Is your sex drive actually gone or are you just no longer attracted to your partner?

  1. I wish my psych would have told me that instead of switching up my meds! Good on your gyn. She chose the most conservative treatment option I suppose!

  2. He could gaslight my brain but he could not gaslight my vagina. Thank you. Now I want to embroider this sentence in a hoop, frame it and hang it in my living room.

  3. I really love this so much, we cannot afford to be delusional or wrong about a man and our vagina knows that Lmaoo

  4. I had genuinely thought I was axesual for so long. I'd had two long term relationships, one more abusive than the other. It started out okay but after a couple weeks my sex drive was nonexistent. Turns out it was bc they were such toxic, awful relationships. I'm with a wonderful man now, who loves me and treats me with so much care and respect and we're insatiable.

  5. I had this exact same experience with my ex. A couple of years after, I am with my current partner and I can definitely confirm I am not asexual.

  6. Me too. I changed two different medications, saw an endocrinologist, saw a psychiatrist. I was convinced (so was my partner) that the problem was me and my biology. It took me a while to figure out that the problem wasn’t inside me. I stated this in a different post a few weeks ago and had a bunch of men say that I was “shitty”, “terrible”, and “wrong” because I “purposely wasted his time”.

  7. I literally never let any of my hookups go down on my, touch me down there, etc. I literally just burnt through the sex like it was steam achievements lol. Then I met my partner (now of 8 years!) and the genuine connection overtook the depersonalization I used to enjoy from random hookups. I'm not an asexual robot, I'm a mushy pie person who loves being held haha

  8. I thought it was impossible for someone to give me orgasms. I only ever got them from masterbation. Then i married my husband. If my husband does some basic hypnosis (which requires a lot of trust) I get some craaazy orgasms.

  9. Wow same!! I used to rarely ever enjoy sex, and genuinely thought I was asexual. My gyn diagnosed me with vaginismus and prescribed medical-grade dildos. Those helped a little but ultimately it wasn't until I met my current boyfriend that I realized I actually do enjoy having sex and can have it without pain -- it just requires dating someone who is not shitty lol

  10. Local man that leaves piles of skidmarked underwear all over the house completely baffled why girlfriend is dry as the Sahara desert, story at 11

  11. My sex drive definitely went to shit with my ex. I thought I was the issue. Not the fact that I was the breadwinner + maid + cook + sex dispenser. It had to be me because he was just so great and he was so hurt by me not wanting sex. I forced myself to be intimate every three days because any more than that prompted an hours long discussion about his feeling, his self esteem.

  12. My friend once said to me "how the hell are you supposed to be sexually attracted to him when you're basically his mum?"

  13. I also became scared of sex while being with my ex, my first boyfriend. It wasn't totally his fault -- I couldn't really tell him what I liked or how I liked things so it was always difficult to make sex enjoyable for me. But it didn't help that he expected me to always want to have sex when he initiated. In the end I didn't only panic when his clammy hands touched my legs, I also jumped when he touched my back or arm or anywhere. I thought I actually was asexual or autistic and that being touched just wasn't my thing until a platonic friend hugged me and that felt so nice. Not long after that I broke up with this ex and a couple of months later, this platonic friend turned not-so-platonic. He was really patient with me because just kissing freaked me out in the beginning -- even knowing that he was attracted to me freaked me out because I had learned from my ex that that was an obligation to have sex. It's not!

  14. Thanks for posting this. I’ve been so scared to date again bc of the sexual issues in my last relationship from a bad partner, same as op’s. I’m also going to therapy soon to work through this and other issues but your story gives me hope

  15. It's just easier to get turned on when younger, and as I've aged, I've just become slower to get there ... Meaning the days together affect how desired, desirable, and cared for, I feel. Many men just don't bother doing the things outside of the bedroom, we require to want to get into the bedroom in the first place....

