I am not the pet owner I used to be

  1. you spent 16k on an elderly naughty dog and that’s more than many people can say. you’re a good dog owner and clearly you care but you can’t be expected to have the same amount of time for the dog you did when you were young and care free.

  2. Pet people online are kind of ruthless. My cat is a destructive asshole, but there's not really a socially acceptable way to say this. You're doing a good job taking care of your dog.

  3. Yup. I love animals. I've had 3 cats in my life, and my first one was a genetic disaster that cost me several tens of thousands of dollars in vet bills. We do the fancy expensive cat foods, buy all the toys and fancy cat trees and beds for them to lounge on, always give them love and affection and take care of all their needs, hell I even rescued the last one from the literal garbage and bottle fed him and taught him how to go to the bathroom because I found him abandoned as a newborn kitten.

  4. I feel you. I get so mad at my cat for chewing up the kids’ toys, scratching at furniture and asking for pets only to bite me after he gets overstimulated from too much petting. I know being around two young kids is probably stressful for him, but his emotional volatility makes it so hard to like him.

  5. I am so sorry to hear that.for what it's worth, it sounds to me as though you have given your girl a very good life and that you were venting completely normal feelings that come with the transition from the transition from dog owner to mom who owns a dog. My dog isn't nearly as high maintenance as yours sounds, but when my boy was born, I suddenly could hardly stand to be in the same room with her for a few months. And every time I looked at her, I just saw another thing to take care of. I don't think that your feelings are unusual or anything to be a be ashamed of and I'm sorry that you were shamed by that group.

  6. This is me too. Husband wants a high energy hiking buddy now that our dogs have passed (or will soon in one case). I'm like.. dude you work 8+ hours a day and go hiking six times a year. Who's training this dog? Who's walking this dog? Maybe pick up the slack on our kids and take them hiking instead because I'm burnt the fuck out.

  7. I'm right there with you. My two dogs were my babies before I had kids. I had dreams of rescuing as many dogs as possible throughout my life. After my first was born, my priorities shifted, and it has gotten more pronounced with each baby I've had (3 kids now). At this point both dogs are old, tired, and don't want to put up with a toddler's antics or attention, even when it's gentle. They basically live together in our finished, walk out basement, where they have a doggy door to our yard. It is sad to me that they spend most of their time apart from us now, but with 3 kids ages 5 and under in the house, I think it's for the best. They have each other, and they don't relax around the kids. I'm also worn out from having so many dependents. I'll be taking a long break from new pets.

  8. My dog is 15 and I have similar issues. She’s a sweet old soul (and has been since she was 3), but she’s a total garbage monster and loves to eat stuff she’s allergic too, is poisonous for dogs, or stuff that requires surgical intervention to remove. She’s the reason we don’t keep peaches, mangoes, grapes, chocolate, or chicken in the house. She can hold her forever, but the second you turn your back she’s off to visit the brand new rug. She’s declined pooping outside in the cold (I kind of sympathize on that one, it’s cold as balls out there). I love her, but I feel like it’s a constant effort to keep her from killing herself.

  9. I don't think you sound like a monster. If you're a monster so am I. Your doggo sounds like a turd. 😂I have a weiner dog and some sort of terrier mix (we don't know what she is) and they don't have as many issues but I just am not as bonded with them as I was before. I go through the motions- I give them walks when I can, feed & water them, buy them dog beds when theirs get destroyed but that's about it right now. It's like before kids they were the babies, but now they're just the "dogs" if you know what I mean They drive me nuts but I won't get rid of them. Just like you I'm looking toward to the days that I don't have pets anymore 😭

  10. I hear you. We have a geriatric dog and cat. They’re like having newborns again. Their Heath issues started when my second child was a newborn. Surgeries, multiple medications, etc. they’ve always had healthy lives and plenty of exercise but they’re old now and that’s how it goes. Our dog regularly wakes us up to pee at least once a night and sometimes more with dementia/sundowners type activity. That started right when my youngest was sleeping through the night so….I miss sleep. She regularly has accidents even though she is walked and let out nearly every hour. The vet visits and meds are killing us financially. Old pets are a handful and it will be a while before we get more pets. I’m sad my kids don’t have that playful relationship with our dog but she’s been old and tired for their whole lives. She’s sweet to them and them to her but they know they have to be gentle around her and careful. It’s just sad. She had a great life and we had so many awesome adventures. I want her sunset years to be good too and we are doing our best to keep her comfortable but damn we are tired. We took her in 13 years ago. We had no idea it would be this expensive or intense in the later years as dog owners.

