My daughter is going to have to repeat 1st grade.

  1. Yeah this doesn’t track. I was painfully shy as a kid. I was advanced academically, actually skipped a grade & placed in a gifted school. However I could never read publicly. If having the confidence to read out loud was a requisite to advance I might still be stuck in elementary school. Luckily I’ve outgrown this and I suspect many kids do. I can’t imagine holding a child back because they’re shy.

  2. I had selective mutism. Never repeated a class since there was no need, public speaking is not an ability you can force teach an 8 year old by inducing more trauma. A visit to a psychologist is very good advice and I think someone needs to educate the teacher, too.

  3. I agree that it seems odd to want to hold her back just because she doesn't like reading to the class. My daughter does have anxiety and selective mutism. Her birthday is in the last week before the age cut off and she started on time. She has always tested at or above level for all academics but will always struggle with any public speaking and class participation requirements. For a while I felt like I had made the wrong choice in sending her to school instead of delaying a year, but I think being board would have just compounded her issues.

  4. I agree. I had selective mutism as a child, and spent kindergarten whispering in my teacher’s ear if I needed to tell her something. My first grade class I was slightly better, but was still unable to speak in front of class. Holding someone back for lack of confidence reading in front of their class is absolutely not necessary, and could definitely add to anxieties she may already be feeling.

  5. My teacher saw this as an oppertunity to force me up to the front every lesson and read the latest vocab or topic of discussion for tests (second language class.)

  6. More people should upvote this response. There is no scientific evidence that holding a child back in elementary school has benefits but there is lots of evidence of harm. In the US, the school cannot force a child to be held back; parents have the ultimate say, so you can refuse.

  7. My wife is a kindergarten teacher. I know that they only consider holding a child back if they are substantially behind their peers. Certainly not if they only struggle reading in front of groups. I suspect there is more to OPs story

  8. My kid is a late Nov birthday, with learning disabilities and ADHD, and when we asked about repeating kindergarten or grade 1 we were shot down by our private psychologist and the school. Even in situations like mine, they find that keeping them back is more harmful than not.

  9. This is really good to know. I've seen a lot of my friends being told to hold their kids back and I thought it was pretty odd this seems to be a default when kids are struggling instead of tutoring or other interventions. Idk if it was due to covid or what.

  10. If you actually read this, there isn’t really enough evidence proving either. Also, retaining students costs major money. My district discourages it based on “findings” like this, but really it’s all about money. They shove professional development with this information down our throat to discourage us recommending it.

  11. I’m glad you posted this because I was just reading about “redshirting” and holding kids back at younger ages and I wonder how it translates!

  12. My son is delayed, with an IEP, and just finished second grade. He generally exits a grade at roughly the point where he should be entering it, at least for things like reading and math. During one of the IEP meetings, my wife and I discussed holding him back, thinking that would put him more in line with what is recommended for each grade. The IEP team, the principal said they'd send us some info about retention, and that we could discuss it at the end of the school year.

  13. I couldn’t agree more. I was held back in grade 2 because I was young and not grasping some math concepts - but I was also painfully shy and didn’t like asking for help. It set me up for failure. My parents didn’t know better, they got zero direction or assurance from the school. I was left feeling stupid and it was a feeling that stayed with me until university. I continued to struggle with math all through secondary school. I wish someone had just taken the time to catch me up. Believing you’re stupid as a child is like a stake in the heart. I lost all motivation an parents struggled to keep me engaged. For me, most of my early school years were miserable.

  14. I'm going to recommend the teacher read this article and give a full report on it's findings or not be allowed to work for a year.

  15. There's absolutely no reason to hold her back beause she's shy. That's simply ridiculous. As long as there are no real educational or maturity issues, this is a ridiculous proposal and I would say no.

  16. That’s What I was thinking. There are a whole adult classes centered around public speaking, why the heck would you expect a first grader who shy to excel at it and then tell them we need to hold you back to practice?!

  17. Just to back you up, I'm 47 and still not comfortable reading out loud to anyone (except my son). I also love reading, have read a novel every week or two since I was 12, and had perfect scores on the PSATs in 6th grade which made them realize my C & D grades were due to shitty teachers. I ended up in AP classes, earning college credits before I even got into high school and graduating at 16 with perfect grades and a perfect English SAT score. I now own and run my very successful business that I started and built all by myself, and have literally never, not once ever, needed to read out loud to get here.

  18. I am a teacher in the US and this is very strange to me. In order to hold a kid back, there has to be data presented to a committee of teachers/ admins where they then decide a course of action. Holding a child back is the LAST intervention. Have other interventions been put in place throughout the year and failed? Doesn’t sound like it.