  16. More guys (especially guys in long-term relationships) need to realize that when it comes to your partner, seduction is an all-day thing. If you're cold and inattentive all day long, if you never steal a quick hug and kiss, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is, etc. you can't expect her to be suddenly all warmed up to you when you go to bed. Obviously this stuff is different for everyone, but figure out what less sexual/non-sexual things get her going, and sprinkle them throughout your time together. Things work a lot better that way.

  17. Looking back, I can't believe my ex wanted me to switch up my birth control because he was convinced it was causing a low libido. He knew he had never made me orgasm in the entire two years we were together and didn't think it was a problem cos he read somewhere that women don't need orgasms to enjoy sex and just enjoy the feeling of having a dick inside them.

  18. I learned a lot about my needs and how they tie into my sex drive and attraction throughout the course of the last year. Turns out, when I feel neglected or ignored by someone I love, I am not attracted to them. Crazy! But with an increase in communication and being honest with what I need (therapy helps me unravel this on a lot of levels) my sex drive and attraction to my partner come roaring back. The lingering self doubts and self consciousness, well... I'll let you know when I fix my body image. Don't hold your breath!

  19. Same. I was a nympho until I turned 45 then it started to fall off. When full menopause hit it was just... Gone. I could never have sex again and that would be fine. Head over heels for my husband though.

  20. I thought I hated sex pretty much my entire relationship with my ex husband. I didn't hate sex, I hated him, especially how he coerced me and often forced me into sex. Now that we are divorced, I enjoy sex with the right person.

  21. I'm so happy you're enjoying yourself, I was in a very very similar situation! There was a cognitive dissonance for me. Deep down I knew I had a sex drive...but I hated sex with my partner. I almost couldn't conceptualise that I wasn't attracted to him and believed I was broken. We started dating in our teens, I grew up with a very religious background. I made vows to be with this man forever, my first and only. It took a long time to sort my head. However, he's an idiot and now an ex.

  22. Oof this hit way too close to home. Like, my vag now gets to have the final say on a person. If she's not happy, then I'm out. She's better at sussing out her feelings than my brain is. I developed lubrication problems halfway through my extremely long relationship with my ex. I thought it was me. Spoiler alert: It was not! I'm actually a waterfall when I'm happy to be with a person! I should have listened to my body YEARS ago.

  23. Ah yes, the dilemma of trying to figure out if you’re a lesbian who was raised into a society of compulsory heterosexuality or if you’re just a bisexual who has been traumatised by misogyny.

  24. I am still trying to figure this out. I am trying to figure out if I'm gayer than I think I am (I identify as bisexual) or if maybe I just need more emotional expression and he's rather stoic.

  25. This happened with me. My ex did many things that made him less attractive, so as a result? My sex drive took a hard dive. After we broke up, it took a couple months but things were back to normal. It's incredible how our bodies react to mental stimuli.

  26. In relation to this, I know it often comes up that women shouldn't be weaponizing sex. But at the same time, when my partner is being super shitty, the last thing I want to do is have sex with them. Like if I asked for one damn thing to get done and he instead blew it off and played video games for 6 hours straight after work... like why on earth would you think I'm attracted to that? I still have drive so I'll just, you know, take care of myself during these instances... but if your lady doesn't want to have sex, maybe try and think if there is a good reason for it besides lack of drive.

  27. When they call it “weaponizing” sex, they let slip that they actually think they’re entitled to it. “It” being our bodies.

  28. Ugh I have this issue with my husband. Like I just heard you shit talking about me from another room and using a poor choice of tone when talking to the kids

  29. WTF is weaponizing sex? Are you bringing a gun into the bedroom? If so you both need to check it twice to make sure it's empty. Definitely not a kink for beginners

  30. Definitely not weaponizing, but I relate to how it can feel that way. It’s “responsive desire”. Check out the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. You will feel wholly validated.

  31. I’m chronically ill and on a lot of meds. Sometimes I feel broken but I’m glad I’m with someone so understanding. Mental health, physical health, and medication can all lower sex drive too, and I don’t think enough people talk about it.

