What is one ugly truth you learned as you got older?

  1. This is true, introspection can be very difficult. We all have some things we need to work on changing or improving about ourselves.

  2. Your family really isn’t as perfect as you thought and you’re allowed to distance from aspects you don’t like

  3. This. I used to think my family was perfect when I was a kid. Now I understand they are so far from perfect it's driving me crazy. I still love them so much but they're crasy wow

  4. Realised this recently and it broke my heart but it's so so true. You need to accept this or else you'll cause yourself and others a lot of unnecessary pain. You can't save others from themselves. You can't make choices for them. You can't live their life.

  5. Sometimes you're better off with the family you choose versus the family you were born into. Not everyone will have your best interest in heart.

  6. I have learnt this too. I stepped away from all of my family, father and mother included, many years ago. My friends are my family now and life is so much better this way.

  7. I learned this at a very young age and now as I grow older it still holds true. I feel like the definition of family varies from person to person. In my case extended family like my relatives are not welcome in my life. I have lost complete respect for them as none know how to respect boundaries. I wish them well but what they have done and continue to do is unacceptable.

  8. That you don’t always get out what you put into things. I have worked my butt off for dead end jobs, made huge sacrifices for significant others and friends, and overall just bent over backwards only to be set back over and over again. There is something to be said about working smarter, not harder, as well as knowing your worth. It’s something I still really struggle with and I have a difficult time listening to my head instead of my heart.

  9. Oof..I get this. I have been spinning my wheels in recent years and finally recognized the insanity. I have been actively trying to notice when I am doing something that just isn't working towards my goals and changing my methods or direction.

  10. I think also learning that it's not just the work you do but how you sell that work that is hard for people to understand. I literally work in PR so translating my work history into a new job with more money hasn't been as difficult for me as other people I know, but it was still a skill I had to learn and I think for women it's very important!! We have natural tendencies to just not highlight our wins or self-promote and it harms us in the long run.

  11. That you can consider someone family, best friend, lover etc that they are a big part of your life yet the feeling is not reciprocal and your presence doesn't make a dent in their lives.

  12. I've had this realisation recently too. It's hard when you realise the energy and time you invested thinking it was really important was only one sided.

  13. Big time. This happened to me with a couple of people I used to be friends with. I was always the one reaching out, making plans, etc. Then they’d just no-show and later say “lol oops! Totally forgot! I’m so disorganized!” (Every once in a while, sure. But this happened constantly) So I stopped doing that and they never reached out to me. It sucks but at least I’m not wasting my time on people who don’t value or respect it.

  14. Once you realize it though, it makes cutting off people a lot easier because nobody deserves your love or loyalty if you’re not the first, second, third, or even fourth thought when it comes to making you any sort of priority in their lives

  15. I feel this. And that sinking feeling when you realise that you arent your best friend's best friend, or you arent close to someone as much as you had thought you were, it hurts, it relaly really hurts

  16. The people who seem like they know the most, like they're naturally organized, and have it all together, really just have a routine.

  17. My coworkers think I’m the most naturally organized person. I lead several teams. It’s not natural, in fact I suffer from adhd and tube can get easily lost or forgotten. It’s all about routine and writing stuff down in a place you can access it quickly. It’s all a learned skill.

  18. Not being conventionally attractive is a literal hindrance to have as a woman. And the way you're treated is supported by society because "as a woman" it's your fault for looking that way.

  19. One of the reasons I hate getting old is that I know I will get less cooperation from others at work or anywhere else. It's just the way this world works I guess, but it suuuucks.

  20. As an ugly girl I second this. I’ve always had people look at me in disgust regardless of how clean and upkept I am. I just didn’t win the genetic lottery.

  21. Sadly true even in the most intimate spaces. My ex would turn on a dime for the girl in the room with the most skin showing who wasn't mean to him.

