Like in a cartoon? Was someone in the bath tub? Damn, that is one hell of a story to get able to tell. Cock blocked by your upstairs neighbor in a bath tub.
Amen to that. It usually takes me a good while to finish so if I cant get in my normal 45s theres no way I'm going to be able to do it under that. She knows not to ask me for a quickie anymore if she wants to get some shes gotta put in the time.
“Are you done yet?” In a bothered tone. Like, I just ravished the meat box for a solid 20 to get you to finish, throw me a bone and at least act interested.
Someone recently brought a baby round to the house. I didn't know they were coming or anything, but I just heard it crying from the other side of the house while I was doing the business. Not only did it kill my boner, it killed it for hours.
I fought this for years. That crying baby noise is flaccid city. Wanna bone? No, the child that I love more than anything just sound ed like we were pulling out his fingernails. Sexy night is lost.
This is sweet tho. When I lost my virginity it took us a few tries because of course it was kind of painful for me, and every time I expressed that he would soften up because he was worried and didn’t want to cause me pain. Then he would get frustrated with himself for not being able to get it back. It took some time to get right.
This was a hard one for me. Most of the guys I dated got low key more turned on when something hurt. Not so much in a red flag sadistic way, but in a macho “whoa I’m so hard and big” way...I hope. My husband reacts like you, immediate worry, immediate concern. It took a while for me to re wire myself to not express pain like it was something they would like.
Honestly just anything that pushes me into concern mode. It gives me such whiplash too because I get so caught in the moment and out of no where if I notice a facial expression that looks pained in their being too quiet, anything at all that could indicate and attack or discomfort, it’s like all of a sudden my brain turns back on at 100%. Partner had BPD and sexual trauma from their past so I’ve gotta be careful even when they initiate just in case.
Same. I'm not an easy size. So I have to be super ultra aware of how she's doing. Also it could be the difference between having sex again tomorrow or having to wait a month as it heals. I'll spend 90% of our time in foreplay.
Was doing the deed with a woman once and her little dog would not stop and I asked her if we could put it outside the room and she said “but then he’ll just scratch at the door”. I said fine.. but after 10 times I called it.
sometimes when i forget that my dog is still in the room with us, i would go down on my guy and my dog would follow me and try to go down on him to. It was equal parts hilarious and terrible.
See a urologist and get a tadalafil (cialis) prescription! I struggled with this a long time -- still do sometimes. But knowing you've got a pill that works well and lasts longer than viagra helps dispel those fears. It's not a cure-all -- you still gotta have some focus -- but I keep mine on the side to help me ease into a new partner. Once I'm confident with her, I go foe the occasional fuck without the pills, and I pretty much always reach a point where I can get hard with her no problem. Keep your chin up and use the resources available to you.
I was over my grandma's house staying the night in my early teens. Found some old photo albums. Saw this lady in a bikini from the 50s. I wasn't thinking and knocked one out, just before my grandma walked in. Said I was just watching tv and looking through the photo albums. She sat next to me at looked at the album with me. Long story short that was her.....
I can confirm, twice now my dog thought it’d be a good idea to tongue punch the ol fart box while I’m balls deep in my gf .. def kills the vibe and one other time I was fuckin my girl and I look over and the dog is on the side of the bed humping the air … I died laughing and I went soft and couldn’t re focus on the matter at hand
Almost having it cut off. Story time... when my late wife was alive she used to get really nice acryllic French tipped nails done. Well one time she busted one and forgot to file down all the sharp jagged parts. We were getting frisky, she got handsy, I screamed, there was blood, boner killed. She had sliced the tip of my penis. It took a while to fully heal. We both laughed about it aftwards because it was kind of funny. She called it the time she almost decapitated my penis.
A gross smell. I wish I could get over it, but I can't. This is why I usually insist on showers first. Idk how people managed before bathing became common!
Not hearing his breathing or moaning for a fraction of a second makes me overthink -in light speed - all possibilities why he's not liking it and lose it at the same moment
I have ADHD. Now, disregarding the fact that much of the medication is a vasoconstrictor (think whiskey dick), I find it makes me get off easier. I don’t like it. It’s not too easy, but I just don’t like the vibe. Being full on golden retriever lets me get in the zone by zoning out (oddly enough).
How the fuck do you break your dick? I'm not tryna be rude at all... but god damn, first of all it must've hurt second off, it probably would have taken tons of preparations, how did you pull off this incredible task?
