But wouldn't you rather browse your phone while not sitting in a poop-scented environment? Fun fact: Every time you smell poop, that's little tiny particles of it entering your nose. Imagine the amount that's settling/collecting on your clothes and skin.
As a dude whose poops rarely go over 5 minutes I’ve wondered that myself... people who poop 3-4 times a day, 20-40 minutes every time, what do you do with the other 10% of your day?
I poop twice a day for about 15-20 minutes. It’s my me time. Takes a few minutes sometimes to get it going, then I get the bulk of it, but there’s always the trouble maker that takes a few extra minutes to make its way out the gate. I don’t understand you 5 minute poopers. Do you wait until it’s straight up prairie-doggin before you even get to the shitter?
It's private time. No one can bother you in pooper and people can't question it. When you live or work in a place where your private space is not respected there's only one place to go for some peace and quiet.
im going to say all of my shits are sub minute. takes longer to wash my hands. Longest shit of my life is when i ate like a lb of sunflower seeds + shell. that one was a toilet gripping leg trembling shit.
It took me 40 minutes to poop as a kid because I held in my poops because I didn’t like pooping and it made me constipated. The constipation made me hate pooping even more so I kept holding it in longer and it was just a vicious cycle. Id sometimes go a whole week without pooping. Idk how I never got sick
Honestly. It’s just to get away for a bit. When you’re in the bathroom it’s just you, a comfy seat where you can drop your trousers and whatever else you feel like bringing in.
Honest answer I shit once a day and it takes maybe 5 min. The rest of the time spent is just my moment of peace. I feel nice and isolated where no one will interrupt me or ask me for anything.
I don't go 3-4 times a day but I literally can't poo shorter than 15 minutes. It has been like this since I started making memories and yes I eat a lot of fiber.
Usually I got to poop if it comes and sometimes it comes 3 4 times a day. So I have decided I won't do time pass out play games any other time to focus on work. But only while pooping I will do those things. So it generally takes me 15 20 mins to poop. And if I'm writing this comment you should probably know what I'm doing on side ¯_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯
So me, i take 40 minutes to poop because i assume something is very wrong with me. Im thirty something and ive been like this for sure since i was in my late teens. I eat a ton of fiber and i drink adequate water, and i expect ill die of colon cancer someday because i just dont shit every day, and when i do, it’s an ordeal. Yeah im shitting right now, yeah you can probably see a solid block of posts going back an hour since i started, yeah i just said that.
Yeah sometimes I'm just chilling in the bathroom or trying to get the bat to fly the chute and I swear to myself this last push will give me the freedom I desire.
I am also a speed pooper. The time from entering the bathroom to leaving the bathroom (hands washed, of course) can be as little as 60 seconds. I’m not holding it in or anything, I just poop at record speeds.
In the four years I've known him my manager's lunches have solely consisted of a big hunk of meat and a single, prepackaged cookie wrapped in cling wrap. Every. Single. Day.
That was basically my lunch until I started dating a chef. Now it's a true complete meal that I get scolded over at like a child if I pick out the vegetables.
My ex used to shit blood. Poor guy. He developed his condition in the military, had a surgery, but stress would make him poop blood still. I hope he is okay wherever he is.
for most guys it takes 40 minutes because 5 minutes is spent pooping and 35 scrolling on whatever not 40 min of pooping. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Please tell me then what my dad was doing when I was a kid in the nineties because he was definitely in the bathroom for that long often and he was definitely pooping because his farts were loud and we could hear them.
It took way too long to get down to this response! If I'm trying to leave the house to be somewhere, I don't want to be left waiting more than 5 minutes tops. I wouldnt mind if it took you 5 hours to get ready, as long as you're ready to leave at leaving time!
The bathroom is one of the few places I get to enjoy true privacy, so I'm gonna enjoy it. Enjoy it for 40 minutes? No, not unless I am taking the unholiest of shits that make my guts feel like I've swallowed hot lead. I take 20 minutes at most, once a day, and I just scroll endlessly on my phone until I feel like my circulation is gonna be gone forever.
Pull a pro-gamer move and do what Jerma985 does: bring your whole computer into the bathroom. The audio is fantastic in there, I'm surprised more streamers don't move into their bathrooms frankly.
I never understood that either. When I go take a shit, it's all business. Two minutes tops. I'm not sitting there for half an hour, pushing it in and out or whatever the fuck it is these people do.
Serious answer? It’s a little bit of self-care quiet time to yourself that nobody interrupts. Just sitting and chilling on your phone. It’s nice. We’re not pooping for more than a couple minutes.