  11. Dog diapers and pee pads near the doors? I know you may not want advice but its what I've seen done for elderly pets who have potty issues.

  12. We just went through this with our dog - he passed away last month at 14, but the last 2ish years of his life we a lot like what you're describing. We tried pee pads, and they were totally ineffective. We did end up putting him in diapers but it wasn't a perfect solution because he could get out of literally every diaper we put on him and believe me we tried EVERYTHING. We finally ended up putting a full-body snuggie over a regular diaper. We both work full time, I'm in the office 3 days a week and my husband is a teacher and they're back in person this year, so taking him out every 1-2 hours was not possible. I was also sad my kids didn't get the opportunity to know him when he was younger.

  13. Fuck man! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the same shit! The comments from others are ridiculous. “You were a mom to her first” YA and now I have actual biological kids, while my pug is in her last years and wreaking havoc on my life.

  14. I feel this. My 14 year old chihuahua has had more and more accidents that are making me very resentful. Sometimes she pees on her pee pad (we moved from a moderate temp to very cold winters) or let’s us know but today she walked past the pad to pee in the office where I was sitting with my back to her.

  15. I’m so sorry. My senior chihuahua went bonkers from jealousy when my 1st was born. She just got so depressed, then was senile then just mush for brains. And we had to use diapers and she was also blind, she’d get stuck in the corners and when we moved she would get lost in the new house. Lord I TRIED for years, to make her as comfortable as possible. It was an insane amount of work and sadly she didn’t know me or anyone anymore and was barely a shell of her sweet bouncy loving silly self. My husband convinced me not to put her down but it’s one of my only life regrets. I should’ve done it a full two years earlier than I did. I understand your struggle lady and it’s ok to vent about it.

  16. People REALLY suck sometimes. No matter what, people are going to think the worst and be unkind. It's hard not to take it personally and do I empathize.

  17. I’m in a very similar boat and have also been ripped apart for venting online. After my son was born (2.5 years ago) it was just never the same. He is my number one priority and I just don’t have it in me to get another pet for a long time. I have two geriatric dogs and one is in diapers. They are sweet but naughty, and honestly always have been. I’ll be sad when they’re gone, but also relieved. I know that sounds terrible, but it is just the honest truth.

  18. You’re not a terrible person. You’re having a normal reaction to a stressful situation. We had a dog before kids. He had very few health issues and then developed a brain tumor that caused seizures when he was 10. The vet recommended putting him down, so we did 3 days after the seizures started. We’re lucky that we weren’t pressured to spend thousands on surgery. We have friends and family who have spent crazy amounts of money for medication and surgery for their pets, and have decided that while we loved our dog and miss him, we will likely never get another pet. Also, as the kids get older, we get busier with activities and it would be hard to have enough time to be a good pet owner. Don’t beat yourself up, mama. It’s a tough situation and your feelings are valid!

  19. I have 3 cats. The one has always had litter box issues. When my first born came it became worse. We tried everything to get him to stop. Then he peed on the baby’s toys and stroller and my husband had enough. We were dealing with it for 6 years at this point. Hubby kicked him out the house. We made him a spot outside in the yard. And still fed him everyday. Gave him attention etc. We left the garage window open for him as well to hang inside there if he needed a safe space.

  20. I feel you so hard. We have two cats and they are both a chore in their own ways. The kids can't drop food on the floor lest one races over and snatches it up. He bites/scratches when he gets annoyed at them, which is less these days but I'm always on pins and needles when they want to pet him. The other is constantly destroying everything - we haven't been able to resell used items because she rips/chews EVERYTHING. You can't wait to do dishes or clean the counters because if you do she'll jump up and get it. Because the older one needs medication in his food you have to watch them both like a hawk so that they don't try to steal each others' food (which is guaranteed to happen as soon as the kids are in a fight or need their asses wiped from a potty trip). I'm so often having to choose between saving the kids or saving the cats and it's exhausting. Oh right and husband and I both have jobs we have to somehow manage in between.

  21. You’ve given that dog an wonderful life. That Facebook group is dumb. Most people would not spend $16K on a surgery for a dog. I love my dog but I would not do that. Pets, as much as we love them, are temporary. My dog has her 4th mast cell tumor. I decided not to put her through another operation. Instead I’m giving her Benadryl to maybe shrink it, and focusing on her quality of life. She’s 10 years old, there’s no point in having her operated on multiple times a year to maybe extend her life.

