Pastor Lime, a goateed Guy Fieri lookalike from Florida, wanted to be a fool for Christ. He desired the contempt of the sophisticated world. Wish granted!

  1. White middle aged male with goatee from Florida, probably uneducated...he had no chance. If you fit this demographic, it means you're something like 90% likely to be a cultist and unvaxxed.

  2. The wooden spoon one confused me when I first saw this meme. I mean, we use wooden spoons. Then someone explained to me that they were used to hit children as punishment. We mostly use ours for stirring soup.

  3. Conservativism is nothing more than trauma attempting to propagate itself. Expect lots of explicit advocacy for intergenerational trauma and for destroying resources that help people deal with it.

  4. Nothing like teaching your kid it can solve problems with violence. Don't like what someone is doing? Beat them with a wooden spoon!

  5. They're also great in the car, because Mamma can't reach the kids in the back seat to swat 'em unless Mamma remembered to pack the car spoon.

  6. My neighbors had a plaque in their kitchen titled “Attitude Adjuster” with a wooden spoon mounted on it (removable, for the adjustin’).

  7. Wooden spoons. Wooden brushes. My mom once got angry at me for breaking the blood vessels in her hand when she slapped me upside the head. It was always my fault. But now I’ve moved on and I literally do not know what her health is but I don’t care. I have a boyfriend and a rescue cat that need my attention now.

  8. Oh. I thought it was referring to how wooden spoons and cutting boards are not allowed in commercial kitchens due to not being able to be fully sanitized.

  9. Another constant with these people is after someone dies, they say we lost another one to this EVIL, TERRIBLE disease..

  10. You know how when you go to the zoo and you’re looking at the Elephants and then it does a huge, steaming pile of turds?

  11. Somebody else said this on here but it basically sums up this entire subreddit -- They don't think it's going to happen to them, and they don't care if it happens to you."

  12. Their tone is always "Ugh, Covid is so evil! I hate it and I'm sick of it!" but then they never advocate vaccination at all. They then go through the same cycle when someone else gets sick and dies.

  13. Live thy neighbor isn't really a thing. Studies show that it's the same as the produce aisle at the entrance of your grocery store which gives you license to load up on sugar-laden processed crap later-on in your store visit - church goers donate to their local pastor's nice-house-and-car-fund once a week and that gives them license to be measurably worse-behaving individuals in real life for the rest of the week because they feel they've done "their fair share of being charitable".

  14. What’s worse is they don’t even realize that according to their own theology, plagues are sent by God to remind people to repent their sins, not sent by the devil. So they’re effectively calling God evil.

  15. Yeah it would be a shock to my system if someone I knew died of Covid. But if multiple people around me were dying of it…I’d start to wonder if we are in a pandemic and maybe I could do something to prevent it from happening.

  16. If you ate lead paint chips as a kid and the resulting brain damage caused you to die from being antivax as an adult, you didn't actually survive lead paint.

  17. Pastor "Lime" from Florida, with his flattop and goatee, had a striking resemblance to Guy Fieri. He boasted that he survived lead paint, riding in the bed of a pickup truck, and drinking from a garden hose. Turns out COVID was more deadly than any of those.

  18. Considering that lead paint may have contributed to his poor decision making, it's very possible that he didn't survive lead paint.

  19. "Unfortunately for him, DeSantis Claus left a lump of COVID in his Stocking" was genius. You won the internet for me today, I had to share that with a few texts.

  20. This whole "Pastor" thing strikes me as uniquely American. I've never met a Pastor/don't know of any Pastors anywhere near me, yet HCA is rife with awarded/nominated Pastors.

  21. I hope so. They know many of their congregation will go to church no matter what. So many members are vulnerable. I may be biased because a pastor probably killed my FIL before there was a vaccine.

  22. I know I’m a terrible person, because when I got to the part about how their ministry would have failed without Lime’s help, just thought, Throw another crime on the pile! Really, imagine how much better this world would be if these kinds of preachers lost their bully pulpits. How many people would still be alive? Would be untouched by long term effects of this disease?

