Does anyone feel like some unconditional love can fix you? Does anyone crave some physical and emotional comfort? A cuddle and some I love you?

  1. Me too, all of this. I get the whole "self-love" thing and I know that it's important and I'm practicing it, but I also just recently learned that it's okay to want emotional support. It's not "attention seeking." It's just "support seeking." And it's perfectly normal and healthy as long as you don't let it take over your life 24/7.

  2. sending a lot of hugs to you! "Self love" is one thing but it does not fill the void that is supposed to be filled by our parents! I dont understand when people say self love is enough!

  3. This is the first time I’m hearing about “support seeking” and I love that term. There’s a lot of negativity associated with the term “attention seeking”, and support seeking is so much better

  4. It took me a long time to accept this. Now my thought process is: if someone is coming across as attention seeking then something is not okay with them and they are suffering enough that they need to go to extremes for it. Everyone needs attention, love and affection.

  5. I posted here recently saying how I felt like I needed love to heal and got a lot of comments saying that I need to love myself instead, and that if you need love to heal then you'll just be codependent. It was pretty invalidating. I'm glad to see this post and that it has support and people relating. Its okay to want to be loved, especially if you have lived a life void of love.

  6. Love from others is so healing... I agree that we need self love, but we also need others love. When we were children we were supposed to get lots and lots of unconditional love for years... And we still lack that! It's such a huge void that we were left with. It's hard for others to fill it now. So needs to be a balance between love from others and from ourselves. But definitely also from others! Take care and much love <3

  7. I crave it so hard that when I’m having an episode like... alone in my room or whatever, I usually hallucinate the people I’ve loved that are dead. It’s trippy, but I guess is a really comforting place. A weird bonus, I guess? My therapist tells me a lot she wishes she could hug me cause she can see I never had that, and she tells me to volunteer at the NICU or animal shelters, to go there and love something so that I can heal my inner child. I haven’t yet, but she might be onto something.

  8. Gardening actually gives this feeling too. Growing something from a lil seed and seeing it blossom into a big beautiful plant, especially when you can harvest the fruits of your labor and cook with it. Extremely healing 💓

  9. I don’t know if it can fix you but I think it helps knowing you are loved despite despite your screw ups and the dark places in your heart that are shut and off limits because you are so scared someone will see it and run away.

  10. It doesnt fix you, but it gives you a place you never had. I love my daughter and she loves me in a way I never thought anyone could. Her love cannot re wire all that is wrong in my brain but she listens and tries to understand and put herself in my place and has a giant soul, filled with empathy and kindness. I try to be as honest as I can with her...haven't told her about the years of sexual abuse and other awful things but when I talk about how I was raised or why I do what I do, she understands.

  11. Thank you for this! I tend to feel somewhat guilty for craving a relationship. It makes me feel weak in a way, you know? Like I'm not even good enough at loving myself or strong enough to let that be, well, enough.

  12. same here! working out working on myself. Understand my bad behaviors. Learning to be with healthy expections.

  13. I feel like this a lot, I think even neurotypical people feel like that when they're not getting it, but for those of us with trauma, who often find it difficult to form healthy relationships, end up feeling that much more intensely and often have no way of fulfilling it

  14. 100 percent agree, cant wait to adopt a pet. but i kinda feel gulity for doing it for my selfishness? I dono

  15. I feel I would reject any offer of genuine unconditional love.. although it’s something I truely want.. I feel the emotional labour involved for the other party is just too much.. push/ pull ect, I’m working on it tho, I’m seeing my patterns but still my instinctual automated response is push ..I just try to appear content alone..fake it till i make it or die I guess..

  16. Yoo I swear if I just got some unconditional love I think I’d really heal up. I also do my best to give it to others, and I think people appreciate me because of it.

  17. I have the opposite struggle 😅 Feelings are pretty strange and alien to me, and emotions and physical touch give me anxiety. With much effort, meds, and therapy, I was able to bond with someone. Feelings and emotions are still a struggle, but I can enjoy physical touch (usually) with that one person.

  18. The efforts part i agree, it takes a lot from my side to open up and be vulnerable but once i'm dedicated, then boundaries is lost!

  19. I don't believe in unconditional love, and by that I mean that I don't believe that a person can be cruel/abusive, etc. and still expect love. I learned a long time ago that codependency and hoping to be "rescued" is unhealthy and a recipe for further pain.

  20. "Love yourself before others can love you" and "you can't love others if you don't love yourself" I don't believe in those statements as well.

  21. I used to believe this very much. That external love could fix my unhappiness and troubles. Now that I have found what you described, and after years of therapy and having found a very sweet, patient and understanding partner, I realize that their love and acceptance have taught me that I do not deserve abuse. They helped me heal and supported me, but the deep wound caused by my childhood can really only be healed by me, because I am the one perpetuating abuse caused by parents on myself 24/7, which results in keeping myself a prisoner in my own unhappiness. No matter how much others love me, they cannot reach inside my brain and stop the self-criticism and put-downs. So, that leaves me as the only person who can learn to stop this self-abuse. Love from others did not stop my self-abuse, but they did teach me that I did not actually deserve this self-abuse and deserved to be kinder to myself, which is a wonderful place to be.