  32. I feel the same way, you are not alone! It's nice to see your reply here, I really agree, people don't talk about this enough. I'm also chronically ill with lots of meds, pain, and fatigue. I feel I am attracted to my partner, but I am so exhausted and burnt's hard to get there sometimes.

  33. Ahhh this happened to me twice. I believed it was me so hard I went to a doctor to figure it out. Both times they each were like.... You sure you still like your partner? Both times I was shocked at such a question I say. Shocked. How dareee they?!

  34. I suspect this was my issue with my exes. Lately, I've been feeling like there's a sweet spot threshold of how much to know a guy where I'm attracted to them. Like with my last ex, I like him as a person just fine, but you know what I don't find sexy? Someone who won't do anything for himself. It is/was probably depression, but that understanding doesn't last forever, nor is it 100% a conscious choice.

  35. I have this problem. If you live with me, I know too much. I've seen you wipe your ass way too many times because you refuse my request to please just shut the fucking door. Etc. There are just too many turn offs and not enough effort on his part to do any of the things I find sexy.

  36. Absolutely! Mine ex never did anything. He went to work and gamed. Never helped, never offered to help, audibly sighed when asked for help. He didn’t eat well, he didn’t exercise, didn’t shower regularly. Towards the end of the relationship (when we both knew it was over) he would play the blame game “I don’t do anything around here because you’re not going to touch me anyway” and the last time he said it, it clicked! I screamed in his face “you behave like a 15 year old boy and I am not attracted to 15 year old boys! Nothing about you makes me want to have sex with you!” He never once brought it up again and it was so easy to let go of that relationship once I realized that I just wasn’t attracted to him. But man, before that moment I thought I was doomed to a crappy sex life. Met my current boyfriend, the exact opposite of my lazy ex, and 2 years in I still can’t keep my hand off him!

  37. I had a very similar experience. Throughout my relationship with my ex-husband, I had a very low sex drive. Since I started dating him when I was 18, I spent most of my adult life absolutely convinced that I was either asexual or that my birth control was ruining my sex drive. He did a great job of convincing me that this was a me issue. Ex ended up cheating on me and leaving me for his affair partner.

  38. Too true!!! A lady once told me “a shoe shines because the shoe shiner keeps them clean. Once they don’t shine them, they become dull and dried” kinda like the attention someone is supposed to give you lol

  39. Haha this reminds me also of "maybe the grass is greener on the other side because your neighbor takes the time to water his fucking lawn"

  40. I went through the same thing with my ex. Normally I'm insatiable then about 4 years ago, it all just vanished. I was forcing myself to have sex and being consistently gaslit by my ex and my previous OB/GYN that it was my fault completely. That having a child kills sex drive, I was sick, and I lack self confidence. They both kept saying just keep putting up with it and it'll come back sooner or later or never.

  41. Hello me! My ex didn’t pull any of the weight. Carrying the whole family and him was exhausting. Then he was upset there was no sex. We’re now divorced. I assume you’ve already communicated this to your husband but you need to draw a line from your mental load to sex. If he can understand and pitch in more you may want sex again. For me it was very important to have time when I wasn’t “mom” to get me in the mood.

  42. Same thing happened to me! In my case, it was my ex's constant critiquing of my body and every other woman's he saw. Down to details about the exact shape of people's butts, their waist to hip ratio, every little thing got a comment. It got to the point where I didn't even want him to see me naked because I was so self-conscious and afraid of judgment. I lived with that for 10 years! And he had me thinking there was something medically wrong with me! Nope, sex drive went right back up to my normal, which is high, when he finally left me for someone younger and skinnier.

