MONTHLY RANT THREAD: MAY EDITION

  1. It’s shitty when I feel so down like this and start to hate/ resent my partner for no reason. Every other week I’m fine, but this week before my period I just lose my mind so much and even tho I know it’s gonna be over soon— and when I feel better I think I’ll never feel this bad feeling again— I’m so fucking exhausted

  2. i am on day three of synarel and have horrible ovary pains. However, I had pains before synarel. Super sleepy too.

  3. [TW] My period should come in a day or two and holy fucking shit this is the worst I’ve felt in such a long time it’s taking me back to such a dark time. I can tell I’m going to get my period when I have the most gruesome, horrific, intrusive thoughts about hurting myself/ending my life. It’s funny though because two weeks ago I would’ve laughed if i thought about that, it’s like a completely different brain takes over, with it’s own personality and thoughts. I have an amazing relationship with my SO but I can’t stop crying because I’ve convinced myself he’s cheating on me in a park as I type this out from my bed. I hate how nasty I get and I hate how terrible everything seems. It hurts so much. And guys have no idea the pain this causes. I’m 18 and this only started this year. I can’t believe this is it. This is my reality once a month for the rest of my life. God it fucking sucks jesus christ this fucking sucks. I was my SO was here to cuddle and reassure me that my irrational thought are very much indeed irrational :/

  4. Man, I'm just not okay. My best friend somehow finds a way to imply that I'm insane anytime I tell him anything, which he's never done before...and my dog ate my favorite hair clip, which started the waterworks today. After getting yelled at by a retail employee (this happens more often than you'd believe because I'm a small person with immense social anxiety - it's like people can smell the blood in the water), the waterworks are still going.

  5. i feel bad about using or feeling like i need weed during my luteal phase just to survive, get through the day and act normal with ppl. and i feel like it helps me get through depressive episodes when i’m really feeling down and weepy. idk if it’s right and i wish there was another way because it almost feels like an easy way out.

  6. Is it normal for a window to shatter when you angrily slam it shut? Or do I just have shitty windows?

  7. I'm on day 4 of my microdosing experiment and feeling good. Like not on a high deliriously good, but just normal functioning, as if I was in my follicular phase. I've still had anxiety and not particularly felt like working, but I was able to sit and work anyway. I was able to move forward from obsessive thinking into feeling. I connected to my feelings in therapy. I just bought a kit for next month, but the person I bought it from told me to take a break after that. I'm nervous two months in advance.

  8. Okay. I should be happy I just accomplished something huge but I’m just in a bad mood and I can’t socialize properly without coming off weird. Sometimes it really is hormones I guess.

  9. I’m struggling to get through another round of this. I’m at work, full of rage, while my coworker delegates all the tough work to me and sits on her ass. No one can tell how dead I am inside as I push through my exhaustion and try to get through the day. My body hurts, head is throbbing and dizzy, and my period has been threatening to kick in for days. I wanted so badly to stay cocooned in my bed this morning, and my mind keeps telling me to give up. I feel like I am craving peace and rest that feels so far away. When hell week ends I still have so many struggles and they feel like they just keep growing. I want to cry but I feel so numb and angry that everything is balled up inside of me.

  10. It’s only Wednesday :( my PMDD kicked into full gear on Monday. This one is awful. I feel insane. I have racing/intrusive thoughts that I can’t shut up. I can’t sleep. I’ve been breaking out in hives on my face and my hands and feet are sooo itchy. I feel so uncomfortable in my body and super self conscious. I have this weird ass fake leather smell that’s constantly stuck in my nose (or head, I’m pretty convinced it’s some kind of hallucination). Convinced myself my SO is leaving me and cried to him about it. Got into a horrible fight with my poor mom and made us both cry. To top off these lovely first two days of my Hell phase my aunt was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer this week and one of my employees at my work passed away over the weekend. Oh, and my poor SO’s best friend’s wedding is on Friday, something which we’ve both been so excited for for the last two years and now I’m dreading going.

  11. My GP agreed that my depressive phases sounded like they coincided with my cycle and we talked and I was put on desogestrel to prevent ovulation and hopefully relieve my symptoms.

  12. Hey hey hey no! Don’t do that! The fact that you care about how you are behaving towards her shows you are not just unable to be a mother. Girl if you knew the things I thought about my toddler today you’d probably laugh (cuz you get it) and also sort of cringe. It’s your fucking hormones. It’s temporary. Just apologize to your kid when you feel better and ignore your husband, he doesn’t get it and he is only seeing one side of things. I hope you are doing better today ❤️

  13. Came off my bc so my partner and I can try to get pregnant. One week in, and all I want to do is cry and rage and quit everything. Already picked one fight and have barely held back two others.

  14. Last week was my one good week. Well, I didn’t even get a full good week actually. Now I’m back to square 1 where pmdd takes over my life. I have the worst anxiety, insomnia, no appetite all day but then I crave everything and very hungry as soon as the sun sets. I have acne all on my chin now, I have a migraine because there’s no air conditioning where I live and it’s so humid and the power in my house is going in and out. I go in and out of wanting to cry because I called out of work again today. I want to crawl in a hole and just cry. I hate pmdd.

