She’s not wrong

  1. My ex was exactly this. Though he would also purposely take longer to get ready because he thought it was funny how worried I’d get about being late

  2. I browse on my phone amd don't realize how long I've been sitting there till I look at the time. There that is something you know now.

  3. But wouldn't you rather browse your phone while not sitting in a poop-scented environment? Fun fact: Every time you smell poop, that's little tiny particles of it entering your nose. Imagine the amount that's settling/collecting on your clothes and skin.

  4. As a dude whose poops rarely go over 5 minutes I’ve wondered that myself... people who poop 3-4 times a day, 20-40 minutes every time, what do you do with the other 10% of your day?

  5. I poop twice a day for about 15-20 minutes. It’s my me time. Takes a few minutes sometimes to get it going, then I get the bulk of it, but there’s always the trouble maker that takes a few extra minutes to make its way out the gate. I don’t understand you 5 minute poopers. Do you wait until it’s straight up prairie-doggin before you even get to the shitter?

  6. I used to be that guy, then I stopped bring my phone into the bathroom. Once sometimes twice a day, out in under 5 minutes. Squatty potty also helps!

  7. It's private time. No one can bother you in pooper and people can't question it. When you live or work in a place where your private space is not respected there's only one place to go for some peace and quiet.

  8. I just, get kinda invested in my phone and then forget I’m on the toilet. That happens pretty much every poop for me.

  9. im going to say all of my shits are sub minute. takes longer to wash my hands. Longest shit of my life is when i ate like a lb of sunflower seeds + shell. that one was a toilet gripping leg trembling shit.

  10. It took me 40 minutes to poop as a kid because I held in my poops because I didn’t like pooping and it made me constipated. The constipation made me hate pooping even more so I kept holding it in longer and it was just a vicious cycle. Id sometimes go a whole week without pooping. Idk how I never got sick

  11. Honestly. It’s just to get away for a bit. When you’re in the bathroom it’s just you, a comfy seat where you can drop your trousers and whatever else you feel like bringing in.

  12. I can't speak for men but sometimes I spend extra time in the bathroom just to get away from people. Sometimes it's the only me time I have.

  13. I take literally 2 minutes to evacuate, I don't understand people who spend like a half hour on the shitter.

  14. I guarantee you 90% of men just sit on their phones. You spend 2 minutes pooping. 17 chillin. 1 waiting for your circulation to resume.

  15. Honest answer I shit once a day and it takes maybe 5 min. The rest of the time spent is just my moment of peace. I feel nice and isolated where no one will interrupt me or ask me for anything.

  16. I take 5 minutes pooping and 20 minutes avoiding work, it's called being smart lol. Or lazy, your choice.

  17. I don't go 3-4 times a day but I literally can't poo shorter than 15 minutes. It has been like this since I started making memories and yes I eat a lot of fiber.

  18. Usually I got to poop if it comes and sometimes it comes 3 4 times a day. So I have decided I won't do time pass out play games any other time to focus on work. But only while pooping I will do those things. So it generally takes me 15 20 mins to poop. And if I'm writing this comment you should probably know what I'm doing on side ¯_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

  19. So me, i take 40 minutes to poop because i assume something is very wrong with me. Im thirty something and ive been like this for sure since i was in my late teens. I eat a ton of fiber and i drink adequate water, and i expect ill die of colon cancer someday because i just dont shit every day, and when i do, it’s an ordeal. Yeah im shitting right now, yeah you can probably see a solid block of posts going back an hour since i started, yeah i just said that.

  20. If my shit takes longer than 10 minutes, I start to worry that there’s something wrong with me.

  21. Yeah sometimes I'm just chilling in the bathroom or trying to get the bat to fly the chute and I swear to myself this last push will give me the freedom I desire.

  22. I have Crohn’s disease and it’s a pain in the ass (no pun intended). I’ve lost so much time in the toilet.

  23. I am also a speed pooper. The time from entering the bathroom to leaving the bathroom (hands washed, of course) can be as little as 60 seconds. I’m not holding it in or anything, I just poop at record speeds.

  24. The only person I ever knew who took that long "didn't push" and would take almost an hour each time.

  25. In the four years I've known him my manager's lunches have solely consisted of a big hunk of meat and a single, prepackaged cookie wrapped in cling wrap. Every. Single. Day.

  26. That was basically my lunch until I started dating a chef. Now it's a true complete meal that I get scolded over at like a child if I pick out the vegetables.

  27. The weirdest part of this story is that he wraps a prepackaged cookie in cling wrap. I wonder if he double wraps every package.

  28. My ex used to shit blood. Poor guy. He developed his condition in the military, had a surgery, but stress would make him poop blood still. I hope he is okay wherever he is.

  29. I always just assume he is jerking off. He says he doesn’t, but let’s be real here lol

  30. But you’re on reddit though... that’s the answer. That’s why it takes us so long. It’s a tiny little bit of self-care me-time that nobody interrupts.