  43. Preach!!! All these men complaining about a dead bedroom always make me wonder what they did to make her not wanna fuck him. They try to blame it on the woman and do mental gymnastics to try to diagnose her with some mental illness. When the reality is their wife probably doesn't wanna fuck them because 1. after years of poor health choices they now look the like troll from the Mucinex commercials, 2. women aren't attracted to men we have to mommy, it's just pathetic, and 3. a man who feels entitled to sex is a huge turn-off, serious rapey vibes. Add years of emotional abuse to that and our vaginas become drier than the Sahara.

  44. 10000% this. I always comment in those threads like “when’s the last time you took her to dinner? Does she do all the cooking and cleaning? Do you have a bunch of holes in all your underpants?”. I always get downvoted and get called names. But seriously though. I had an ex like this. I wasn’t sexually attracted to him at all but he thought it was a me problem. He used to complain that I didn’t wear racy lingerie and finally I was like motherfucker there’s holes in ALL of your underwear and you haven’t bought new ones since high school. And you have the audacity to complain about MY underwear???

  45. Yes. I was super interested in sex as a teen, but experienced a long-term toxic relationship where sex was painful and made me feel sad after, so I figured I just “lost” my sex drive in my early 20s.

  46. Did I write this? Holy shit I wonder how many woman go through this? I told my husband all this stuff and said he's cock blocking himself, nothing changed👍🙄

  47. Yes! Sex drive is heavily influenced by changes in your body, but it is definitely also very much tied to the sex you're having. If sex isn't or hasn't been a good experience for you for whatever reason (bad relationship, pain, no orgasms, etc.), your sex drive can get very low.

  48. Every time a woman realizes it's not that she doesn't like sex and instead she doesn't like her (ex) partner, a faery gets its wings! Love this and have lived this and always happy to see.

  49. I only had sex with my ex husband once or twice after our first child was born. He was a typical love-bomber: treated me like a queen until I got pregnant, then he turned on me.

  50. I dated an ex-porn actor for a while. 220lb of muscle, 9.5 inches, beautiful Finnish man. I had some of the craziest sex with him. It was amazing… then he lost his job, I started doing all the cooking, I started walking his dogs for him, he started to belittle me. I was working full time and he wanted to discuss how I wasn’t doing enough for him. I went to a gyno to figure out why sex got painful and I kept bleeding every time. My pussy was fine and as I was hurriedly getting my pants on to leave the gyno office I came to the realization that I had to leave this guy.

  51. This thread is beautiful. Beautiful things happen when women come together and share their experiences, and we realize we have so much in common. So many of us here thought we were damaged, but we just weren't being treated well. This is what I imagine consciousness raising was like for women in the 60's and 70's, except they had the joy of being able to air their frustrations and share their stories in person.

  52. This happened to my mom!!! My dad cheated on her because "she was never in the mood". She tried all kinds of pelvic floor work and therapy and special lubes and medications to try and get her sex drive back. Now that they're divorced, my dad can't get anyone to sleep with him that he's not paying, but my mom is INSATIABLE with her new partner.

  53. I relate to a lot of that. Might I add that a pornsick boyfriend definitely doesn’t help. The misogyny and glorification of rape/violence/anal sex despite women not enjoying it in porn warps men’s brains and influences them to often not care if they hurt/traumatize/irreversibly damage you during such acts, as long as they’re getting to experience this new perverse kink. How porn consumption fuels sex trafficking and it apparently not mattering whatsoever to many men is sickening as well. It also makes you feel terrible about your looks when your partner would rather use porn most days than make the effort to have sex with you, despite all your hard work in being healthy and attractive for him, and then when you do have sex, he wants to replicate what he beats his meat to, and he beats it so hard by himself that he gives himself penile scabs. Just, ugh.

