliness and pain gave way to healing. It still crosses my mind from time to time, but I don't think I'll be back in depresso soup any time soon :)

  73. My dog. Nobody would have been able to know for quite some time and I couldn't deal with the idea of leaving her alone in this fucked up world. She was a rescue that I didn't even want to get at the time but when the fiancee and I broke up I ended up with her. I guess you could say the cliche ' we rescued eachother' but I would do anything for my dog. Period.

  74. Fear of the pain. That's it. Then life just went on and I had kids. Now I wouldn't ever do it even if I could get over that primal fear. They need me, they're my purpose.

  75. My sibling died of a drug overdose and I noticed strong similarities in the way people talked about their death, and how others talk about people who died by suicide. “Why didn’t they ask for help?” Or “we would’ve done anything for them” or “they were selfish and left everybody behind”. So, fear and guilt. That my pain and suffering becoming too much for me, would cause people to whole heartedly believe that they could’ve been saviors and I was just a selfish asshole who took decades of a half-assed relationship from them. Then later on, I became the “dominant” parent. I’m the one that knows our oldest will only eat chicken nuggets, but no other meat. I’m the one that knows when the fever is dangerous. I’m the one that picks the reasonable bedtimes and says “that game isn’t child appropriate” and knows their shoe sizes. They didn’t ask to be brought into this world and I may not be the greatest parent but I’m sure as hell not going to make their lives harder if I can help it. So first, the guilt and shame. But then, my kids. I got lucky with mine and I’m thankful for it every day, that they’re so awesome, and that I haven’t screwed them up too badly. I’m not saying or suggesting that having kids will magically change everything and save your life. Just that I got real lucky. Now that I’m older and they’re older, life is feeling more optimistic and more worth living. And I really hope my kids never feel the way I did.

  76. I told my best friend if I ever followed through with it, I would make sure to apologize for the mess, and make it as clean as possible.

  77. Another person jumping from their balcony, in Paris, in front of me. I was actually looking for a spot to do the same.

  78. I didn’t have a sharp enough blade and it wasn’t working so I went out to buy a box cutter with the intention to finish the job. On my walk to CVS, I stopped by a concert hall. I listened to the orchestra from the steps outside, cried and decided I have things to live for. I slipped inside the hall between movements and stayed for the rest of the concert instead.

  79. I fell asleep with my phone unlocked, which is how my mom found out and put a stop to it and pretty much everything else that was on my phone at the time. In hindsight it was a pretty stupid fuckin reason for wanting to be dead, thanks mom

  80. Good friend listening. 20 years later I still have a tough time saying ”thank you” enough because there’s no words to say how grateful I am.

  81. Trying to write goodbye to my mom. I can’t imagine the sound she would make. The idea of my husband telling my kids. They’re little and would absolutely not comprehend. My baby boy falls sleeps twirling my hair.

  82. Realizing that if I killed myself, the people making me miserable would have won. I pushed through out of spite and have since moved to a much happier point in life.

  83. Wellbutrin. Before I started taking it I had a plan and fully intended on doing it when my lease renewed in June. I had no one I wanted to continue living for and hated how my life turned out. I still have thoughts of it occasionally but they don’t send me spiraling like they used to.

  84. My friends asked for my help and I realized I wasn’t useless. I started to see the impact I had on the people that care about me and realized my value. Where there is life there is hope.

  85. Lack of access to a gun, honestly. If one had been available in my house throughout my life, I'd say it'd be about fifty-fifty that I'm still here. That's a bit speculative, I know, but looking back with clearer eyes at three specific days/nights of my life, those are the odds that I'd give.

  86. The realization that there probably no afterlife and this is likely all I get. So long as I am not in excruciating physical pain, I can put up with the depressing bullshit of life.

  87. I read a story about people who survive jumping off the Golden Gate bridge and everyone who jumped and lived to tell about it said they felt regret instantly after jumping.

  88. My family found me in time. It felt like a miracle. The cops actually refused to go looking for me because according to them “it could be a trap for them”.

  89. Dogs. I was watching my brothers dogs whilst he was on holiday. I was sat at the bottom of the stairs spiralling and they came over and placed their heads on each one of my feet and just kept looking up at me from under their eyelids for around a hour.

  90. My big dog did a very similar thing. I was sitting on my bathroom floor ready, and then he just came and rested his head on my lap. They somehow know.

  91. Hey, please don't let someone else stop you from finding happiness. Relationships are commonplace but you're the only one of you in the world. You deserve the chance to heal and move on to something better.

  92. Been scrolling a bit and this is the closest to (one of) my reasons I could find. I hate the thought of people talking about me without me knowing what they’re saying or being present to defend myself. Hate it in living, hate that it will happen in death. People will speculate why I did it, and they will get it wrong. People who aren’t to blame will feel guilty, and people who actually put me in this situation will assign blame to those who don’t deserve it instead of themselves (not that I’m doing it for any sort of revenge) because they are too narcissistic to admit they are wrong, ever. No note will ever explain my motives adequately and I can’t be arsed to try. Every time I think about going through with it the imaginary fallout pisses me off to no ends and I give up.

  93. I had everything planned out, had the gun, was sleeping in a park, I was gunna do it the next day, next to my ex's place of work, dug a shallow grave, buried the gun (didn't want to get caught with it and go to prison) I came back the next night looking for it because I was ready, it was no where to be found, I was the only person (to my best knowledge, in the locked park) I searched for 3 hours, came up with nothing....ended up getting arrested for violation of probation that night. Still went to prison. But it saved my life.

  94. I OD’d at my desk. I was the manager of a behavioral health clinic that specialized in substance abuse. Ironic. The first thing I saw was the faces of my fav nurse and fav doc (as in coworkers) looming over me. Doctor had been doing chest compressions and the nurse had just narcanned me. Never been narcanned before… she said it took like 2 or 3 vials. I can still taste it. Seconds later I was on a gurney with my expensive ass button up ripped open — head/neck tied down, tubes everywhere. mask on my face, wires and shit all over my chest. it was so heavy. i remember all of that shit feeling so heavy.

  95. Lsd and mdma, I was at my lowest and a friend invited me to a festival. At this time I was literally planning my end. I was very against drugs alcohol etc due to being raised in a bad environment with those things, but I figured may as well give it a go I have nothing to lose. Well anyway i took a tab or two and a few doses of molly and my entire perspective on life changed and I felt genuine happiness from the universe and the weight has been gone ever since we’ll mostly, I have since been to therapy etc and had recreation fun with substance but my life was forever changed that day.

  96. Teacher here. Beyond the usual thoughts of not wanting to hurt my family and friends, the thought of disappointing my current and former students has kept the dark thoughts at bay.

  97. I just got out of the hospital for suicidal ideation and attempt last week. For me, it was how my children (1 and 5) reacted to me coming home from the hospital. I can't even so much as set my daughter down without her clinging to me for dear life. I can tell that her and my son are not the same as they were before I was admitted, and I am terrified of traumatizing them again, and leaving them without a father they have wrapped around their fingers.

  98. It’s going to sounds so stupid. But before I almost committed I realized that I forgot to throw away my sex toys. Like, sure I would have been dead but my Catholic mother would have died from seeing them and would have come to wherever I landed to tear me a new one. The thought of that just put me off committing for the past 4 years now.

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