I feel like everyone on this thread is ignoring the fact that wiping takes way longer with a hairy asshole. Like, have the words “hairy asshole” been shadowbanned from this thread or something? Anyway, I have a hairy asshole and it takes forever to wipe. I switched to baby wipes for a while, which cut down wiping time by a good 80%, but they arent good for the environment so I’m back to square one again.
I am such a fast pooper, I had an ex ask me how I could have possibly taken a shit in less than 7 minutes. I don’t like wasting time in the bathroom; sorry bro.
Can't speak for everyone but my gay friends intentionally eat fiber rich diets or take supplements so they're 'clean' down there and there's less chance of residue during anal.
Ok I have an excuse, I have an unnaturally large storage area and poop every 5 days lmao. Lemme take my time with the dump truck that is getting released.
Ha, jokes on you, I spread my gaping asshole out over the toilet so my turds plop out like eggs while removing the need for toilet paper. I finish in a record two minutes.
I’m confused why so many grown men need to hide in the bathroom for alone time. I love having time to myself but I’m not gonna hog a shared bathroom space to do that/ who are you hiding from
Fuxk. She completely and 100 procent right and im writing this from toilet and my legs are pretty numb from my elbows and laughing my fucking shitty ass off Hahhshshhshs
My ex used to take for fucking ever in the bathroom. Sometimes I’d ask if he was jacking off or fell asleep but he swore up and down that he was genuinely just pooping. Eventually after some more probing my brother-in-law found out why: he didn’t flex any muscles to defecate, apparently. Like, I guess he just... Sat over the bowl scrolling his phone and waiting for it to fall out or something. We were so confused.
Why the fuck are guys saying they hide in the bathrooms from their families?? Like, how much of a cunt is your wife you have to pretend to shit to get a moment's peace? How insufferable are your children? ALSO: hanging out in the bathroom is gross Bathrooms are filthy. Go take a drive if you want some alone time, goddam
i don’t understand this response. like r u incapable of setting boundaries and securing privacy that u literally have to result to hanging out in human waste? like.......really?
I could eat more fiber and broccoli, but the amount of poop would only double, and the cleanup effort to have tp as white as it should be would only add to the time.
Welcome to
I'm a lucky gal because I found myself a man who takes forever to get ready and forever to poop.
My ex was exactly this. Though he would also purposely take longer to get ready because he thought it was funny how worried I’d get about being late
Haha same. He takes his sweet time.
I'm trans so I also got both going for me.
I browse on my phone amd don't realize how long I've been sitting there till I look at the time. There that is something you know now.
I feel like we should watch you and remind you to get off your phone every now and then.
I watch YouTube but a 15 min video always feels like it was over in 5.
Until your legs go numb?
Literaly on the toilet at work and its been 12 minutes. I haven't even started yet
Sometimes I got a lot of poop. More fiber =more poop.
But wouldn't you rather browse your phone while not sitting in a poop-scented environment? Fun fact: Every time you smell poop, that's little tiny particles of it entering your nose. Imagine the amount that's settling/collecting on your clothes and skin.
As a dude whose poops rarely go over 5 minutes I’ve wondered that myself... people who poop 3-4 times a day, 20-40 minutes every time, what do you do with the other 10% of your day?
We’re not pooping. We’re hiding.
Who tf poops 4 times a day
I poop twice a day for about 15-20 minutes. It’s my me time. Takes a few minutes sometimes to get it going, then I get the bulk of it, but there’s always the trouble maker that takes a few extra minutes to make its way out the gate. I don’t understand you 5 minute poopers. Do you wait until it’s straight up prairie-doggin before you even get to the shitter?
I used to be that guy, then I stopped bring my phone into the bathroom. Once sometimes twice a day, out in under 5 minutes. Squatty potty also helps!
I just save it all for work so I get paid to do it.
5 minutes to poop, 35 minutes to read news articles until my legs fall asleep.
It's private time. No one can bother you in pooper and people can't question it. When you live or work in a place where your private space is not respected there's only one place to go for some peace and quiet.
I just, get kinda invested in my phone and then forget I’m on the toilet. That happens pretty much every poop for me.
im going to say all of my shits are sub minute. takes longer to wash my hands. Longest shit of my life is when i ate like a lb of sunflower seeds + shell. that one was a toilet gripping leg trembling shit.
I'm just chilling on my phone man
It's for hiding. Nobody can get you in there and you can just like be alive for a few minutes
It took me 40 minutes to poop as a kid because I held in my poops because I didn’t like pooping and it made me constipated. The constipation made me hate pooping even more so I kept holding it in longer and it was just a vicious cycle. Id sometimes go a whole week without pooping. Idk how I never got sick
Ulcerative colitis gang checking in.
lol seriously.