  54. Mine completely dropped off with my ex as well. Stress does that to me in general, but this was different. He was completely selfish in bed but anytime I brought up how it made me feel he played the victim. Abuse plus me being young and in my first serious relationship plus financial struggles plus difficultly with school, everything added up until I became almost completely sex averse which was abnormal for me too, as the years prior I certainly had a much higher drive than most people I knew. I could no longer orgasm with my ex, and I felt broken. I was convinced it was me. I broke up with me ex, and it was a relief. And then I met my current partner and the first night we met we hooked up and I’m pretty sure I cried. My partner was so giving and I had never felt like that before. I remember softly saying, “I’m not broken” to myself when I went to the bathroom afterwards and crying out of hormones and happiness. Shitty exes and stress can do a number on you.

  55. my sex drive definitely suffered due to my ex’s treatment of me, and we had the best sex I had ever had in my life. but being the only person contributing to our relationship completely killed my libido. I didn’t want to be his mom and also his girlfriend, as well as the sole earner.

  56. I have a different experience. I lost mine when I was on a powerful hormone treatment 15 years and it has never properly come back. And I don’t mean “not in the mood”, I mean it’s just completely gone. Occasionally it will come back for a couple of days mid cycle, but then it’s fine again. This is alongside a lot of other symptoms that started on that treatment and never went away. Doctors have zero interest (in fact raised it with a specialist nurse today and they shrugged it off). I am certain it’s related to hormones somehow but can’t figure it out.

  57. My older sister told me this when I sought her advice. I was a teen and the sex was just never good. I was taught sex ed young, I'd been masturbating years before the start of the relationship, and slept with one other person once before. I was on birth control, I felt safe, no shame, all was well. I didn't know why I was so bored during sex.

  58. I am currently in this relationship you described. I don’t know how to leave, we just moved across the country together and everything I own for the most part is 1/2 his. I won’t be able to make rent without him. I truly care about him and I don’t want to break his heart. I know I need to but I’ve just been dragging my feet and I can’t seem to make the hard decision no matter how much I hype myself up. This is not a fun spot to be in I feel like my emotions are ripping me in half.

  59. Be careful out there friends. I've had a similar experience and still "forced" myself even though I didn't really have sex drive. It lead to traumatization and ruined sex to me as a whole for a couple of years. Don't make the same mistake. If you're not feeling like doing it, don't do it.

  60. So I actually had vaginismus, caused by a shitty relationship (forcing myself to have sex when I didn't want to, to try to not give him another reason to be mad at me and give me silent treatments etc). Dated someone about 3 years later, could have sex but not 100% pain free.

  61. Literally described the exact phenomenon that happened to me! I thought it was a ME problem and I internalized that shit so hard until that glass ceiling broke. I realized I wasn’t attracted to a partner that could sit and watch me beg for help without batting and eye so I wasn’t coming home to a second job of cleaning up after him every day. I didn’t want to be his mother, I wanted a partner; nor should I have begged for bare minimum. Much happier now with a new person who matches my habits and work ethic, and lo and behold, all other “issues” disappeared.

  62. Giving birth and the whole process of it killed my sex drive, my modesty, and my inclination to sex. When there is a constant rotation of people sticking their hands in you while you're in a perpetual state of horror and fear (if I didn't give birth in 24 hours either one or both of us were going to die) does awful things to your psyche.

  63. In the same boat over here. Just terrified as to what my life looks like without him but I know I don’t love him any more. I also don’t want to break his heart

  64. I fully believed all the things sitcoms told me about women not wanting sex in a long term relationship. Thought it was normal. Weirdly enough, doing a quiz on a cruise ship made me realize how not normal it was. The question was on average, how many times does the average American couple have sex each month. I immediately thought... 4? Once a week? Then I realized... We do not have sex that often. Others in my group started at 7, 8? I was like oh....Kay.

  65. it scares me how similar your story is to mine. I'm not married, but in a long term relationship with a straight guy... Sex used to be great, but all of the sudden I just like lost attraction. I don't like sex anymore and only oblige out of guilt, knowing it's a necessity for him... I don't know if it's possible for sexuality to change, (ya know, the whole narrative that queer people came up with to get people to stop thinking we choose our sexuality? "We're born like this! We don't chose it!" We definitely don't chose it, but maybe we're not born into one sexuality...) Idk I just identify as queer because I'm hella confused about all of it.

