I wish I had a friend that checked in on me

  1. I have no friends either and I mean that literally. Very lonely and maddening never having anyone that cares. Never seen a therapist before personally but I get super paranoid especially close to my cycle just going out in public I get this voice in my head telling me that everyone is talking about me and that the guy is going to hurt me. Or sometimes i get scared to eat out of fear of it being poisoned . I feel like I want to die but I let it past because I know after my period I’ll come back to my senses and say to myself “what the heck was that all about.?” But then it starts back up again. (Same with mood swings I go from wanting to punch everyone in the face to crying over Encanto to laughing about absolutely Nothing)

  2. That sounds very similar to what I've experienced too. It's the most awful feeling, and it feels like a switch turns on and off (for the mood swings) and it's very exhausting. I wish every time I got like this, I could put a sign on myself that says "don't take anything I say seriously this week, I'm in the middle of hell week." It was a lot easier to manage when I was younger (i would just tell myself that the feelings would pass and I'd go along my day), but as I've hit my 20s it's become more severe and harder to ignore.

  3. Aw. I am so sorry you are having a rough moment! I have felt like I have "weighed heavily" on some friends in the past. But you are doing great in getting yourself to a therapist and in reaching out here.

  4. Thank you so much for your kind words. It's been so rough these past few days and when the suicidal thoughts start to consume me, I start to panic and I usually rely on the same things/people each time too. I could see why it would get exhausting for them to deal with at times, but they've also haven't walked a day in my shoes mentally.

  5. I can relate. I’m saving your post to respond later. In the meantime, I am very much wishing you well, OP. Please know, I can relate! Edit: thank you for you share! I hope that people IRL as well as online are much more supportive and what you need! I’ve had people leave my side too; it sucks and is hurtful, especially in the middle of a bad episode. Here with you!!

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