  15. All my fucking friends are lying to me, I know it. no one cares about each other they just care about themselves, I know they are conspiring about me behind my back - now is that a symptom of pmdd, am I being paranoid? The thing is either way if they gave enough of a fuck they'd check If was ok not just leave me on my own even when I push them away they should pull through because you would think your best friends for the last 10 years your support network would recognise that's when you need the most help when you're about to implode.

  16. I feel like nobody believes me when I say I’m having mental health issues because I also have pmdd. I don’t have a support system here and I’m running out of steam

  17. They put me on lucrin and having no periods is nice but that's about it. The migraines, sore joints and the panic attacks that just devoured my whole day anwyays are not worth it. I can't function like this. Less so than ever.

  18. So I got fired today from a really lame job anyways didn’t even care about it but still and I’m about to get my period. Found out that abortion is about to banned in half our states too.

  19. having a real time of it. tried 3 x months of zoely and seemed to make it worse. I know that exercise/socialising could make me feel better. But every bit of energy I have is put into trying to function. I just don't have the bandwidth to tackle anything difficult. Talking to endocrinologist next week, really hope they get how bad things are for me.

  20. Had covid in late May for the second time. Got my period immediately after and lo and behold I got some kind of sinus infection / strep throat and I’m back on my PMDD!!!!! This is by far the most miserable I’ve felt in a long time

  21. I feel like I’m going insane. I just want to scream at everyone. The tiniest things drive me to borderline psychosis and Im so tired of feeling this way. I am so so so tired physically and mentally. During PMS Im always literally incapable of doing what feels like anything. If I have to do something I do it angry. Im scared Im going to do something I will regret.

  22. Wow. That’s real: yesterday I wanted to intentionally cause a car accident because people were driving the speed limit and I was in turbo mode. How fucking stupid and insane is that? I also was angrily beating my husband at the same time who thought I was about to kill our whole family with my driving. Like who the fuck acts like that? Insane!

  23. i’m just ovulating and questioning my sanity over here. My obgyn said an oopherectomy should be the last resort because I may want kids again one day. Um hello. I am trying not to ruin my current child’s life here with my own pmdd trauma. why would I ever want another kid. smh. then she says I should try mirena and I tell her I’ve already heard how bad mirena is for so many people and her response is nope it works for everyone. Like bitch please do you think Reddit doesn’t exist. I KNOW things.

  24. My period finished yesterday and in a big burst of FINALLY BETTER energy I geared up and went out for a nice long run. Two miles in, I tripped over a curb and scraped up both my knees on a raised tree planter thing. 🤦‍♀️ I had to cancel all my spin classes this week and now I'm wasting all this follicular energy babying my busted up kneecaps. Not fair!

  25. I don’t want to be around my partner anymore during this time of the month. I was better off alone. I don’t know if this is worth it anymore. I’m not near the person I used to be. I get moody and irritable and difficult - yes. I get overly sensitive - yes. Everything sets me off - yes. We fight more this time of the month - yes. I am fully aware that it is all because of the fucking monster of myself I can’t get rid of. What I’m sick of is being reminded of it by someone else’s presence. He always has to remind me, “we do this every month.” “You’ve been so mean these past few days.” Jesus fucking Christ this is NOTHING compared to how I used to be! And if you want some heads up fucking watch my hormone calendar as closely as I do and you can prepare! I’m really starting to feel like relationships are overrated and I am just not meant to be in one. It’s not compatible with this fucking cycle I go through every month. I had it figured out for myself. I’m starting to think the only way to survive it as a couple is to disappear for a few days to a hotel or some shit and you know what? That’s not fucking fair to me

  26. Wtf I feel this 100000% on a spiritual level!!! I get even more angry when partner says those things to me too. But then I have to remind him that I’m going through it 100x harder than he is. Also it’s so hard to explain the thoughts that go on in my brain to my s/o because I’m feeling everything at 100% all at once. It’s so frustrating to go through the same cycle over and over again :( But if he’s tired of it, then you must be extremely over it. You’ve dealt with it much longer than he has. Anyways, stay strong, the light is coming, I hope you get your period soon ❤️

  27. I haven't felt lonely for a while, that's just how my life is, but now I just want to tell someone how shitty I'm feeling. No one would listen to me though. My mother would just say "mhm", my sister would just change the subject to something she cares about, my only good friend is busy, with the other friend it's the same as with my sister, and I don't feel comfortable with the ones from university. Sometimes I hate all these people even though they are the only people in my life. They can bother me but I can't bother them.

  28. I feel like that today. I know it’s not the truth but it always feels that way during this time. I don’t have a solution. But I’m a stranger on the internet that can relate for whatever that counts

  29. why does my PMDD get bad like 13 days before my period? I also have ADHD and my meds feel useless- I have so many days before my period and I’ve noted on my calendar I usually always have a shir day around here. Maybe it’s the change of hormones? I’m at the start of the l phase and I just feel so fucking stupid and my ADHD is like off the charts.