  22. I have (I believe) interesting insight into this, b/c I have experienced being very physically attractive in my youth (up to age 45, I'd say.. I had a good run, lol!) and now, at 56, I am overweight and unattractive. It has been fascinating but also humiliating to see how differently you are treated when you are attractive vs. unattractive. I don't think I fully appreciated how much people bend over backward for you when you are young and pretty. My own husband went from kind and loving to unbelievably cruel and verbally/emotionally abusive. He gets blackout drunk and has called me worthless, garbage, and has repeatedly begged me to just kill myself. I am now losing weight, I cut out the drinking, and am quietly contemplating my future. I know I will never have my youth back, but I at least want to recognize the person I see when I gaze into the mirror. I have so many positive qualities and strengths that people don't even care to learn about b/c they cannot get past the physical shell of the human body.

  23. I would say both ends of the spectrum suck. No one takes very attractive women seriously either. In social settings, I’m sure it’s great - but I’ve seen it happen in a professional setting where hot women get automatically deemed a bimbo.

  24. That there are people who will get very far in life simply because they were born with privilege. And that the most I can do is work myself to the bone and pray for the best

  25. Same here. The quality of your life greatly depends on when, why, and how you were born and the family you ended up with. It’s really unfair. I wish people would stop talking about “working hard to get what you want” - it’s not that simple.

  26. This is the one! Literally dated a 30+ year old at 25 and realized just because they’re in their 30s doesn’t mean they have it all together.

  27. I also share the same sentiment. Always was a goody two shoes. I thought if I'd do anything right, if I'd do anything perfectly then I will be rewarded. That things will go my way. Now I laugh.. 🤣

  28. People are not responsible for the version of them that you create in your head - an especially hard lesson for people you really care about

  29. If you want things to stay good, you have to work (hard) to stop the breaking down that automatically happens. This goes for things (gardening, house, everything) but also relations and your body, your character. Nothing stays good by itself.

  30. You can do everything “right” and still have things not work out, sometimes in very upsetting ways or ways that offend your sense of justice.

  31. I was thinking along the same lines like being "nice" and "kind" sometimes isn't enough to form friendships with people. Not everyone will see those traits and warm up to you just because you're a nice and kind person.

  32. Take care of yourself. It doesn’t matter what you do for others, how much you support them, it’s never enough or appreciated in certain circumstances.

  33. Totally this. It’s shocking especially if you were blessed w conventional beauty. You realize how far looks got you, even if you fought against it the whole time.

  34. True, sad, and a big hit to the ego ( with lovers and at work and society in general ) signed…a 54 year old woman

  35. Just because I’m nice and doing my best doesn’t mean the world or other people would appreciate me for that. When I help you 10 times and the 11th time I’m not available you will hate me for that one time I wasn’t available

  36. Right. I don’t know why people are like this… But it’s true. They tend to zone in on the 1% thing you fumbled on and suddenly forget the 99% good you’ve done. I am guilty of this myself.

  37. No matter how good you are at your profession, how hard you work, the lengths you go to to be seen and appreciated, the new ideas and strategies you contribute - your boss doesn’t give a flying fuck and that promotion or raise you wanted is going to the popular guy everyone likes who just bullshits with people all day at work.

  38. If you are introverted and have a little bit social anxiety you wont be able to make friends because everyone have their own groups for years, and noone will go up to you to get you know like they did from kindergarden to high school. You will be really lonley and alone most of the time if yoi dont make a move. You can wait forever...

  39. But sometimes, you learn that being on your own is actually pretty cool as an introvert. Being confortable in your own company is the best of gift!

  40. Don’t expect your family to apologize (for shitty behavior) or thank you (for being your sister’s court appointed guardian when no one else would do it. I was actually treated worse for it. I was accused of putting my dad in a mental institution. Gee, I didn’t know I had the power to do that!)

  41. When they tell you that you will get more confident when you get older….. that is not true. But sometimes not giving a #&§¥# about that helps a bit.

  42. Some people just want to hurt others. There's nothing making them do that, and trying to come up with a reason for them just gives them an excuse to do it again.

  43. Many men only see value in you if you’re a sexual option for them. I had many, many male friends as an adolescent, back before we really cared too much about dating, and always meshed very well with them. As I got older and met more people, I realized that men were only interested in interacting if I was an option sexually and that my “friendship” meant nothing outside of that.

