How would you feel about being a trophy wife?

  1. Lol I was thinking the same thing. Like probably help who ever called me that cross the street because they must certainly be blind and possibly have issues with their other senses as well 🤣

  2. Same here. I'm too cranky and tend to dress like a girl from the 50s got lost in a goth shop from the 90s. I like how I look and my husband thinks I'm beautiful (I've told him to go back to the opticians) but I don't think I'm anyone's idea of a trophy wife!

  3. The relationship you’ve described sounds to me like it might look from the outside like you’re a trophy wife, but in reality your bond is much deeper which is nice

  4. Its incredible how much they've moved the goal posts for "trophy wife." Before it would be a woman who didn't have children and was much younger than the man and seemingly was spoiled by him because she had little to no responsibilities in the family. Now even mothers are being pegged as trophy wives. Like mothering and raising children isn't a full time job in itself. Its just crazy how capitalism has conditioned everyone to think if someone isn't working a typical job then there must be a "scam" going on. That a SAHM is somehow suspicious instead of something to be celebrated. Our culture has very badly lost its way.

  5. It’s a hard one. When I think of a trophy wife I essentially think of a really good looking young woman with zero personality.

  6. I agree with that last sentence. It’s like there’s an imbalance in your relationship and you’re proud of it. That’s just not for me.

  7. I wouldn't mind it being a part of a composite whole... The implications are that I'm hot & my husband is successful, so that's lit. As long as there's actual depth of feeling & mutual appreciation in addition (which I have in my marriage), I wouldn't mind that being part of our vibe.

  8. Lots of people get together for the "right" reasons and are unhappy, lots get together for the "wrong" reasons and are happy... I think I agree, who really cares as long as both people in the relationship are happy and agreed to it?

  9. It reminds me of Jay and Gloria in Modern Family. If she weren’t beautiful and he weren’t wealthy, they probably wouldn’t have gotten together. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t have a loving relationship outside fo that. People have tons of reasons for initial attraction but can still grow together and love each other for several other reasons.

  10. This is basically how I feel. If it’s still a happy partnership, I have no issue being seen as a piece of arm candy by outsiders.

  11. I have an age gap relationship I asked him out. He wasn't some creep luring at me. He's shy af so I knew I had to make the moves so I'm pretty sure people have made assumptions about us. He does well for himself but I have made it very clear I'd sign a prenup. I'm with him for him not whatever he has. Tbh he's one of the few guys who has valued me for who I am rather than my appearance.

  12. I've been "accused" of being a trophy wife by my husband's family. I don't feel any kind of way about it. I would be unhappy if I were financially trapped in a loveless relationship, but that's not the case so, eh, people can think what they like.

  13. Then the trophy part in your case would be the will to keep going. I know it’s not the stereotype, but it should still be acknowledged as one.

  14. Honestly that’s a vibe. I’m not particularly hot and my current (absolutely wonderful) partner is just as broke as I am. But in an alt universe, more money and unlimited free time to exercise/do my hobbies/work on passion projects/socialize/obsessively clean to my heart’s desire (or hire someone else to if I’m not feeling it) sounds pretty fun. Especially if my alt-partner wasn’t a total asshole lol

  15. When I was like 20 I “dated” this guy a few years older than me who kept trying to buy my love and affection even from very early on. I ended it after a few dates because it made me very uncomfortable. He tried throwing the fact that he could have taken care of me, and I never would have had to work in my face like it was a good thing. I was applying to graduate schools at the time. Like I’m not getting these degrees to just sit there, no thanks. Which I told him, and he said I was too good looking to be anything other than a trophy wife. At the time I was just offended. With some hindsight I’m a bit flattered he at least thought I was attractive enough to be a trophy wife. Lol

  16. I think I'd feel similarly if someone wanted me to be a trophy husband. I'd be fairly indifferent about the money. I have plenty of earning potential, I don't need much money, and I have stuff I want to accomplish.

  17. Is your aunt in a loveless marriage? Does the husband know? I've always wondered how much the other one knows about the arrangement.

  18. No thank you. I want a partner who is with me because of our romantic chemistry, compatibility, common passions and shared values, not to use me as a status symbol.