  23. I thought the same thing and with good reason. It’s such a grift, and a cover for abuse. I’m not a terrible person and neither are you, we are just sick of all those who scam and harm people in the name of Jesus.

  24. He didn't fight, he surrendered. Fighting would have been getting vaccinated, wearing masks, washing hands, sanitizing, etc. He just rolled over and let Covid have his way with this chump.

  25. I'm guessing Maher is another of those older comedians who is just upset that younger people don't find him funny. Instead of adapting and knocking off the stupid old-man jokes, he just blames society that he sucks now. Does anybody younger than 40 even know who he is?

  26. For many years Bill has laughed at the religious for being anti science … while spouting his own anti science bullshit …

  27. He went full Libertarian. Never go Libertarian. I once had interest in people like Bill Maher and Joe Rogan but never stuck around, wondered why. Now I know why, there was something to my intuition.

  28. He is just Joe Rogan on TV. May have a guest with something intelligent to say from time, to time but otherwise another moron with a soapbox.

  29. It always amazes me when a "man of the cloth" is featured on this sub. They seem to have such hate in their hearts for everyone who isn't just like them. A true "man of God" would welcome everyone, both into the country and into their church.

  30. Funny little anecdote, I used to live abroad and goatees are always the easiest way to spot Americans in a group.

  31. To hell with him for his certainty that Jesus would oppose sensible public heath measures to mitigate a pandemic and save lives. SMITED!

  32. This seems like the most sacrilegious thing to me. If you believe in the sanctity of life, shrugging your shoulders and saying well people may die but whatever I'm not getting a vaccine or wearing a mask, that's the antithesis of your stated beliefs. But these are the people who would shame a woman who had an abortion because she already has two kids and is struggling. I'll tell you who I think has the most regard for human life between these two. The woman who wants to be able to care for the two living, breathing, sentient children that exist, instead of prioritizing a cluster of cells.

  33. Slide #5 is all about survivorship bias. The kids who died from eating lead paint, abuse at the hands of their parents or from head traumas aren’t here to brag about still being alive.

  34. It using to be that being any kind of cleargy or pastor got you instant respect from most people. Hopefully we're moving away from that? I hope "pastor" will one day be greeted with the negative assumptions.

  35. Church committees in conjunction with the out going pastor conduct interviews with pastors who have degrees from affiliated religious universities.

  36. That’s facts. Nerd factoid is the studies are pointing to the fat stores impacting the endocrine system which goes craycray during covid. Yep im fun at parties (ha havent been to one in two years but whatevs)

  37. A vaxxed and boosted fatty has a much better chance than a skinny unvaxxed person. It does love the storage, but it loves an unprepared immune system even more.

  38. That was one bigoted and hateful “Pastor”. I think he’s going to be surprised if there’s an afterlife. Also, it seems like just about anyone can be a “pastor” no divinity degree required.

  39. Church denominations (almost?) always require degrees. But a whole lot of churches are non-denominational, and they have no requirements except what the person starting it chooses. I could rent a storefront and declare it "Gnurdette's Genuine Bible Church, Salvation Guaranteed" and, as long as I don't seek any denomination's mark of approval, I don't need to know a thing.

  40. It would’ve been fun to play Kool and the Gang “celebrate” at his prayer vigil. You reap what you sow fat ass. You sure owned the libs!!!

  41. The detailed medical updates, the call for prayers, the review of accomplishments (affirmation of worthiness), another call for prayers, more updates, more prayers (affirmation of God's power to heal), and finally the review of the battle that ended in defeat, and the declaration that the deceased is with God/in a better place/reunited with dead relatives. It's a script that the religious re-enact over and over with each Covid death because it saves them from having to actually think. They can't think critically about the deceased's choices or their own because if they did, they would have to admit that their whole belief system is flawed, that prayer does nothing, or worse, that they didn't pray hard enough or long enough, that the sick person isn't worthy of God's intervention, or worse, that God isn't as powerful as promised. Better to go on auto-pilot and recite the script, and accept the condolences, and learn nothing and change nothing and do it all again when the next one falls ill.