  22. So happy for you, give me the confidence that I would also grow to a better place. I understand that the deeper issues needs to be fixed by myself. But the relationship teaches you to become better at it. And helps you for not passing on this toxic curse you have! Hugs and love towards you!

  23. Yes, I feel the same and also feel that I can't be unconditionally loved so I want a pet, because they are the only ones that my mind believes will love me unconditionally, even though there are good humans out there but they are rare and hard to find.

  24. Sorry to hear that! We become so needy and demanding that we lose ourselves and the relationship.

  25. I say this in therapy sometimes, I just want something unconditional. And basically what she says back to me sounds like that is never going to be a possibility and that fucking hurts.

  26. I've just outgrown it. I dont believe in unconditional love. Relationships trigger me more than not being in them. Definitely doesn't fix me even if I wanted it, once they were gone the disorder was still there.

  27. Yeah I want someone to be the stable, supportive parent I never got to have. I want to be nurtured and allowed to grow in a safe place because I didn't get that when I was supposed to.

  28. I'm not good at self-love (improving though) or even seeking support, but I always want to hold/comfort people. It'd be nice to have someone reciprocate but that generally doesn't happen.

  29. Unconditional love heals you but doesn't resolve every problem. If you can understand you found unconditional love, then you have to start working on not letting your cptsd and learned abusive behaviour ruin that for you. Even then, the emotional baggage carries on. But there are a lot of great partners out there who will not only love you but also support you. The biggest struggle in finding them is that we never look into the correct places or correct people. Source: ruined the perfect relationship several years ago, then after years of therapy I came back and he took me back. Happily married now. Cried like a baby in his arms many many times.

  30. I personally wouldn't call it "fix". But it would definitely help a lot - to have a substitute parent figure I can go to for a hug or an advice

  31. Not really. I think i swing the other way. Not exactly thinking no one can love me but more, struggling to recognize what love is.

  32. Yes... so sooo much.. unfortunately though I am incapable of processing that someone else could love me in any capacity.

  33. I think me giving unconditional love to myself will fix me- instead of looking outwardly for validation, I’ll be able to provide it for myself and become calmer and more confident. I think this would improve my relationships as well.

  34. I have this platonically but not romantically at this time in my life. I’m the one that shows up and comforts others but it’s been very few times that I have had it in return. I honestly wonder if I ever will. I have been nurtured in some previous relationships and didn’t appreciate it, I was so focused on survival and showing up for others. That’s how I was conditioned to be. Now I’m like “who’s going to tell me that I’ll be ok”.

  35. Not that it can fix me, but it could help for sure... Someone to help out in the bad days, to push me up when I'm down, that kind of thing. I can do it for myself, and I do it. But someone else can give encouragement, motivation, make us see a different perspective. That would help a lot! It's so hard to do it by myself sometimes ;/ Then I start craving an abusive love I had before which was like cocaine. Bad for you but so sweet when it's good.

  36. I’ve decided to start scheduling myself a massage at least once a month, although more would be better. But I could definitely use some touch therapy!!

  37. Yes, I think about it a lot. I have been in a lot of romantic relationships, but recognizing how much I changed myself in the past has left me feeling disillusioned and like I don't know how "real" the love I experienced was. Can't help but wonder how much it would help me to NOT change myself and still be loved.

  38. We need empathetic mirroring and co-regulation, which are my favorite parts of therapy. My SO and I do this for each other, too. It helps but it's definitely not a cure all.

  39. I saw a professional snuggler during a difficult time and, yup, big healing! I learned that soothing, affectionate touch is available platonically and/or professionally, at least where I am. If you were in the SF Bay Area I would offer to send a kind-hearted pro cuddler your way or point you to one.

  40. All the time. These are my exact thoughts as well. I just want someone to show me love and comfort me to make up for the love and comfort I didn’t grow up with. I haven’t had a hug in about 4 years and haven’t seen/talked to a friend in almost 2. It’s draining to be so isolated.

  41. I understand , I'm sorry for what you are going through. My love and hugs to you! A ton of those

  42. I have what my SO calls "unconditional love". She's been with me through the thick and thin for nearly 10 years now. We're getting married sometime this year. I regret to inform you, it does not fix you. I still have flashbacks and feel immense hatred toward my mom, my dad, and my dads gf for the shit they put me through. I still disassociate and feel the things most people with CPTSD feel.

  43. Thanks for the deep insight, congratulations on your marriage ❤️. So much thought has gone through . I have come to some realisation similar, but my trust is being broken broken now and then I'm coming to terms with these.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Author: admin