"please I'll be fast" kills the ladyboner. Yes sometimes it's got to be a quicky. But begging like that just makes me think your only goal is to get off. It just makes me sad for you.
There was this girl I dated for a bit that was honestly everything I could have asked for at the time. Similar interests, huge sex drive, always wanted to hang out but not in a clingy way, more like a bros-kinda way, if that makes sense. But her teeth. Oh lord, her teeth…if she still has them, they have to be brown-ish black by now.
It's why my plan for if I ever sleep with someone IRL is to ask if I can use their shower/bath first. Hygiene trauma makes daily washing difficult, but if I ever find someone safe to sleep with they deserve a clean me. I *think* I've heard it stated that you're allowed to do that socially
A woman I was with liked calling me daddy. At first no biggie. Then came sex. Daddy daddy daddy, oh yes daddy. My unit noped out immediately. She was pissed that I couldn't satisfy her need to call me daddy during sex.
Humiliation. I know it's a common kink, but I'm the type that takes those words to heart and instantly goes into panic mode trying to fix it. It's not sexy for me.
Some people don’t know this but hormonal birth control can kill sex drive, I came off mine recently and let’s not get into the result but you can guess… I went from 70 yr old woman to 15 year old boy in the space of a few days. I’m not 70 btw I’m 24 😅 sad that this is something that’s not wide spread information or warned about, fuck the system, fuck controlling women’s bodies 👍🏼 I have a copper coil now and very happy :)
Agreed. If a woman starts asking about my thoughts on the effect of the marginal tax rate on the investment sector of the economy specifically regarding real estate and the housing crisis, I'm pretty much gonna finish right then and there and then be soft for a while during the refractory period.
Female here, Had a guy once struggling to get it in, even with my assistance and for some reason I burst out laughing. I truly have no idea what I found so funny. Needless to say he immediately went soft the moment I laughed in his face.
Worst look ever. Crossing the eyes and sticking out your tongue? Look in the mirror and let me know if that turns you on, because to me it looks like I’m getting a BJ from a complete moron.
My fiance and I were in a situation this weekend where he needed to "un-excite" himself, so to speak, and he told me he thought about losing all of his progress on Fallout. Level 200 and something all the way back to one. I'm not trying to be funny either, this is a legit conversation I just had 2 days ago 😆
Lady boner killer here. One time getting into position for doggy, the guy slapped, in a way that can only be described better as “drummed”, my pretty large ass with excitement.
The apartment over mine having their bathtub fall through the ceiling onto our bed almost killing us
Sexy
Only answer in this thread that elicited a laugh. Dude got swatted by a fucking bath tub
Bathtub really cock blocked you.
Hey here's a new porn parody:
That’s exciting that would give me a throbbing woody
Did the danger not make it more exciting?
Was someone in it?
Like in a cartoon? Was someone in the bath tub? Damn, that is one hell of a story to get able to tell. Cock blocked by your upstairs neighbor in a bath tub.
Kinda weird that there's a bathroom located over a bedroom. Typically, bathrooms are stacked in apartment buildings.
Jesse...what did you do?
My brain: family guy scene where Cleveland's bathtub falls out after the house is destroyed
At my age? Whiskey, unfortunately... first it sets the stage for it to be hard in the first place, then it takes it away... fickle bastard...
Classic Shakespeare. “… It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.” (Macbeth Act 2. Scene 3)
Being on the clock. If I have to rush I can't get off.
I thought you meant like being at work
Amen to that. It usually takes me a good while to finish so if I cant get in my normal 45s theres no way I'm going to be able to do it under that. She knows not to ask me for a quickie anymore if she wants to get some shes gotta put in the time.
Hearing these words, “just hurry up and get it over with.” Nah, I’m good. I’ll skip it tonight.
my soul felt that one.
Came here to say this. Any sentence that has the word "hurry" is a major turn off.
“Are you done yet?” In a bothered tone. Like, I just ravished the meat box for a solid 20 to get you to finish, throw me a bone and at least act interested.
This is so sad :(
that romandic moment where she just flips over, uncovers her ass and says those sexy word "wake me up when you´re done"
You’re not alone.
Same with "are you almost there?"
Someone recently brought a baby round to the house. I didn't know they were coming or anything, but I just heard it crying from the other side of the house while I was doing the business. Not only did it kill my boner, it killed it for hours.