Honestly. It’s just to get away for a bit. When you’re in the bathroom it’s just you, a comfy seat where you can drop your trousers and whatever else you feel like bringing in.
I can't speak for men but sometimes I spend extra time in the bathroom just to get away from people. Sometimes it's the only me time I have.
I take literally 2 minutes to evacuate, I don't understand people who spend like a half hour on the shitter.
those unfortunately cursed with irritable bowl syndrome or other digestion related problems.
I guarantee you 90% of men just sit on their phones. You spend 2 minutes pooping. 17 chillin. 1 waiting for your circulation to resume.
The 30 minute poopers I’ve known only go once sometimes twice a day. The fuck are they doing In there?
jacking off
Well I only shit when I consume lactose so idk
I feel like this thread was made for me but I'm probably too late
My phone: youtube, snap, reddit. The abominable trio
3% is jacking off while the 5% is finding worthy jack off material 2% is when post nut clarity hits
We are sitting on the toilet, playing on our phone, until our legs fall asleep
Honest answer I shit once a day and it takes maybe 5 min. The rest of the time spent is just my moment of peace. I feel nice and isolated where no one will interrupt me or ask me for anything.
I take 5 minutes pooping and 20 minutes avoiding work, it's called being smart lol. Or lazy, your choice.
I don't go 3-4 times a day but I literally can't poo shorter than 15 minutes. It has been like this since I started making memories and yes I eat a lot of fiber.
you know how much ass hair I got? Can't grow a beard but Ive been cursed with puberty
Usually I got to poop if it comes and sometimes it comes 3 4 times a day. So I have decided I won't do time pass out play games any other time to focus on work. But only while pooping I will do those things. So it generally takes me 15 20 mins to poop. And if I'm writing this comment you should probably know what I'm doing on side ¯_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯
So me, i take 40 minutes to poop because i assume something is very wrong with me. Im thirty something and ive been like this for sure since i was in my late teens. I eat a ton of fiber and i drink adequate water, and i expect ill die of colon cancer someday because i just dont shit every day, and when i do, it’s an ordeal. Yeah im shitting right now, yeah you can probably see a solid block of posts going back an hour since i started, yeah i just said that.
I wanna get it all outta my system, man...
I'm on my phone. I dont poop at home, I make sure im paid for my shit
5 minutes pooping, 35 minutes on my phone.
When I poop I get on Reddit and then it’s downhill from there.
20 min of paid poop time my dude.
If my shit takes longer than 10 minutes, I start to worry that there’s something wrong with me.
Yeah sometimes I'm just chilling in the bathroom or trying to get the bat to fly the chute and I swear to myself this last push will give me the freedom I desire.
I have Crohn’s disease and it’s a pain in the ass (no pun intended). I’ve lost so much time in the toilet.
they are on their phones.
Home 5 mins, at work 1 hour
I am also a speed pooper. The time from entering the bathroom to leaving the bathroom (hands washed, of course) can be as little as 60 seconds. I’m not holding it in or anything, I just poop at record speeds.
The only person I ever knew who took that long "didn't push" and would take almost an hour each time.
HA jokes on her I drink too much beer and haven’t had a solid poop in 3 weeks.
Exactly. In the last three years i definitely take longer to piss than take a shit.
Wait does beer affect poop consistency
This is why I make sure to hit the dollar menu. Go to slow the system a little bit.
In the four years I've known him my manager's lunches have solely consisted of a big hunk of meat and a single, prepackaged cookie wrapped in cling wrap. Every. Single. Day.
I eat fiber but my adhd meds basically force my bowels to vacate before my body can reabsorb the water and turn them solid.
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That was basically my lunch until I started dating a chef. Now it's a true complete meal that I get scolded over at like a child if I pick out the vegetables.
The weirdest part of this story is that he wraps a prepackaged cookie in cling wrap. I wonder if he double wraps every package.
If he's a diabetic on a diet and a budget, he's suffering. I try every damn day, always fail.
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Is your boss ron swanson lol
My ex used to shit blood. Poor guy. He developed his condition in the military, had a surgery, but stress would make him poop blood still. I hope he is okay wherever he is.
Sounds like crohn's disease (source: I have crohn's disease)
Dude needs some fiber in his life
The fuck is a broccoli?
Green cauliflower
An opera singer I think
They are dicking around on their phones.
I always just assume he is jerking off. He says he doesn’t, but let’s be real here lol
As a guy who is reading this while pooping... I feel called out
But you’re on reddit though... that’s the answer. That’s why it takes us so long. It’s a tiny little bit of self-care me-time that nobody interrupts.