  22. I'm the same with my cats. They are 12 and 13. I loved them like my kids when I first got them, and then I had actual kids. 3 kids later, my cats drive me insane and I'm not getting another pet for the foreseeable future. Almost don't even like cats now. I still think they're cute but I don't want to have cats anymore. I won't rehome the ones I have or anything but man are my hands full. I keep thinking maybe when my kids are adults, I'll possibly get one cat, but I'm not even sure about that right now, lol

  23. You're not alone. I have a cat with behavioral issues that make her pretty scary/aggressive sometimes. I tried to re-home her last year, because I was extremely stressed out trying to keep my toddler away from he once he started walking, but I couldn't find anyone to take her in, and I felt too guilty to leave her in a shelter...

  24. Hi there. I’ve been in the veterinary field, including school, for the past 8plus years. I have my certification and all. This field is/was my life. Cats, dogs, my life was all about them. I had so many animals it was a farm.

  25. I used to love my dogs. And since I had a kid I fucking hate them. There I said it! And yes, I know they didn’t do anything to deserve my vitriol so I stuff it down and try to control myself when they knock my daughter down for the ten millionth time that day or eat the dinner I just finished making off the counter. I promise I’m a good pet owner. But yeah, I feel you.

  26. I fucking hate them too. I don't think I've slept through the night for 6 years. On the handful of nights the kids have slept through, our 13 year old dog busts noisily into our room...but he won't settle. He paces. If my husband's insulin pump makes a noise, he shivers violently and shakes the bed. Then he wants to be let out. Then he won't come back in and I have to go outside in the dark and cold to retrieve him. He chews the kids favorite toys and they WAIL. It's too goddamned much. I have been in tears so many times. He's safe and fed, and I love him, but it's. So. Bad. I feel OP, big time.

  27. I feel you. When I had my baby, I decided I wasn’t going to let my beloved cat into the my bedroom anymore. I was afraid of her snuggling the baby for warmth and accidentally smothering the baby. But, this cat, who had never known a night away from me, was not having any of it. You know how most parents of newborns complain about lack of sleep because the baby is up all night crying? Not me. I was sleep deprived because my fucking codependent cat was wailing all fucking night. After 6 months I couldn’t take it anymore and posted on FB to see if anyone could take her from me. I got a little bit of shit for that, but whatevs.

  28. I have an asshole cat. She meows and attacks my legs literally all the time. She costs 4k every time she goes to the vet because she has to be sedated. My kids love her so much that I’d feel awful rehoming her but I want to so freaking bad.

  29. Honestly, I have a geriatric cat, and it's day to day at this point. I watch for signs that his quality of life might be declining. And other than the beginning stages of renal failure and some marking behavior, he doesn't sound as impaired as your pug.

  30. Animal lovers on the internet are a different..breed. The mere, slight, whisper in the night about anything remotely anti-animal will get you dox’d. I have made a similar error.

  31. Girl you are not a monster and not alone. I inherited a geriatric Maltese from my father after he and his wife (the original owner) passed away. This. Fucking. Dog. People have called me a saint for taking him in. He was in pitiful shape when I picked him up from my fathers house. He loves me to pieces though. Even though he knocks over the trash (I set the trash cans up on stools so he can’t knock them over anymore). He peed in my son’s room (I have to let him out every hour or two). He is profoundly deaf (I had to make up some sign language!) He buries me in blankets every night (still looking for a solution for that one….) and my daughter loves him so so so much even though he growls and bites everyone else. I spent so much money on dental work and grooming fuck this Maltese hair it keeps growing out! Because if I don’t cut it or brush it, it just gets all matted. I am seriously just waiting for this dog to die. No life-saving procedures. He’s 14. We’re good.

  32. No life-saving procedures tho! That’s amazing! This dog has my fucking pin to my debit card I swear. Next time ima sign a DNR. It hurts to say but I just don’t have the funds to pay for another surgery.

  33. I feel this in my soul. I was a vet tech before staying home to raise the kids, so when I say I love animals I truly mean it. We had three dogs before kids were born, and two have since passed away just in the last few years, our last dog is 15. When our first and oldest dog got senile and began to poop in the house I was frustrated but understood, then the pica started, and the trash eating. We tried kenneling but he would freak out (despite having been kennel trained from day one), and even when we were in the house with him you had to watch him like a hawk. He would go outside and bark for no reason, he began to get snippy with the kids. I was relieved when he passed and yet felt so guilty. Then dog two got sick quickly and passed away within a month. It wasn't enough time to process that she was aging and we're still grieving how she went from fine to gone so fast. Now the last of the three has cancer that we can't treat and my husband wants a high maintenance dog to replace the ones we lost/will lose and I AM DONE. I keep trying to explain the mental toll two kids takes on me, the mental toll of puppy stages and senior years would kill me. The absolute all encompassing way we trained the first three and how different our lives are now.. I'm just not a dog person anymore. Having kids changed how I feel about pet ownership for sure.