I read having a baby nearby will temporarily lower testosterone levels. Not sure how quickly it happens, but I believe it does.
When my girl was pregnant (2nd trimester) and he baby kicked my stomach and I was instantly like, “we can wait a few more months, maybe a year.”
I fought this for years. That crying baby noise is flaccid city. Wanna bone? No, the child that I love more than anything just sound ed like we were pulling out his fingernails. Sexy night is lost.
Well... not to be that guy, but this way around things is good. The otherway around and you should seek help
When she says something hurt, I just go concern mode.
This is sweet tho. When I lost my virginity it took us a few tries because of course it was kind of painful for me, and every time I expressed that he would soften up because he was worried and didn’t want to cause me pain. Then he would get frustrated with himself for not being able to get it back. It took some time to get right.
My partner does this too.
This was a hard one for me. Most of the guys I dated got low key more turned on when something hurt. Not so much in a red flag sadistic way, but in a macho “whoa I’m so hard and big” way...I hope. My husband reacts like you, immediate worry, immediate concern. It took a while for me to re wire myself to not express pain like it was something they would like.
This the moment something is uncomfortable is a huge killer. Like who just wants to hurt people it should be a mutual thing to satisfy each person
Honestly just anything that pushes me into concern mode. It gives me such whiplash too because I get so caught in the moment and out of no where if I notice a facial expression that looks pained in their being too quiet, anything at all that could indicate and attack or discomfort, it’s like all of a sudden my brain turns back on at 100%. Partner had BPD and sexual trauma from their past so I’ve gotta be careful even when they initiate just in case.
Same. I'm not an easy size. So I have to be super ultra aware of how she's doing. Also it could be the difference between having sex again tomorrow or having to wait a month as it heals. I'll spend 90% of our time in foreplay.
As a people pleaser both in bed and in daily life, this got me.
Viagra wears off.
Vagina wears off.
The dogs cold wet nose on my butt.
This happened to me on Friday lmaooo
Was doing the deed with a woman once and her little dog would not stop and I asked her if we could put it outside the room and she said “but then he’ll just scratch at the door”. I said fine.. but after 10 times I called it.
That usually gets me rock hard
sometimes when i forget that my dog is still in the room with us, i would go down on my guy and my dog would follow me and try to go down on him to. It was equal parts hilarious and terrible.
I was banging this lady one time and her dog came up started licking my ass so you know what I did I finished and then I stole the dog
Call me old fashioned, but the dog stays outside of the room during sex.
The dogs getting a wiff of something
Self doubt more so than anything
Username checks out.
As soon as the first thought creeps in I need a time out
See a urologist and get a tadalafil (cialis) prescription! I struggled with this a long time -- still do sometimes. But knowing you've got a pill that works well and lasts longer than viagra helps dispel those fears. It's not a cure-all -- you still gotta have some focus -- but I keep mine on the side to help me ease into a new partner. Once I'm confident with her, I go foe the occasional fuck without the pills, and I pretty much always reach a point where I can get hard with her no problem. Keep your chin up and use the resources available to you.
Someone knocking on the door
Somebody's ringing the bell.
Diarrhea
I read that in Peter Griffin’s voice
The only thing worse than running with scissors is scissoring with the runs.
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When I hear my mothers voice
Weird, your mom is what gives me a boner
Instant... Nothing.
thats why you have to gag her.
When I think of a good comeback that I should have used in an argument I had 8 years ago ….
Ah a classic jerkstore moment.
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Recently just left a relationship over this. Two months in and she was already treating sex as if it was some sort of favour she was doing for me.
Agreed like 789%. I don't want anyone doing anything for any reason other than, "I wanna, I'm gonna!"
That picture I found at grandmas house hidden in the rafters.
I also choose this guy’s grandma’s nudes
I was over my grandma's house staying the night in my early teens. Found some old photo albums. Saw this lady in a bikini from the 50s. I wasn't thinking and knocked one out, just before my grandma walked in. Said I was just watching tv and looking through the photo albums. She sat next to me at looked at the album with me. Long story short that was her.....
my ssri :(
My performance is legendary, but my closing act is non-existant..
Lamictal and Seroquel. Big boner killers
Cymbalta. And the Wellbutrin that is supposed to mitigate the sexual side effects of the SSRI SNRI doesn't do shit.
Trazodone!