Bruh my dad would sit on the toilet for like an hour each time he went and that was BEFORE he got constipation 😭
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I feel attacked. It's true.
That sounds amazing, good on you for becoming a vegetable ninja!
for most guys it takes 40 minutes because 5 minutes is spent pooping and 35 scrolling on whatever not 40 min of pooping. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Please tell me then what my dad was doing when I was a kid in the nineties because he was definitely in the bathroom for that long often and he was definitely pooping because his farts were loud and we could hear them.
Girls cannot scroll while on the toilet confirmed
I love a good Turd Talk.
Or we have a two second shit but somehow reveal three more piles of shit when wiping
Broccoli is the best!
i have mine steamed with a little butter and some mayo... fuck outta here with miracle whip tho
I don’t care how long it takes you to get ready or poop, as long as you’re on time to scheduled events
It took way too long to get down to this response! If I'm trying to leave the house to be somewhere, I don't want to be left waiting more than 5 minutes tops. I wouldnt mind if it took you 5 hours to get ready, as long as you're ready to leave at leaving time!
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Why
she's asking the real questions tho
I’m on my phone browsing Reddit usually, then I go “I’ve been on here for 20 minutes?”
The bathroom is one of the few places I get to enjoy true privacy, so I'm gonna enjoy it. Enjoy it for 40 minutes? No, not unless I am taking the unholiest of shits that make my guts feel like I've swallowed hot lead. I take 20 minutes at most, once a day, and I just scroll endlessly on my phone until I feel like my circulation is gonna be gone forever.
Bc I read reddit and watch shitty YouTube videos on there... which I am actually doing rn.
Pull a pro-gamer move and do what Jerma985 does: bring your whole computer into the bathroom. The audio is fantastic in there, I'm surprised more streamers don't move into their bathrooms frankly.
I never understood that either. When I go take a shit, it's all business. Two minutes tops. I'm not sitting there for half an hour, pushing it in and out or whatever the fuck it is these people do.
I mean, who really want to spend their 20-40 minutes twice day inhaling their own shit anyway. Most would gagged.
Protip: If someone is taking a long time in the bathroom, its because they want time away from people/noise/etc.
Every single straight man I have dated has taken 30+ minutes to shit. Why?
What does sexuality have anything to do with how long guys take to have a shit-
Serious answer? It’s a little bit of self-care quiet time to yourself that nobody interrupts. Just sitting and chilling on your phone. It’s nice. We’re not pooping for more than a couple minutes.
He's either masturbating or looking at his phone and lost track of time
How does being straight factor in this equation. Is it mostly diet I.e fiber
I feel like everyone on this thread is ignoring the fact that wiping takes way longer with a hairy asshole. Like, have the words “hairy asshole” been shadowbanned from this thread or something? Anyway, I have a hairy asshole and it takes forever to wipe. I switched to baby wipes for a while, which cut down wiping time by a good 80%, but they arent good for the environment so I’m back to square one again.
I am such a fast pooper, I had an ex ask me how I could have possibly taken a shit in less than 7 minutes. I don’t like wasting time in the bathroom; sorry bro.
Why the emphasis on straight guys I don’t get it? Do gays poop lady like?
How about the married, gay ones?
That's the part of the question that got me. Why call out straight men?
Probably to get away from you for 30mins
Why does being straight have to do with this?
Some gays have spent too long in the closet to be stuck in a bathroom for a long time.
Can't speak for everyone but my gay friends intentionally eat fiber rich diets or take supplements so they're 'clean' down there and there's less chance of residue during anal.
also i dont think she's dating gay guys, can't really comment on them lol
Yeah, I had to rewatch. Very confused on why she felt the need to throw it in lol
I would assume it's because gay guys aren't the ones shitting on her for wearing makeup?
Tbh I go to the bathroom to use my phone rather than to take a shit
happy cake day!!!
Where's that video of the dude pooping on the street? Three seconds flat.
Maybe he wasn't a straight guy named Conner
Fuck this made my day
Who's Brock Lee?
This made me laugh way more than it should have
Jokes on you mt asshole is so loose i never have to shit
Mount asshole
My husband takes longer then I do to get ready for work and everything!
WHY IS SHE TALKING WITH HER LOWER LIPS!??
who the fuck takes 40 minutes to poop? Takes like 5 minutes tops.
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Save time by not wiping
I need to know what argument happened with her and Conner to prompt this
It’s no surprise her man needs some quiet time.
She really has no idea he's playing games or watching porn on his phone?