  19. I want to be one lol what’s the matter with being the “trophy wife” if I was living comfortably I would careless about what other, especially other men think about me 😂 but my fiancé is hotter than me he is the trophy husband.

  20. Well doesn't it imply that you'd have to be with a man whose only attraction is his money, possibly several decades older than you?

  21. it felt awesome, and i would go back and do it again. i walked away from the marriage with a lot of connections, beautiful clothes, shoes, and a home of my own in the end.

  22. Definitely seems like it can work out for some people, I'm glad you had a good experience with it. My take is that as long as both parties know what the situation is and are happy with it, then there is no issue. Your story definitely aligns with that. The security and connections you made through that marriage seem priceless

  23. I have no qualms about being a trophy wife. In the same way I believe you can use your other natural talent such as natural intelligence, with, eloquence, confidence to make your way through life I also believe you can use your natural beauty to do so as well.

  24. Thats kind of my take. If both people are happy then there's really not an issue. I think the main problem is young women getting taken advantage of, but if the "trophy" of the relationship knows what they're getting into and is mature enough to make that decision, then it's no one's business except the couple.

  25. I think the whole concept is gross. To me a trophy wife is a woman who a man marries basically to show off - she is a prize as a reward for something (I guess him being rich/successful). That doesn't really sound like the foundation of a good marriage.

  26. Not interested. Being an objectified trophy/prize to show off for someone else is dehumanizing. Someone who uses you as a possession to boast about and aggrandize themselves is not a good partner and does not see or respect you as a fully human individual. Even a proud and treasured possession is still just a possession. If they only care about how others envy them for having you, then they don't actually love or respect you.

  27. In the right context (humor) it's 100% a compliment. It implies that you're clearly more attractive than him, so how did he get you? It's kind of a self-own on his part actually.

  28. Since I recently found that I am aroace, I would not care one bit. As long as I don't have to have sex nor to participate in romantic stuff. Like get me a couple cats, money to live with and leave me along.

  29. I think the idea is that you are the trophy your husband won for being successful. Ergo, like a trophy, you don’t have to do anything other than look good.

  30. After working full time for a few years, and being the breadwinner in my marriage, I’m now thinking that maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing to be a trophy wife and just be able to live life every day. Even if people thought I was only in it for the money, I love my husband and I know he loves me regardless of who is the high earner in our marriage

  31. Not my thing. I pride myself on my independence and my accomplishments. And I'm not that cute.

  32. Not good. It's one thing to be mistaken as a trophy wife, but to actually be one is completely different. I believe a trophy wife is a wife you have solely for her looks and to boost your status, and not out of any love or esteem towards her as a person. I personally prefer long-term committed and loving relationships, which makes me incompatible for that type of arrangement. I'd feel very unhappy with a man who didn't respect or value my inner qualities, as well as probably very insecure in the relationship itself (thinking: if it's solely based on my looks, I could be replaced the minute he finds someone prettier or I start to age).

  33. I hate the idea of becoming a “trophy wife”. I’ve had enough partners in the past put me on a pedestal because I was tall, skinny, blonde, and an engineering student (I’m not very skinny or blonde these days). The reality was that I wasn’t seen as their equal, I was an object of affection. They had this idealized version of me in their heads, and eventually I would burst that bubble by being a human being with human flaws. My fiancé sees me as a real person and an equal, which is why I fell in love with him.

  34. This! This is something I did not understand while I was younger and in a relationship with someone who kind of fetishized some traits I (and others) had. At that time, I thought he "got" me and encouraged me, but ultimately, he was just hoping for me to further develop the characteristics that he thought were cool to have in a partner. For example, I am into programming, and he liked to boast about it to others. But it wasn't something he cherished about me, just something he wanted to associate with, so he would seem cool by proxy I guess.

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  36. I wouldn't want that. When I got older he could exchange me for a newer model or whatever, and I'd have zero hire-ability. I'm not the type of person that likes to show off/ has to have the priciest clothing and jewelry, so that wouldn't appeal to me. Also I'd most likely have to throw big parties and entertain people which is exactly what I hate doing. Also, the type of man that would have a trophy wife is likely to be away a lot and have a demanding type A personality - lawyers, doctors, politicians, bankers, business men, hedge fund managers, etc. I've met some guys like this and have always thought I'd hate to be married to one. I don't have a problem with anyone that likes this arrangement, but it's not for me personally.