  19. Yeah, I was just surprised that there was no known mentions of interventions. My kiddo needed help in reading classes to the point he went twice a day and I was notified of his progress and his needs. He now reads above grade level due to these interventions and conversations with the teacher.

  20. I agree, specially since she'll be in the same grade as her little sister, who is two years younger than her. I called the school and am waiting for a call back from her principal.

  21. tell a kid they are dumb at this age and they will believe it for the rest of their lives. there was a podcast episode on Hidden Brain about this recently. kid was put in special ed and told his whole life that he wasn't smart, wasn't gifted, and would never achieve anything. now he's a psychologist or doctor or something like that.

  22. Are there any other reasons that they want to hold her back? If it is simply that she doesn’t like reading aloud not that she is falling behind in reading I would insist that she move on to 2nd grade. Introverts exist, and trying to force a child to be more extroverted rarely works. If she is meeting all of her academic markers I would not even consider holding her back.

  23. She's pretty shy, but at home she does really well with reading and math. I told this to her teacher but she still recommended that she stay back to build her confidence.

  24. Teacher here. I would never recommend holding a child back for confidence. If I were recommending a child be held back it would be after several conferences with parents and other school staff, and attempts at interventions.

  25. This is not the teachers decision. Full stop. Talk to the principal. Request an IEP/accommodations meeting and evaluation. The school is required to evaluate your daughter for disabilities and offer accommodations if she is found eligible. My child is a 7 year old first grader with multiple learning differences and we just went through the IEP process. He is moving on to 2nd grade, even though he is 1/2 grade behind. Teachers don't make that decision. The special education team and the principal must be involved. Teacher feedback is collected, but it's not their decision.

  26. Second this, but also ask for a 504 evaluation. If the specific problem is shyness when asked to read aloud in front of a group, that may be considered social anxiety instead of a disability.

  27. I'd be concerned about her being held back if she's already one of the oldest in her grade. I'd talk to the school seriously about whether or not a tutor could help, and try to get a specific plan about what to work on with the tutor. It's difficut and serious, because in 3rd grade (where i live) there is a big shift between "learning to read" and "reading to learn". If she's still behind in reading at that point it starts to affect all the other academic areas.

  28. I was held back in kindergarten because my teacher thought I was too immature for 1st grade apparently. 🤷‍♀️ don’t really understand that logic but whatever. Anyway, I for sure knew I was being held back and was always so embarrassed about it. I even lied about my age for years to my classmates, so I didn’t have to explain why I was older than everyone else.

  29. Not knowing her personally is hard to say. However, if she is up to grade level in all other categories, being held back may be a deterrent to her being successful. She could get bored in repeating a grade. Her maturity also comes into play .

  30. Ok so obviously I don’t know the whole story or your daughter but personally but this really got me and here’s why. I was told the same thing in first grade. Even worse my teacher believed I just couldn’t read. My parents negotiated down to summer school and if I could pass I could go to 2nd. And you know what, I was dismissed from summer school after two weeks because I could read very well, but I had really severe socially anxiety and couldn’t read in front of the class. Because all in class reading evaluations were done I’m front of the class or groups, which I literally couldn’t do, I was deemed a bad reader overall. All holding me back would have done was set me back even further socially because it took until I started going to therapy and taking a speech class when I was 16 to be comfortable reading in front of the class. So I have to ask, is there another reason she may not be confident in reading out loud?

  31. When you say she does well with reading and math, is she hitting the standards/what she is supposed to be doing at school? Saying she’s doing “well,” is kind of vague. I wouldn’t hold her back due to confidence, and you don’t have to agree to that. I’m just asking about the standards because as a teacher myself, that shocks me that a teacher would suggest holding a kid back just because of that.

  32. The teacher says that she reads a little slow at school, but when she's at home she only has to look at the word and she knows what it is. Her reading is pretty fast.

  33. 8 seems very old for grade 1. I am no educator, but I would imagine being with kids your own age would be very much better in every way than being in with 5-6 year olds, hands down.

  34. don’t let them especially if she already had to enter school late my younger cousin didn’t graduate highschool until he was 20 because his mom held him back two years to get him into a private school. can’t imagine anyone really going through with highschool that long thankfully he held out lol

  35. As a teacher and a parent, I suggest she moves to second grade. If she stays in first, the age gap will be too big and she is old enough for it to affect her self esteem. Get a tutor and/or have her evaluated for special services.