I actually had a coworker who would spend that time pooping. It was like a weird thing he'd share about himself that his poops took way too long.
Are people actually jerking it to porn in the middle of the fucking day with people outside the bathroom? Jesus fucking christ that is squalid
Right?
Lmfao what if you do both 😂
Burn
Lol my partner literally can take 30 mins until I text him “you fell asleep there?” And will shout , followed by “coming!”
Oh that’s not the reason why I take so long to shit I’m just polishing the old rod
Ok I have an excuse, I have an unnaturally large storage area and poop every 5 days lmao. Lemme take my time with the dump truck that is getting released.
Connor is jerking off in there
It takes me about 2 minutes to poop...unless I'm at work
I take like 20 minutes to poop. I'm not pooping the whole time. I'm having some relaxing alone time.
Ha, jokes on you, I spread my gaping asshole out over the toilet so my turds plop out like eggs while removing the need for toilet paper. I finish in a record two minutes.
It's not that it takes 40 minutes to poop, it's because we take our phones in there
Is nobody going to mention the fact that we masturbate sometimes in the name of poop ?
I’m confused why so many grown men need to hide in the bathroom for alone time. I love having time to myself but I’m not gonna hog a shared bathroom space to do that/ who are you hiding from
Why does her mouth look so weird
He's taking a break from you.
Because i be on that damn phone
Everyone knows that bathrooms are meant for wanking smh
Fuxk. She completely and 100 procent right and im writing this from toilet and my legs are pretty numb from my elbows and laughing my fucking shitty ass off Hahhshshhshs
Nobody tell them why we’re really in the bathroom so often 🤫
Using your phone while you shit puts shit particles on your phone. This is bad for a number of reasons.
My ex used to take for fucking ever in the bathroom. Sometimes I’d ask if he was jacking off or fell asleep but he swore up and down that he was genuinely just pooping. Eventually after some more probing my brother-in-law found out why: he didn’t flex any muscles to defecate, apparently. Like, I guess he just... Sat over the bowl scrolling his phone and waiting for it to fall out or something. We were so confused.
Me who eats both of them and still can’t shit
I use 40 minutes browsing reddit because that's the only time my parents leave me alone
10 minutes to poop. 30 minutes to laugh at stupid shit on reddit.
I watched this whilst on one of my 40 minute poop breaks and I feel personally attacked. I probably am gunna try a fibre one bar now tho
should i upvote this for being tiktok cringe or downvote this for being cringe in a sub where most posts are non-cringe?
40 minutes to poop? Lmao, those are rookie numbers.
I could be wrong but maybe it takes 40 minutes cause it’s the only peace he gets all day. A little shitty me time
He’s not pooping. He's hiding from you and that yee yee ass haircut.
The only men I know who take long shits are fat guys and really old people
Why the fuck are guys saying they hide in the bathrooms from their families?? Like, how much of a cunt is your wife you have to pretend to shit to get a moment's peace? How insufferable are your children? ALSO: hanging out in the bathroom is gross Bathrooms are filthy. Go take a drive if you want some alone time, goddam
I have chrons and this is offensive lmao
Poop time is me time
I feel attacked
As a man married with children. (2x married). She’s absolutely right
It's cute that someone thinks Fiber 1 is healthy. Gotta love America's knowledge on food. It's a candy bar.
It's because it's the only way to get some peace and quiet
Have you heard of ass hair, m'lady?
The fuck does this have anything at all to do with being straight? Like, really?
We sit there thinking about the last compliment we ever got which was about 2 years ago :')
Too real
People leave you alone in the bathroom. We like being in the bathroom.
We're watching porn in there, thanks for asking
her voice is so nice wtf??? like read me a bedtime story please damn
Yesss I love her voice. It’s killing me trying to figure out which actress it reminds me of. Also does she have a slight lisp? Idk but love it
It's the only alone time we get
i don’t understand this response. like r u incapable of setting boundaries and securing privacy that u literally have to result to hanging out in human waste? like.......really?
Not trying to be mean, but does anyone else notice her face is shaped like a downward pointing pentagon?
man something weird is going in with that chin and i don’t understand it.
because wiping my hairy ass without wet wipes after eating too many fibre one bars the night before isn’t easy, hannah
I was murdered
I could eat more fiber and broccoli, but the amount of poop would only double, and the cleanup effort to have tp as white as it should be would only add to the time.
I take so long because i want some peace and quiet. It's easier to get some quiet time in the bathroom than it is to frig off and hide for a while.
Bright and early, first thing I do when I get out of bed is go turn on the shower and sit on the John.