Do Attachment Styles reflect in other areas of life?

  1. Honestly I don't know anything about those. I did consider autism at some point because of the strong reactions when his routines are interrupted but I'm completely ignorant on the topic.

  2. I think what you're describing are mostly peculiarities about his personality, which will obviously have a huge impact on the way people perceive him and the way he perceives/acts out his attachment to others. In general there's a bigger conversation that needs to be had about personality, identity, and attachment style that I rarely see discussed around these parts. Your ex makes for a good example of that.

  3. Sounds DA leaning FA. But in cases of extreme avoidance and anxiety, you start to get into cluster b personality disorders. It's possible to mistake Fearful avoidance and BPD and dismissive avoidance and avoidant personality disorder. Not super important to distinguish between those unless you're their therapist and even then the treatment is similar.

  4. Thank you - that sounds very complicated and you're right, I'm not interested in nitpicking differences for a 'diagnosis'.

  5. Did you date my ex? This was him to a T! Especially that people consider him intelligent but a bit weird. Mine had some very inappropriate opinions that he mainly only showed me. He was nice to others but downright absurd sometimes.

  6. Mine too! And I agree with your assessment of not wanting to look ex actually admitted that to me on several occasions. For a DA he was often very vulnerable and reflective, but only with me.

  7. He sounds exactly like… me. I am hardcore DA and reading this felt as if someone wrote an analysis about me, haha.

  8. The part about being unable to make commitments even about unimportant stuff rang true to me with all DAs I’ve dated. One of them couldn’t tell me if we could schedule a phone call the next day because “who knows what will happen tomorrow, maybe I won’t be able to” I mean… I don’t get the big deal, if you can’t we’ll reschedule. He didn’t have general anxiety, just commitment-anxiety.

  9. I often wonder. My 'ex' was also like this. Could not make plans, he tried though. Even suggested most of them, but then changed them or I don't know. It was very hard to get some clarity about when we would meet up.

  10. Wow. Have you met my ex? Every single one of these is him! And all of this stuff does overlap with ADHD and Autism. He thought he had ADHD, and I always thought he was on the spectrum. (I have an adult child who is, so I am pretty familiar with it.) This post is spot on though. I disagree though with those who say these aren't attachment issues, or part of attachment issues. My ex was extreme DA and conflict avoidant.

  11. The impulsivity part of your description sounds exactly like me. I'm not a DA, my latest attachment test showed that I'm secure with a hint of fearful avoidance.

  12. A lot of it are disconnected from his attachment style, the DAs I've been in contact with don't sound like your ex at all.

  13. Thanks! It's what I'm also gathering as I keep educating myself - that attachment style has by and large no correlation with general personality. At most it can be a part of a bigger puzzle but not the root.

  14. Oh my gosh, yes exactly the same with mine and the mirroring! And the being agreeable to everything. Yet he was often quietly resentful. Claimed never to feel that way about me (I know now that was not the truth) but said he always did with his ex wife.

  15. Definitely sounds DA. If they truly are a lone wolf schizoid personality traits are a possibility. Fear of intimacy and commitment is a key symptom.

  16. Oh, wow. I never heard about that before and man, does he display a ton of those personality traits. Thank you, this is very enlightening.

  17. Nah, I mean - there are no absolutes, psychology flows and varies, I don't know if anyone can truly say they're 100% secure without ever wavering? Just like, someone can usually have a "normal" mood with occasional depressive tendencies while someone else might be clinically depressed 90% of the time and only feel good 10% of the time. They are very different things.

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