  42. jaysus seems to be even more inneffctive than horse past and urine drinking, yet off they go to heaven, so say the family. the lines at the pearly gates must be like the DMV, after 3pm, on a last Friday of the month, before a Monday holiday.

  43. I don’t know if it was OP who started this trend of the epilogue slide where the schadenfreude gets to marinate in irony before being served as the dessert pic, but it is definitely (chef’s kiss).

  44. Man, that Scalia quote pisses me off. He's telling people to revel in their ignorance because they are Christians. Fuck that guy in particular

  45. Was Pastor Lime squeezed to death because it couldn't have been COVID, which is over according to Pastor Fruit & Bill Maher. And where was that miraculous healing of Jesus?

  46. I’ve never seen that Scalia meme and I just cannot believe it to be true. Even if he was a right wing bible banger I just can’t imagine he would utter words like that.

  47. Even a pastor, a man of God, couldn't survive, stop it with your healing power prayer warriror crap. Even Jesus is tire of your bs. Get the damn Vax and stop texting jesus

  48. always just kind loving people who just happen to enjoy shitposting and acting like assholes. Probably just one of those weird anomalies. RIP, master of cognitive dissonance

  49. These slime ball, snake oil salesman, evil ass pastors all need to go. I have no prayers nor any compassion for dumbasses.

  50. And the church in my town defended DACA by letting a family live in the church for almost 2 years until the new president was sworn in. Regardless of your opinion of the matter, the church acted like a church. This pastor’s divine calling and his political affiliation are incompatible. Biyee fake, lying POS.

  51. Anybody else get 3 or 4 slides in, look up at the slide total and decide you just can't take anymore and jump to the very last slide for some relief?

  52. But..., but you turned off the TV--so no more bad news about Covid. Yet still, it found you and turned your lungs to shit....

  53. There's been this ongoing experiment during COVID: can prayer (and prayer warriors) neutralize and triumph over stupidity?

  54. During this whole pandemic we have all been inundated with stats. Most legit, some very clearly faked, but I’m yet to see the stats on prayers.

  55. The health care workers who've worked COVID wards / ERs and the funeral home workers who refuse to get vaccinated just prove the point of what someone told me...

  56. Slide 9, "They'll never be fully vaccinated." That's actually kinda funny! Except that there's a world of difference between "some vaccination" and "no vaccination".

  57. Why the need to post for prayers? shouldn't the all knowing, all seeing lord almighty know already? Suprised no gofundme. So another 40+ while morbidly obese whale, I mean male leaves the land of the living leaving little impact except for some reposted memes.

  58. Do any of these dickwads even know what the 7 cardinal sins are? Envy, gluttony, pride, greed, sloth, Lust and wrath. This moran can check off at least 4 of these. Talk about obtuse!

  59. There is actually some science (not a lot to my knowledge) that was looking into the impact all that lead exposure had on Boomers cognitively and physically. Would make sense why so many leaned into Fox as hard as they did.

  60. That first slide...dear oh dear. You're obese buddy, the people around you being overweight also doesn't make it any less of a health hazard. Similarly, that smug twat Bill Maher saying the pandemic is over doesn't mean anything except he's pandering to fools like you.

  61. Regarding slide 11, do any of these guys ever follow their own advice? They are constantly ramped up on fear! fear of immigrants, of crime, of gays, of Democrats, of blacks, of losing their guns, of culture wars, persecution, control, microchips, tracking, the mark of the beast, the deep state, George Soros, the illuminati, the new world order, I could go on and on... geez they live in constant fear! Has any of them ever just turned off Fox news to put an end to it? Anyone?

  62. If I won’t save a pastor, who would I save? Easy answer, everyone that’s received the vaccine and boosters. Sky Daddy to the rescue, you’re welcome

  63. Florida will save Christmas?? So it’s all about the presents after all? Whatever happened to keep Christ in Christmas?

  64. Saved Christmas with earthly possessions ? Isn’t Jesus the reason for the season? Was Jesus himself on those ships? /s

  65. That T shirt or whatever that is on the first slide is revolting. I’m not going to sleep. Erase Erase Erase. Just like this HCA winner. Deleted himself. F&cking moron.

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