  30. I was just reading about this and if I remember correctly the problem is that our estrogen is lowest at this time. From ovulation to the time of menstruation we produce (or we are supposed to produce)progesterone. Progesterone is supposed to balance out the effects of estrogen or something but many women don’t produce enough of it and birth control completely blocks it and replaces it with progestin. Our diet and physical state effects how our hormones are produced. there’s a book someone mentioned here called Period Repair Manual. I highly recommend it.

  31. Existential isolation hitting deep today. Communicating with family and friends quite okay I would say, but the feeling of close to yet so alone is strong today.

  32. I feel like I can’t exist, every month I have to deal with a wave of suicidal thoughts, awful anxiety and constantly being on edge. I’ve been getting so snappy with my fiancé it’s driving me insane, I feel like an awful person and even though I’m aware of it it feels impossible to control. I wish I could feel normal, why the FUCK are my hormones like this

  33. I feel you. Been feeling exactly the same way. And each month my symptoms get worse and worse. This week, not even sleeping pills or benzos put me to sleep. I’m just so fucking tired of everything

  34. I am so freaking angry rn at all the health professionals that just brush/ed of all my symptoms and yet here I am again with all the symptoms and I feel like there's no one out there willing to help me get my freaking symptoms under control so I might have a chance at a somewhat normal life.

  35. I'm so fucking miserable rn. It's sad because maybe a week ago during my ovulation phase (confident, happy, pretty) I was in love with life. And now I just feel this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Everything feels so..morbid? The traumas that happened to me in the past hit me like a train over and over. Like my brain is trying to get me to kill myself. It hurts so bad.

  36. After feeling very suicidal the past days I finally have my WORK EVALUTATION TOMORROW. Definitely want to quit cause I take everything too personal anyways and on top of that, I don't get along with my ed and the non-profit sector is not made for a person who gets crazy once a month..

  37. Feeling that all too familiar foggy anxiety where I am locked in my own head and completely frozen in indecision and a general feeling of everything falling apart. I don't even know if it's PMDD related this time since I'm taking Zoely continuously, but it certainly feels the same.

  38. I'm trying to pack up to move and my husband just found out that he's not allowed to move where we're want to go but wants to do out anyway and risk his job. I keep having nervous breakdowns and sobbing. My back aches, I feel panicked, I had covid a couple weeks ago and I'm still coughing at night, I'm four days late, I think it's from getting so sick this month - if I am pregnant I think I will kill myself - my doctor won't see me for an iud bc i had an abortion last fall bc i am so suicidal on most birth controls i wasn't on one and now I barely sleep with my husban and he never gets close to cumming and i'm so angry if i'm pregnant but i think this is pmdd, I think everyone hates me, I don't know how I'm going to take care of my health where we are moving because of reasons, and everything is making me jump out of my skin.

  39. I’m tired, bloated and having anxiety. I hope these few days pass peacefully. Today, I couldn’t pick an outfit to wear my upper body was extremely bloated, I felt like my size doubled two times which wasn’t helpful for my mood too. Sometimes I wonder how others live without this disorder. It drains my body and my mind. I’m living to fight for my life 🥹

  40. Started Yaz this month and of course as one last punishment, this is the period from HELL symptom wise. I knew it would be based on the early breast pain and the backache but damn. The cramping and such sucks this month!

  41. I did some meal prepping today and after it, i felt like I was out of my own body. I just didn't want to do anything. I just stopped and my brain stopped functioning. I started hating myself and my social anxiety just spiked. I forced myself to wash the dishes and then I felt worse but relieved I didn't have to do that later. Even my games cannot give me relief, like I actually just hate myself. Why is it so hard to function as a human being...

  42. Omg fuck. I just got my period 😭😭it's 2 days late and no WONDER omg sm things in life just makes sense. Ughhhhh the week n days leading up to it was HELL 😭😭😭

  43. Spotting is new and making me concerned?? I never spot before my period, let alone a whole week before?!

  44. It's been more than 2 weeks, I am distraught because I feel like my irritability is taking a toll on my relationship and my partner is being patient but also told me we 'should re-evaluate how we feel together'. It's very hard for me.

  45. IM DOWN W A FUCKING FLU and my period is due in another day or two. i keep having gdm crying spells and my fam and so gets the brunt of it. Anxiety, stress n depression r thru the roof and i have NO energy and skipped nigh workouts and even forgot to shower/brush at night having to rush in the morning to get those in 😭😭.

  46. I wonder if pmdd is related to any autoimmune diseases regarding inflammation … just a morning brain fart 🫠 ever since the covid restrictions stopped being so strict, my cycle length is all over the place 🥺

  47. I just told off a doctor for gaslighting me in the ER. After waiting 5 hours for the results of an ultrasound he told me the level 8 pain I’m experiencing is no big deal. It’s normal. It’s good because it’s not surgical. It’s just cysts and a fibroid. Ill have this pain monthly now and there’s not anything to be done about it. I was not nice. He absolutely deserved it. I hate doctors so much. Their negligence on womens issues is criminal.