  36. As a teacher, I would NOT recommend holding her back. It is not often that students should be reading aloud to a large group. If anything, her confidence will be built by having her read with you or to you or a friend. It will also continue to.be built as she moves through 2nd grade.

  37. In the absence of a disability, being shy in front of the class is not worth holding her back. Research shows that there are very few positive outcomes with the decision. Get her evaluated before addressing retention.

  38. I wouldn’t be holding her back for that reason. You are her biggest advocate, and have the right to refuse. I would call the administrator and have a chat. They need to be telling you what interventions are put in place to address any concerns, and a plan of how they’re going to work with her before discussing retention.

  39. My school occasionally holds people back but there is little evidence it helps the child and I believe in most cases it does more harm than good. We have chosen to hold kids back but for way more than being shy. I had a student whk was pretty much a selective mute and she was never held back. We have held kids back for being new to the country and needing more time to catch up with the language, we held a kid back for failing everything and similarly, another for not showing up but never for being too shy to speak in front of the class.

  40. Being in the same class as her little sister won't do her any good, it's too easy to decide that "I'm not clever enough". If she is shy it won't help either, why should it? She'll be bored and confused. It's strange that the teacher suggested that.

  41. Coming from a kid where this exact situation almost happened. I was grade 2 and wasn't talking in class, hated eyes on me, just loved the quietness. I had friends and really good ones. This would have heart broken me. My parents didn't allow then to hold me back and my confidence grew over time. I don't think I was more outgoing until I was like 18. I was held back in other things though like swimming and gymnastics because I was shy and wouldn't show the things I learned. My sister is 2 years younger and the moment she caught up I no longer cared for swimming or gymnastics. I quit because it was tearing me down to know I wasn't as good or they'd think I wasn't just because I was quiet. My parents always mention to me how happy they are they didn't hold me back.

  42. They are recommending that a child who reads pretty well be held back to "build their confidence with reading in front of her class".

  43. I was held back in first grade. For me it was a little weird at first seeing all my friends move up except me but my mother made me feel better by explaining in simple terms and did not make me feel like i was stupid for having to be held back. After the initial weirdness basically everything was normal being born in April though i was older than everyone dating once i was in high school was annoying because i was older than everybody and i just wanted an older boyfriend. I got held back though because i could not read still and after my second year of 1st grade i got awarded the “best reader medal” my mom still has it. All in all i adjusted very well I believe your daughter will as long as you explain things to her and make sure she doesn’t feel left behind.

  44. My September kid was retained a year, I wouldn't recommend it. Her current school is going to support her going up to her "correct" grade next year. The age gap is super hard. My kid will be 15 in September and was in classes with kids who just turned 13 this month. Academically you could get her assistance, a tutor, a learning plan at the school, but you can't age up her peers. The age gap will only cause more grief as she gets older.

  45. Unless there are other issues, I can't believe the administration would approve this. In every district I've taught in, it was NOT the teacher's decision. We had to have the classroom teacher, a "specials" teacher (Art, Music, etc), a school counselor, 1 or 2 administrators, and a special education person/school psychologist: A TEAM had to recommend this.

  46. Generally this is not up to the teacher. Most schools, at least in in MN have programs for kids that are struggling. They have specialist who help the kids, put them on plans which include one on one help along with the ability to test in things in a differnt way than other kids. Kids are not just held back for silly reason anymore. The schoold do everything they can to make sure no kid has to repeat.

  47. Holding her back will not make her less shy. Also, I would insist on a developmental evaluation before considering retention to rule out disabilities.

  48. Hell no. Kids grow mentally in bursts the same way they do physically. She could have a “growth spurt” in reading at any time. Unless she is severely behind I would in no way let them hold her back. It will impact her confidence AND her social skills.

  49. I would even go as far to say that even when they’re severely behind they still need progress forward. I’ve taught a student reading at a 1st grade level in 5th grade, the future teacher adapts the curriculum and they have more focused literacy instruction (similar to the split classes). Their literacy all ready impacts them socially because their peers can pick up on who’s still reading etc. but they also have the peer aid of wanting to be at your friends’ level to motivate them.

  50. Elementary teacher here: being shy is NOT a reason to retain a kid. Honestly, there are hardly any reasons to do so, and there’s a lot of evidence that it’s harmful in the long run. You don’t have to agree to this, and if it were my kid I wouldn’t.

  51. I was held back in 1st grade and was in the same grade as my younger sister. Don’t do it!!! It was fine in elementary school but middle and high school it was hard and I ended up switching schools a bunch

  52. I wouldn’t do it, I was held back in kindergarten because I couldn’t speak English very well. Spanish was my first language. My classmates made fun of me, and I always felt very insecure and not intelligent. It honestly carried on throughout my whole life.

