Therapist blames me for being too needy

  1. I just want to say I've been there. My last therapist basically told me I was asking too much of her, by explaining reparenting had its limits. The understanding and support I got from her was very minimal, but I was blamed for having too many needs. I internalized that and doubted myself, felt ashamed.

  2. It sounds like your therapist’s style might not be what you need right now, but if you take a step back I don’t think they were criticizing you or calling you needy. You’re the one using that language. He was trying to shift your mindset about something that was giving you pain and didn’t necessarily need to. It’s not that you don’t deserve support, of course you do. Everybody does. It’s about coping when people don’t react the way you want. People can’t read your mind. He challenged you by not providing the exact validation you were asking for, but I think he was trying to convey that you can choose how to see things. It’s not easy and takes a lot of practice, but it’s a big part of healing.

  3. The therapist was criticizing and blaming though. He got defensive when OP tried to correct him. Here's a simple way to tell; he was using 'you' instead of 'I' statements. "You need a lot of things," "You get frustrated..." Etc. It is not a therapists job to tell someone how they should think and feel. It's not their job to criticize, judge, or blame their patients. That can be extremely harmful. Most C-PTSD sufferers got enough of that from their parents. Therapists are supposed to listen, empathize, and provide information. That's it. A skilled therapist knows when to do each of those at a given time. At the time, OP needed empathy, not advice. A huge part of healing comes from having someone like this, because most of us never got that kind of caring from anyone.

  4. I think it would be wrong for me to advise, but hopefully sharing my own experiences might be able to help in some way.

  5. Automatic validation is not necessarily the most helpful path for guiding you towards more self-insight and changes in thinking.

  6. Certainly not. Validation should be based on truth. So we've got two possibilities here: a) My mom hurt me, or b) She didn't. If this is scenario A, then my hurt feelings are valid and ought to be validated. If this is scenario B, then my therapist should cite evidence and build a logical case for why he thinks my feelings are off-base.

  7. What an asshole. I guess he was unable to question himself. Such therapists are a burden and can do much damage long term. Good that you are gone

  8. And apbi the question "how is it serving you?" It is. It is showing me what my needs are and who can fulfill them. It is showing me where I lack certain things. Frustration is information maybe a boundary setting is needed maybe asking straight for what you need. Emotions are messages. If you therapist does not get that..yep time to move on and thell them exactly why...

  9. I think this might not be the right therapist for you, I personally needed very supportive therapists at first, and once I recoverd more I actually found I made more progress with rougher 'question yourself' therapists. Everything has its time and place though, find a better fit for you right now. Good luck.

  10. I think your therapist was right. Even if you DO deserve help from other people, thats no guarantee they will give it to you, and getting frustrated about it wont make them suddenly change their minds. Your therapists job is to help you improve your ability to cope with your day to day life, and sometimes that means telling you things that might be hard to hear. The truth is, nobody is obligated to give you anything, and its your therapists job to make sure that you can support yourself without NEEDING anyone to give you anything.

  11. I don't agree. Therapy is about improving relationships. We are spcial creatures and we need other people. Not all of them will be able to give us everything we need but any of them should and will. Claiming your needs are too much is not cool. Your needs are perfectly normal especially if you have been deprived. If the people can't fulfill them you might need to find other people, you might need to give yourself some of those things ....but blaming you "you are too much" says a lot about the therapist ...actually more about that person then you. I would clearly call them out and say that it is concerning. I think it is ok to get frustrated if people don't fulfill your needs you would reasonable home them to do. When you get frustrated you know what works and what not and this is a motor for you to explore other relationships. I e. If your romantic partner does not provide you support or does not provide you safety it is damn right to get frustrated and consider if this is working for us.

  12. There's a lot of stupidity in these comments. Empathy is key to the therapeutic relationship, which is the underpinning of all talk therapy. Find a better therapist.

  13. "Why do I have to coach people on these things?" I can't tell you how many times I've thought that before!!! I have struggled with the same things and ultimately became really avoidant and hermitlike because of it.

  14. Wow I'm so sorry. Definitely time to find a new therapist. To me it sounds like he wasn't just blaming you, he was also criticizing you. Both are really harmful and not at all appropriate for a therapist. Then they wonder why you're so frustrated. 🤦‍♀️ The lack of empathy and support in the world is a huge problem right now. Especially when so many of our trained healthcare professionals can't even manage it. It's like nobody knows how to be human anymore... I really hope you find someone decent this time, you deserved way better than that response.

  15. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I'm going through something very similar with my therapist. They asked me to change my mindset about something that has been a huge issue for me my entire life. They said that maybe someone wasn't manipulative because they were too young. Like WTF. You tell someone a lie so they do what you want. Is that not the definition of manipulation? Age plays a part, but it's not the only factor. They also pick certain words and make it seem like I'm using it in the incorrect context. So I look into it and they are always being used in the correct context. I feel like they end up spending a lot of time invalidating things that happened to me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Author: admin