  48. Yep. I often get what is generically described as "period flu." It's not an actual diagnosis; it's experiencing flu symptoms just before your period. I kept thinking I had the flu or covid several months and was like, how do I get sick this much? But it's another thing our hormones can mess up. Take care. <3

  49. Haven’t had a good morning in weeks. Hell week isn’t even supposed to start for another 5ish days and I’ve had multiple breakdowns this month already

  50. Yelled at my kids at bedtime, literally banged my head against a wall and now I have a headache surprise surprise, meeting s friend for coffee at 9am and still awake at 1'30 man oh man. This has been one of the worst hell weeks I've had in a long ass time and it suuuuuuuuuucks ass.

  51. Due to circumstances, I Had to adjust to going off an iud, taking birth control pills in the interim, then going back on an iud 2 months later, and with this disorder it has been total hell to have my hormones fluctuate like this. Wrecking my life. Had to take time off. Can’t find the motivation to go back to work. Half the days feel ok, half the days feel fatigue, headache, crying. So done with it

  52. Started feeling like i was falling back into depression/violent mood swings/feeling mildly self destructive at the beginning of the month instead of during hell week and my therapist is 3 states away. I can’t talk to anyone here about it because I can’t articulate how I’m feeling and it just makes me feel more like shutting down. I don’t have a good support system anywhere and I just want to break something

  53. Had a complete meltdown, complete with me almost quitting my job, and calling the crisis line. Anxious, no sleep, all that classic crap. Out of nowhere midday the next day, I felt fine. Anxiety abated, felt confident in my work. Went to the bathroom. Had started my period.

  54. Omggg I'm so glad to have found this community 😭😭asked my friends if they experiences wat i experience only to be met w side glances. I feel such comfort n solidarity in knowing that I'm not alone!!

  55. I honestly suspect i have this. Been keeping track of my cycles and i feel so FUCKING hopelessly depressed, anxious, fatigued and generally just DOOM & GLOOM the 2 weeks or so leading up to aunt flo.

  56. Anyone else feel frustrated when their PMDD refuses to improve? Earlier this week I was like damn, I'm so much better this luteal phase than I was last month! And then last night got hit by a tornado of grumpiness, irrational jealousy, anxiety, and dissociation... made me feel so bummed because I thought I was being more on top of my PMDD and better at managing it this month. But actually the hormones just hadn't kicked in yet. It just sucks so much that this happens every month and I wish I could improve but no matter how much I prepare, try to exercise extra or go outside or whatever, my brain stiiiiill fucks with me. Grrrr.

  57. Its June now but it hit like a brick wall last night when I started getting very angry over something that happened months ago and constantly feel like sleeping. I’m also slightly manic as per usual and need to quarantine myself so I don’t make any stupid manic decisions that get me in trouble again. I’m very sensitive to any stressors during this time so I’m somewhat scared to even leave my apartment. I have a lot of responsibility and I’m starting a new job soon and I really really wish I’d calm the fuck down. I was crying and very angry because theres any issue with my package delivery that has my new dildo and lube which is the one of the only things I’ve been looking forward too. My pmdd has gotten worse since having and removing an IUD. My sister says to cut out preservatives and I’m trying but its hard and I’ll actually need to go to some doctor in this conservative state to listen to me.

  58. I hate being a mom with PMDD, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. For two weeks of the month I wanna crawl in a fucking hole and my 3.5 year old just can’t stop tantruming, the baby needs me constantly and it’s enough to drive me mental. I hate it. I hate hormones so much. They make me into a monster. A shell of who I am. They make me and bad mother, probably giving my kids issues, making me a snap show and a cold wife. The control my life in the worst ways. Now I have to go on medication to control this because I can’t just be a normal fucking person. I hate this so much.

  59. It is the hardest, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I contacted an anger management thing for women bc I feel like I legit can't keep going ballistic about regular kid stuff anymore. It is so hard. I'm also so scared how much damage my marriage can take, I feel like all my attempts at repair are starting to just sound hollow to everyone at home, because I do the same shit every month. I am so full of self loathing and shame.

  60. It is awful and unbearable to be a parent to young children while also having PMDD. Today has been absolutely horrible and I can't function as a person, let alone a mom or partner.

  61. I had to travel the other day and I started crying at the airport (I was there 3 hours early) and didn’t stop until 3 hours into my flight (but was still on the verge of tears and actually cried a few times, just not non stop like before).

  62. You know what's such a mind fuck crying all day, and questioning whether there is anything for me on this plant and then getting my fucking period. I hate my body. Why are hormones like this. This is not fucking fair and an absolute sick joke by whoever made women. Maybe I did something terrible in a past life, I don't even know.