  53. HI!! I was the girl that was a year ahead! And I wish my parents held me back a year. I didn’t care about being older. i felt really out of my depth being in the year I was in!

  54. Please, fight for your daughter to move up to second grade. I promise you with all my heart that reading in front of a class is not a reason to hold back a child. If your daughter was behind in everything or most things I could understand, but reading in front of the class? No. Get your daughter tested for dyslexia or reading impediments and have resources in place for your daughter when it comes to reading. But reading in front of the class is not a requirement to keep her behind.

  55. I have a June birthday and my parents decided I should be the oldest rather than the youngest for my grade. People constantly asked if I was held back when they’d find out my birthday and how old I was. It lowered my confidence, I can’t imagine being held back and what that’d do to a child

  56. Do not hold her back, she just doesn’t like reading in front of others this is not a educational issue it’s a shyness issue. She’s not behind she’s just shy!!! Don’t do it she’ll feel stupid forever because she just shy.

  57. I was held back because I was "emotionally unready to learn"...actually it was "can't see past my face, need glasses" and I liked to play. It was too academic/stoic. Would have been better to attend Waldorf.

  58. There has to be more to it then that. I repeated 1st grade, and it was the best thing for me. Age made zero difference, and honestly there were many people the same age as me. If it’s for the right reasons I see no problem with repeating a grade.

  59. Is this a joke? They don’t do this any more. There are integrated special needs children in the class who can’t do a single piece of grade level work, and the children are all at varying levels of ability. They are kept with their peers and supported in class and with resource departments.

  60. Shyness isn't a reason to hold a kid back, it's a reason to get your daughter to maybe see a school counsellor.

  61. My son did first grade twice. Best move we made. So glad we chose that. Looking back it seems odd that the decision was difficult. Good luck. Age is just a number.

  62. It’s true that retention has been shown not to be a great solution for most kids. Especially in upper grades. However, in some situations in k or 1st it can be the most beneficial thing for the student.

  63. If you decide to not repeat, PLEASE hire a tutor. I’ve dealt with too many students who didn’t repeat and struggle tremendously with reading comprehension and/or math issues. Foundations are very important and first grade is where you build them.

  64. I failed first grade and so did my father. My dad was #1 in his field as a scientist. Recognized by leaders around the world. I'm no where near that, but I am a Dean of a College. Kids develop at different rates. Being the oldest in class also means you are going to be the best in grade school. My parents prepared me for it. I will admit it hurt on that last day of first grade to know I was going to stay and all my friends moved on, but I forgot about it pretty fast. But if your child is already 7, it might be different. I recommend talking to a child psychologist, but not the one at the school.

  65. I think most evidence says that, outside of very specific and diagnosed learning disabilities - it’s not a good idea to hold back kids.

  66. Confidence is not a reason to retain a child and the principal probably wouldn't allow it. You need to get more information because this doesnt make sense. The only times I have ever seen this done is if the child is in first grade or below, they are immature, and young for the grade.

  67. Assuming that there aren’t other major factors leading the teacher to make this recommendation that you have left out, this would be a hard pass for me. Don’t let them convince you that this is a necessity … shyness is not a reason to repeat a grade. It’s not a failure FFS, it’s one aspect of her personality (which is still developing!).

  68. They still do this? I was worried that my daughter would be held back bc of her reading skills, but after talking with her teacher and one of the reading specialists at her school they told me that they stopped having kids repeat a grade years ago as there is nothing to prove that holding a kid back is beneficial. Personally, I wouldn't hold her back and maybe consider looking into a reading group for the summer to help her along.

  69. I would never hold my child back if at all possible. Instead, to work on her shyness, I'd enroll her in some sort of summer program. Is she interested in things like acting or maybe some sort of summer camp that would help break her out of her shell.

  70. If what you're saying is the whole story, it's absurd to hold her back. That doesn't even make sense that a teacher would recommend for that. It's so absurd that it makes the story sound untrue or incomplete, but if it is true there isn't a snowballs chance in hell I would hold my kid back for that.

  71. She’s being held back because she won’t read infront of her class? lol wtf nonsense is that. Children have various personalities because they’re like…✨human✨. Confidence and being reserved are not mutually exclusive. She’s in 1st grade, she has her whole life to build confidence while not being shamed for having a reserved nature

  72. In my experience some teachers jump the gun on telling parents their child needs to be retained. They said this about my daughter in 1st. She is a twin so there was no way i was letting that happen. I spoke with the principal who said the teacher should never have said that to me before my daughter had been evaluated by the special education department. We got her IEP in place and now she is flourishing and headed to 5th grade right on track. You have to advocate for your child. So if you feel this is unnecessary, don’t stop exploring all the options available for her. Holding her back would do more harm than good.