  37. Not good. I don't want to been seen like that. I want to be seen as a person not an asset like a business or a a good investment. I don't want to be seen as an archetype, I want to be seen and valued as an individual.

  38. It seems like it would be stressful to know your partner only regarded you as a prize he was owed for attaining a certain level of wealth or power and that he would willingly discard you for a newer more attractive model like trading in a car.

  39. Humiliated possibly. Disappointed in realizing I am nothing but a status symbol. Frustrated that there is no actual feeling or love. Luckily I am anything but show off material...

  40. Just couldn't, but will be working my ass off so my future wife (now girlfriend) is able to be a SAHM like she wants to. I don't think mothers enter this category tho, it's a full time job

  41. I would find it degrading. You are not a trophy or an object of any kind. You are a human being. You are not just “someone’s wife.” It’s another phrase that promotes sexism, imo.

  42. I had the trophy wife life. And it’s not the dream you’d want it to be. I made more$ than husband when I married him. He, slightly older, didn’t age well. I did. We lived in a neighborhood with the majority second wives/second family homes. The “it’s so nice your grandpa walks you to school”…”aw, damn!” Neighborhood. In other words-the “trophy wife” life. I actually hate the term. It is a power differential term, a “your so lucky to have him” attitude. We made choices. I became SAHM when his career move made my salary irrelevant. I worked in schools, volunteered in neighborhood and cared for house and family. He worked. Problem is, he began to believe the hype. (I did too sometimes) He took financial liberties. He spoke down to me. I don’t want to say where the line was for me, but the wheels fell off. I left. It’s not completely the fault of the “trophy wife” term. He did use it as a compliment originally: “I’ve got the trophy wife with the bod, the looks, and the brains!” But, it became a “you’re lucky to have me” lifestyle that I didn’t need or want. 🤢

  43. I've never been pretty enough for that shelf life but frankly if he was only with me to show me off and not for how I think or feel etc I wouldn't want to be with him.

  44. Ick! Hell no!!!!!! I like being hands on with household tasks, yard tasks, my children and actually enjoy working!

  45. A trophy is a thing, so I'd prefer not to be thought of as a thing that someone has earned by having/spending money. It's a bit insulting to them, also; it's being perceived as someone who only attracted another person because of their money or status, since the stereotype of a person WITH a trophy spouse is someone who's far less attractive than the spouse.

  46. I would not like it because I value a deep connection! When I was in my 20s, there were men that tried to date me because of ideas about my ethnicity, and that was a major ick. It was weird and uncomfortable to learn that who I was didn’t really matter to them, just whatever weird ideas they had about women from my parent’s culture. Ick! It’s not the same as a trophy wife, but the same idea of a relationship not being built primarily on connection. Like trophy wives are valued for appearance right? Nothing wrong with it but not for me.

  47. Being a trophy wife feels like a job to me. You are rendering the services associated with wifedom in exchange for access to wealth. It's not a job I would choose for myself or offer to a potential spouse but it's fine if other people want to enter into that kind of arrangement, as long as everyone involved is doing so knowingly.

  48. In the true sense of the “trophy wife” it would be a empty existence based on a transactional relationship void of love and would never want that to be my life.

  49. If someone thought I was one at the moment, I'd be honored that they thought I was hot enough to be a trophy, but offended because I worked really hard for my career (which I love) and I'm the higher earner.

  50. I was a “trophy girlfriend” for someone who never wanted to get married for about six years. It was nice for a while but ultimately unfulfilling because that’s just how I was viewed, so eventually I left and kept on with my career.

  51. I would feel objectified and underestimated. I always hated to be "shown off" even as a kid. My mom loved showing me off and praising me and receiving compliments for me, but was really judgemental and emotionally abusive towards me behind closed doors. I'd be afraid to experience a similar thing as a "trophy wife".

  52. Considering how annoying work culture is to me these days I wouldn't mind it all that much anymore. You just focus on your hobbies, volunteer/provide charity services in your neighborhood, and actually have time to be fit and *glowing* all the time. The older I get the less of an issue I see with it but that's just me who is burnt out working paycheck to paycheck and not having much personal time these days.