  66. My husband has actually told me it’s my fault he never cooks/ helps out because “I never taught him how”. He’s a 51 year old engineer who manages a power plant. Pretty sure he can figure out the stove and read a recipe. No one taught me either. I was 19 when I got married, and I figured it out. My mom did not cook or clean so it was a steep learning curve, but I did it. Incompetence isn’t sexy.

  67. I went through something like this. The lack of interest in my hobbies and disregard for my feelings made it hard for me. I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t finish, turns out that when you continue talking to the ex you cheated on your current partner despite discussing that they’re not comfortable with you talking to them could lead to problems. When I met the person I’m seeing now, the issue kind of went away.

  68. I had this issue with my ex that I dated for 5 years (yes, omg I can't believe I dated him that long). It was lack of sexual attraction, but also other things too.

  69. SAY IT AGAIN! I would talk to my therapist about not being sexual anymore and she’s like “is it that you really don’t want sex anymore or that you just don’t feel safe with him?” And pointed out how I was always walking on eggshells and scared of him subconsciously and I left shortly after

  70. For everyone in this thread: read the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagowski. She’s a sex educator/researcher, and the vast majority of the book is about the mental and non-physical side of sex for women. It completely changed my life, changed how I viewed myself and my ‘sex drive’ (hint: it’s not a drive), and taught me so much about myself and my body. The woman is a genius! I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

  71. Yes, I just did a search to see if anyone had mentioned this book yet. It addresses so much of what nearly everyone is replying. It's not relevant to the OP specifically, because she already "fixed her glitch", so to speak. But it is such a helpful book in general, especially in the way it very completely negates the idea of "sex drive".

  72. I often wonder at the posts from men complaining about dead bedrooms or whatever—I’ve literally never, ever seen one of these men suggest that hey, maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m bad in bed, maybe I’m too lazy sexually or in life, etc. nope, it’s always “she’s frigid” or bad or ungrateful or wrong.

  73. It’s funny because for me it was almost the opposite - it’s only once I was in a happy relationship that I realised I didn’t need to dispense sex at will to keep people happy with me :’)

  74. I’m having this issue (sex drive is completely gone 2 years into a serious relationship) but I’m still in love with my partner, I just find that I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone right now. It’s really frustrating because I want to be horny and although he never pressures me to do anything sexual, I know he wants to be physically intimate. We still cuddle and touch all the time, I just never have the desire to have sex :( My birth control is the same, my depression meds haven’t changed, I’m not really sure what’s going on.

  75. You just described exactly the situation with my ex. He was just so lazy and every single thing I had to remind him to do or remind him that he hadn't paid me for rent yet or to do anything for his dog like take him on a walk I slowly was becoming just ... resentful. But I was the problem..

  76. Don’t forget antidepressants! My sex drive is directly correlated with my mental health medication. Well, it was for sure at first. I’ve been on them so long though there’s no way for me to tell anymore. 🤷🏻‍♂️

  77. Seeing that and talking to friend made me realize that it os so common and that it is so common to start questioning yourself and not the context. Stop starting by blaming yourself :)

  78. From a male perspective, I’m still 100% attracted to my partner, we just don’t always have the schedule that allows for us to engage, and even then sometimes we’re both just exhausted. We haven’t stopped making sexual jokes and comments, but the actions have slowed down for sure.

  79. Same I thought I didn’t have that much of a sex drive. It was just my ex and the emotional abuse that was in the way. Having to get him to do the bare minimum was like pulling teeth. Then being guilted into sex was just a turn off.

  80. Biggest revelation towards the end of my first marriage. He even bought me "female libido pills." I should've ended it right there.