  63. My birthday is tomorrow and according to Clue, so is my period. This week has been one of the hardest to deal with in a long time, I was doing ok up until a couple months ago and now all the stress I’ve been ignoring has piled up. I just want to stop existing for awhile.

  64. a few days ago, my pmdd was convincing me that i’m a burden on my family :( it’s so frustrating dealing with this monthly. i feel so grateful to have a good support system, but pmdd is horrendous

  65. Been crying myself to sleep the past few days because on top of having covid, having lasting symptoms and possibly dealing with another health condition completely separate I’m getting to that time

  66. Omfg these cramps this month suckkkkkkkk.....idk why, but I get the worse ones the first three days of my period and last day of my period. I can't wait to see a doctor on the 24th. I feel like I'm going nuts.

  67. This bout of symptoms sucks. I have been so SAD, and the barrage of horrible news is not helping. Extra anxiety in the mix today too. The downside of finding relief through continuous birth control dosing is that my symptom patterns feel incredibly random right now so I have no idea when I can expect this to stop or start again. I'm tired of this.

  68. Thank you! THIS is a very good written explanation of our monthly struggles and those days - what you described resonates with me so much that I'm going to show it to some fam & friends so they can understand PMDD better.

  69. i am with you friend. this has been my worst luteal phase in 6 months. i feel huge, swollen, defeated, angry, sad, hopeless.

  70. i am with you friend. this has been my worst luteal phase in 6 months. i feel huge, swollen, defeated, angry, sad, hopeless.

  71. I hate how every month I feel like this - internally freaking out. My mind never feels safe and puts my in the darkest of places so matter how many different meds I’m on for anxiety/adhd I don’t feel like myself at all. I’m a raging monster. It makes Me feel like a horrible mother and a horrible wife & my husband doesn’t understand it at all no matter how much research I show him or how my psychiatrist was the one who brought it to my attention. It’s not just imaginary or “pms” I do not feel heard or validated which makes everything seem so much worse and I feel like im drowning.

  72. recently my mental health has been good except for one or two days out of the month right before i started my period. my mood would drop severely and i mean SCARY. i was sitting here, isolating myself from my gf & roommate, feeling shitty for literally not wanting to exists in this world anymore and not having a good reason why i felt like this

  73. It's really hard to come to terms with all that. I hate feeling weak and not be able to handle things i believe i should be able to. It's take me for a mind fuck and doesn't help the spiral. I'm hoping to figure out my schedule a little better and be able to time things. Set easier task for those weeks or maybe no tasks....maybe I'll take two weeks off and go to the woods where i don't have to interact with people. That would be nice lol

  74. My PMDD is a lot better. At this point it's just PMS. But I'm on day 33 and it's just harder to be positive. I have a 6-hour-long drive in public transport tomorrow so part of me hopes I don't get my period but another part hopes it just comes already.

  75. I’ve renamed myself ‘lucy the reclusey’ because from ovulation until the bleed i’d like to stab any and all humans that call/text me 🫠 And how about being asked a stupid question? That goes over really well usually….

  76. Anyone else has feelings of not being able to handle the smallest issues the week before your period? Like every small not-so-important decision becomes so daunting and everything within you feels like you would rather run than face it?

  77. I'm totally samesies... Recently, home alone and started crying bc I couldn't decide whether I wanted to eat with a fork or chopsticks.

  78. That happens when your nervous system is unregulated, anything can trigger it. Read up on polyvagal theory if you haven't yet!

  79. I’m so angry right now. Im 2 days away from my period and in full force of PMDD symptoms. My husband just made me a burger and it turned out awful. Instead of being appreciative that he even cooked for me, I just yelled at him and stormed out of the kitchen. Now im laying in bed sulking. Completely irrational. Fuck I hate PMDD

  80. Fuuuuck. My psyche doctor fucked up my prescription last month and I was off my meds for almost a week. This month DD has me feeling dead inside and my period is three days late and I just want it to start and I'm so over it.

  81. UUUUUUHHHHHHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGH why can’t I just disappear and not work and not have friends or a relationship or school or work or responsibilities for these two weeks ???? it feels like the world is spinning past me and everything is as usual for everyone else and I can’t catch it and hold on and I just want to pause real life and resume in two weeks when my brain and heart and back and stomach and joints and muscles and uterus don’t hurt anymore :/

  82. I just want to be left alone. No kids, no husband, no chores, no work, just me alone with my thoughts, and feelings. This morning, I treated myself to breakfast which worked temporarily until I realized I have to go back home, and put on this hat of being all those things again. Normally, without pmdd this isn’t a problem, but today, today I just want to be alone.

  83. I've been having spotting for the last 3 days, and feeling crampy, headachey and crappy - but the main event hasn't even happened yet??

  84. I feel like I am not taken seriously, looked at like I’m crazy. My siblings think my mom is crazy and I know I’m a lot like her. Idk I feel like they think I’m incompetent. I know I’m not, I just make little mistakes but they are so quick to judge and tell me what to do before I can correct myself. Idk why I’m upset. Is it in my head? Who knows.