  53. I would be surprised. I’m a very strange trophy as there’s a few dings, and I am over 40 and I work very long hours in a professional role. I’m certainly a catch for the right man but I am not a beautiful, young woman who chooses to spend a lot of time and money on my appearance. I wouldn’t be with anyone for money but it worked out that way, I am sure I manage to would adjust!

  54. I would be surprised if someone thought that honestly and I wouldn’t like the implication of it. I don’t want people to think I’m dumb. I have more to offer in a relationship than looks. Though I’d also be flattered lowkey.

  55. It would make me so uncomfortable cause I’m not suffering in college like that just to get acknowledged for my looks

  56. I wouldn't like it because I could just get replaced with a younger woman once I get too old. It's also extremely uncomfortable being put on a pedestal like that.

  57. Sometimes when I'm completely burnt out from work, it sounds like an easy way out. But I know that after a couple weeks off, I'll just have this empty feeling of being unchallenged and unfulfilled. Then after some years pass, I'm sure the insecurity of getting older and seeing my looks fade will send me down a rabbit hole of toxic thoughts. It wouldn't be a healthy choice for me.

  58. When I was in my late teens, I ended up in a relationship with a 'man' whom I later realised only got together with me for bragging purposes. He admitted part way through that he liked that I was young enough to manipulate and young enough to brag about to his mates for 'hooking' me.

  59. I almost became one. I was told I would never have to raise a finger, I'd have people who would do everything for me, I could travel the world with "hubby" etc That didn't sound like a good life to me lol. I prefer to learn, be challenged.

  60. I love the Ali Wong bit where she talks about wanting to be a trophy wife for so long, then realizing that in order to be a trophy wife you have to BE a trophy. That shit is hard work! Plus I’d be constantly insecure and obsessed with aging way more than I already am as an average woman.

  61. Being called a trophy? Absolutely not. Being seen as a trophy in an unspoken way? Sure I guess that’s rad, but I’m just a human and end of the day, what matters is how one treats others.. not looks, money, etc

  62. I think I've been in that dynamic a few times... like on a first date or early on I realized I was like the equalvalent of a nice car to a few guys. I don't like it at all.... it's dehumanizing and can turn ugly fast.

  63. I was offered once, said he’d pay for college, get me a car, and take me to hotels in Whistler. This was during several night shifts at his restaurant chain in which he’d scheduled me to work alone with him.

  64. That’s was my goal as an underweight unhappy young person. I was also very open about it. I didn’t believe in love and figured I’d get the most out of life and marriage by being a good, loyal trophy wife. Plan went to crap when I met my husband and felt a love I didn’t know existed.

  65. As long as he or she respects, loves and cherishes me... then I'm happy with it. I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm cute, funny and smart. Trophy me up!

  66. In theory it would be a lot of fun to just have to focus on fashion and looks and have everything paid for. In reality I would get bored quickly

  67. Trophy wife me! I would do it but build a little nest egg so when he leaves me for something younger, I am set. I'm married now for love but if it doesn't work out, the second one could be for money.

  68. I wanted it more than anything with a guy who supported that dream despite being financially mediocre. Dropped out of college, planned my life around popping kids out and being the best housewife ever.

  69. So uncomfortable and insecure. There’d be this expectation and pressure to maintain my appearance, which has never been a high priority of mine. And fear of what would happen if I suddenly wasn’t hot enough anymore or if the partner found some hotter, younger woman. I’d feel like I couldn’t be myself—that my only value would be in how to please my partner and that I could not expect the same treatment back. And the social events during which I am the trophy… shudders It all honestly sounds hellish and miserable.

  70. I guess “trophy wife” means the wife is quite beautiful/hot and even if the husband isn’t that good looking he can “afford” to have her as a wife? Correct me if I’m wrong please… But what do you call a wife who’s pretty (maybe not super hot, but good looking) and doesn’t work even when she and her spouse don’t have any children and her husband can afford letting her be and don’t worry about working? Is she a “trophy wife” too? I’m confused.

  71. Not for me. Feels like the same mentality of always getting the new shiny iPhone when each model comes out. You'd probably eventually be 'upgraded' because they don't love or respect you, for you to begin with.