  31. Bruh my dad would sit on the toilet for like an hour each time he went and that was BEFORE he got constipation 😭

  32. for most guys it takes 40 minutes because 5 minutes is spent pooping and 35 scrolling on whatever not 40 min of pooping. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

  33. Please tell me then what my dad was doing when I was a kid in the nineties because he was definitely in the bathroom for that long often and he was definitely pooping because his farts were loud and we could hear them.

  34. It took way too long to get down to this response! If I'm trying to leave the house to be somewhere, I don't want to be left waiting more than 5 minutes tops. I wouldnt mind if it took you 5 hours to get ready, as long as you're ready to leave at leaving time!

  35. The bathroom is one of the few places I get to enjoy true privacy, so I'm gonna enjoy it. Enjoy it for 40 minutes? No, not unless I am taking the unholiest of shits that make my guts feel like I've swallowed hot lead. I take 20 minutes at most, once a day, and I just scroll endlessly on my phone until I feel like my circulation is gonna be gone forever.

  36. Pull a pro-gamer move and do what Jerma985 does: bring your whole computer into the bathroom. The audio is fantastic in there, I'm surprised more streamers don't move into their bathrooms frankly.

  37. I never understood that either. When I go take a shit, it's all business. Two minutes tops. I'm not sitting there for half an hour, pushing it in and out or whatever the fuck it is these people do.

  38. I mean, who really want to spend their 20-40 minutes twice day inhaling their own shit anyway. Most would gagged.

  39. Protip: If someone is taking a long time in the bathroom, its because they want time away from people/noise/etc.

  40. Serious answer? It’s a little bit of self-care quiet time to yourself that nobody interrupts. Just sitting and chilling on your phone. It’s nice. We’re not pooping for more than a couple minutes.

  41. I feel like everyone on this thread is ignoring the fact that wiping takes way longer with a hairy asshole. Like, have the words “hairy asshole” been shadowbanned from this thread or something? Anyway, I have a hairy asshole and it takes forever to wipe. I switched to baby wipes for a while, which cut down wiping time by a good 80%, but they arent good for the environment so I’m back to square one again.

  42. I am such a fast pooper, I had an ex ask me how I could have possibly taken a shit in less than 7 minutes. I don’t like wasting time in the bathroom; sorry bro.

  43. Can't speak for everyone but my gay friends intentionally eat fiber rich diets or take supplements so they're 'clean' down there and there's less chance of residue during anal.

  44. I actually had a coworker who would spend that time pooping. It was like a weird thing he'd share about himself that his poops took way too long.

  45. Are people actually jerking it to porn in the middle of the fucking day with people outside the bathroom? Jesus fucking christ that is squalid

  46. Lol my partner literally can take 30 mins until I text him “you fell asleep there?” And will shout , followed by “coming!”

  47. Ok I have an excuse, I have an unnaturally large storage area and poop every 5 days lmao. Lemme take my time with the dump truck that is getting released.

  48. Ha, jokes on you, I spread my gaping asshole out over the toilet so my turds plop out like eggs while removing the need for toilet paper. I finish in a record two minutes.

  49. I’m confused why so many grown men need to hide in the bathroom for alone time. I love having time to myself but I’m not gonna hog a shared bathroom space to do that/ who are you hiding from

  50. Fuxk. She completely and 100 procent right and im writing this from toilet and my legs are pretty numb from my elbows and laughing my fucking shitty ass off Hahhshshhshs

  51. My ex used to take for fucking ever in the bathroom. Sometimes I’d ask if he was jacking off or fell asleep but he swore up and down that he was genuinely just pooping. Eventually after some more probing my brother-in-law found out why: he didn’t flex any muscles to defecate, apparently. Like, I guess he just... Sat over the bowl scrolling his phone and waiting for it to fall out or something. We were so confused.

  52. I watched this whilst on one of my 40 minute poop breaks and I feel personally attacked. I probably am gunna try a fibre one bar now tho

  53. should i upvote this for being tiktok cringe or downvote this for being cringe in a sub where most posts are non-cringe?

  54. Why the fuck are guys saying they hide in the bathrooms from their families?? Like, how much of a cunt is your wife you have to pretend to shit to get a moment's peace? How insufferable are your children? ALSO: hanging out in the bathroom is gross Bathrooms are filthy. Go take a drive if you want some alone time, goddam

  55. It's cute that someone thinks Fiber 1 is healthy. Gotta love America's knowledge on food. It's a candy bar.

  56. Yesss I love her voice. It’s killing me trying to figure out which actress it reminds me of. Also does she have a slight lisp? Idk but love it

  57. i don’t understand this response. like r u incapable of setting boundaries and securing privacy that u literally have to result to hanging out in human waste? like.......really?

  58. Not trying to be mean, but does anyone else notice her face is shaped like a downward pointing pentagon?

  59. I could eat more fiber and broccoli, but the amount of poop would only double, and the cleanup effort to have tp as white as it should be would only add to the time.

  60. I take so long because i want some peace and quiet. It's easier to get some quiet time in the bathroom than it is to frig off and hide for a while.

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