  85. Got Covid during hell week & just got my period today. Also I’m dealing with finals for school. Someone just take me out back and put me out of my misery please. 😭

  86. I don't even know how I have this many tears in me. I'm sobbing but kind of impressed at the same time. Today I had a vocal assessment and I have been crying so much that I couldn't reach any of the notes and it hurt to make any noise. The combo of my period and the craziness going on in the news is really knocking me over. I had to leave school early. I'm on here to post but I don't even know if I have PMDD or if I'm just crazy, I am only just learning this exists and only just contacting my doctors to look into a diagnosis. My body is shaking from the exhaustion from crying, my teeth are literally chattering. I feel alone because I don't know what to say when people ask how they can help, so I just don't bother telling them. I am so tired and so over it.

  87. This month I finally realized why my life feels like a constant up and down cycle, PMDD. In a way I feel relieved to know this is why I have a week long mental breakdown. My mood constantly changing from crying uncontrollably, to wanting to destroy and scream at everything in sight. It's been fucking hard. Dealing with ADHD, PPD, PPA, being a SAHM, and bleeding through tampons and ruining underwear constantly- I don't know how I got so lucky. Life really just said "you know what, this woman is gonna be a fucking disaster. Let's just keep pouring on more mental issues and see what happens". I feel fortunate that my husband sat me down and calmly approached how he's been noticing my drastic changes in mood/overall wellbeing because without that I don't think I would've came to the conclusion that I'm not dealing with just PMS, this is way more severe. I've tried birth control multiple times to help regulate hormones, and my cycle, but it ends up leaving me feeling worse than when I tried to manage it on my own.

  88. Sorry if this is unsolicited advice you've heard a million times before, but have you tried reusable period stuff like a cup, period underwear, and cloth pads? I swear they've made my period easier and bleed less. But it saves money and the headache of having to remember to buy stuff.

  89. I could have written this myself. Just switch out the ADHD for autism and you’ve got my particular flavor of disaster. My boy is about to turn two and now that the postpartum depression has lifted, the PMDD is so much more clear. I only feel like shit after ovulation and during the first few days of my VERY LONG AND HEAVY PERIOD. I don’t even feel the immediate relief of bleeding the way some PMDD sufferers do. It takes until day 5 or 6 of bleeding profusely before I finally stop crying and panicking. Unfortunately that only leaves one week of feeling good. One week. One week where I’m not a fucking disaster.

  90. Oh ho ho. I get it. No one wants to eat my nasty ass food. Fine. Snicker doodles cookies I bake? No one eats them. Pre bought peach cobbler w ice crane though? Of course y'all eat that.

  91. Between PMDD, ovulation cramps, post menstrual syndrome… I barely have 4 days per month where I feel like myself, if I’m lucky and I don’t let all of that BS dampen my spirit 🥲

  92. CD 45 and I'm about to lose my freaking mind. I keep telling myself to ride the wave but I'm exhausted. This week is supposed to be a good one - anniversary, SO's birthday, kiddo's birthday and party and now that I'm this late I'm just an anxious, grumpy, tired mess. OB wants me to start oral progesterone - again - after ovulation and I was a few days too late to start it this cycle and now I have to wait, which is just making me more annoyed. Couple that with another shit week of living in the US and I just want to stay in bed. Trying to hold onto the fact that I KNOW my period will come, but damn I'm tired. Thankful for this sub and that when I yell into the void at least you all get it! 💖

  93. This week has not been great for those already battling raging hormones and hopelessness. I feel you. Sending love and I hope your period comes ASAP.

  94. Shout out to PMDD almost making me dump my fiancé after he proposed because he deserves better and then give me suicidal thoughts!

  95. I feel like a shell of me going thru the motions, like a zombie who cries all the time. I started taking Prozac initially as tx for pmdd but work has been really heavy and now I’m just going to take it daily. Pmdd is ruining my life and I may start the process to get started on fmla documentation. Light sensitivity, headaches, body pains everywhere regardless of how much I stretch, I just feel so heavy and sad. I just want to sleep until my cycle starts and I get relief.

  96. Has anyone had success with taking an antihistamine around ovulation? This is when I get the most anxiety and depression. Which brand do you recommend?