  72. my mother is a trophy wife, which is why i'm fiercely dependent on myself now. i don't want to live a life where i have to ask a man for money. I love my mom to death but she is the perfect example of what not to do, and has told me the same thing. I don't have any ill feelings toward women who desire being trophy wives - who am I to judge? go on with ya bad self. i just realized it doesn't work for my personality based off of what i have seen.

  73. Didn’t even know it was happening to me until we got in an argument and he yelled “I’m just dating you because you’re hot and Asian!”

  74. I think “trophy wife” is the term coined by men mostly those who are in belt forces. It’s demeaning to any women and all women should refrain from using this word for fellow women. I would certainly frown if someone would call that to me.

  75. I dunno… trophies get dusty and tarnished, and I’m already both of those, so I’m ambivalent about it mostly 😂

  76. Nothing about that sounds like good time to me. Imagine living with a man who was shallow and of such low value. It's would be 24/7 misogyny and patriarchy. Ugh.

  77. I had a friend who did something like that. She said it's not worth it. You get hurt in the end, physically and/or emotionally. Your life gets put on hold while you play the part of this douche's sex toy. Also, you can't really say no to all his sex demands, including stuff you don't want to do, and eventually it's going to be someting you really dont' want to do. I mean anal. Or a 3-some.

  78. honestly I think I would be so bored. and even if the objectifying nature of the typical "trophy wife" wasn't present, I wouldn't be able to live a life of doing nothing but caring for kids. I really dislike kids, not to mention that I believe that work and education are half the key to being happy. without having a normal life structure it seems depressing and boring.

  79. The concept is rooted in dangerous misogynistic stereotypes. The idea that the man is the provider and controller, while the woman’s only purpose is to sit back and look pretty like an object. I can’t imagine that this is a good formula for a healthy marriage. Yeah, it might be cool to never have to work a day in your life, and buy anything you want, but human connection is worth more than material things.

  80. Definitely don’t think I’m attractive enough to be a “trophy”, but mostly I’d hate it because I definitely don’t have the personality for that kinda thing. I like being able to have intelligent thoughts and I love a good argument and I just know that a man who seeks out a wife simply to parade her around as a trophy does not want a good lively argument every other day.

  81. I personally associate the trophy wife concept with serious wealth, so if I had a spouse that wealthy I probably would feel glad a significant portion of my problems are gone.

  82. Id be ok with people thinking it unless I’m under his thumb. If I can do my own thing and work at what I want I’m good. Ie. I’d be good with the idea of being a prize not so much the marriage for money factor

  83. I would be bored. I would also be flummoxed at anyone who considered me a trophy, but if I had the time to work out and TRY to look good, I probably would be. So whoever wanted me as a trophy wife would have to invest in me as I am now...

  84. I'm too fluffy to be a trophy wife. And I would only marry someone I love, not just because they're rich.

  85. Insecure. Especially if I get married in my 20s/early 30s. Anyway I simply wouldn't want to depend on a man financially.

  86. I don't want to be dependent on another person for my lifestyle. It makes me feel gross and my anxiety won't let me not have a job.

  87. I mean me and my husband work but my career is much different than his, but to the people in my town I am a extremely good looking young woman so people think that I love him for his money, but I've known him since middle school and I just love him

  88. On 1 hand I'd be relieved my struggles financially would be over. On the other hand I don't like even other women complimenting my appearance because it genuinely feels fake and makes me so uncomfortable that the only thing that matters to them is my beauty. Not my brain, not what I accomplished, not my character but the fact God made me a 8.

  89. There was a point in time where people thought I was a trophy and I understand why, but it sucked. People always think that the trophy wife/husband/SO is stupid, so I spent so much time being spoken to like a 5 year old. Also I was the breadwinner in that relationship, maybe if I actually got something out of it I could enjoy that trophy life.

  90. When my husband were stationed at Ft. Leavenworth in 1989 as he attended Command and Staff College, we had many friends divorce to marry younger more attractive spouses. Granted most were new wives. I pointed out to my husband that I WAS the person trophy wife and he would never do better. Of course this was said in jest… maybe not. For Christmas this year he received a coffee mug with “Trophy Husband” emblazoned on it. Will be married 47 years this August!

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