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Player 3 joined the game
I can confirm, twice now my dog thought it’d be a good idea to tongue punch the ol fart box while I’m balls deep in my gf .. def kills the vibe and one other time I was fuckin my girl and I look over and the dog is on the side of the bed humping the air … I died laughing and I went soft and couldn’t re focus on the matter at hand
I can't totally kill it; it always returns with a vengeance.
STANDING HERE
You're gonna laugh, but... When I'm reading my porn and there's a grammatical mistake.
*grammatical
“Oh, and for who is that big daddy?”
This! If there are grammatical mistakes, tons of typos, or even if just the spacing and formatting are off or inconsistent I can’t do it!
i felt this one in the depths of my soul
overexaggerated orgasms, I love moaning but moaning really loud hurts my ears, especially when it’s high pitched
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"oh my freakin ears!"
Sometimes the loudness is natural though if it's really intense lol
Almost having it cut off. Story time... when my late wife was alive she used to get really nice acryllic French tipped nails done. Well one time she busted one and forgot to file down all the sharp jagged parts. We were getting frisky, she got handsy, I screamed, there was blood, boner killed. She had sliced the tip of my penis. It took a while to fully heal. We both laughed about it aftwards because it was kind of funny. She called it the time she almost decapitated my penis.
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Sorry to hear about your wife, may she rest in peace
A gross smell. I wish I could get over it, but I can't. This is why I usually insist on showers first. Idk how people managed before bathing became common!
Was it Napoleon that was quoted writing in a love letter to his lady not to shower for 3 weeks as he enjoyed her smells?
When you're around bad smells for a long time, you (for the most part) stop smelling them because your brain normalises it.
Feet. Don’t put your nasty ass grippers in my face I am NOT sucking your toes
chainsaws
casuallypsychopath
That’s funny, it’s exactly the opposite for me
made me spill my drink, thanks
Kidney stones. This is true; it’s happened to me.
did you just use a fucking semicolon properly?
Friendly reminder for everybody to drink enough water
Thinking about anything other than the thing giving me a boner for more than 5 seconds.
Not hearing his breathing or moaning for a fraction of a second makes me overthink -in light speed - all possibilities why he's not liking it and lose it at the same moment
I have ADHD. Now, disregarding the fact that much of the medication is a vasoconstrictor (think whiskey dick), I find it makes me get off easier. I don’t like it. It’s not too easy, but I just don’t like the vibe. Being full on golden retriever lets me get in the zone by zoning out (oddly enough).
when i broke my dick. it kills my boner to this day
How the fuck do you break your dick? I'm not tryna be rude at all... but god damn, first of all it must've hurt second off, it probably would have taken tons of preparations, how did you pull off this incredible task?
Six mexican police officers, one of them pointing a flashlight at my eyes.
5 you still good though
An orgasm
This guy cums
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It was “something a burglar would not want to see when breaking into someone’s house”
That question had something to do with robbing houses
Being 73 years old
"please I'll be fast" kills the ladyboner. Yes sometimes it's got to be a quicky. But begging like that just makes me think your only goal is to get off. It just makes me sad for you.
Unless it’s like a heat of the moment spontaneous thing, I absolutely hate quickies. I wanna actually enjoy sex and not just be rushing to the finish
What annoys me about that isn't so much the begging, but persisting after the hard "no"
Weird because that kinda needy 'please fuck me' begging from a chick is a huge fucking turn on
There was this girl I dated for a bit that was honestly everything I could have asked for at the time. Similar interests, huge sex drive, always wanted to hang out but not in a clingy way, more like a bros-kinda way, if that makes sense. But her teeth. Oh lord, her teeth…if she still has them, they have to be brown-ish black by now.
dude?? u let a rotten mouthed gal touch ur peter?
Unclean smell from the groin/ass. Instant boner killer.
I read "uncle smell"
It's why my plan for if I ever sleep with someone IRL is to ask if I can use their shower/bath first. Hygiene trauma makes daily washing difficult, but if I ever find someone safe to sleep with they deserve a clean me. I *think* I've heard it stated that you're allowed to do that socially
When the kids come home earlier than expected.
I'm not a dad but I can understand how bad this might be ...
When you're both single and both have older kids living at home it really sucks getting laid. Older kids are the biggest cock blocks.
sharp objects, explosives, firearms etc
Hmmm 🤔I instantly got visuals of John Wick scenes…huge turn on for a female.
That dumb drain damaged anime face. Stop doing that. It isn’t hot.