  34. Solidarity. I don’t have half as much going on and I still had to re-home the cats I had from my single life when my son was born. I thought I would be able to manage all that was on my plate and I was very wrong.

  35. Oh I am so there with you. Hugs seriously hugs. My Pom has since passed away, but when she was small I got my son a dog, because he said my dog was too girly. So, whatever, a boy has got to have a dog right?

  36. I’m not sure what the solution is, but you need someone to take her. I would be desperate if I were you. My chiweenie is sometimes delightful, mostly annoyed with my kids and occasionally aggressive. Its a lot to handle and she has none of the issues your dog has. Can you email some shelters about a compassionate soul to take her in? Taking full-time care of her might be some persons idea of a good time?

  37. Nothing but solidarity for you. I was obsessed with my pets (cat and dog) before we had kids, but especially after my youngest was born I was 100% FUCKING DONE with our dog.

  38. I could have written this...I'm 30, have an almost 4 year old, a 1 year old, and (not kidding) a 10 year old pug who pooped in the house this morning because I didn't get her outside fast enough. 5 years ago she was sleeping in my bed. Fast forward to today, and I honestly don't know where she sleeps. Husband feeds her and takes her out before he goes to bed, but that's long after I'm asleep. She's lucky if I even give her a belly rub these days. Earlier she wanted in my lap while I was on the floor with the kids and I told her no. I'm touched out and tired and don't have any more to give.

  39. “Dog people” are completely insane and honestly worse than sancrimommies imo. You did nothing wrong, dogs can be just as annoying as kids, my 3 are a handful, esp the chihuahua. I love them but they drive me crazy at times. That’s normal. People get crazy about dogs online.

  40. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound unbelievably stressed out and rightfully so. Your dog sounds very unhappy and stressed as well. Is your dog getting enough exercise? Hiring a dog walker or taking your pup to doggie day care will tire your dog out. Do you have a local dog park? Wag! is a great option if you need help with walks. Don’t give up… you are your dog’s world and even though they are acting out there is a reason behind it.

  41. I take her on walks when I can, but that doesn’t prevent her from being her usual self. I know I sound like a monster, but I just look at animals in a whole new light now

  42. I too look forward to the day i only have the kids to keep alive, as much as I love my animals and will be devastated when they pass. But kids and animals and work and emotional load… it’s a lot. You’re not alone. Sending virtual hugs (if you want them ofc).

  43. So I've got 2 dogs. 1 is a normal, happy mutt but the other... we call her the goat because she'll eat anything. And I do mean anything. We joke that vets love her because she's eaten a 100ft extension cord, a drill, a bike seat, and siding off the house (she's fine now, don't worry). She's not cuddly and she doesn't even act like a regular dog. We wonder if she's feral or something, but we got her at 6m old! She pees on everything and will literally stare you in the eye and piss on the floor after you've taken her out if she's mad about something. She barks at the Christmas tree ffs! She's my youngest daughter's baby though, and at least listens to her, but goddamn do I feel you on the annoying dog front. Solidarity!

  44. Omg $16 THOUSAND for surgery?! That's more than I spent on my last FOUR cars COMBINED. I haven't even spent $16k on surgery for MYSELF. I have rehomed pets for so much less - when I had degus I literally rehomed them because 3 of them died and I was too depressed to take care of the remaining 3, so I found someone who had a whole colony of them and she took them in for me. Rehoming when a pet is just too much is responsible, compassionate, and laudable.

  45. Thankfully my kids are almost grown but my cat is getting old. The older she gets, the more clingy. I can't take three steps without this cat in my ass.

  46. OMFG dude I so feel you my cats have all started acting exactly like this since I got preggers except they don't like each other so every piss or qtip I have to prevent a bathroom cat fight.

  47. Thank you for posting this, today of all days. My 14 year old chihuahua peed on two different carpets today and I was so frustrated when I found the second one. I feel like her quality of life has decreased because she can sense the shift first with a baby and then me being exhausted with constant cleaning. Thankfully the snapping ended really quick and she flees whenever toddler is too close for comfort (unless there is food involved.)

  48. I feel you on this. I had 2 senior cats that I put down because of health issues when my twins we 15 months. I don’t look at animals the same way only another thing to take care of. I doubt I’ll ever own another pet. You are doing a phenomenal job with your pug. More than anyone I would know if they were placed in the same situation.

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