  73. No. If you can get her more resources and tutoring, then do so. Holding her back will absolutely crush her confidence and it will impact her school experience for another decade. Don't let them do that to her.

  74. That sounds like a fucking bizarre reason to hold her back. As long as she can read, I would NOT hold her back for having low confidence reading aloud. Just work with her on it over the summer.

  75. Thinking ahead - an eight year old first grader will some day be a twelve year old fifth grader and a twenty year old high school senior.

  76. If she’s reading great at home but shy at school, absolutely not. Continue giving her opportunities for her to read. Maybe encourage her to read a bedtime story to her little sister. Do a theatrical after school program (lots of areas have community theaters). Give her reading time over the summer. But definitely don’t hold her back for it.

  77. Ok I’m an elementary school teacher and this is in no way a reason to repeat a grade. Is she reading on grade level?

  78. NO. Do not let this happen to your child without some incredibly strong reasoning as to what the point of this would be. Shyness is not a disorder. Reading in front of groups is not a mandatory skill, either. I’m so glad you’re asking and hopefully all the responses here will help you in your advocacy for your child.

  79. I am not an expert but it seems like holding her back would be a bad idea. Just imagine her hitting puberty 2 years before everyone else in her grade and how difficult that would be for her. Better in my opinion to get her e reading tutor to work on the specific skills she needs help with.

  80. The only issue is she has trouble reading in front of class? If so I'd say that's not a good enough reason to hold her back. There are lots of adults out there who are uncomfortable doing stuff like that.

  81. I was held back for this exact reason and it bothers me! I love to read but struggled to read out loud (I still do! I'm shy).

  82. Ya that teacher is dumb. It's going to ruin her confidence to be held back a year. No matter what the explanation is, other kids will make fun of her for being held back. Unless there is a legitimate learning issue going on I'd say push her on through.

  83. I'm a teacher, and I'm happy to see that you have called the Principal. I don't understand how the summer school teacher is recommending retention. Did her teacher for the regular school year mention retention at all? And reading in front of the class is the only criteria being used?? NO. Don't agree to this.

  84. There is no real benefit in repeating grade. Just other kids mocking. Just talk to the school in letting her go to the 2nd grade. She's still young, she'll learn to speak infront of an audience. It's fine. Just don't pressure your child and you'll all go a long way.

  85. I know you already got a number of comments stating this but I want to add to the pile. Absolutely ask her to be allowed to the second grade - this is no reason to hold a child back.

  86. My daughter learned pretty much zero in first grade, but that didn't make them ask her to repeat it. She got an IEP and ADHD meds and is doing much better.

  87. Um what? I'm a special education teacher who does reading intervention with middle schoolers. If my student had been held back bc they weren't confident reading in front of their peers they still wouldn't be in middle school. That's an idiot reason to hold a child back.

  88. Teacher here and I have seen it go both ways. I teach 3rd and this past year I had 2 kids who were older and had been held back. One student really has benefitted and is now on grade level and doing great! The other one is still struggling and there is a plan to do further testing at the beginning of next year.

  89. I am a lit consultant to school districts. She needs to be taught to read. What did they do to teach her. What was the intervention. Who was that teacher certified in a program? She maybe dyslexic, go to International Dyslexia assoc.org. and Yale Center of Reading. Don't hold her back reading in front of class is not a reason to hold her back. What is their data? Do not hold her back, find a School that knows what they are doing.

  90. I'm not a medical profession but I am currently working with my daughter to get a psych Ed assessment. I'm doing this because she has issues with reading and a psych Ed assessment done through our local school takes far too long, and I don't want my daughter struggling. But being held back seems like a surprise. There should be a lot more steps before that, and I'm flabbergasted that this would be happening instead of literally everything else.

  91. Yup-research does not support retention as a successful solution. “the research is clear that grade retention has no long-term benefits for student achievement or long-term outcomes and may in fact have negative consequences for both students and districts”

  92. I'm a school psychologist and I can tell you the only time there is any evidence to support retention being effective as an intervention is when there is some sort of extenuating circustance then suggests the next year will be different in a meaningful.way. For example, I recommended retention for a student once that was in the hospital from October and April of her kindergarten year undergoing chemo. She wasn't able to do school in the hospital, she was too sick, so I recommended she start school over.