  97. Just heard of antihistamine use as treatment. JUST NOW 3:30ish AM. While I feel hopeful, optimistic, relieved, I also feel frustrated and resentful. Why do I know this and doctors don't?! Ob-Gyn and mental health professionals: what are you DOING? You'd think it would be suggested before offering to carve me up (full hysty). RUFK?! I just need to know which antihistamine is best. Anyone with experience taking them, I'm curious. I will not take as "medical advice", tho it'd be me more medically valuable than most doctor suggestions. Let me know brand, dose, how often you take, and I will bring findings to my doctor as well as do more reading. Love this group. Thanks

  98. shoutout to my hormones for ruining a really nice FWB thing I was having going on with a really sweet guy. It's so f rustrating how my lows have now transformed into desperately wanting a significant other (when post-period/pmdd I very much enjoy my singledom) and it scared him off thinking I was falling in love with him. FUCK

  99. This has been the toughest Monday !!! I want to cry, rage, run, sleep at the same time. Gahhhhh. Please, period gods, make it stop already

  100. I can’t handle my emotions and I’m just going to accept the hugs these kindergartners are giving me today. I would not mind my period starting early, no matter how inconvenient it is for the guy I’m seeing- who I am incredibly nervous about right now. He’s going to think I’m crazy and never want to see me again. We had a wonderful weekend and then I opened up my mouth the last ten minutes. Now I’m unsure if I’ll even see him this week. I’m afraid to even talk to him bc I feel like I’ll say something clingy

  101. Feeling extra tired and depressed this Monday morning. No idea how to get through another week at my physically demanding job while battling all the physical/mental symptoms of pmdd. My anxiety is so bad and I feel so done already. I feel trapped by my body and also by society. Really wish I could be a house cat and sleep the day/week away ;n;

  102. Well... I have some spotting. I'm supposed to start my period today. Yesterday (or the day before, I can't really remember), I felt a panic attack come on. I've been waking up in the morning the past few mornings just crying. I don't think I've ever had that symptom before in my life???

  103. i hâte that at the beginning of my hell week i usually realize and my brain just wants me to accept that nothing is going to help and nothing is going to feel good. every single time & i hate that once those feelings start i seem to forget any feeling that isn’t negative. i’m tired

  104. During this time I suddenly get so bitter and dissociated that it becomes impossible to do anything without being upset, yesterday I tried self harm to feel something different and this morning I woke up and felt the itchiness on my wrist and felt like such a loser. Having to go to work through all of this feels so surreal, why are we even doing all of this?

  105. I don't know for sure yet if I have pmdd. but it's been on my mind for some months now. I think this may end my marriage. I can't handle myself and his problems too

  106. My hell week started a week early this month so it’ll prob end up being two. I’m scared it’s getting worse as I get older. Ugh my thoughts are unrealistically negative. I’ve convinced myself that I should delete my entire Onlyfans account because I can’t work up the energy to post today. It’s one of the most fun aspects of my life and I feel like I don’t deserve it now. I’m 4 hours behind on my day job and if I go in now I’ll be working alone meaning I’ll be left to simmer in my paranoia and depression. My back has been painful enough that I can’t sit down at times yet I don’t have the energy to stand. I’m walking a fine line between apathy and throwing everything I see at the walls. Long story short, I don’t want to go. Two more weeks of this. Universe, please help me

  107. I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORKING FROM THE OFFICE NOT FROM HOME AND I DONT WANT TO AHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHHH !!!!!!!!

  108. Day 35. 6+ days late, assuming bc I spent the whole month having one long, continuous anxiety attack, but right now I’m just…………!!!!!!$;8,’woxjbrcjglelxjencirkd. Haven’t moved all day, my tolerance to all my helpers is fully maxed out. Screaming into the void except I can’t scream bc I don’t have enough energy. SOS, cheers!

  109. My doc recently increased my prozac because of PMDD but i take the same amount regardless of the week (i have depression in general, but it gets severe obviously a week before my period, sometimes during or a week after). I never thought Prozac benefited me... do you think it benefits you?

  110. Hmmmm funny that my general pissiness actually shifted to the timeframe of my period rather than the 2 weeks before it once I started medication.

  111. Ngl, I feel like a syntax error in the fabric of spacetime. Like I was born to be replaced. Like everybody else belongs in reality, has a purpose, but I don't and I'm just biding my time before I get taken out of the equation. I think I'm becoming depressed on top of my anxiety disorder, and that I need to start therapy once I get on my own health insurance.

  112. I know emojis aren’t really for Reddit (did I make this up? Idk, I’m old), but boy does this one encapsulate my feelings re: being alive under the circumstances: 🫠

  113. Man, I am clocked out with "period flu" today. It's day two of my period. I always get this period flu thing - feeling under the weather, pale, clammy, sore everywhere, malaise, cramps that radiate to my knees - when my period starts. It sucks and I find it genuinely impossible to do anything during this time other than take advil and nap. But I prefer it over premenstrual stuff. I am pretty sure I have PME as I have pre-existing mental illness. I feel soul crushing depression, rage, or get severe panic attacks that last all day before my period. I have been hospitalized during hell week once before. PME and PMDD are the absolute worst. If they were people I would punch them for tormenting us. 😕

  114. I got my period back after 8 months of not having it due to birth control. Birth control made my mood swings really bad, so I got off of it recently and was really excited to get my period back. Now I am on day 2, and I have debilitating anxiety.

  115. Like clockwork, my mood plummets to these dark hopeless lows on the last day of my cycle and on day one. Last month I had suicidal ideation which is not uncommon. I’m trying so hard not to go there this time. I feel especially worthless and lonely. Every month I think my loved ones Hate me (and are going to abandon me asap) that I irreparably damaged the relationship over some small thing and that I don’t fit into the life and world I’m in right now. I hate feeling this anxious sad and needy. And I’m fighting through all those feelings today.