  81. WOW. I thought I was the only one. When i left my ex, I had myself convinced that i was doomed to a life of hating sex and that I would never find anyone to love me because of that. After I left (even before I left but we knew the divorce was happening) my sex drive came back. I'm so thankful to have it back, especially after thinking it was gone forever. I'm happy to know this isn't just a "me" thing. Congratulations on getting your sex drive back and leaving someone who clearly did not deserve you

  82. Honestly? My covert narcissist husband was my first sexual partner. And yeah- all the things you list above, plus his own serious hang ups and well, like the Sondheim show goes “Every day a little death” as his emotional cruelties and immaturity eventually killed my attraction to him like death by a thousand paper cuts. I don’t know if I want to bother with any sexual relationship ever again. No drive. Don’t care.

  83. I'm perimenopausal and divorced, and I have discovered that I do NOT have a low sex drive, it was just that my [email protected] hated my ex SOoOoo much it tried to k1 ll itself every time I felt like I had to have sex with my ex.

  84. I at one point thought I might be asexual. I also had a very negative view of sex being something that you do to make someone else happy.

  85. It happened to me. I was still physically attracted to my ex, but the libido I had in my early 20s eventually went away with him and I no longer desired sex. I tried to avoid it with him.

  86. I’m in this situation on the other side (the guy’s side). Fortunately, my wife and I talked about it…about a year ago. Turns out the main issue is I’m just bad at sex and bad at understanding what turns her on, but I’m getting better at it! Not quite there yet, but working on it.

  87. Yesss, was in a relationship for 6 years and had issues with vaginismus from the beginning! Just thought there was something wrong with me. Started to question if I was asexual after a couple of years then started wondering if I was polyamorous when I started to feel attraction to other people. Nope! Just in a terrible relationship. Once I was out, all my issues were gone.

  88. My ex kept me at an emotional distance, manipulated me, cheated on me, lied to me and then wondered why I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore.

  89. I went thru some depression and anxiety and was put on an antidepressant. Lost my sex drive. Came off the antidepressant. Still no sex drive. I still have the same wonderful husband. I am still attracted, just no sex drive. 🤷‍♀️

  90. My current partner was like that with her ex husband, literally zero sex for years, zero drive. They broke up and she went mental, to the point she was worried that she was horny all the time like something had snapped. She dated played the field and fucked a ton, and loved it. It was her partner that was the problem, not her.

  91. You are too young for your sex drive to cool off. In fact, the 30’s is when it really takes off. You are right. It was your lack of interest in him. Don’t ignore it.

  92. What you described it’s EXACTLY what happened to me with my ex. I really thought that my sex drive was the problem, turned out once I left him it came back!

  93. Also, just saying because a lot of people don't know this can be a thing, asexuality is real. It probably won't apply to you if you're attracted to someone, and then not, like in OPs example! But I know from experience that you can confuse arousal and expectations with attraction to a person, especially if they're your first.

  94. Honestly this makes me worried about my current relationship. My partner has slowed down on this matter and even tho I try to do my best. I know I'm not perfect and I know that there is alot that I could be missing and screwing up as I don't have that much experience in relationships, but I know I love her and I try communicating with her to she if she is ok and she says not to worry and that to get those thoughts out of my head, but I can't help but worry that it may happen. I don't care about sex to much it's just I get in my own head sometimes. I just gotta try to do things to make her know I care and love her, but I also need to try to find my flaws. Not much else I can do

  95. This woman wrote a whole damn book on how women are actually more likely to be unsatisfied and restless in monogamous relationships than men. She was on Dan Savage’s podcast and all of my past relationships have been explained.

  96. Mine is pretty low, my bf's is high. When the winter months come, I go into my seasonal depression and lose all sex drive for a few months. Closer to February, it gets better

  97. I have a high sex drive, but my bf doesn’t and this post is making me wonder if he’s just not attracted to me anymore. 😐

  98. Mhm could be the relationship. I ran out of birth control and realized that was my issue! Non-hormonal birth control has been great alternative.

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