  93. I stayed back in 2nd grade due to reading issues. I wish my parents just got me help during the summer. The second attempt didn’t make much of a difference and I continued to have issues regardless. The fact that she’s considering keeping her back for “confidence” is ridiculous. I was always embarrassed to share my birthday with my peers and despite being only 8 at the time I still remember the LACK of confidence staying back provided me. I have a son now and if a teacher ever recommended staying back, I would say no let’s give tutoring and therapy a try first. I would spend his summer actually providing him direct assistance.

  94. My sister was held back in the 3rd grade. Same reasoning. Her reading is ok but she could use another year to just get all the way there. She is currently in the final year of her Phd. Kids adapt. They make new friends in their class. In my opinion, better to do it now when they’re so young and adaptable then when they’re older and either really struggling or have stronger connections.

  95. The only time I saw a child be held back was a little girl in my daughters kindergarten class because she has a learning disability and can't retain information. My son is going in to the 3rd grade and there are multiple kids he has had classes with since K that don't like to read in front of people but can kick out a 180 chapter book in a day.

  96. You need to discuss this more in-depth with the teacher. There is more to this. If the teacher feels she would benefit for other reasons, please consider doing iy because I have seen many parents disregard advice of this nature and the kid loses out in the end when he gets left behind.

  97. As an educator, we are really against holding kids back unless they need it (rare). If we are on the fence we are told to let them move up. What is supposed to happen is she should have been offered additional services to help with the reading. I would call the school and have her assessed. The assessment will show if she needs additional services. I would not hold her back.

  98. All children learn at different rates and via different techniques. The school system does not suit every child, in fact, traditional education systems do many children a disservice.

  99. I got held back in the first grade because I had no interest in participating in anything due to the extreme stress of what was going on in my home life.

  100. Teacher here. What data did they present to you to support this recommendation? There’s decoding words part of reading, but also reading comprehension. Do you understand what the data says? Based on what you wrote I assume you don’t understand the reasoning behind it, thus it’s hard to respond to your questions. There’s no such thing as holding a kid back because of shyness.

  101. This is strange I work as a teacher assistant and in order to be left back parents are told midyear if they will likely not be moving on. Not last minute and definitely not for not being able to read in front of a class. Heck I have kids reading at a kindergarten level that are moving to second grade. Maybe NYC Is different.

  102. Are there other problems, or just reading? And is reading actually an issue or is the teacher harping on her ability to read in front of the class? Because this does not seem like a compelling reason to hold your child back.

  103. I am a teacher and I would say that if your child’s teacher is recommending a repeat year, I would listen to her. She may not like the idea at first, and you don’t seem to either, but she will not have nearly as much trouble fitting in to her new class as you think. The flipside is, if she goes onto second grade and falls behind because she wasn’t quite ready, then you’re gonna have to hold her back then. Comes to having a student repeat a grade, the earlier the better, at my school, we generally say that repeating second grade is sort of your “last chance”. In general it’s much better to do it earlier than later.

  104. That is an odd reason to hold her back if that is the only reason they gave you. If she is below level (and you are in the US) ask them to evaluate her to see if she is eligible for an IEP. If she is then she may get additional assistance in school and accommodations she may need.

  105. That is an odd reason to hold her back if that is the only reason they gave you. If she is below level (and you are in the US) ask them to evaluate her to see if she is eligible for an IEP. If she is then she may get additional assistance in school and accommodations she may need to help catch her up. Building confidence is not a reason to hold back a child in my opinion.

  106. Oh yeah she’s shy, we should totally help her by alienating her from her friends and age cohort and saddling her with an inferiority complex. It will literally stick with her forever. What is wrong with this school!? Being shy is something you can outgrow but being held back would haunt me forever.

  107. I am going to get torn to shreds but I would still recommend getting a tutor. As a parent of a girl who will be 8 in November, I feel like being 8 when the other kids are primarily 6 is going to cause issues for her.

  108. I’m a teacher and our superintendent would never approve retaining a child because they were shy to read in front of their class. Children should only be retained if there is reason to believe they would make gains they would not get moving forward to the next grade. This usually only happens if a child has an extreme amount of school, which could fall into educational neglect and is a whole other matter.

  109. I was held back in the 1st grade because of my social skills; it ruined my elementary school experience. I have a brother Quinlan, and he was held back in school. I was ahead of my classmates academically; I was ready to compete with my brother, who was a year older than I was at the time. It did not happen.

  110. There’s been several studies to suggest not being the same age as peers is psychologically damaging in the long run. I’d demand her moved on especially if she’s reading at grade level.