  116. have officially entered my 2 weeks of hell😭 my rational brain and hormonal brain are arguing again. my boyfriend told me he had a platonic dream about a female friend he made before he met me and it crushed me. the fact that he told me and said he felt guilty meant a lot but ive been spiraling on and off for the last few hours. cant wait to see what the rest of this time brings me

  117. My boyfriend told me he ran in to an old grade school friend yesterday. PMDD tells me he has a crush on her from twenty five years ago, and probably reached out to her while I was traveling for work and is now trying to discretely pull her in to the picture by making up a story about running j to her.

  118. My period is over a week late, I'm a mess. I'm so exhausted and depressed. Beginning of the cycle was like a dream, I was happy and danced every day, kept my apartment super clean, had plans for my future and everything felt possible. Last two weeks, especially this week has been hell. I'm so tired all the time and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's temporary, I'm gonna be fine and back to myself but it's hard to be happy about it when I know... in a few weeks this is gonna happen again. Feels like... Yeah it's gonna get better but so what?

  119. It's always those closest to me that bear the brunt of my PMDD. Targets by proximity. Most know to avoid me, but my poor dog...

  120. Realised that the past 2 or 3 months near my period, when the PMDD hits, that I get extremely exhausted for a days leading up to my period. I've never had something like this before. The last few days I've woken up tired even after sleeping for 8+ hours. I remember someone stating they get vivid dreams before their periods and I realised I also experience that.

  121. I’ve gained so much weight on medication for PMDD. It makes me want to k!ll myself. One of my biggest hobbies is collecting vintage clothing and I’m devasted I can’t fit things.

  122. My emotions are so off the charts. It feels like I am completely drowning in them when they hit me, and like it is all I will be for eternity. Any feeling, like anxiety and panic, rage or hatred, depression or total despair. There is absolutely no neutral with these feelings. :( I had a whole day lost to hours of panicking due to a health issue and I feel like it may not have been so terrifying if it hadn't been hell week. I truly thought I was going to die, and it took everything in me to force myself to sit through a grounding breathing exercise. God damn I hate this.

  123. Went on first true vacation with my partner and PMDD comes along, I had an episode for the first time in front of her on the first night. Sobbing curled up, I wanted to scream and tear my skin off. She didnt know what to do and thought I was breaking up with her. She said she couldn't handle it and tried to break up with me in the morning, but I have been trying to explain what PMDD is like for months. When we started dating I tried birth control, but it made me feel worse. I went to a gyno to discuss more options so that she would never see me that way. The level of shame is so intense.

  124. My MIL voluntold me that I would be hosting my FILs bday celebration at my house. My in laws are super awkward people and have the worst social skills so the burden of keeping things lively and fun has always fallen on my shoulders.

  125. Uuuuugh fuck ovulation man. I was doing juuuuuuuust fine this morning and then around 930 it all went to hell. It's now almost 1245 and I'm just starting to get a fucking grip. It's like I get sensory overload and just can't handle any Itty bitty nuisance.... Kids whining, the sun, noise, birds chirping, random noises... Ugh. Just. Want. Need. Quiet.

  126. The Fucking sun! Why is it so strong all of sudden! I am trying to do a day of sensory deprivation but my own thoughts are torturing me from inside a silent room

  127. It's only been two months since I found out PMDD exists. I'm not sure if I have it, but this is how I feel right now.

  128. This definitely sounds like pmdd. Download the iampmd tracker and track symptoms xxx honestly if you do it for 2 months and see a cyclical pattern then it’s pmdd or at least pre menstrual exacerbation (pme)

  129. It is so hard to deal with the guilt of feeling emotions so heavily during hell week. I can see how it’s affecting how I might react to/treat people closest to me, yet I can’t control how angry and reactive I get. It makes me feel like such a terrible friend. I wish people knew how exhausting it is to monitor your emotions and to try not to be stand-offish while experiencing these symptoms. Like, I can’t be happy-go-lucky when I feel like I’m self destructing physically and mentally.

  130. I've possibly just fucked up a good business relationship/wholesale account for my small business.....I should have just waited till tomorrow or next week to make the call. I'm so utterly disappointed in myself.

  131. "I just feel I always make the wrong decision" right!?! Fuck, I feel this right here. That helplessness. It's like you can't think straight, so you can't even make good choices, but you know you can't but still can't do anything about it! It's a kind of helplesness and hopelessness that interrogators actually purposely instil in their targets as a form of demoralization. It's actual torture. This PMDD shit is a kind of torture.

  132. My dog died on Monday and I’m expecting my period this weekend and I just want to cry and murder everyone in sight. Only a few more days until I can think rationally.

  133. My dog died 2 weeks ago or so. It’s a rough rough period this month. It makes it worse. You aren’t alone in this though.

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