When I can tell she's not into it.
Talking about how their ex did it to them
A woman I was with liked calling me daddy. At first no biggie. Then came sex. Daddy daddy daddy, oh yes daddy. My unit noped out immediately. She was pissed that I couldn't satisfy her need to call me daddy during sex.
Probably???
“Probably” imma keep my mouth closed-
“Don’t call me daddy that’s fucked I’m on the fence with animal fucking however”
My fear of killing my boner
When she refuses to take the dog out the room and you end up with an unwanted rim job by rover the Rottweiler.
Antidepressants.
"Daddy". Just no. For me specifically, it's because I really don't like my dad, and I don't want anything to do with that word or him.
Having an orgasm. It’s all downhill from there
the post above this said "my parents are having sex right next to me 💀💀"
Omg had this happen once. I never stabbed my ears so hard with my fingers that night to drown out the noise.
Music.
I never understood playing music during sex tbh
Humiliation. I know it's a common kink, but I'm the type that takes those words to heart and instantly goes into panic mode trying to fix it. It's not sexy for me.
The smell of 💩
SSRIs
Arguing
erectile dysfunction
Other boners
Dangerous game. Rule says the first one to lose their boner has to bottom.
Light Saber Sounds
Absolutely nothing
Invica-boner!
"I mean ya I guess so." "If you want to." "sigh fine."
Some people don’t know this but hormonal birth control can kill sex drive, I came off mine recently and let’s not get into the result but you can guess… I went from 70 yr old woman to 15 year old boy in the space of a few days. I’m not 70 btw I’m 24 😅 sad that this is something that’s not wide spread information or warned about, fuck the system, fuck controlling women’s bodies 👍🏼 I have a copper coil now and very happy :)
talking about the socioeconomic state of the world
Agreed. If a woman starts asking about my thoughts on the effect of the marginal tax rate on the investment sector of the economy specifically regarding real estate and the housing crisis, I'm pretty much gonna finish right then and there and then be soft for a while during the refractory period.
If my partner speak to me with a baby voice.
All the painkillers and antidepressants I’m taking.
Stinky parts.
Rape
Female here, Had a guy once struggling to get it in, even with my assistance and for some reason I burst out laughing. I truly have no idea what I found so funny. Needless to say he immediately went soft the moment I laughed in his face.
Ah yeah. They don’t like that too much. Except the ones that do I guess
The word "daddy"
"Don't call me daddy, call me coach."
And "baby girl" 🤮🤮🤮
See I love that shit so my kids gonna have to call me bruh or something.
That stupid Ahego face.
Worst look ever. Crossing the eyes and sticking out your tongue? Look in the mirror and let me know if that turns you on, because to me it looks like I’m getting a BJ from a complete moron.
Your partner falling asleep on the couch.
I think that's a pretty cute situation, i would carry her into her bedroom and tuck her into bed that would be sweet
Cocaine
Death would kill my boner unless I have rigor penis
Finding out he has an illegitimate child out there with some woman that he knocked up
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
The baby in the other room suddenly crying and screaming for "Daddy" while mom is climbing on top of me naked in the living room.
My fiance and I were in a situation this weekend where he needed to "un-excite" himself, so to speak, and he told me he thought about losing all of his progress on Fallout. Level 200 and something all the way back to one. I'm not trying to be funny either, this is a legit conversation I just had 2 days ago 😆
Lack of lubrication.
Dude, lick it before you stick it. - advice from a local lesbian
Porn cliches that EVERYONE copies: spanking and gaping, etc.
It might be a total cliche, but spanking does actually feel good. It makes the orgasm ricochet all over my body.
A firm but also gentle grip around my neck though… or maybe it’s just because I love my partner’s hands
A mirror.
Bad breath, or any general bad hygiene
Lady boner killer here. One time getting into position for doggy, the guy slapped, in a way that can only be described better as “drummed”, my pretty large ass with excitement.
Late to the party, but, here goes.
My lady boner? When all he wants to do is focus on watching porn rather than me....barf! Self stimulating here I come lol.
When your pee pee feels a beard when it's through a glory hole
The men in porn. I just fine them to be annoying and unattractive.
Fake noises. Badly executed dirty talk. ANY kind of a hygiene issue.
like a dirty kitchen? same
Bad hygiene for sure
Fumbling for the condoms
Everything
The Vikings losing 40-3 at home to the Cowboys :(