  111. Oh, man, if you start elementary school already able to read, so much doesn't even make sense. I didn't get why the stories were so boring, or the print so large (if I don't know a word when it's small, I won't suddenly know it when you make it an inch high), or what phonics was for. It was years later I realized most kids didn't already know how to read, and my parents had somehow managed to teach me early enough that I don't remember much about the process.

  112. WTF?!? Reading-aloud in front of a class is not a goal of education. Reading aloud at all is a temporary crutch, needed for about 2-3 years, until the child becomes competent enough to read silently. Reading in front of the class is merely a technique to keep children involved and/or assess them. But there are many other ways to ensure children are reading and/or assess them without reading in front of the class.

  113. I would honestly just get a tutor. She will catch up eventually. With enough practice she'll be just fine. Have her tested for dyslexia though or things that might impair how she reads. There could be an underlying reason yk.

  114. I'm going to comment based on experience. Teachers see kids in an environment parents don't have much access to, that means in some situations we should take their advice.

  115. This is great advice. I think it’s wrong for anyone to assume the teacher doesn’t want their students to succeed. More time in the school curriculum could absolutely be a gift, as it was for you.

  116. This same thing happen to me when I was in 1st grade. I was really insecure about it at the time I felt stupid and ashamed, but looking back it was a good thing, they found out I was dyslexia and I got better at reading out loud, I was able to catch up and even excel at all my subjects. The teachers aren't trying to harm your child they are looking out for their best interest

  117. She is not “way older” and if there is a learning (not a shy) thing this is a good thing not a bad thing and this is the IDEAL time for it to happen, she will have nolongterm memory of it and no negative connotation unless you supply both.. It is enormously better to nip the problem now than to keep passing her on and letting it get worse If it is just “shy” get more info/opinions

  118. I would encourage you and her teacher to read up on the psychological and sociological impacts of holding children back in grades. It's grade 1- she has years to figure shit out. Perhaps the teacher can check out the different intelligences and some new lesson plans on how to help her future students

  119. I hate to tell you this but please research the history of holding kids back. It's based on racism. It's meant for minorities not the majority. Most kids with good support will do fine moving on.

  120. So there going to leave your kid behind. What a concept. She will be a better person for it. Instead of these entitled kids.

  121. She's already old for the grade because she was born in September, just after the cut-off. Add in being held back another year and she'll be eight in a roomful of six-year-olds. That's a big difference at that age!

  122. Let her move to the next grade. Everyone learns and does things differently. She will blossom the older she gets and if there is no other reason to hold her back, it could end up hurting her. I believe she should continue on. They don't have to be public speakers at that age and some children will read out loud and others will not but it's not a reason for hold back

  123. From a mom that was told the same thing with my oldest, don’t do it! You have the right to keep her back or move her aling. There are plenty if times when she’ll be ready to just read in front of others. My oldest repeated 2nd grade. His junior year, he was 17/18, his senior year 18/19. Graduated at 19yrs old in 2020. Don’t do it!

  124. It sounds like a ridiculous excuse to hold back the kid, and it might mess up her confidence. Do you trust this teacher?

  125. Have you actually discussed this with the school? Her teacher does not get to make this decision alone. She may recommend it, but there should be discussion between you, the teacher and principal (and possibly others) before any final decision is made

  126. My wife, who is 42, hates to read a loud. She hated it in middle school all the way till she graduated college. Poor woman, struggled in speech class in college. Your daughter is fine, if she is doing great in all other subjects then she should go on to the next grade. Being shy in front of a crowd should not be the reason she is held back.

  127. We thought my kindergartener needed to be held back and the school said they do not do this bc its worse for the kids confidence. She said most kids catch up and we have him with a tutor to help. Good luck!!

  128. Can you give us any info on the teacher? Is this her first year teaching? Does she have a history of holding children back?

  129. That’s kind of a dumb reason for her to be held back in my opinion. Have her read during vacation. If anything being held back will lower her confidence and make her think she did something bad to deserve that. And that’s mean. Let her move up with her friends.

  130. I would NEVER hold back a first grader. That's insane. That said, you guys need to try harder to get her up to speed. I slacked off and did zero work with my first-grade daughter for the first quarter of last year. She had bad grades and the teacher was worried. We started doing daily 30 minute sessions together and she ended the year being on the honor roll. You get out what you put in!

  131. It sounds like you made a good choice in delaying her entry back when she started Kindergarten. I’m guessing that you went with your mom instincts then. I think that you should go with your instincts for this too. I have a child that I also delayed entry with and his birthday is also in September. His classmates already point out that he’s the oldest, but ultimately I know that I made the right choice to delay him. If a teacher ever suggested that I hold him back in another grade, we would have had to exhaust all other resources before I’d ever consider it.