  44. That you get uglier as you age. I mean there’s aging gracefully and keeping your wits about you etc. And then there’s the reality that youth is often equated with beauty and attractiveness. So for instance I don’t attract dates anymore as most partners would want a younger and more fertile woman.

  45. That working and sacrificing and then enjoying retirement when you're 70 onwards is only one version of a successful fulfilling life. You can do something different if you don't like the sound of that.

  46. Pretty Privilege is palpable. I can see how some women my age go a little crazy about it. I find that ageism has really affected my job search. So it's not a petty thing.

  47. Women, no matter what status and achievements you already have, will always be looked down by other people, even fellow women

  48. That there are people close to you that will clap for you in public and condemn you in private, and none of it has anything to do with you.

  49. That life isn't fair, and despite what you where told, sometimes, being the hardest worker in the room counts for nothing. It's not what you know, it's who you know.

  50. That no one is thinking about you as much as you think. Most of us are mainly focused on ourselves and just trying to get through the day. Makes it a bit easier to shake off embarrassing moments and screw ups, but it also means that you have to learn to advocate for yourself and defend your boundaries.

  51. Life doesn’t get easier or has mercy just because you’re going through a “rough time”. Meaning hard times are going to be here and often times accumulate one after the other. So get used to going through shit

  52. ‘As you get older’…ok, weighing in as a much older woman! (66) The older I get, the more I see and understand—how history REALLY DOES repeat itself, in ways we might not want; how people make their own cages, how very short life is and how we waste it worrying about irrelevancies (looks, weight, who said what to whom). And the funny part is, I’m totally invisible to anyone younger than 50 or so—such a strange feeling, being invisible!

  53. even if it wasn't your fault, you're still the one who pays for it. especially concerning abuse. what happened to us during our childhoods has lasting impacts.

  54. Life isn't fair and it doesn't owe you a good, prosperous existence. No matter how well insulated or moneyed, beautiful, popular, or smart you are, in the end we all wind up the same and it's a toss up if we'll go peacefully or painfully.

  55. I’ve recently been reading into the just-world hypothesis/fallacy since a conversation I had in therapy. This is essentially the belief that people get what they deserve in life. There are a lot of ways to look at this but I’ve been getting away from the delusion that if you’re kind and fair to others you will always get that in return. That’s not the case at all and things just aren’t fair sometimes and you need to accept it

  56. It's always best to keep the secrets. Never tell them to anyone just because you want to in the time because you will surely regret a lot. If you do have a best friend or very very close friend and you wanna tell her. Think a lot before you do it

  57. There’s only a handful of people that will truly care deeply for you. I don’t mean this in a negative way, it’s just a reminder that you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

  58. Nobody owes you anything. Some people just do bad things and there's no magical movie moment where they regret their actions and apologize for their wrong doings. You just get strong enough to cut them out and move on with your life.

  59. People are TOXIC. Most of adults are pure selfish, depressed, miserable, often prone to lying. When I was volunteering in a camp for kids ages 4-10, I realised how happy and positive, truthful and nice they are compared to us adults. Mindblowing

  60. Evil actually exists and if you allow it into your life you’re fucked. People will actually abuse you mentally, emotionally and physically and not feel any emotions about it.

  61. Not everyone is a good person deep down. I was very naive and sheltered until I moved out of my small town.

  62. Sometimes you just suck at things. Lots of practice isn't gonna make you an expert at it and you probably aren't gonna get any better at it. But that's okay.

  63. That life has gotten harder for nearly everyone. It's gotten so much harder, you can do everything right, work really hard, and still fail. Not just "not get as far as you want," not "settle for a little less," not "struggle a bit for now because it will get better soon," but real, true, devastating failure.

  64. Discipline is the most hardest and THE most imp thing in life. Period. I thought i could make it without being disciplined. But turns out i have to.

  65. That the 'traditional' upbringing I had at home and considered normal was nothing but physical and mental abuse. Took me almost 3 decades to realize that.

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