  132. While I would also be hesitant to hold your child back, I think you need more information. You say she reads well at home but what are you comparing her to. Is she on par or well behind her peers? If you do decide not to hold her back, you should be prepared to take steps outside of normal school to ensure she is getting caught up (whatever that means in your daughters case) because if she is struggling now, it is reasonable to assume the struggle will continue and get worse unless you take proactive steps to help her. I would look into tutoring or other outside programs that can work with and also evaluate her or else you may end up with a 14 year old who is very behind her peers and it becomes even more difficult at that point to bridge the gap.

  133. Has she been evaluated to be in an IEP program for extra assistance? My daughter was behind on reading and was in speech therapy. She got extra help at school and finally caught up in 4th grade. She's an honor role student now in middle school. I would at least explore other options before holding her back.

  134. My brother was almost a full year younger than all his classmates. It was recommended in kindergarten and again in first grade that he be held back. There wasn't anything wrong developmentally/educationally other than he just "wasn't where they wanted him".

  135. Get her tutoring if she needs it. My daughter had a learning disability and dyslexia. She was socially way ahead of the other kids in her compassion, sports and musical ability. The last thing she needed was to be a year older. The time for "holding back" would be 5 and mostly with boys. My daughter had a late June birthday and the bottom line is we did outside tutoring, special school tutoring, etc. She is now 20 and just finished her 2nd year of college. I'd say we did the right thing, but of course each child is unique. By the way... there are many adults who still don't read out loud very well. That is a silly reason. If she needs more people exposure, sign her up for theatre :--).

  136. Some kids don't ever "get confidence" (or, more accurately, the right kid of confidence as dictated by a teacher). Some adults have a hard time speaking or reading in front of others. It is not a maturity thing.

  137. That really seems like a specious reason to hold a kid back. Especially since she's already older. If she's hitting benchmarks and can do the work, and has no real developmental delays, there's no reason to hold her back. I would talk to the teacher again. And maybe take it up the chain of command.

  138. This is why they want to hold her back? Confidence reading in front of people, even though she can read pretty well? That's not a reason for such an extreme move. That's ridiculous and you ought to push her forward and it can never hurt to get a tutor or some outside help just to make sure.

  139. I wouldn't hold my child back of a confidence issue. I don't know if I would at all, but definitely not for something like that. I've never been comfortable with public speaking, it's just part of who I am. At age 8 she has friends and will understand that she's having to repeat the first grade and they aren't. Especially considering she was already one of the oldest in her class, it would not be something she liked as she got older if the gap for even larger. That would be a major strike on my confidence. Please don't do it, especially if she's keeping up with her peers academically. Some people are introverted and that is NOT a character flaw!

  140. My neice’s mother held her back in kindergarten and it has NOT been a positive experience. She is older than all the kids and everyone seems to notice. It’s really bothered her. Not to mention once they realize her age she says she was held back and that leads to the kids making fun of her saying she failed. I tried to warn her mother of this before she did it but she didn’t want to bother with paying a tutor and now her child suffers because of it.

  141. A friend of mine whose daughter was born in Oct was recommended by her daughter’s kindergarten teacher to repeat kindergarten. At the time my friend didn’t think it was necessary. By the time her daughter finished elementary school, my friend realized her daughter was not ready for middle school. Academically she was fine, but she was behind maturity-wise, so she couldn’t keep up socially and no friends. My son, only a month older than her, was already a lot more mature.

  142. My neice’s mother held her back in kindergarten and it has NOT been a positive experience. She is older than all the kids and everyone seems to notice. It’s really bothered her. Not to mention once they realize her age she says she was held back and that leads to the kids making fun of her saying she failed. I tried to warn her mother of this before she did it but she didn’t want to bother with paying a tutor and now her child suffers because of it.

  143. I almost feel as if the decision to be held back should be done before joining the grade and not after having been established there?

  144. If the only issue is reading to the class then this is an insane solution. There is not gurantee she will be less shy and shemay be more self conscious after being held back

  145. Maybe you can put her in theatre or dance extracurriculars? Something that will help her build her confidence? Definitely don’t hold her back if you can help it, especially if her little sister is going to be in the same grade

  146. As someone actually had this happen to me and it didn't really have a negative effect. I was fantastic at math but hated reading so I fell back on reading/writing. I discovered comics in between those two years and went from can't read for shit to reading at an advance level.

  147. Have her move her forward but ask she be tested for services at the beginning of next year…. I would not hold any kid back… there are better ways

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